Chapter 5

A/N – So in this storyline, Granny and Ruby are not related. They don't even know each other. Granny's story is a little…different! I hope you enjoy it!

The waitress returned with their bill and a smile. Mr. Gold caught a glimpse of the total before Bae managed to hide it from sight. It was over $500! It hadn't been the greatest steak Gold had ever had in his life but the wine had been worth every penny.

He just hoped that his son had a way to pay for it. Bae (or Neal as he insisted on being called now), didn't seem at all fazed by the total. That was a good sign…he hoped. There was no way that he could run with his bad leg.

Fortunately, Neal handed the waitress a black credit card. "So is that everyone?" he asked, slipping the complimentary after-dinner mint into his mouth.

"Not quite. We need someone who's able to acquire all the equipment and materials we need. Some of it will be difficult to locate."

"I thought you had connections for that kind of thing."

"He is my connections."

"Who's 'he'?"

"Jefferson."

"The nut who always wears the ascot?"

Gold straightened his Armani tie. "Some of us like to look our best, son."

"And some people are just bat-shit crazy!"

~8~8~8~

Crazy was a word that had been used to describe Jefferson for years. His flamboyant mannerisms irritated most people to no end but Gold had always found it somewhat endearing. They had worked together on many a job over the last two decades; teenaged Jefferson had been eager to learn and Gold was always eager to have someone else do the heavy lifting, especially for free.

Also, if a distraction was ever in need, Jefferson was always ready to deliver; the more elaborate the better.

Gold pulled up to the sprawling mansion in the early evening. Georgia was always beautiful this time of year; hot but beautiful. He sincerely hoped there was air conditioning in the house.

Jefferson had always had money. Unlike Gold and Bae, there was never a time when he had gone to bed hungry or wondered how he was going to come up with the rent. His motivation to learn the con game was simply out of boredom and a desire to rebel from his parents' strict Southern rules of conduct.

The door opened with a flourish and Jefferson bowed deeply. "What wonderful timing, my dear Danny! Come, come! It's time for tea." He was the only person on Earth who was able to call Gold 'Danny' and get away with it.

The marble floors glistened in the light from the crystal chandelier that hung from the second story ceiling. The furniture in the front rooms were painfully modern and appeared as though they had never been touched. The mansion had more rooms than the small family could ever hope to use. The only indication that a child even lived there was the crayon drawings framed throughout the hallway.

"Where's Grace?" Gold asked, noting the sadness that quickly reached his old friend's eyes. "I brought her an antique stuffed rabbit to make up for missing two of her birthdays."

Jefferson's hands shook slightly as he poured the tea, missing the china cup completely. "She's travelling around Europe with her godparents for the summer."

Gold knew how deeply Jefferson loved his little girl and would never consent to her being out of his sight for months without a very good reason. "What's happened?"

Jefferson slumped dramatically in his chair and withdrew his leg from under the table. Pulling up his pant leg, Gold saw an electronic monitoring device strapped just above the ankle. "I've been grounded for four months!"

Mr. Gold chuckled softly. "Ah! And what sort of mayhem were you causing to deserve such a harsh sentence."

Jefferson mumbled something incoherent. "Sorry," Gold said. "Didn't catch that."

"PEEPING! Okay? God, it's mortifying!"

"And on whom were you peeping?"

"No one! It's all been one big misunderstanding!" Jefferson ran his hands through his hair, making it stand on end. He began pacing around the room in a frenzy while Gold sat silently, sipping his tea. He had gotten used to these sudden mood swings over the last twenty years.

"You see, near the end of the school year, Grace was learning all about the stars and planets. So, like a good father, I purchased several telescopes and put them all over the house so we could learn about the heavens together. Some of the neighbors complained and when the police came by they saw that several telescopes happened to be pointed towards some houses. I donated a small fortune to keep this all hush-hush so my sentence was only four months house arrest."

"So why did you send Grace away?"

"What kind of father would I be if I kept her locked up here with me? You don't know what's it's like to not be able to take your child to the park or the movies. It's enough to make you go mad!"

Gold's features remained impassive but his voice became low and cold. "Oh, I know exactly what that's like, dearie. Remember? At least you got to choose with whom your child was sent to live."

Jefferson's face crumbled in sympathy. "I'm sorry. Where is my head today? Of course you know better than anyone. I forgot. Forgive me."

"No matter," Gold replied, wishing to put the bad memories behind him. "I came to discuss business. Bae and I require your unimpeachable services."

Jefferson snickered somberly. "And how exactly am I supposed to do that when I'm trapped inside my mansion for all eternity?"

"Give me a day. I can easily have that device removed. We'll secure it on someone else who will then live here in your absence for the next few weeks. Once the job is done, we'll switch it back to you. No one will ever be the wiser."

Jefferson smiled maniacally and placed an elaborate top hat on his head. "You're the boss, boss! Get me out of here!"

"We hope to see you again soon, Mr. Diaz," the Maître D' called to Neal.

"Diaz?" asked Gold as they walked out into the cool night air.

He waved his hand dismissively. "Just some important big wig at work who's on medical leave. The company won't even notice his travel card is missing until the accountants get the statements."

"Credit card fraud? My heart swells with pride," Gold said dryly.

"Come on! You have to admit that's pretty slick. You know who would be proud of me? Granny!"

"Fine. You can tell her all about it when you go see her in Ft. Lauderdale."

"We're bringing in the Black Widow? Isn't she a little too….seasoned for this?"

"I prefer to think of it as experienced."

"Yeah, but she hasn't pulled off a job this big in years. This much excitement will probably give her a heart attack!"

~8~8~8~

Florida – nature's waiting room; where the retired come to await death. Neal shuddered at the thought. There was a time once when he had planned on living down here, with someone special. Now the thought of the Sunshine State just made him nauseous.

He easily slipped past the bored guard and snuck unto the retirement compound. Gated community my ass, he thought bitterly. Ocean View Estates had neither a view of the ocean nor did the accommodations resemble anything estate-like. Granny lived in one of the many rows of simple, nondescript condos that littered the area, surrounded by tennis courts, golf courses and restaurants.

There was only one reason why Granny would choose to live in such a place.

She was nothing if not a creature of habit. In order to hunt you had to blend into your environment, let your prey become acclimatized to your presence and never make sudden movements. Once they were accustomed to you, they would never see you coming until it was too late.

Granny's targets, however, were not animals; they were husbands.

She had never actually killed one, at least to Neal's knowledge. Her goal was to marry rich, older men and wait for them to die on their own. And die they did! At last count, she had buried twelve husbands. Inheritances never seemed to last very long.

He walked into the diner, the most casual eating establishment on the compound, and spotted Granny sitting quietly in a corner booth. A cup of tea lay untouched by her side while she furiously knit a colorful blanket.

"Who's pregnant this time?" he asked as he scooted into the booth. If she was surprised by his sudden appearance she showed no sign of it.

"My eighth husband's second daughter is becoming a grandmother for the first time next week. Then my second husband's great-grandson is adopting a baby girl from China in September."

"I don't know how you keep track of everyone. Most women in your line of work just take the money and run. To Hell with the relatives!"

"What can I say? I never had kids of my own. I like to keep in touch." She glanced up quickly then resumed her work. "I'm still waiting for my sixth husband's grandson to give me something to smile about."

"And you'll be waiting some time yet, Granny. Kids are not in my immediate future."

Granny took a sip of tea and sighed. "Do you know why your grandfather was my favorite husband?"

"Because he died of natural causes one week into the marriage? Or was it the accent?"

"The accent didn't hurt." She chuckled softly. "He was my favorite because for the first time in my career, I suddenly found myself the legal guardian of a child. I was somebody's mother! Most of the men I married had children older than I was. Hell! Some of them had grandchildren my age. I adored your father; twelve years old but smart as a whip. That little scoundrel and I made quite the team. I taught him everything I knew and then some. He was my pride and joy. Then he went and screwed everything up by getting that whore pregnant."

"Granny! I'm right here!"

"Milah was a whore and everybody knows it! As I was saying, she abandoned the both of you, ran off with all our money like the no-good piece of trash that she was and then you became my pride and joy. No matter how many step-kids, grandkids or great-grandkids I have, you will always be my favorite. You're like my own blood. Now hurry up and start a family while I'm still alive to enjoy them!"

An elderly waitress placed a hamburger and an order fries in front of Neal and nodded to Granny. "I didn't order this," he called back to the server.

"I ordered it for you," Granny replied, resuming her knitting. "I know it's your favorite."

"How did you..?"

"I'm old, not blind! I have my ways."

"You still got it, Granny!" Neal loaded ketchup and salt on his fries while Granny looked on fondly. "So have you got husband number thirteen picked out yet?"

"I did," she sighed sadly. "We were supposed to have dinner this weekend but he broke his hip the other day. He'll be in the hospital for several months… if he even lives that long! Months of work, laughing at his horrible racist jokes, was all for nothing."

"So your calendar's clear for the next few weeks then?"

"I suppose so. Why?"

"How would you like to join forces with me and Papa for one last job? You'll never have to marry another old geezer again."

Granny put down her knitting and stared at her step-grandson, eyes all business. "Equal shares?"

"Of course."

"I want an extra ten percent."

"What for?"

"With age comes wisdom. That costs extra."

"Ten? I think five."

"Five percent and you pay for all my expenses."

Neal gazed at the older woman, a smile tugging playfully at his lips. "Deal. I will cover it myself. You can certainly drive a hard bargain."

Granny took a sip of her tea and smirked. "Your father had to learn it from someone."

A/N – So Granny is Gold's step-mother! Let me know what you think of that!

Next Chapter: Emma!

To Guest Reviewer Rowena: I don't think I'll be bringing Hook into this story. If I do then he'll just be one of Regina's minor underlings. I really, really disliked Milah; like Granny (from this fic) said, she was nothing but a whore and we should all forget about her! So for the sake of this storyline, she abandoned them and was never heard from again. :)

To Guest Reviewer OUAT Obsessed: If you re-watch Ocean's Eleven, pay close attention to Brad Pitt (who Neal is based off of ). In almost every single scene he is in, he is either eating or drinking something. Pitt said in the commentary that he thought it would be funny, so he added it in. I did too! :)

I love Reviews! Please keep them coming!