Kaidan didn't accompany Shepard to the to the old Cerberus base in the Arrae system. He hadn't gone to the Asari monestary on Lessus with her either. He understood what she was doing-she was feeling him out, making sure the cycle of mistrust and anger wasn't going to start up again-but that didn't keep him from feeling bored, and useless.
Not that that he was doing nothing. He compiled Spectre reports, helped to scan systems for resources, assisted with repairs on disabled ships they came across until they were spaceworthy enough to make it back to the fleet. But he could do the reports from anywhere, and they had plenty of people who could operate a scanner or manage a repair project. In a way, it didn't matter; he was here, first and foremost, for Shepard. But he was beginning to wonder if she even really wanted him there.
"She needs time, Kaidan, that's all," Liara said to him as he cursed the project he was reviewing at her workbench for about the fiftieth time that day. One of his scanning sessions had turned up some intel for an amp mod, but he was having trouble getting his implant to play nice with the modified amp. If he could get this to work for him, he could go ahead and mod Shepard's amp as well; he'd found that if he could get a mod working with the L2, it would work with anything.
"Your presence here means something, even if it doesn't seem like it," she continued. "She's been more at peace lately than she was before you came back to the Normandy. More at peace than I've seen her in quite some time, in fact."
"Not sure if that makes me feel better or worse." He tried attaching the amp again. "Ouch, fuck!," he cried, the amp clattering to the ground as the shock ran through his nervous system. "Damnit!"
"Let me have a look at that," Liara said, picking up the amp. Kaidan nodded, still slightly numb from the shock. "What's done is done, Kaidan. All we can do is try to help her now. And you are." She handed him the amp. "The settings you had should be fine for Shepard, but they were drawing too much power from the L2 implant. Try this."
He took the amp and attached it, then activated his Barrier. He could feel the extra energy in his nervous system, supplementing his natural abilities without overloading them. The mod definitely seemed to be doing its job. "Thank you Liara. For your help with the amp and, ah..."
She smiled. "Of course, Kaidan."
He was nursing a quiet drink at the bar, considering what Liara had said, when he heard Shepard's voice over the intercom. "Heads up, guys, it's about to get a little cramped in here. Hang in there and we'll be dropping these folks off soon as we can get to the Citadel." He frowned. He had hoped for a chance to talk to Shepard, to try to feel out whether they'd made any progress since he'd come aboard. An influx of refugees would make any kind of privacy hard to come by. On the other hand, it would also make it a lot harder for Shepard to avoid him if she was so inclined.
He was about to finish draining his glass when he heard the lounge door slide open. Thatdidn'ttakelong, he observed, looking up to realize that he recognized the man who had just entered. He couldn't recall from where, but he'd definitely seen him before. "Man, Shepard doesn't miss a beat! Place is stocked. Pass me that, would ya?" He motioned toward the bottle perched at the end of the bar. "Wait a minute, I know you," he added as Kaidan handed him the bottle. "Alenko. Saw you on Horizon."
And Kaidan remembered where he'd encountered the man. "You were with Shepard."
He nodded. "Jacob Taylor. And I guess you had the right of it. We're all on the run from the Illusive Man now."
"Somehow I doubt Shepard's running away."
Jacob laughed. "I guess you'd be right about that. She never missed an opportunity to tear him a new one. I guess she'll be on her way up to see you in a few."
Kaidan shook his head and gulped down what was left of his drink. "Doubt she'd be coming to see me."
"Oh, sorry, I thought you two were..."
He shrugged. "Yeah, so did I. Until I went and made a mess of it. You know that business that went down on the Citadel?"
"Yeah, we saw some of the vids. That was you," Jacob said with sudden realization. Kaidan nodded. "Rough. You're still here, though."
"She wants me here. So I'll be here for her. I just wish there was more I could do."
"Well, don't wait forever, man. You gotta take the good times where you can find 'em." He raised his glass. "Thanks for the drink."
Shepard poked around in her closet, trying to find something decent to wear for her date with Kaidan. Okay, he hadn't actually called it a date, just asked if she wanted to grab lunch, take the afternoon off, kind of a 'sanity check'. She wondered if he had any idea that it was having the opposite effect on her. What would they even talk about? Was she really ready to go forward with this? She sighed. It was easier to just worry about clothes.
Especially since it was becoming extremely apparent that there was nothing in this closet that wasn't a uniform. She should have known this, of course. She'd left Earth with nothing but the clothes on her back, and had been lucky to find her armor stored in the Normandy's cargo hold. Traynor had requisitioned her some things during their first stop on the Citadel, but it didn't look like that had included, say, a blouse. Or even just a nice sweater. But as she rummaged, a shimmer of black fabric caught her eye from among some coveralls. She grabbed the hanger it was attached to and pulled it out to find a short black dress. She wasn't much of a dress person, but it could work. She held the dress in front of her and checked the mirror... "Ew!" She shoved the offending garment back into her closet. Dress blues it is then.
"Shepard, I'm glad you came," Kaidan said as she slid into her seat at the cafe. "I, ah, wasn't sure you would."
"Of course I would. I'm glad you asked me."
"That's good," he tried to play it off, but she could tell he'd been surprised by her response. Hell, she'd been a little surprised by it herself. "Because I've been doing some thinking, and when I look back on my life, there aren't enough moments like this, with people I care about. Now I don't know if there's anything left between us, but I want to change that. I want to get you know you again."
Her eyes flickered, a thousand thoughts igniting inside her head and demanding to get out. But she'd already said it all; all she could do now was be honest with him "I've missed you, Kaidan." She shifted her gaze and looked down at at the table top. "I know we haven't talked. But I needed this time, to try and sort things out, figure out what I want, and what I need. And I realized I can't just leave you behind."
"I know none of this is easy on you, Shepard and I haven't made it any easier, but I want to help you now, in any way that I can. I want to catch you when you fall, and help you up when you stumble, and support you when the whole weight of the galaxy is against you."
She giggled. "Is that all?"
He took her hand in his, drawing it toward his face. "I'd like a chance to love you again, if you'll let me have it."
Two weeks ago her mind would have been burdened by the possibilities, all the things that could go wrong, everything she'd feared he might do. But she'd been watching him for those two weeks, and there had been no suspicion in his eyes, no fear, only concern. And everything seemed perfectly clear. It was the reason she'd come here after all. "I can do that."
"Well, then," the smile returned to his face, "that makes me very happy. And there are..." he lowered his voice seductively, "benefits... to that happiness."
Oh, how she'd missed him, she realized as she squirmed in her seat. "Mmm, then I think we need to get back to the Normandy, ASAP."
He shook his head, "They're only just bringing our drinks. And I intend to take my time..." She'd never expected him to be such a tease, though. Sure, there was some enjoyment to be had in anticipation; but sitting there beside him, watching his dark eyes, smelling his spicy aroma, feeling the skin of his palm against hers, the wait promised to be excruciating.