Rehab

Title: Rehab

Pairings: 1X2, 3X4, 5X (haven't decided yet)

Warnings: SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

Summary: To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

Author's note: I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic; some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others won't.

Chapter 4

And I'll never give myself to another
The way I gave it to you

Don't even recognize
The ways you hit me
Do you?

It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame

1 Year and 2 months Later

I wake with a terrible pain rippling through my chest and stomach, I scream in agony grabbing onto the sheets of my bed. I feel my throat close on me as I try and gasp for air. It's just like the night before and the night before that. It seems almost like a ritual that I am having such terrible night terrors over what I did during the war. Over whom I killed and whose lives I've ruined. I still can't accept what I did for almost 2 years of my life. I'm reminded with the destruction every day; I see it on the faces of people I see, the pain of loss, and the guilt.

However, tonight nightmare is about him.

My mind keeps replaying every minute we ever spent together, every moment when my defences were weakened into letting him in. My mind keeps torturing me over my mistakes and it won't stop. It feels like I've been shot in the stomach with no one around to help me and no medical kit to help me pull out the bullet and stitch myself up. The wound just keeps bleeding and bleeding – and I worry over the day that it stops and that my body gives in. The pain is excruciating and makes me double over and crawl into a protected ball in the middle of the bed.

I'm mad because it's been over a year since I last saw him and I'm still in this mess. I find I can't move on because I don't know how to. I disgust myself through constantly getting drunk at a local bar in a town I finally decided to settle down in. I've actually gained a job there due to my almost permanent residence at their counter downing drink after drink without thought to what it's doing to my body. I just want to forget.

I grit my teeth and hug my knees in tightly to my chest as I burry my head into my pillows.

I hear the little girl's voice in my head, sweet and malodorous – "are you lost?"

"I've been lost since the day I was born" – my own voice, flat, dead.

I think the owner of the bar only took me on to help save me from myself. She's a caring woman, with a daughter my age but I find I can't attach myself to anyone or let anyone past my defences anymore.

I lie in my ball of weakness until light begins to stream through the partially open curtains casting a hazy orange glow across my bed in the small apartment I rent. My eyes feel like I've rubbed salt in them over and over and my body just wants to sleep, but my mind doesn't give up.

By 10 am I finally get out of bed the crippling pain in my stomach now a dull ache. I head for the shower and stand in there for another half an hour staring at the white tiled walls until the water runs so cold it stings my warm body.

I dress in a pair of slacks and a tank top and make my way towards the kitchen however there is a light tap on the front door making my head snap instantly in its direction and my eyes narrow.

Nobody ever comes to visit me.

I pad out into the hallway and towards the front door. I almost shake as I open it.

On the other side is Relena Peacecraft.

Her slightly pale face instantly smiles as she lets out a puff of air.

"Heero," she says just the same as she used to do. "I've been searching for you for months."

"Relena."

"I'm sorry to intrude, I was – worried." She admits looking a little sheepish. "After I found nobody had heard from you well – I got a little concerned. I'm sorry it had to come to this – Quatre made me think the worst had happened – Heero?"

I shake myself out of my daze as I take in that she is actually here.

"Heero you look awful." She states concerned, "What the hell have you been doing?"

"Nothing." I state – well it's the truth I have in fact been doing nothing. She gives me a small smile before glancing past me and into the flat. I haven't really done anything to it; it's exactly the same as it was when I arrived here.

"Can I come in?" I feel a flash of panic as she asks – the place is a mess. I've never had the energy or time to clean as I try to keep myself as busy as possible by doing as many shifts I can down at the bar or getting drunk. Completely opposite to how I performed during the war – another weakness to add to the never ending list.

"Fine," I murmur and shift to the side. She strolls past her blue eyes taking in every single detail from the terracotta settee to the cream ceiling lampshades. I remain silent waiting for the rant which is about to come.

She gasps as she enters my kitchen and instantly gets into action. She doesn't say anything.

I follow her only to find her grabbing all my dirty plates and cups and placing them in the sink. I stay silent as I watch her begin to clean, she stops however as she gets to a saucer which I've been using recently as an ash tray. Yeah I smoke; it seems to drag all the anxiety out of my body.

She picks it up as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened and continues to wash up and then wipe down all the sides. However it's when she finishes and looks in my fridge she snaps.

"Ok what the hell are you doing?" She asks spinning around to face me. She almost looks comical wearing her channel dress with big yellow rubber washing up gloves.

I just glare at her.

"Heero, this place is a mess, you haven't got any food, you smoke and drink ALOT by the looks of it," she says pointing to the number of empty whisky bottles lining my window ledge. For some reason I thought they looked like nice ornaments – though I was drunk at the time.

I remain silent. She sighs and takes a seat at the now clean kitchen table.

"It kills me to see you like this." She whispers, "It kills me Heero."

"I'm fine." I reply taking a seat next to her. She turns to me and I can't look her in the eye. I know she's right; all I've been doing is trying to ignore what is actually happening to me. I like to keep all the scary thoughts locked away in the back of my mind and bury them deep.

"So have you just been hanging around here all year?" She asks with a sigh.

"I've got a job working in a bar in town," I reply while staring at the kitchen table top.

"That's great Heero." She smiles, "I'm happy for you."

"Hn."

We sit in silence for a second before she pulls her cream D&G bag towards her. I watch as she pulls out a pure white envelope which looks like it has been pressed with an iron. I notice my name written neatly on the front in swirly black handwriting. She holds it in her hands for a second before smiling and passing it towards me.

I eye the immaculate envelope wondering what the hell is inside before taking it from her grasp. I carefully open it as if scared to ruin its perfect state and pull out an equally elegant piece of paper from within.

Unfolding it I read:

Dear Heero,

Trowa and I have decided to get married and would love for you to come to the ceremony. It would make it exceptionally more special to have one of our true friends there on one of the most important days of our lives. We hope everything has been going well since we last saw you and that Relena has found you on time for you to attend – you're a very hard person to find!

We hope to see you soon,

Quatre

I take a long deep breath as I let Quatre's words sink in. He and Trowa are getting married. I feel my insides twinge as I don't really know what to feel – happy or jealous at the fact that their relationship isn't just one sided.

"So?" I hear Relena ask her sky blue eyes looking at me expectedly. She has her pale manicured hands laced and placed on my clean table top.

"I – " I begin but then stop. There's no way I can decline my invitation after all they were my war comrades – and then my heart stops – and I will be able to get to see Duo again. "When is it?"

She chuckles before she answers, "Well Heero, since you're such a hard guy to find you've given us roughly 30 hours to get to L3 on time." My eyes widen at her statement.

"I guess that means you want to leave now?" I say more than ask; I'm already getting out of my seat.

"Of course," however I stop at my kitchen door as I realise I do not own anything which I could wear to a wedding. "I've already got that covered." I frown and turn to Relena.

"I brought a tux last week and other necessities; I remembered your size and figured you probably wouldn't have one," she says as she gets out of her seat. "All you need to bring is yourself."

"Relena –" I begin suddenly feeling useless, I'm an ex-Gundam Pilot, I can take care of myself -

"Heero don't - just get in the car come on we're already running late," she says yanking me towards the front door. I watch as she places on her sunglasses, most probably designer, and call me to follow her. Since I haven't really got anything to bring with me I give in and grab my keys before shutting the door.

It's not until I reach the black SUV that I realise that Relena has travelled here alone.

"You drive now?" I say as I open the passenger side door a little sceptical over what to expect.

"Yeah, I didn't really want Pagan driving me everywhere," she says sweetly as she starts up the monster of a car for such a small girl. "Things change I guess, well I've changed."

"Hai," I sit in silence as she backs the car out of the parking lot next to the large apartment building. I feel my anxiety begin to build. I feel sick to my stomach as we drive away from the apartment I've been hiding in for the last year. Once again my feelings are ruling over my common sense, going to see Duo while he's happy with Hilde probably isn't the best thing I should be doing at the moment – but to everyone else I don't have an excuse not to go.

Relena begins to chat about what she's been doing recently. I have half my attention on her and the other on the road watching the road markings travel swift past in one continuous blur. I must have dozed off because the next thing I know the sound and feel of the SUV coming to a halt wakes me.

"You awake?" I hear Relena speak, I blink a couple of times letting my eyes adjust to the light streaming through the car window. Then I notice we're in a shuttle port.

"Yeah," I murmur groggily.

"You must have needed it," she says with a concerned look on her face. "Come, let's get on the shuttle." She pops her door open and jumps out. I slowly pull myself out of my seat and out of the car to find her pulling a number of bags out the boot. She calls me over and hands me a rather large one.

"Inside you should find toiletries, clothes for your stay and some other stuff," she says as she pulls another large box out, "and in here is your tux."

I take the box off her as I feel my chest tighten. Why is she doing all of this for me?

"Relena?" I prompt, feeling a frown coming to my face, "I –". Then I decide I don't want to know. "Thanks."

"No problem Heero, I owe you – it's the least I can do after the amount of times you saved my life during the war," she says as she picks up another 3 bags for herself. Turning to me she smiles, "We'd best get going."

As we walk to Relena's personal shuttle we both notice a well dressed man exiting his own. His brown hair is slick back from his slightly tanned face. His brown eyes narrow slightly as he spies Relena.

"Skipping out on today's parliament meeting Relena?" He says mockingly as he approaches pulling a small black suitcase after him. I glance at Relena to my left and her blue eyes glare at him. Obviously they don't like each other.

"My second will be sitting in for me today as notified months ago," she states.

"Running away from responsibility as always been the Peacecraft style." It's now my turn to glare at the man who refuses to look in my direction. "But it's probably for the best, let the people who know what they're doing run the show."

"Please Mr Kershaw don't over excaudate you're skills as Colony Prime Minster," Relena's voice is low.

"Relena, the day you and your puppets agree to throw Landon Grey and Alistair Flint out of parliament and into jail where they belong will be the day I will take you seriously," the older man says before walking away without a backwards glance.

Relena's eyes are on his back until he disappears into a large black limo waiting for him at the other side of the port.

"Bastard," I hear her mutter under her breath before marching towards the shuttle completely forgetting I'm at her side.

"Someone not liking your presence in parliament?" I ask quietly.

Relena huffs out a huge breath of air as we reach the shuttle. She climbs the steps quite quickly.

"You know I've reduced crime rates all over the globe, helped promote peace to everyone – but still some people do not think that is enough." She passes her bags to a butler once in the ship and I am forced to do the same. I frown as I follow her noticing how her body has become stiff.

She sits down in her take off seat and buckles herself up.

"Who are Landon Grey and Alistair Flint?"

"You caught that huh?" She sighs before rolling her eyes, "you never miss a thing do you."

I shrug my shoulder as I take my own seat. She pulls out a bottle of water from her purse.

"Landon Grey and Alistair Flint are what people call Space Pirates – they hijack ships, promote pod racing – they've been hell for salvage companies since they spend half their time collecting up all the last shreds of mobile suits in space to sell," she explains before taking a large slip from her bottle. "However since they've never been caught by the space police doing the illegal things they've 'supposively' been doing they cannot technically be charged."

"How come they're in parliament?"

"They represent the people of space – when colony X18999 was going to be dropped on Earth people fled," she begins to explain. "As you probably know the colony is now declared as an off zone due to its instability – the colony was never built properly as it was only supposed to last a couple of years before it was dropped on Earth. Well these people were left without a home – and since colony X18999 by law technically does not exist anymore neither do they. Their passports do not allow them to enter any other colony or Earth. Due to complications and rumours of what they do this hasn't been rectified yet."

"How come you let Grey and Flint into the colonies and Earth?"

"The same reason why I am at work every day – to maintain peace. At least we can in this way keep them under control," she informs. "They're escorted to and from parliament by guards."

I nod my head in understandment as I feel the shuttle begin to move towards the run way.

"Is peace under threat?" I ask feeling my muscles cramp as I wait for her answer.

"Not unless we handle this situation carefully," she explains. "Men like Mr Kershaw don't give a damn about the 'Space pirates', for all they care they'd stay stuck in space for the rest of their lives. It's only down to myself and a few parliamentary allies who refuse to let Mr Kershaw get his way. I'm afraid if we did send them to jail what would happen."

"Peace cannot be maintained through fear." I state and she sighs and bows her head.

"That's our only option at the moment. Sometimes it's as difficult to maintain peace as it is to gain it."

We both fall silent as the shuttle takes off into space, me thinking about her last words. After everything we'd done there's still so much to do before the colonies and earth are stable.

To get to L3 it's going to take 24 hours. It's kind of relaxing sitting with Relena and getting to hear about what's been happening while I've been barricaded in my hole. Listening to her peace policies and finally catching up on all that I've missed I can almost block out the irrational part of my conscious.

I spend the rest of the time on the observation deck gazing out at the one place I used to feel at home. Space. The colonies look as beautiful as ever. The lights beaming out of the landing ports shine sprinkles of light into the vacuum before getting absorbed. My eyes spy in the distance a dark lifeless circle which resembles colony X18999 and remember the last time I was on there. My mind wonders briefly towards Relena's current predicament my eyes searching for any spaceship or thing which looks suspicious. However my attention is drawn to Earth which looks amazing as always. I spy L1 off to my right and I feel a stab of homesickness as I remember my time on there.

After eating dinner (as much as I could, I don't really have an appetite these days), Relena suggests the best thing I can do is try and get some sleep, and I guess she is right. I manage to get 6 hours before waking in a sweat. I manage to stifle my scream by turning into my pillow and wrapping my arms around my waist wishing for the shooting pain to disappear.

My body feels weak and drained as I pull myself up to sit on the side of the bed. I close my eyes and try and calm my breaths. There's a knock on my cabin door and Relena's voice calls through saying we have 2 hours till landing and that I should get ready since we're going straight to the ceremony.

I 'Hn' a reply just so she knows I'm awake and reach towards the bag and box she'd given me. Looking through the large bag first I find a toothbrush, underwear, two t-shirts, a pair of dark blue jeans, a dress shirt, aftershave, deodorant and body wash. I guess she's been planning this for a while.

Grabbing the box I open it to find a black Armani suit and cringe. It looks much too classy for my taste. I leave it spread on the bed and grab the body wash and toothbrush assuming her shuttle has the other necessities in the bathroom. Upon entering it I find two large white towels laid out ready, toothpaste by the sink and a razor still in its packet next to it.

20 minutes later I'm freshly showered and shaved and I haven't felt this good in a very long time. However I can still see large black circles lining my eyes which are bloodshot from lack of sleep.

I rush back to my room and quickly get dressed. Once I am I take in a deep breath and look in the small mirror hung on the wall. Relena's shuttle is over done with the small things – we only just about had running water on the shuttles we used during the war.

I pack my things away in my bag before making my way to the cockpit to sit in my chair ready for landing. Relena follows shortly wearing a deep blue knee length dress with a large white flower covering her left shoulder. She has her hair pulled up into a bun and instantly, with her simple makeup, she looks much older than 17. Then again, we probably all have the mental age of a 30 year old.

She smiles as she notices me, "Heero – you look – amazing."

I almost snort at her comment.

"Thanks – so – so do you." Her smile gets even bigger as she takes her seat next to me.

"Thanks."

We land safely into the colony, and I have to take large breaths to calm my nerves. I can feel my hands shaking in my lap, and my stomach has twisted into a figure of eight. Once landed we have to rush off the shuttle and straight into a car waiting outside

My body tingles with anxiousness as we reach the church, and I realise I haven't had a cigarette for over a day. I clench and unclench my hands trying to think of anything but sparking up.

The car park is already full and there's just once space left which is reserved for us.

"I seem to have developed a habit of being late," Relena says looking slightly annoyed with herself as she grabs her bag from the back seat. We rush to the church. Everyone is seated inside and there's soft orchestral music playing in the background as people chat.

I instantly scan the room and find WuFei sat on the front row next to Sally, Noin and Zechs. Une is sat in the row behind with Mariemaia. My eyes glue onto her small fragile figure before I get elbowed in the ribs by Relena. I glare at her but she continues to walk on innocently.

The other guests I assume are Quatre's sisters and various other family members and Circus performers since a few people are dressed as clowns – weird. The church smells like sweet perfume coming from the numerous large wildflower displays. It looks amazing.

We both walk down the aisle and it seems almost ironic that at one stage the others used to tease me saying Relena and I would end up getting married one day. A number of people have turned to stare at us. They're probably zooming in on the enormous flower on Relena's shoulder.

WuFei's also noticed and has risen from his seat. His hair is longer than the last time I saw him but it's still tightly pulled from his face. His suit looks amazing, most likely fitted. His eyes land on Relena before turning to me. The thing that strikes me nearly to the spot is that he is smiling. I don't think I've ever seen him smile.

"Yuy." Ah something's never change. "I nearly thought Relena wouldn't be able to find you, where have you been hiding?"

"Around." I reply as he holds out his hand and I shake it.

"Never doubt my Heero finding skills." Relena laughs and WuFei chuckles lightly back. I frown at the strange scene and follow Relena to where I assume we're to be seated. Zechs stands and gives his sister a hug before turning to me and giving a curt nod. Noin says her hellos and so does Sally. I notice as we pass there are also two free spaces closest to the aisle. I sit on the opposite end thankful that I don't have to sit in the middle of the crowd.

Within a minute of taking our seats the wedding march begins and everyone stands. I can feel my palms getting sweaty so I try to rub them dry on my trousers. Is Duo not coming? Or is he already here and I not noticed him?

I turn to see Quatre standing at the end of the aisle with Trowa at his side. They're both dressed in amazing white suits but with different coloured shirts on. Trowa is wearing deep green while Quatre is wearing sky blue. They walk hand in hand down the aisle, Quatre with the largest smile I've ever seen on his face while Trowa has a twinkle of happiness in his eyes. However my attention is suddenly drawn to the two people walking behind.

My heart stops.

He looks more beautiful than the last day I saw him. Everything about him screams happiness and content – and it breaks me to see it. In the back of my mind I've been wishing he's been just as miserable as I am, but he's not and Hilde looks just as beautiful on his arm dressed in a silver white dress and looking very much like a woman. Suddenly it clicks; they look beautiful together because they belong together. They always have.

His amethyst eyes shimmer in the streaming light coming in through the stain glass windows as he follows them in a grey suit. I want to turn away to ignore the fact that he's there. I want my attention to be on Trowa and Quatre but it's not.

It's always been on him.

I pinch myself through my suit trousers and force my attention away from him, however as I do his eyes land on me and I'm frozen to the spot. The smile is still on his face however it doesn't reach his eyes anymore. He takes his seat with Hilde in the two empty seats at the end of the row. We all sit down and listen as the ceremony begins.

It's a nice ceremony, but I don't really know what to expect since I've never been to one before. Relena starts crying next to me and continues to snuffle throughout. Everyone claps as they kiss and walk back down the aisle. Duo and Hilde follow them. I'm guessing they're best man and maid of honour.

"Beautiful." Relena sighs as we stand to leave, "just beautiful."

WuFei turns to us and says he'll see us at the reception. Joining Relena once again in her car we drive to a very expensive looking hotel where with a surprise we are handed room keys at the door. Quatre's paid for us to stay the night. Excitedly Relena makes all the arrangements for our stuff to be taken to our rooms.

We're then led into a large dining hall with a dance floor where each table is marked with names of who is sitting where. The tables are covered in white lining and silver accessories. There're a number of silver and white balloons around the room and streamers. In the middle of each table there're a number of red and white wine bottles and a large lily flower display. Again it looks beautiful.

"I guess we're sitting with Sally and WuFei," Relena says as I notice Sally waving us over. I follow Relena to our seats and locate all the bottles of wine on the table ready to drown my sorrows. A couple of minutes later we are joined by Zechs and Noin, I tense as I feel Zechs eyes on me. I don't lift my head as everyone claps at the entrance of the happily married couple and their best man and maid of honour.

Chatter starts up as food is served and cameras keep flashing taking pictures of the happy couple. I instantly grab a bottle of red from the middle of the table. I see Relena eye me as I do. However it's WuFei who speaks up.

"Never knew you drank Yuy," he says as he accepts his starter.

"Things change I guess," I pour myself a large glass and Relena a small as my starter is placed in front of me. I take a large first sip of the dry wine and I instantly feel better.

"So, what have you been doing with yourself Heero?" Noin asks from my left hand side.

"Lying low," I answer automatically, Noin nods her head.

"Myself and Zechs took a trip visiting each colony, we thought we'd help those who were most affected by the war before making our way to Mars to help with the terraforming." I instantly feel guilty as I think I should be doing something to help the people whose lives I destroyed. However I also feel pride for the two soldiers for their dedication for total pacifism.

"Is there much destruction?" I ask the dreaded question. Noin sighs and doesn't answer. Her guilt is clear on her face.

"At least we're doing all we can." I nod my head before taking another large gulp of my wine. The starter is king prawns on a bed of salad; it looks great and tastes even better. I guess I miss eating proper food rather than the junk I've been eating for the past year.

The main is sensational and the wine matches perfectly as I drink a whole bottle to myself. The others don't say anything but I know they're watching, especially WuFei and Relena.

As we finish our deserts the speeches start with Duo tapping his glass and standing from his place at the head table. I keep my eyes on the table top as I listen.

"Hey guys!" His voice sends a shiver through my body. "Before I undertake the customary duty of giving the guys an uncomfortable few minutes it is part of the official duty of the best man to thank Trowa and Quatre for allowing myself and Hilde to be their best man and maid of honour. I just wanted to say you guys look amazing." The room erupts with whistles and claps.

"So when you guys asked me to be your best man I kind of got a case of the jellies. What the hell do I talk about? I know that 90% of the stuff I know is not fit for public consumption" The audience laugh, "for example the time which involves T&Q trying to have their first romantic weekend away-"

"Duo!" I hear Quatre squeak and Duo laugh. WuFei also sniggers in his seat.

"So I thought I'd settle on the cutest moment I've ever seen and this would be when you two play your musical instruments together. Your timings always perfect and you both play like pros and you both look happy and content with each other. You see I've always seen these guys as the perfect couple, you enjoy the same things and have so much in common and you are never afraid to express your feelings. However, that's what I think about you guys, when I asked around I got that you're both: Charming, Handsome, Witty, Intelligent, Flash...erm...Trowa what have you written there? Good in bed?" The audience laugh and I look up to see Trowa shoot a glare towards Duo who sticks his tongue out in response.

"On serious note you two are the two most amazing people I have ever met and you both truly deserve to have a happy marriage – and I know you will. So everybody raise your glasses to the newlyweds and may you both have the happy ever after that everyone dreams for."

I raise my glass without looking up and take a large sip.

"Now let's party people!" I hear Duo shout and everyone cheers. A DJ starts up some music and people begin to leave their seats to take residence on the dance floor. Relena turns to me with a smile on her face.

"Heero you ok?" I nod in response before she holds out her hand. "You want to dance?" I take a quick glance over at the head table to see Quatre and Trowa busy talking to Duo and Hilde and decide that it's probably not the right time to head over there and say congratulations.

"Sure." I take her hand and we both make our way to the dance floor. As we dance the Waltz, just as we had done before, I'm glad that Relena has been able to keep my attention away from my hepatic feelings inside, and after a while I find I'm actually having a good time.

While we're dancing I get a tap on the shoulder and behind me are Trowa and Quatre. Quatre smiles and instantly leans forward to give me a hug. I stiffen a little bit, not being used to this sort of contact with him.

"Thank you Heero, I was so worried we wouldn't be able to find you." I feel a smile come to my lips at his comment as for the first time in a while I feel wanted.

"You're a hard person to find Yuy." Trowa adds

I turn my attention to him, "I'm glad I came and congratulations." They both smile, I don't think they can look happier. They have stars in their eyes.

"We've booked out all the best rooms, I'm sorry we can't have a proper catch up now, but hopefully tomorrow!" Quatre says as they're called over by another group of people.

"Sure."

"Can't wait," Relena calls after them before turning her attention back to me, "I can't wait to see the rooms, they're supposed to be the best." I nod my acknowledgement.

The rest of the evening goes smoothly. Duo and Hilde are constantly surrounded by a group of people and they never leave each other's side. Their table is the loudest. I think he'd taken into winding WuFei up as every once in a while I can hear him screech "MAXWELL!" over the loud DJ's music.

I manage to sink another bottle of red before my tiredness catches up on me and I have to excuse myself from the group to retire to my hotel suite. My heartaches from Duo not even acknowledging me – but I haven't exactly been very sociable towards with him either.

Upon entering my room I don't think I have seen anything so spectacular. The walls are painted a deep red and the carpet is a rich cream – it looks like a honeymoon suite and for a second I think I may have been given the wrong key.

The dim glow lit by the bedside lamps make me feel even more tired and I suddenly notice how heavy and stiff by body feels. I shake off my jacket and chuck it on a nearby chair before loosening my tie and pulling it over my head. I sit on the side of my very large bed and begin to take off my shirt. However as I do there is a knock at my door.

I almost don't get up and get it, wishing I can just hide here on my own and pretend I am anywhere but here. I can feel my tired lids trying to fall over my eyes as I walk, however they're wide open when I open the door, and my tiredness disappears as I am pushed into my room by a very much awake Duo.

My head spins as I try to take in what the hell is happening until all thoughts are thrown out the window as I feel his lips on mine as he practically jumps me. I can taste alcohol in his mouth mixed with the taste of him I've been craving the past year.

His hands are all over me, moving erratically as if I'm too hot to touch. My heart is pounding in my chest. He pulls away for air and his eyes are looking me up and down.

"You've lost weight." He huffs through his gasping breaths.

I pull him closer to me and moan "Don't talk just..." He cuts me off before I can finish, his tongue probing into my mouth and lashing against mine. I can feel his knee trying to nudge between my legs.

Suddenly, he pushes me onto the soft quilted bed. I watch as his silhouetted form begins to unbutton his shirt and I don't think I've been more turned on. He slides it off his slightly tanned shoulders and it ripples to the floor like pure silk as he begins to unbuckle his belt.

Sitting up I let my hands wonder around the back of his trousers and help him pull them down as well as his boxers, while planting feathery kisses across his toned stomach. I hear him moan low in his throat.

I slowly unbutton my trousers and pull them off along with my boxes. Then he's on me, working his way up planting feather kisses from my ankles all the way up to my neck which he sucks and bites causing me to roll into ecstasy.

I can feel myself losing control – the blocks I'd put up over the last year melting away like ice caps- but it feels right because it's him. It's always been because of him.

I moan his name quietly as I feel his hands all over me as if trying to memorise everything he touches. I have my own hands wondering along his back before running up and down the length of his braid, something I've missed doing.

His lips are hungrily on mine again with almost bruising force.

Running my hands up his waist and down his arms he interlinks our fingers. Taking the opportunity I roll us over so I'm on top and pin his arms above his head. I instantly attack his neck the one place I know is sensitive to him. His body quivers in response and he gasps loudly.

Reaching between us with one hand using the others to loosely keep his arms pinned above his head. His amethyst eyes half closed as he moans while I begin to slowly and gently jerk him off.

"Heero..." I hear him breathe, his voice sounding like an angel to me, "Oh god."

I hover my mouth over his teasingly. He desperately tries to reach up and kiss me but I hold him in place. He moans as his breath becomes quicker.

"Fuck me, Heero," he whispers beggingly so softly but I hear him.

He doesn't need to plead because that was my intension in the first place and I'm making it my mission to give him the best fuck he's ever had. I spend a while teasing him as I prepare him, just so I can hear him call my name and ask me just a couple more times to fuck him.

And I do.

From the way Duo cries out my name and moans for more – it's Mission Complete.

I bite my lip as I come feeling my eyes widen as the nearly forgotten sensation indulges my body. I can hear my sharp breathing and I can feel his on my neck.

I collapse on top of him exhausted, my body tingling all over and my head swimming. I can hear his harsh breathing and erratic heartbeat from where my ear is pressed against his chest. I can feel his finger tips feathering up and down my back.

"Hi," he whispers as I feel him weave his fingers through my hair. My heart won't stop its rapid beats as I lie as still as I can, scared as hell that if I move he will disappear.

"Ou," I murmur back (1). The room is silent as we calm ourselves. It's a while before any of us speak.

"I need to get back," Duo says gently lifting me. "Hilde will be wondering where I am" I feel my chest tighten as I pull myself out of him and he goes to wash. I sit stricken to the bed listening to his movements in the bathroom. The shower turns on, then off. I hear him towel dry himself before he moves swiftly back into the bedroom grabbing his clothes and quickly getting dressed.

"I guess I'll erm – cya."

"..." I hear the door close at his swift exit. My hands clench tightly onto the ruffled bed sheets as I feel the shot wound in my stomach rip open.

I get up from my seat and rush to the bathroom noticing the towel he'd just used placed roughly on top of the wash basket. I turn on the shower full blast and begin to scrub my body trying to get rid of any trace of what had just happened. I end up crouched on the shower floor, the sponge I'd been using held tightly in my left hand. I can feel the scorching hot water spray down onto my bowed head burning my scalp. I feel faint from the heat, but I feel cold on the inside.

When the water finally begins to cool I react and move. Grabbing a towel and drying myself off. I look like a wreck as I glance at myself in the bathroom mirror while vowing never to look in one again.

On autopilot I grab and put on the spare clothes Relena has bought me with intentions to get the hell out of here. What scares me the most is that I can't control myself; my body just moves on its own. I open the suite door and take off, however I don't get far as I bump into Relena.

Her blonde, shaped eyebrow rises as she looks me up and down.

"What are you running from Heero?" She asks softly. I keep my mouth shut refusing to answer. Her blue eyes boil with intensity. She then sighs, her head dropping.

"Take the shuttle; I'll call ahead of you so they know your coming." She says before raising her gaze to mine.

I frown deeply. Why would she do that? Why did she buy me all these things?

"Why?"

"I just want you to be happy." She says in all honesty and I can see in her eyes that that is what she wants. Relena has always been determined to get what she wants. I nod my head and I almost don't go stiff as she hugs me goodbye. 3 hours later I'm piloting her shuttle into space loving the feel of total control as I guide the ship further away from the colony. I feel almost free as I turn on autopilot and sit back in my bucket seat. I decided before I left that I wasn't returning to my apartment and the hole I'd buried myself in.

I let the shuttle float around facing towards Earth. I breathe, my eyes taking in the lining of gold light trickling around the edges, spilling across the surface like speckles of gold dust. In places the light surpassed the globe it shot outwards like spider webs into the blackness. I reach out in front of me as if I could touch the slowly rotating orb, noticing the twinkling lights of the cities below the surface of dark clouds.

The planet looks indescribably beautiful and fragile at the same time. Directly above I notice the Milky Way in the distance and it's hard to think that around each glittering point is another world just like ours, just as beautiful as this.

There are a few flashes of white light near the floating clouds like sparkles – a thunderstorm most probably.

I don't know how long I stayed there. Time seems pointless when you're in space. I watch as city lights turn on and off as they travel from night to day and back again. I notice places as the Earth rotates, the Grand Canyon, the Great Wall of China, I swear I saw the flashing lights of Vegas. It's weird to think that in some strange way I've now technically seen all the major landmarks of the world in just a few hours.

And even after everything that has happened, I wish he was here to see them with me. Because that is the effect Duo Maxwell has on me.

TBC...

(1) Ou means hey in Japanese...so I'm told lol!

Hey everyone sorry for the long delay. I just wondered how everyone would like to see this play out? Anyone got any suggestions? I've actually written a few chapters going in a few different directions but would love to hear from you! Loves x