A/N: Oh my god, I'm so sorry I haven't posted. I started writing a new Ouran Host Club fanfic and then just as that was getting going, I had another one spring into my head and it's basically all I can think about right now... I'm so sorry for the delay and I will try to do better. On the plus side... Little teeney sneak peak of Mori and Honey this chapter! Their role becomes more clear next chapter, but at least in this one I acknowledge they exist!
Disclaimer: Still don't own anything, you should know that by now.
Chapter 5: The Snuggly Duckling
Kyouya sits comfortably against a tree, collecting his thoughts. He's spent quite some time searching for Tamaki Suoh, but so far he's had no luck. He glares disdainfully at a Wanted poster of the blonde thief before pushing himself to his feet and continuing his explorations. Hearing a rustling noise, he conceals himself behind a tree and draws a sword. When a shadow falls near him, he leaps out, blocking the path of… Benibara Gothel.
The woman utters a short cry, then puts her hand to her chest. "Oh! A palace guard! You gave me such a fright!" she gasps, managing to laugh.
Kyouya bows to her. "My most sincere apologies, madam. I thought you were the ruffian I was pursuing."
The woman suddenly looks alarmed. "A ruffian, you say?"
"Yes madam. A thief who stole the princess's crown from the royal palace. He was seen not far from here. Have you seen anyone suspicious?"
The woman shakes her head, then forces a smile. "I will be sure to keep my eyes open," she promised. "Now if you will excuse me…" And with that, she turns and heads back in the direction she'd come at a rather fast pace. Kyouya watches her go with a small frown.
Benibara Gothel runs as fast as she can back to the tower, calling for Haruhi to let down her hair, but the tower remains dark and silent. Benibara runs around the tower and pulls aside some ivy to reveal a hidden doorway that had been blocked off. She hurries up into the tower, climbing in through a hidden trapdoor in the floor. The tower is quite dark, and although Benibara runs around, throwing aside pillows and furniture, it is clear that Haruhi is gone.
As Benibara slows her frantic search, she notices something glittering under a step. She pries up the board and finds a satchel containing the tiara and Tamaki's Wanted poster. Rage appears on her face and she strides to the kitchen, grabbing a knife from the shelf and hurrying back towards the trapdoor.
The scene changes to a path in the forest where Tamaki and Haruhi are walking.
"I know it's around here somewhere," Tamaki insists. "Ahh, there it is!" He moves aside a bush to reveal a small cozy-looking building. "The Snuggly Duckling. Don't worry, it's a very quaint place. Perfect for you. Don't want you scaring and giving up on this endeavor, now do we?" he asks with a disarming smile.
Haruhi manages an innocent smile. "Well… I do like ducklings."
Tamaki claps his hands together in a parody of an excited child. "YAY!" Then he threw open the door. "Garcon, your finest table please!" he calls out.
Haruhi utters a short gasp. The room is crowded with the most evil-looking thugs she's ever seen. All of them appear massive, dirty, and ugly, with weapons and leering expressions on their faces. Haruhi holds her frying pan in front of herself defensively while Tamaki blatantly ignores her discomfort and pushes her inside.
"You smell that? Take a deep breath through the nose! Really let that seep in. What are you getting? To me, it's part man-smell and the other part is really bad man-smell. I don't know why, but overall, it smells like the color brown. Your thoughts?"
Haruhi shrieks, realizing that someone has got hold of her hair, and she runs away, pulling her hair as she goes.
"That's a lot of hair…" one of the thugs mutters as he holds the golden locks.
"She's growing it out," Tamaki says with a knowing smile. "Is that blood in your mustache? Princess, look at all the blood in his mustache! Good sir, that's a lot of blood!" Seeing that Haruhi is too terrified to speak, he can't suppress a smug smile. "You don't look so good, princess. Maybe we should call it a day and get you home. You'd be better off. This is a 5-star joint. If you can't handle this place, maybe you should be back in your tower." He is cut off as the door slams closed in front of them.
They find their path blocked by a very tall and slender young man. He is incredibly good-looking with dark hair and dark eyes, and clinging to his shoulder is a tiny child with golden-brown hair and huge eyes. The dark-haired man leans forward, holding a poster.
"Is this you?" he asks Tamaki.
Tamaki sees the poster of himself and just winces mutely.
"It's him, all right!" the child exclaims happily. "Someone go find some guards! The reward money will be ours!"
At this declaration, pandemonium breaks out as the rogues begin fighting over which of them will be taking some of the reward money. Tamaki finds himself being pulled in several different directions.
"Guys! Hey! Stop! We can work this out!" Tamaki yelps.
"Hey, leave him alone!" Haruhi cries out, forgetting her fear and trying to fight her way in. She starts swinging her frying pan, but it's doing absolutely no good. "Give me back my guide! Ruffians!" she yelps.
The dark-haired man suddenly grabs her and pulls her back, just in time to keep her from getting hit by a flying club. She stares up at him in unabashed surprise.
"What are you doing?" she asks him.
"It's not safe," he says simply.
"But I need to help him!" she argues.
"Takashi is right," the child pipes up. "We'll make them listen, don't worry." Then the child sticks two fingers in his mouth and whistles. "HEY! Pay attention you guys! The lady has something to say!" he yells, surprisingly loudly for a child so small.
Everyone is instantly still and silent. They all stare at Haruhi and the two ruffians next to her.
"They'll listen to you now," the child says cheerfully.
"Okay… well… Thanks," she says shyly. Then she clears her throat. "Now listen! I don't know where I am, and I need him to take me to see the lanterns because I've been dreaming about them my entire life! Find your humanity! Haven't any of you ever had a dream?" she begs.
A gigantic ruffian with a hook for a hand pulls out a giant battleax and begins to approach her. Haruhi gulps and instinctively steps closer to the two ruffians who seem to have appointed themselves her protectors. The tall one doesn't move though, so Haruhi feels surprisingly confident as the man with the hook looms over her.
"I had a dream once," he says, and then throws the axe towards a musician who is chained by the ankle to a wall. The man starts to play while the other ruffians hang Tamaki by his vest to a hook in the wall. The blonde thief is utterly stunned.
Then the hook-handed man begins to sing. "I'm malicious, mean and scary, my sneer could curdle dairy, and violence-wise my hands are not the cleanest. But despite my evil look and my temper and my hook, I've always yearned to be a concert pianist." He sits down at a piano and begins to play, and the music is excellent! "Can't you see me on the stage performing Mozart? Tickling the ivories till they gleam… Yep, I'd rather be called deadly for my killer show-tune medley, cuz way down deep inside, I've got a dream!"
Soon all the ruffians are singing, "He's got a dream! He's got a dream!"
"See, I ain't so cruel and vicious as I seem, though I do like breaking femurs, you can count me with the dreamers, like everybody else I've got a dream," the hook-hand man continues.
Outside, Benibara is approaching the tavern, listening to the music in bewilderment.
Another particularly ugly thug with a very large nose starts to sing. "I've got scars and lumps and bruises, plus something here that oozes, and let's not even mention my complexion. But despite my extra toes and my goiter and my nose, I really want to make a love connection." He bows to Haruhi and presents her with a small flower, eliciting a small blush from the girl. Tamaki frowns when he sees this. "Can't you see me a special little lady… rowing in a rowboat down the steam? Though I'm one disgusting blighter, I'm a lover, not a fighter, cuz way down deep inside, I've got a dream! I've got a dream!"
"He's got a dream!" the other thugs sing.
"I've got a dream!"
"He's got a dream!"
"And I know that one day, romance will reign supreme. Though my face leaves people screaming, there's a child behind it dreaming. Like everybody else, I've got a dream."
The big-nosed thug throws his arms around the dark-haired man and Haruhi. Then he begins pointing to other thugs and singing about their dreams while they pose and demonstrate their hidden talents.
"Thor would like to quit and be a florist. Gunther does interior design. Ulf is into mime, Attila's cupcakes are sublime, Bruiser knits, Killer sews, Fang does little puppet shows!"
"And Vladamir collects ceramic unicorns!" adds the man with the hook for a hand. Then they all glare at Tamaki. "What's your dream?"
"I'm sorry, me?" Tamaki asks.
The thug with the big nose unhooks Tamaki and sets him down. "What's your dream?"
"Oh no. No. Sorry boys, I don't sing." He barely has time to strike an unmoving pose before weapons are pointed at him, so he starts to do a little dance and sings nervously. "I have dreams like you, no really! Just much less… touchy-feely. They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny… On an island that I own, tanned and rested and alone, surrounded by enormous piles of money!"
The thugs cheer and Haruhi finds herself standing on the bar. "I've got a dream," she sings.
"She's got a dream!"
"I've got a dream!"
"She's got a dream!"
"I just want to see the floating lanterns gleam. And with every passing hour, I'm so glad I left my tower. Like all you lovely folks, I've got a dream!"
Everyone is so busy singing that no one notices Benibara staring in the window with a stunned, yet faintly murderous expression on her face.
"She's got a dream! He's got a dream! They've got a dream! We've got a dream! So our differences ain't really that extreme! We're one big team!" the thugs sing happily, swigging mugs of beer and toasting everyone in sight. "Call us brutal, sick, sadistic, and grotesquely optimistic, cuz way down deep inside, we've got a dream! I've got a dream! I've got a dream! Yes, way down deep inside, we've got a dream! Yeah!"