Kaidan decided to wait in the airlock, as he hadn't technically been invited aboard just yet. Sure, he probably could have gotten Joker to let him on, but he was the one person on that ship that made Kaidan feel almost as uneasy as Shepard did. Almost. Anyway, there was a part of him that felt sticking to protocol now might help make up for any past breaches. Not to mention possible future ones.

He was getting too far ahead of himself, though. He wasn't sure if Shepard would even want to talk to him right now, much less have him aboard the Normandy. Anything else was likely far off into the future, if it was there at all. He kept going over the events of the past few hours. He'd somehow managed to accuse her, again, of still having ties to Cerberus. After she'd denied it, repeatedly. After he'd accepted it.

The outer doors hissed open, and Shepard walked right past him. "Shepard!" he called. She looked up, surprised. She hadn't even seen him standing there; she stopped, but still didn't turn toward him. He approached her. "Are you all right?"

"Thane," was all she said.

He placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

She shrugged it away, but turned to face him, her jaw set. "We need to talk. About what happened back there."

"I know," he acknowledged.

She smiled, faintly, but it quickly disappeared. "So let's have it Kaidan. Whatever you're needing to say, say it."

"Shepard..."

"Stop it, Kaidan. You don't get to just say 'Shepard' to me in that- that voice- and think it's going to fix this. We tried acting like nothing happened; we tried just going back to where we were, and it ended with us holding each other at gunpoint. Jesus, Kaidan." She paused, taking a few deep breaths to try to collect herself, then continued, "We've got two choices, here. Either we go our separate ways, or we get everything out in the open, right here, right now. I reallydon't want to do the former, Kaidan, and I know you don't either. So let me have it, Kaidan. Everything you might have wanted to say to me, everything you couldn't bear to say to me, I need to hear it."

"I-" He should have expected this. Her outburst hadn't surprised him, exactly, but he hadn't planned to have this conversation right here, where anyone could walk by. "Couldn't we at least do this somewhere a little more private, Shepard?"

"No. You know what'll happen if we go someplace more private, and it's the exact thing that can't happen right now. So you either need to start talking, Kaidan, or you need to leave. Because I'm not doing this back-and-forth thing anymore."

He stood there, with his hands behind his back for a long moment. He glanced at the airlock door, pondering the choice, thinking about how easy it would be, here in the moment, to walk. Sure, he'd regret it, probably for the rest of his life, but with the Reapers around, who knew how long that would be, anyway. And that was when he knew he had to stay.

"Where do I start?"

"Horizon, I'd imagine. Unless there was something beforehand you think I should know."

Silence hung between them. "Shepard, I... I don't know."

"I'll refresh your memory, then. A year ago I woke up in a lab somewhere and was told I'd been dead for two years. I might not have believed it if I didn't remember dying. I needed to find whatever connections I could to that life, before. I craved it, Kaidan. If I didn't have Joker and Chakwas around I might've gone crazy right there. But bit by bit I was able to track people down, talk to them, and start to figure out who I was again.

"The whole time, though, the one person I really wanted to find was you. And you were the one person I didn't even have a clue how to contact. All I could get was 'classified'. And you know what, when I finally found out that you were in that colony, and that it had been attacked by Collectors, it scared the shit out of me. It drove me crazy; going into that place, searching for you. Afraid I wouldn't find you. Afraid I would.

"Then, suddenly, you were there. I knew you wouldn't be able to come with me; I never expected that. But at least you were there, and you were alive, and I could tell you how much I missed you. And you called me a traitor. Tali trusted me, Kaidan. Garrus trusted me. Even Anderson. But you- you're so goddamn willing to believe I'm taking orders from Cerberus"

Finally, he spoke. "I wanted to believe you, Shepard. I should have. You were there in front of me, like a dream I could never allow myself to have. But I was afraid. That if somehow I was wrong, and I lost you again, that I'd lose myself."

"So that's your escape clause. That idea that I could still be with Cerberus. So that if it turned out to be true, you could tell yourself you knew it all along."

"No. At least, not on purpose," he admitted. He wanted to grab her, hold her, but he knew she wouldn't allow it So he took a step closer. "Shepard, this afternoon, I was confused. Everything happened so fast. And when Udina said you were indoctrinated... it scared me Shepard. Imagining you, as a prisoner inside your own head. Imagining everything I've ever loved about you being a slave to the Reapers' will. The thought that I could lose you like that absolutely terrified me.

"But it also made me realize, no matter what uniform you wore, no matter who was signing your paychecks, you've never been anything but yourself. I don't think either of us could change what happened before, but I want to change things going forward."

"But what if it keeps happening?" The beginnings of tears glistened in her eyes. "I don't wanna face all this alone, Kaidan."

He took her hand. "And I won't let you."

The Alliance retrofit team had added the memorial wall here after they'd refinished the crew deck, as a way to honor the first Normandy and her lost crew members. Shepard had quickly expanded its scope to include any of her current and former crew members. She had wondered briefly how the brass would respond to the inclusion of her "Cerberus" crew members on the memorial, but she was the one walking past it every day, and she didn't think for a moment that Thane and Mordin were any less worthy of inclusion than Ash or Pressley.

Garrus was waiting for her when she stepped off the elevator. Wordlessly, he passed her the name plate. The Normandy's lights reflected faintly off the dull metal as she idly turned it over in her hands, finally stopping and allowing herself to look at the engraved letters: Thane Krios. Stoically, she affixed the name to the next empty space; she had said her goodbye, made her peace at the hospital, this was just... duty.

"I guess we got lucky that we only have to add one name here today."

Technically, he could have been talking about any of them. That was the risk they took, after all. But Shepard knew he meant Kaidan. She didn't say a word, just nodded.

"So, now what?" Garrus continued.

"We talked. He's coming with us." She shrugged. "Beyond that, I don't know."

"Are you okay with that?"

"I want him here," Shepard said confidently, her jaw rigid. "The rest doesn't matter. Sometimes I just wish we could do this without getting tossed into one situation after another."

"You think that's all this is? That the universe is just toying with you? To do what? Beat you into submission? Things don't just happen to you Shepard. You make them happen. You bend the galaxy to your will."

"Is that what you think? I died, Garrus."

"You came back. And somehow you're stronger for it. In a way I think we all are, the people who- who really know you."

"Maybe." Garrus, Liara, Wrex, even Kaidan- they'd all changed since she'd first met them. They'd done well for themselves. But was it worth what they'd all had to suffer? "But I wish you'd never had to be."

"I thought I was supposed to be the pessimist around here."

Shepard sighed. "Fine. Just do me a favor and get Kaidan settled in whenever he shows up. I need a shower."

Shepard's Omni-tool beeped as she entered her quarters. She flipped it open to see the last face she'd expected. "Mom! I... ah... well, I thought they had things locked down pretty tight there."

Hannah Shepard shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I'm on the Citadel right now."

"Shit! Are you all right?" She shuddered to think what else might have happened.

"I'm fine, Elisa. I only just got in. I was actually hoping you might have a few minutes..."

She supposed it couldn't hurt. She might even be able to take her mind off most of the crap she'd been dealing with. At the very least she'd have someone she could talk to. "We're at bay D24. Give me half an hour?"

"Of course. I'll meet you there."

Half an hour later, Shepard strode through the CIC toward the front of the ship, not quite sure what she was hoping for. Maybe just one last little bit of normalcy before being thrown back into hell.

She stepped out of the airlock to find Hannah standing no more than six feet from the exit. She smiled and waved casually. "Hi, Mom."

"Sweetie!" Hannah embraced her daughter, holding her tight for several long moments. And for those moments she forgot herself, relishing the simple, unconditional human contact, suddenly aware of how much she'd cravedit. "Are you okay?" she asked, breaking the hug but still gripping Shepard by the arms. "I saw what happened; that standoff's all over the news vids."

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine," she muttered uncomfortably. "But maybe this isn't the best place..."

"Nonsense, Elisa, you are neither too old nor too accomplished to need a little motherly affection."

"I know. But they don't." She motioned toward the crowded docking bay. "It's not about you, or me, it's about them. About upholding morale..."

"Stop that," Hannah ordered, in such a sudden shift to her 'military' voice that Shepard looked up in shock. "The whole galaxy is not watching you for its next cue. For the next hour, you are not Commander Shepard, understood?" Shepard could only nod slowly. "Good, now let's grab a bite to eat; I'm sure you haven't had dinner and I don't want you passing out on me while I'm here. Come on."

It was several hours and several drinks later before Shepard returned to the Normandy. As much as she wanted to head directly for her quarters, she decided she ought to make her typical round, and check on the crew. It had been a hell of a day for all of them.

She made it as far as the normally abandoned observation deck, where a lone figure leaned against the window. Kaidan. Shit! She'd specifically planned to avoid him for a while; despite what he'd said, and despite what she wanted, they both needed some time to get their heads on straight. She could have just left; he hadn't even responded to the door opening, but that very lack of awareness concerned her enough to speak up. "Kaidan? You okay?"

He responded without looking up. "I got some news. About my dad. It wasn't good." She began to inch closer. "He's MIA, Shepard." His breathing started to hitch. "He's presumed..."

Whatever he'd done, whatever she felt, she couldn't walk away from him now. She reached out and held him close. "Kaidan, I'm so sorry." She tried to ignore the scent of him, and the powerful effect it had on her. It was the one thing about him that hadn't changed a bit from the day he'd helped her up outside the Normandy SR-1's medbay, the first time she'd been so close...

Reluctantly, she let him go. She needed time; she needed space. She was here as a friend, to give him what he needed. To make sure he wasn't alone. She stretched out on the couch, her head propped up on one hand. "Tell me about him." He swallowed, but made no move to do so. "Please, Kaidan. It'll help, really."

He didn't move from the window. "Well, dad was really the one who got me interested in electronics. When I was a kid we'd go to thrift shops and garage sales, looking for old PCs and radios, just stuff to practice with..." She lay there, soothed by the gentle sound of his voice, watching the tension slowly evaporate from his face, until she drifted off to sleep.