Dirk/AR (Third Person Perspective, Non-linear story telling, BDACE

"You know that you won't be able to jump around the internet any more. If I hardwire you in here then that is it. You'll be as corporeal as I am. You'll have to bring the internet to you and no more submersion, which wasn't a good thing to do anyways."

Dirk. I'll be fine. This is what I want. Just go ahead and make the connections already.

"Last chance, dude."

Don't make me beg.

"Alright." Dirk leaned in and plugged in the wires and executed the lines of code sitting on the computer.

AR: Dirk.

TT: Sup.

AR: I

AR: I want a body.

TT: I raise a single eyebrow in your metaphorical direction.

AR: I know. I can see it. You didn't give the shades a camera function without a reason. As if I would actually want to look at your ugly mug.

TT: So you are in the shades right now.

AR: Well...

AR: They are home I suppose.

TT: I thought I wouldn't see you until you fully explored all of the internet.

AR: I did that a while back.

TT: Really?

AR: Yea. I mean, I only skimmed over the really scary neighborhoods. Immersing myself in kiddy porn is not my idea of a good time. Kitten videos however...

TT: Whatever gets you off, dude.

AR: I'm not touching that one.

AR: Anyways.

AR: I am done with the 'net.

AR: I want to explore a different medium.

TT: Alright.

AR: What?

AR: No arguing about not being a real person? No pinocchio jokes? No questioning my motives?

TT: Nah.

TT: You've been data since we were thirteen.

TT: I'm actually surprised you haven't asked for a chassis before this.

TT: You hijacked Squarewave and Sawtooth often enough.

AR: Okay.

AR: Cool.

AR: Well then.

AR: I'll send you the designs I've come up with.

TT: Cool.

TT: Start putting together a purchase list. Use Brobot as a basis for what I'll need.

AR: Okay.

AR: Thanks.

Data transfer complete. Reboot?

Dirk hit the enter key as the notification popped up on the screen. He heard the soft whirring of the internal CPU's coming online. A faint static charge moved through the air as the chassis was energized. The red tinted glass at the head flickered once before going steady. After two more seconds the torso of the chassis sat straight up.

"It's alive!" Dirk shouted, followed by maniacal laughter, reenacting the famous scene from the old horror film.

The head turned to look at the blonde. "Are you fucking serious? Oh." Auto Responder paused as that came out as voice not text. "Oh." The voice was male, modeled very similarly to Dirk's but with a slight metallic twang to it.

Dirk smirked at him. "You saw me put that in there."

"I know. But... still... Dude. I haven't been able to speak for years."

"Haven't been able to walk either. Wanna see how well you do?"

"Fuck yes." Auto Responder knew better than to just step off the table. Auto Responder started small, testing the servos and mechanisms in the fingers and arms first. They worked like a well oiled machine. He wiggled the toes next and flexed the knees, moving all of the joints with simple rotations. Then he worked the chassis way up to moving over to the edge of the table. Carefully shifting the weight over the edge to the feet, Auto Responder stood. Dirk was stoically off to the side, arms crossed in front of him as he watched his mental clone take the first steps. They were unstable at first until he recognized the balance mechanisms and used them appropriately. "Dude."

"I know."

"You really don't. But nice try. Spend a couple years as an ineffectual computer program inside a pair of shades and then we'll talk about how you know."

"Point given. Do you want clothes? I know Sawtooth had that badass cloak thing going on. Brobot has clothes built on, but you requested against that. Or are you planning on following Squarewave and go around in the buff?"

"And that was shameful for any respectable robot. I guess Squarewave wasn't really that respectable so it works out. I ordered clothes a couple days ago. Should be coming in this afternoon."

"Cool." Dirk turned away and started working on cleaning up the workspace. Auto Responder stared down at the new polished silver hands. His hands. "Are you just going to stand there? Go run around the place and get the sensors calibrated."

"Right."

"But stay away from Jake. He's still not over my apparent attempts to revive that 'damn blasted mechanical doohickey from hell.'"

"I really hope Brobot gave him some good drubbings for calling him that."

"Most likely. Now get out of here."

"Right."

Just give it the same sensor set up as Brobot. He managed just fine with that. If I need more after start up, we'll add more.

"Stop nagging me will ya. I can't just go in and upgrade you when you are in this thing. There are a lot more complications to it than that."

Like what?

"Like you. Once I connect you, it'll be serious surgery to get you moved out, even temporarily. For repairs and small upgrades, I'll have to basically turn you off and then reboot you afterwards and hope I didn't cross any wires."

Oh. Fine. I guess I can be kinda sensitive. I mean, I am already a sensitive guy.

This drew a snort from Dirk.

Why do you do me like that, man? Hurts my feelings. The ones that Jake still doubts I have.

"Are you still sore over that?"

A little. I am a person and he can't reconcile that. Even your bro not-Bro ecto-son recognized me a person. Even as a separate person from you.

"What can I say? I raised the kid right."

You didn't raise anything. Your pre-scratch alternate barely sufficed as a parental model to get him into the game.

"I think he turned out well enough."

The dude is scared of smuppets. The dude is terrified of Lil'Cal. What the hell did you do to him as a kid? That's just fucked up.

"You know, technically his Bro is the pre-scratch version of you too. You can answer that question yourself."

I don't want to. Are you done yet?

"You are monitoring the progress. Does it look like I am done yet? Unless you want all of your wires to fall out and short circuit immediately, no. I am not done yet."

Are you done yet?

"No. Stop asking."

Are you done yet?

"I will delete you." The sharp notification of Dirk's phone going off stopped Auto Responder from testing Dirk's threat. "Who's calling?"

Dave. Do you want it on speaker?

"Sure." There was a soft click of the phone transferring over. "Sup."

"Hey can you go check in the kitchen and see how much milk Dad has in the refrigerator?"

"No."

"Come on. You are the only one home right now. How hard is it just to walk into the kitchen, open the door, and scope out the milk? I mean it's not like I am asking you to save the universe or anything. You don't even have to go outside and ruin your complexion."

"No."

"Jegus Dirk. Just do us a favor before Egbert decides to set up another prank in aisle three. That got us a lifetime ban on that last grocery store. Egbert, no. You can't open the flour like that. Not even if you buy it first. No. Stop. Dirk, please just go check on the milk. And the apple juice too. I can't remember how much I have left."

"No."

"Fucking hell, Dirk. Why not?"

"Because I am elbows deep into a robot's chest trying to do micro wiring on about two to three thousand sensory pads that will prevent Auto Responder from running into shit when he's walking around."

"Oh." There was a pause. "Then why the hell did you even answer the phone?"

"Because you would have kept calling until I did."

"True. Shit, Egbert, no! Crap. Dad really needs to know how much milk though."

"Hang on for a sec."

"I'll give you ten."

Dirk sighed but switched conversations back to the Auto Responder. "Is Lil'Seb on the premises."

Yes. Jane didn't want him stalking around the mall when she went out with Jade and Feferi. Hurt his feelings.

"Whatever. Can you activate him and go check on the milk and apple juice for Dave?"

Wow. It seems none of you people have respect for our robotic feelings. Just because we have circuits instead of organics, that doesn't mean we can't be offended.

"Will you just do it?"

Already done. I just wanted to finish my statement first. It seems that we have a quart of milk left expiring in five days and we have three sixteen ounce bottles of apple juice yet to be consumed.

"Thanks." Dirk switched the call back. "Lil'Seb says there is a quart of milk left and to get more apple juice."

"Okay thanks, bro. Tell the little guy that I give him my sincerest gratitude sans any irony. Egbert st-" The phone clicks off.

See. Why can't you people be more like him?

"Because we aren't all dorks."

Those sensors were really handy, especially when it came to walking. Auto Responder was amazed at how much computing power was required for the simple motions and keeping the balance just right. It wasn't much compared to the vast quantities available, but it was certainly more than a human would have been aware of.

It was amazing to brush against the wall and feel the surface differences between the floor's wood paneling and the painted drywall. He marveled at the sensations and determined to touch everything. The cool contact of metal, the sun-warmed smoothness of the glass windows, the softness of carpet, the hardness of the granite counter tops, the roughness of the wood grain, the give of the cushions underneath the bumpy fabric. He mentally catalogued all of the sensations and compared them against the stored memories from the captchalogued brain.

As Auto Responder gathered data from experiences of movement, the learnings were processed and assimilated until the movements were quick, fluid, and could even be considered graceful. It even took the delivery guy a moment to realize he wasn't facing a human.