"Indoctrinated presence detected. Shutting down." Kaidan felt his stomach drop as the VI's holographic interface flickered from view. They'd been so close. He turned to see a masked man with shaggy black hair storm into the temple.
"Kai Leng," muttered Shepard.
He looked up at her. "Who?"
"That's right, you weren't there. He's the Cerberus assassin; the one who was trying to kill the Council. The Illusive Man's backup plan when I wouldn't play ball." She turned to the assassin and shouted, "You're too late, Leng! You're outnumbered again, and this time you don't have a hostage!"
Silently, Leng reached into a pocket and retrieved a transmitter which activated to reveal a tiny hologram of the Illusive Man. "Actually, Shepard, it looks like we got here just in time to get what we need. Thank you for leading us here."
Shepard's righteous anger at Kai Leng cooled into a smoldering rage as she addressed the Illusive Man. "Fuck you!"
"Language, Shepard," he taunted. "You always did lack vision. I saw that when you chose to destroy the Collectors' base. Even now you would seek to simply destroy the Reapers, when there is so much power there for the taking."
"We don't need it. What we need is these bastards dead. So if you're not planning to help me with that, get the hell out of my way!" Her hands balled into fists at her side as she drew on her biotics, but before she could make a move, a biotic wave from Leng hit all three of them, knocking them to the ground. In seconds, he had snatched the VI chip from the beacon and was racing toward the exit.
"I don't think so, fucker." Shepard Charged at Leng, then reached for the shotgun at her back for a followup blow.. The forceful biotic attack would have knocked most foes off their feet at the very least, but Leng seemed unfazed.
"Nice try, Shepard," the assassin uttered in a monotone. "Too bad for you I brought backup." An enormous gunship descended from the clouds, raining fire on the temple entrance.
"Take cover!" Kaidan shouted to her as he took his own advice, crouching behind one of the rows of seats. Liara was doing the same across the center aisle, while Shepard ducked down behind the statue at the entrance, poking her head out when she could to take shots at Leng. But the gunship did its job, and soon the assassin was on board.
Shepard leapt from cover and raced toward the now silent gunship, firing her pistol futilely at it. "Fucking coward! Get your ass back here!" Kaidan watched an object plummet toward them from the ship, recognizing what it was just as Shepard shouted "Grenade!" They hurried to put distance between them and the pending explosion. It was almost enough.
Kaidan's ears rang from the explosion and he coughed, his lungs burning from the smoke, but he was otherwise uninjured. He glanced around the room and saw Liara near the beacon, struggling to stand. Still no sign of Shepard. Damnit!
"Kaidan!" Liara pointed to the spot where the grenade had landed and exploded with enough force to punch a hole in the floor. Nononono. His eyes caught a flash of light from the area, possibly a reflection of light off a hardsuit? He gasped with relief to see a gloved hand reach out from the chasm, gripping the edge.
"Shepard!" He raced over to the hole on pure adrenaline and reached down to grip Shepard's forearm, willing himself not to let go. Before long, Liara was beside him, grabbing the other arm. Together, they managed to haul Shepard up. But the look on her face was haunting. Her mouth hanging open, her eyes nearly dead. He'd never seen her look so hopeless, not even three years ago when the Normandy had been grounded, keeping them from going after Sovereign. Even so, he knew where she was. He just hoped he could reach her.
The woman ran down the corridor toward them, letting out a guttural cry of rage, of grief. She threw out a hand toward him, attempting to catch him in a lift field. Expertly, he blocked it, then hesitated, not wanting to hurt her, knowing it wasn't really her fault. Shepard, on the other hand, wasted no time. She drew her sidearm and fired calmly at the woman, wearing away her barrier and finally sinking the last two shots into her chest. Their attacker crumbled to the deck.
Unfortunately for Kaidan, the adrenaline soon dissipated, leaving room for him to think. That could have been him, he realized as he looked down at the body by his feet. 'Stable' they called him, and maybe he was for now. But how could he know what would be that one little moment that would make him snap. Was Shepard thinking the same thing right now? Wondering if he could truly be trusted? Not that it mattered; it was probably best that he keep his distance from her. After all, if anything were to happen to her, he might-"
"Lieutenant!" His head snapped up to look at Shepard. From the tone of her voice she'd been trying to get his attention for a while. She closed the distance between them and put a hand on his shoulder. In a low voice, almost a whisper, she said, "Kaidan, I'm still here."
"I just wish there had been another way."
"I know." And that simple understanding was all he'd really needed to hear.
Kaidan reached out and cupped her chin in his hand. "Look at me, 'Lis. It's not over." She looked at him with empty eyes but didn't respond. "C'mon, we should go." He turned and led Shepard and Liara to the waiting shuttle.
The shuttle ride back to the Normandy had never seemed to take so long, yet Shepard had never found herself dreading its end so much. How could she go and face, well, anyone, after what she'd let happen. She felt cold, felt it deep in her bones. Not the cold of a Noverian blizzard, but the cold of deep space, of vacuum, as her suit failed and left her adrift, lost and alone, in the skies above Alchera.
She didn't realize they were back on the Normandy until she felt Kaidan take her hand to help her off the shuttle. Silently, she accepted the help, then headed to a corner to go through the motions of shucking off her armor in exchange for a set of fatigues. Another pair of hands covered hers as she fastened her jacket. "You don't have to do this alone, Shepard."
"It's okay, Kaidan," she whispered, holding back sobs, "I'm fine." She wasn't, but she could only imagine how that would go down, having Kaidan hovering as she spoke with Hackett, with the Council, as she made her rounds checking in with the crew. They'd lose all faith in her. She did have to do this alone.
Fifteen minutes, she decided. That was all she'd need. Fifteen minutes of putting on her best Commander Shepard face and telling everybody that it was going to be all right. Then she could go to her quarters and fall apart, unseen. She decided to start with the most difficult call. Approaching the QEC, she called up Admiral Hackett, to tell him that she'd failed them all.
"Commander," Traynor called to her as she exited the war room to the CIC.
"What can I do for you, Sam?" She only hoped it would be brief enough not to throw a wrench into her fifteen minute plan.
"I just wanted to let you know, we have a lead on the Cerberus vessel that left here. EDI was able to send a beacon with it through the relay."
Shepard abandoned all sense of rank or propriety and threw her arms around the younger woman. "We're tracking the bastard? Awesome!"
"Well, we're not tracking him, exactly. The beacon can only follow him to the next relay. We don't know where he went from there."
"Oh, okay." Shepard gritted her teeth, ashamed that she'd let pointless enthusiasm get the better of her. "It's better than nothing. So where are we headed then?"
They climbed the steps to the galaxy map together and Traynor zoomed in on the upper right quadrant of the map. "Here," she pointed, "in the Iera system."
Shepard examined the planets in the system. "Horizon. Fuck!"
"Ma'am?"
She shook her head. "Nothing. It was a long time ago. Good job on that lead, though. Both of you."
Joker alone seemed unaffected by the recent events, she realized as she reached the bridge. "Hey, Commander. I bet the Asari are wishing they had more commandos and fewer exotic dancers right about now." He winked at her. "Too soon?"
As much as she was disinclined to be charitable to the Asari just now, considering how long they'd held out on her, she wasn't in the mood for Joker's flippant attitude, either. "Wake the fuck up! Can't you take something seriously, just once?"
Wordlessly, he scrolled through a handful of maps on his console, pointing one out to her, a small garden world in a system she'd never heard of. "You see that? That's Tiptree. My dad lives there; so does my sister. Reapers rolled in about two weeks ago. We haven't heard a peep from the colony since. So, yes, Commander, I am perfectly capable of taking things seriously."
His revelation hit her like a punch to the gut. "I-I didn't realize. You never said anything. How do you deal with it? How do you just keep on being, well, you?"
Joker blinked, surprised at her question. "The same way you do, Commander. Because I have to."
"What are you talking about?"
"Just look at yourself; you're wound up tighter than the Skyllian Blitz! Someone's gotta keep people relaxed around here. Besides, well, I promised Anderson I'd keep an eye on you, you know?"
Hewhat? "I don't need a goddamned babysitter!" She spun on her heel and left the bridge.
Kaidan, seated on the floor outside her quarters, looked up as she stepped off the elevator. "Someone ask you to look after me too?" she snapped.
"Hey," he stood up, "I don't know what that was all about, but I'm here because I want to be. Because you shouldn't be alone right now." His whiskey-brown eyes gazed sincerely into hers, reminding her that this was Kaidan, and there was nothing she needed to hide anymore. She threw herself at him, melting into his strong arms.
"Oh, god, Kaidan..."
"Shh, come with me." The door slid open and they entered the apartment, taking their seats side by side on the sofa. He stroked her face gently. "I love you, so much."
"I can't do this, Kaidan."
"You will. You'll do what you've always done. You'll fight, and you'll win."
"Will I? Then why is everyone treating me like I'm gonna break?"
"Because we see you breaking." At her shocked expression, he continued. "You're not some emotionless robot, Shepard, and no one needs you to be, either. But I've seen you mourn Ash and then turn around and steal a ship to make a run at Ilos. I walked away from you on Horizon and next thing I knew, you were coming back through the Omega 4 relay. Hell, I saw you chase down a Reaper on foot and win. That's the kind of thing that inspires people, Shepard. You see what needs to be done and you just do it. No hesitation. No holding back. And you have no idea how fucking incredible that is."
He kissed her gently, beginning to undo her jacket... she pushed his hands away. "Kaidan, don't."
"You're so tense. I just want to help."
She shook her head. She didn't want to be distracted, not when things were still so unsure. "Not now."
"Okay." Instead, he took her hand to lead her to the bed.
"Kaidan?" she looked up at him. "Stay here tonight?"
"I'm not going anywhere."
And true to his word, he lay beside her, stroking her hair until she fell asleep.