Chapter 18

"So this is what," she asked the waiter when he placed pinkish colour spread in the middle of the table with a basket of bread.

"Taramasalta, its basically a fish roe spread with potatoes," the waiter said with his Greek accent coming through.

"Oh that sounds delicious," she said not sounding convinced at all.

The waiter walked away leaving Logan and Veronica alone once again. They hadn't stopped smiling at one another the entire time they'd been in each other's presence.

"What's so funny," she asked him when she saw the way he was looking at her.

"Nothing its just the way your face contorted when you heard what you were about to eat. I promise you its good," Logan said trying to convince Veronica that it was actually a rather delicious appetizer.

"I think I'll just save my appetite for my souvlaki," she said smiling back at Logan. She couldn't believe how different Logan and Duncan were and how she had apparently been in love with the both of them.

Logan looked at Veronica with adoration in his eyes. This was exactly how everything was supposed to be. It was a beautiful day in California and he was out with his pseudo-girlfriend whom he could not get enough of. While he was sitting there enjoying their non relationship he was stuck in a very hard place. It was constantly on his mind if Veronica would regain her memory and start to hate him again which was not what he wanted but at the same time he felt guilty being out with her while she didn't remember their past.

"So I told you I'm going to see Dr. Stevens right," Veronica said pulling Logan from his semi-trance.

"You did," he said bringing his eyes up to meet hers, "Do you think he'll be able to help you at all," he asked starting to get worried again.

"I don't know how much faith I have in him to be honest," Veronica said kind of sullenly, "I mean didn't he tell my father that I might never wake up because I had a big...umm what did he call it? Insult to the brain? Well I guess I floored him by waking up so I don't really know if I can trust him to help me but I don't think he could do much harm," she stated matter of factly. "I don't think its gonna be like in those movies where they hit you in the head with something really hard and all of a sudden your memory is back….At least I hope not!"

"Are you scared," he asked her fiddling with the bread basket.

"Kinda," she admitted.

"Of what?"

She paused for a moment and thought about how to word what she was feeling. "I guess I'm afraid of remembering and then everything changes," she said with her down. "Like, what if I do remember everything and all of a sudden I remember how much I love Piz and I want to be with him," she said sadly.

"For what it matters, I don't think you were ever madly in love with him. I think you settled V," he said sullenly. He didn't want to say the wrong thing here. Things were going so good.

"What do you mean," she asked cocking her head to the side but leaning forward to hear every word, "Am I the type of person who would just settle," she said not really understanding how she could be so weak. One minute she hears that she is extremely strong and the next that she is weak.

"Weak isn't an adjective I'd use to describe you. I just think that Piz waltzed into your life and swept you off of your feet when I was screwing up royally and couldn't do anything right," he stated. "You know when everything in your life is going wrong and then one thing goes right you think it's the best thing in the world? That's what I think happened with the two of you," he nodded his head as he explained the situation.

"What makes you think I didn't just fall in love with his shaggy hair and cheesy smile," she said trying to lighten the situation.

"That's easy V, you always like your boys with a little bad side. You liked Troy who was trying to traffic drugs. You fell for me who is just a monumental screw up."

"And Duncan," she asked wondering what kind of bad streak he had.

"I'll just call that a lapse in taste," he joked and they both shared a laugh as the waiter brought out their main meals, the tarmasalta remained untouched.

The pair had finished their lunch and decided to skip out on a Greek desert, afterall their original plans were to grab some ice cream and Veronica was going to hold him to that.

"I'm scared Logan," she said as they walked along the beach holding hands. Veronica had taken off her shoes and was holding them in her free hand. She didn't want to admit it to Logan but she really was scared especially because she didn't know what to expect. "It's not just the whole who do I love dilemma but," she paused not knowing how to continue. "There are a lot of things that people are trying to keep from me finding out," by a lot of people she meant her father and step mother, "and by not remembering it and then suddenly remembering again its like, well, living through a really shitty experience twice."

She took a few steps forward and then turned around to face him. "I had my laptop unlocked and I've been informed of a lot of things that have happened that I don't think I would want to remember if I had the choice. Like, I read some things and it broke my heart and made me feel sad and I don't even remember it. Its like I have a clean slate and I have this perfect life but if and when I remember I'll have to live with my stormy past," she said looking really sad.

Logan couldn't believe that Veronica was being so open with him. She was usually a very guarded person when it came to her feelings and that could be due to past experiences. His heart was bleeding for her at that exact moment and he wondered what it was that she read but didn't want to remember. Did she remember how Logan had treated her after Lily's death? Did she remember how she was raped once and nearly raped again? Did she remember his father trying to kill her? Every one of those scenarios was something that Logan had wished he could protect her from but he couldn't.

"Veronica you know that your past has made you who you are today. You've survived everything and you are still here and really strong," he said not really knowing how to continue. How could he tell her that her life was rocky but she always came out on top. You couldn't just tell someone, 'hey your rape isn't important because you solved a murder,' something good didn't reverse a bad. "Do you want to talk about what you read," he said hoping that maybe he could clarify everything. Maybe her notes weren't concise and she didn't have a clear picture of what she went through.

"Talk about what? How I spent an entire year thinking I was raped by someone only to find out that I was slipped Ecstasy and found out that I slept with Duncan AND then a year later discovered was raped that same night by Beaver," she said getting upset. She didn't want to unload all of this on Logan but she couldn't tell her father. He would be furious that she had her laptop unlocked and had all this information at her disposal and from what she gathered her father had no idea about what happened at that party in her junior year.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," Logan said with sadness filling his eyes. He was responsible for that night. Dick had asked for some Ecstasy to slip to Madison and Madison passed the cup on to Veronica which left her an easy target for anyone who hated her, which at that point in time was all the popular kids at Neptune High.

"It's not your fault," she said while looking up at him. "I know about how the drugs got there…its not like you planned my demise."

"I shouldn't have had them much less give them to Dick," he said ruefully.

"Aren't you the one who said I liked my boys a little bad. One trafficked drugs the other one used them," she said with mock laughter. She had to lighten the situation; she hadn't meant to turn the mood of their day to something so solemn.

"I wish I could rewind the past three years," Logan said truthfully.

"I don't," she said sternly, "Everything happens for a reason right? If you took back the last three years I would have Lily back and so would you…so I'd be with Duncan and we'd just be friends," she said and then decided to push Logan really hard forcing him to fall into the water.

Veronica burst into laughter. That was what she needed to do in order to lighten the mood again. Logan was pretty wet and he didn't look to happy.

"That's not nice Veronica Mars," he said through his laughter as he put his arm out in order get help from Veronica. "Help me up please," he said as the waves lapped at him keeping him from being able to get on his feet. Veronica took his hand and he pulled causing her to fall into the water and on top of Logan. "Now that's so much better," he said laughing as she shrieked while her body adjusted to the water temperature.

"Not fair Logan!! I think I lost my shoe," she said as she fumbled around in the water. She didn't really care about her shoes all she cared about was the time she was having right then and there. Nothing else mattered.

"Gotcha," he said as he clicked the button on his camera taking pictures of Veronica and Logan playing in the water. He put the lens cap back on and walked to his car. He had been following her all day. She wouldn't get away with it this time.