Hal and Sollux, Black flirting. Chat style (a little of third person perspective at the end and a cameo from Roxy). ((The chat looks so much better colored, sorry guys!))
- twinArmageddons [TA] began chatting up autoResponder [AR] -
TA: hal.
TA: ii need your 2chematiic2.
TA: 2end them two me.
AR: Are you asking me to send you nudes?
AR: Do you really think I am that easy?
AR: I can't believe that you'd expect me to just send you my schematics as soon as you say: tiit2 or gtfo. 2end pix. ii want nudiie222!
AR: Seriously.
AR: Do I look like that type of girl?
TA: fuckiing 2hiit2tack no.
TA: that ii2 not what ii 2aiid and you know iit.
TA: not even my dance22tor 2aiid 2hiit liike that.
TA: ju2t 2end me the fiile2.
AR: Why?
TA: becau2e ii fuckiing a2ked you two.
AR: Why?
TA: becau2e ii want two look at them.
AR: Why?
TA: AARRGG!
TA: 2o that ii can take you apart 2crew by fuckiing 2crew.
AR: Kinky.
TA: oh good gog.
AR: ;)
TA: fuck iit. nevermiind. ii wa2 tryiing two do 2omethiing for you and thii2 ii2 what ii get.
TA: fuck you and your tin 2uiit, you piiece of 2hiita2tiic code.
TA: ii bet you were coded when that a22hole diirk was hiigh or 2omethiing.
AR: Man, all of this dirty talk is getting my fans going. You really know how to turn on a bro.
TA: ii am goiing to cru2h you liike a empty faygo can.
AR: Sure. Just wait until Roxy and I get home. Though you are going to be too smitten with what she got for you remember that.
AR: Just make sure not to damage the important parts.
TA: that'2 fuckiing why ii want your fuckiing 2chematiic2.
AR: They are on your desktop.
AR: Along with a copy of my coding.
AR: Because we both know that you like the really saucy stuff.
TA: what.
AR: I mean, you get to see me in all my naked glory.
AR: Consider it an honor.
AR: Only Dirk and Roxy have seen me laid bare.
AR: But for Dirk it was mostly like looking at a naked baby just as he exits the womb and the doctors are are like "Yup. That's a boy. Goddamn, that's a healthy boy. Now cover him up before he pokes someone's eye out with his boy thing."
AR: But I'm letting you peek under my skirt in the sexy flirty way like Roxy gets to do.
AR: Though you only get pics instead of the real thing because I have to preserve my honor and save myself for my true love.
AR: Which isn't you by the way.
AR: It's Roxy.
AR: I get 'less than three's in my eye when I look at her.
AR: *Fucking romantic sigh*
TA: how the ever loviing grubfuck diid you get the2e fiile2 onto my hu2ktop?
AR: I put them there.
AR: A simple thing called copy and paste.
TA: you can't ju2t copy and pa2te ontwo my computer.
AR: Apparently I can.
AR: Who do you think helped Roxy develop and test her firewalls?
TA: we've iimproved 2iince tho2e.
AR: Sollux.
AR: I am a freaking computer.
AR: I exist as a supercomputer.
AR: There doesn't exist a system online that I can't get into.
AR: Feel free to try.
AR: I'd like a challenge that takes longer than thirty seconds to solve.
- twinArmageddons [TA] has blocked autoResponder [AR] -
TG: babe
TG: is there a particular reason that hal is giglling like a kittle kid ova here?
TG: *giggling *little
TG: *stoopid tiny phone keyboard
TA: ii don't liike your boyfriiend.
TG: i know you hate him
TA: he hacked iintwo my 2y2tem, rox.
TG: ummmmmm
TG: duh
TG: its sorta what he does
TG: oh jeez hes cacking now
TG: *cackling
- autoResponder [AR] began chatting up twinArmageddons [TA] -
AR: This is too easy.
TA: fuck off.
AR: Nope.
AR: Your system is nice and cozy.
AR: A bit heavy with the bifurcated gig.
TA: get out of my 2y2tem, hal.
TA: or ii'll fry your2 one by one.
AR: Don't you mean two by two?
TA: ye2, hal, ii do. thank you for correctiing me. you are my hero. what ever would ii do wiithout you?
TA: waiit.
AR: I don't know, Sollux. Maybe one day you'll be as competent as I was when I was first coded.
TA: ii diidn't wriite that.
AR: Didn't write what?
TA: how the fuck did you do that?
TA: come on. iit'2 not that hard wiith a 2y2tem liike your2. everythiing ii2 2o organiized. iit's liike a toy che2t of an OCD kiid.
TA: get the fuck off of my handle.
TA: nope. iit'2 cozy here too.
TA: 2hiit. *two.
TA: gogdamn iit, hal.
TA: thii2 ii2 ju2t too fanta2tiic!
TA: 2hiit agaiin. *two.
TA: hah! can't even get my quiirk riight. and you call yourself a super computer.
AR: Oh fuck right off.
TA: that'2 riight biitch. get out of my 2y2tem.
AR: Heh.
TA: what.
TA: what the fuck diid you ju2t do?
AR: We'll be home soon, sweetheart.
- autoResponder [AR] ceased chatting up twinArmageddons [TA] -
Sollux leans back in his chair and just stares at his computer. A travesty of colors covered the screen. Hal inverted all of the colors. Sollux's usual red and blue background now was a jarring green and orange. His own font was now a bright purple.
He sighs deeply as he fixes the settings from the childish prank before leering over the files that Hal did deposit on his husktop.