Chapter 17 - Memories

It was late, dark, cold, and Tony was tired. He'd been waiting up with Loki, waiting to see if his brother and father would come. Loki was pacing again and Tony was laying on the couch, watching and becoming increasingly uneasy. Unable to stand it anymore, he sat up, catching Loki's hand as he passed again.

"Stop,"

Loki turned, motions now stiff, hand rigid in Tony's.

"I can't."

Tony tugged gently, pulling Loki down to the couch.

"Relax. Or try to," Tony continued, not allowing Loki to object. "Pacing around is only going to make it worse. If they show up, we'll know." Loki tilted his head to rest it against Tony's shoulder, closing his eyes and relaxing for the first time all evening. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Tony asked, worried once again that this was to much.

"No, I don't. What Thor is asking me to do – what he's asking me to share – is decades upon decades of years made up of the most..." there was a pause as Loki controlled his voice, barely able to keep it from breaking. "the most horrific experiences of my entire existence."

Tony winced, hating the idea of Loki in any sort of pain. Loki sat up suddenly, not looking at Tony but down at his clasped hands.

"You could – you could be there. With me." Loki said hesitantly, still not looking up.

"Of course I'm going to be there!"

Loki glanced up, though only quickly. "No, I mean be there. In the memories. When I show the others. You could – you could come with me."

Tony sat, speechless, but when Loki began to turn away, he grabbed for his hands, covering them with his own.

"I want to."

"Are you sure?"

"Are you kidding? Of course I'm sure."

Loki gave him a perplexed look. "Why of course?"

"Because I love you. And I know it's going to be hard, but I don't want you to deal with it on your own."

Before Loki could answer, there was a crash of thunder outside, and then a burst of light. Loki tensed, his hand turning over to grip Tony's before releasing it and standing, stepping towards the door. Tony stood as well, curious to see the so-called father that Thor and Loki had spoken about.

Thor came in first, arms bare, but his chest still covered in armour, red cape swirling behind him. Their father appeared old, one eye covered with a metal patch, hair white and fairly long, and a short beard. He was dressed more formally; in gold clothes with what appeared to be a plated front, but mostly appeared as the robes of a king.

"Loki," those two syllables held much emotion, and Tony was surprised by that. He had expected the appearance, more or less, but the emotion? That he hadn't expected in the slightest. Not from the way Loki shied away from the idea of family, especially his own.

"Father." The greeting wasn't as cold as it was pained, and Tony felt as if he were intruding. This reunion was after decades of the unknown – a reunion between gods. And there he was, a human, standing present. He couldn't decide if he should feel honoured or irritated.

"Thor has told me of the many years we thought you lost, and that you were in fact a prisoner." The words were slow, carefully measured, and yet even Tony could see the worry behind it. "Your mother is sorry you could not come back. She misses you."

Loki flinched at that and Tony took his hand, only to draw the gaze of Loki's father.

"So this is the young human you've taken up residence with," he stated, gaze probing, and Loki gave a single nod. "I must say, not quite what I expected." Loki's chin came up defiantly.

"And what was it you expected, father."

The older mans gaze stayed locked on Tony's as he mulled over his response.

"Loneliness. I expected you to be a wanderer." he replied honestly, "And I am glad that is not the case."

Loki didn't respond right away, his hand grasping Tony's almost painfully.

"How would you like me to show you?" he said instead, voice stiff, and his father almost seemed disappointed.

"Bring it here. Outside of your mind."

Loki gave a terse nod, and closed his eyes.

When Tony blinked, he was somewhere else. He saw Loki in front of him, and though he knew it wasn't his Loki, who still stood beside him, he was in awe by how real it looked. Loki's arms were outstretched on either side if his body and bound there, eyes were bright with anger and violence. Then a creature walked in, head bent and covered with a hood, hidden from sight.

"You cannot hold me here, you foul creature. I am a god. A king!" Tony practically felt Loki wince next to him at his past-self's words. "Let me loose or I promise you I will bring a wrath unlike anything you have ever seen." the words were ripe with violence, and Tony was already afraid of the past Loki, though so far all he'd done was speak.

"Foolish god-ling, you think yourself so powerful – but I will show you power. And control. Then you will be mine and will follow my orders."

"I follow no one," Loki spat in contempt, but the thing only laughed as another creature came up behind it, and this one Tony recognized. The creature was tall and scaled with silver armour and towering over the first creature, standing taller than Loki as well.

"This is your keeper." the first creature informed, and Loki sneered.

"My keeper? You think you can keep me? Like some sort of pet? I will destroy you."

The first creature left without another word, but the keeper gave a gravelly left.

"You have much to learn young god-ling. The first being how easily I can break a being such as you. I have destroyed greater."

Again Loki sneered, not a hint of fear in his eyes, and the creature lashed out, claws suddenly goring into Loki's stomach. Loki's eyes went wide with shock, his mouth opening and closing, before the pain appeared, and the creature seemed to curl its claws under Loki's skin, drawing out a low growl of pain.

"I will pull you from your pedestal and crush your spirit; bend you to the will of the Other. You will guide his people through the universe and be their scapegoat. Because even if you dared to tell the truth, you are a god of lies and mischief; no one will believe you didn't want what we'll make you do." It pulled its claws free and Loki's whole body tensed against the pain, jaw locking as he glared at the keeper.

"You think you're strong of will – but I will prove just how weak you are."

Tony found himself staring in horror as he watched through the decades of torture Loki had endured. He watched skin being removed in every way possible; muscles cut, twisted, burnt, and stretched; bones broken, shattered, snapped; joints dislocated; and every horrible thing that could possibly be done happened in front of his eyes. He watched as his lover was forced to perform tasks, even when his body had been broken, and be put into more pain when he could not complete whatever task set before him. He watched Loki threaten to kill his keeper hundreds of times, but the threats grew sparser, and he watched the keeper break Loki, the pain unending.

Then came the day when Loki escaped. He'd already witnessed many attempts, but this time was different. Tony watched as Loki looked around, and then suddenly moved, pulling himself onto his front, a silent scream clear on his face, though his ability to speak had been recently removed as punishment that day, not for the first time. Tony watched as he seemed to drag himself to a wall, pulling himself to his feet so slowly it was excruciating to watch, and then somehow manage to hobble to the doorway, each step a world of pain. He nearly passed out a dozen times on the trip of a few feet to the doorway and Tony had to resist running forward to try and catch him, watching instead as Loki reached the door, and for the first time in decades, was able to draw magic. Voices screamed around him in warning and displeasure, but Tony barely heard it, focused instead on Loki. He was beginning to shimmer, and then suddenly they were somewhere else. Loki collapsed on the ground with nothing to support him, another silent scream filling the air, and Tony watched in silence as Loki slowly began to heal. The images faded and Tony jumped, turning towards where Loki had been only to see him on the floor, leaning up against a wall, face pale and drawn, eyes clothes, breathing shallow. Tony didn't say a word, moving towards him instantly dropping beside him, arms wrapping around him. He hadn't realized it until that moment, but his cheeks were drenched with tears.

"I'm so sorry," he mumbled, and felt Loki's hands come up to grip the arm closest to his chest, his face turning to press against Tony's shoulder.

"Help me stand," Loki whispered softly so that no one else would hear, and Tony stood, lifting Loki to his feet, keeping a supportive arm around him, feeling how unsteady he was.

"I've shown you everything now," Loki said quietly, though there was a sharp tone to his voice.

"Loki, brother, we will find the creature that did this and I swear on my own life that we shall bring it to justice." Thor said, voice filled with barely bridled fury. But Loki shook his head.

"It's life is not worth your own." Loki said in an uncharacteristic show of feeling towards his brother.

"Upon my honour then. It will pay for this."

Loki didn't argue, turning his tired gaze on his father.

"I'm sorry, son."

Loki dropped his head, as if staring at the floor, but Tony saw the first sign of tears.

"I appreciate you coming, but I think that's enough for tonight. Loki needs sleep, and so do I. I don't know about the two of you but sleep is a necessity. You're welcome back at anytime as long as it's okay with Loki," he added, and Loki nodded in agreement.

"You are welcome. But Tony is right. I'll be taking my leave now." With that he turned and walked towards the bedroom, motions stiff, Tony watching worriedly.

"Will you be able to find it?" Tony asked, and Thor frowned.

"It hid itself and Loki from us for decades. It will not be an easy task. But it is one I will be committed to."

His father nodded in agreement.

"What that creature did to Loki, what it did to my son, was unspeakable. It does not deserve the right to live." there was a desire for bloodshed in the words, and Tony felt a sudden chill. It was easy to forget that these were gods, which made it easy to forget they held power he didn't know if he wanted to mess with.

"Keep us posted," Tony said, and they both frowned in confusion. "Let us know how the search goes."

With that, Tony followed Loki's path to the bedroom, listening to the crack of thunder and the bright beam of light happened behind him, disappearing as he stepped into the bedroom. Loki was already in bed, clearly exhausted, but there were tears sliding down his cheeks, even in sleep. Staring at him like that, vulnerable and asleep, reminded Tony all to clearly of the scenes he'd just witnessed, of the amount of pain and suffering he'd watched inflicted before his very eyes. He crawled into bed as well, wrapping his arms around Loki who unconsciously turned towards him in sleep.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured again, pressing a kiss to the top of Loki's head, listening to the even breaths of sleep. "So sorry."