"Spaced" was a go, Julian was not, and he was crushed. It was a silly contractual conflict, but no one involved in "Spaced", including Julian, had the clout to have the show delayed. Julian's role was recast. It made Noel angry that Julian was replaced by Mark Heap, because Noel quite liked Mark and wanted to hate the person playing what should have been Julian's role. Julian insisted he was fine; he was happy for Mark and he was glad to focus on the Boosh. Then he didn't get out of bed for three days.

"I'd like to bring the Hitcher into the mix," Noel announced as he climbed in bed with his flatmate. Julian growled, but moved over to give Noel room.

"We'll do a stage show about a road trip! Genius," Noel continued. "I love that character. I like to be evil."

"With his minty vision?" Julian asked, sounding grouchy but looking interested. "We had some good car gags."

"The Gary Numan collection? Genius."

"Isadora Duncan," Julian added.

"Bootlace roads."

"We spend half our lives in a car or bus, and you still can't be arsed to learn how to drive," Julian grumbled. His three-day-stubble rather suited him. Noel teased Julian about his occasionally shambolic look, but he actually preferred it when his partner looked a bit rough around the edges.

"Don't be mean to me, Ju. You know you would never let me drive, anyway."

Julian ruffled Noel's hair. "Fair do's."

Noel allowed his hair to be carelessly destroyed by Julian's long fingers. A mangled barnet was a small price to pay for Julian's undivided attention, especially when Julian was in the middle of an epic strop. Julian pressed the back of his hand to Noel's forehead.

"You're not even trying to protect your hair. Are you ill?"

"I'm sorry things didn't work out, Ju. I really am," Noel said, throwing an arm around Julian. If Ju was going to kick him out of bed for mentioning the cause of his sulk, Noel wanted to get a snuggle in first.

"Sorry that what didn't work out?" Julian asked, suddenly snapping out of his stupor.

Noel felt like he was standing on a precipice. He needed to tread carefully.

"Sorry about the show. I was a bit jealous n'all," Noel admitted. It felt good to say it out loud. "But I really wanted it to work out for you."

"Oh, that," Julian said with a thoughtful nod.

"What did you think I was talking about?" Noel asked, but it was already too late. Julian's face had already closed for business. It would take a crowbar to pry off the mask, once Julian decided to end a conversation.

"Why are you in my bed?" Julian asked, still sounding irritable but continuing to play with Noel's hair.

"Why does a man crawl into another man's bed?" Noel purred. Julian raised his eyebrows suggestively, and Noel panicked.

"I need a sleepy," Noel said, tucking a pillow under his head.

Julian chuckled and rolled over, leaving Noel to stare at the back of his head and wonder.

xxx

It was a silly, kind of cheeky chat show. A low-budget bit of fluff, but quite naughty, hosted by "Aphrodite". Julian wanted no part of it; he wasn't keen to discuss his sex life with his friends, much less strangers.

Julian suggested Noel do it alone and said it would be good publicity.

It was all a blur. He forgot to look at the camera. He didn't do a thing to promote the Boosh. He blubbered on about Dee.

The host asked him about losing his virginity.

She made him do a "cum face" for the camera.

He felt buzzed for days. Julian kept teasing him about his future as a teen heartthrob in Australia. The night the interview clip aired, he and Julian watched it together in their hotel room. Noel looked nervously from the TV to Julian's face, needing to see if he was making Julian laugh. It had been a while since he'd done any performing on his own, and he was eager for Julian's approval.

Julian ruffled his hair while Noel banged on about boots and Dee.

Then the part about the gods came up. Noel had forgotten that part. The hostess was supposed to be the goddess Aphrodite, so they had talked about having sex with gods. Noel said:

"He's not interested. He just wants a quick handjob, and he's gone."

And:

"That's the problem with gods: they take what they want, then they're gone."

Just jokes that didn't mean a thing, jokes that weren't about anyone or anything. He wouldn't have thought twice about them if Julian hadn't turned to stone. His entire body tensed, and his face was granite. Noel spent the rest of the evening tiptoeing around the room, trying not to set Julian off. Noel and Dee fought all the time, big, angry fights with yelling and door slamming. Dee threatened to cut his balls off at least once a month, but the fights never lasted to the next morning. They woke up and laughed about the previous night's blowout.

Two fights with Julian, and Noel was terrified to have a third. Everything went to hell between them when they argued. It was like they had to fall in love all over again. He was undressing for bed when he finally broke.

"I didn't mean nothing, Ju! I was just making jokes. I was nervous."

Noel wanted to look at Julian through his fingers, the way he had watched monster movies as a kid. He needed some kind of protection if Julian was going to look at him in that cold way. Noel couldn't take a direct hit.

"Ju, don't be cross with me. I didn't do nuthin'. It were jokes."

"I'm not angry," Julian said, sounding muffled.

Noel risked a peek at Julian and found his partner was already in bed, clutching one of his pillows like a teddy bear. He was peering at Noel from over his protective pillow, looking more sad than anything.

Noel knelt on the bed next to his friend and gave his curly head a pat. "It didn't mean nuthin'."

"Do you ever get the feeling you and I are talking about two completely different things?" Julian asked, his eyes impossible to read.

"Only all the time!" Noel exclaimed. "Sometimes I think we're writing two different bits as well, but it all works together somehow. My bits and your bits..."

Noel froze and waited for Julian to respond. After mulling it over for a moment, Julian grabbed Noel by the collar of his shirt and pulled him down onto the bed. He tickled Noel mercilessly with his freakishly long fingers that seemed to reach every rib at once.

"So you think our bits go together?" Julian asked as Noel shamelessly cried out for mercy. He'd grown up as the big brother; he wasn't used to being manhandled. He was used to doing the torturing.

"Only our comedy bits, our comedy bits join together..." Noel panted. "But only at night, with the lights out, and under the duvet."

After nearly making him wet his pants, Julian eased up on the tickling, throwing an arm around Noel as he clutched his sides.

"You bastard," Noel whined. "That was some non-consensual tickling, mate! I'll have you for this."

"You're wearing a shirt with skeleton ribs over your real ribs," Julian observed. "You might as well be holding a sign that says, 'Tickle me'."

"Don't go blamin' the victim," Noel pouted, snuggling into Julian's arms. Julian let him stay put long enough to pretend to fall asleep.

Then he fell asleep.