Rehab
Title: Rehab
Pairings: 1X2, 3X4, 5X (secret), 1+OC...
Warnings: SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!
Summary: To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.
Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!
Author's note: I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic; some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others won't
It's like I checked into Rehab
Baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into Rehab
Baby, you're my disease
Chapter 6
I can see her through the window as the bedroom sets alight. I can hear her screams and I can feel her pain but I stand rooted to the spot. I thrash and strain to reach out to her but I can't move – I can never save her. I've never been able to. This I can never accept.
"Please," I beg to no one but wishing someone would hear and run to take her into safety. But no one ever comes, I know this to well. I've seen it a thousand times. She will burn, and when the fire has died down enough I will enter her apartment block and find her puppy dead on the floor.
I can feel pain rippling through my legs as they threaten to collapse and I can feel tears trickling down my face. My imaginary gunshot wound in my stomach rips open and I wish that the pain and the reality of it was real.
"Make it stop," I whisper in agony sliding to my knees before keeling over on the floor. My legs feel like they are on fire and my breaths have become short. All I can smell is the burning apartments and all I can see are the tiny speaks of ash as they float down through the sky gently covering the ground in a mist of white.
I give up.
"Heero," I hear a nearby voice. I don't even have the energy to look up. "Heero come back to us."
My body feels weak and I feel empty. I don't want to.
"Come back to me," the voice says again this time more firmly. A second later it feels like a bolt of electricity stabs through my veins.
I gasp for air and the next thing I know I'm looking up into a pair of blazing dark green eyes.
"Heero," my head is swimming. "Heero, calm down." It takes me a second to recognise the man kneeing on the floor next to my bed leaning over me in a protective stance, but against what I don't know. It takes me another second to realise where I am. I almost frown at the concerned look on Landon Grey's face. "He's awake."
"Thank God," I hear a woman's voice which I recognise as Chloe's but I don't see her. Everything seems so distant as if this is the dream and I've just left my reality.
I feel sick and extremely hot. My body is covered in sweat.
"My leg –" I whisper the pain now becoming apparent. It feels like it's been shot all over again. I curl my toes as I try and repress the shooting pains. However it's the only thing that's reminding me this is real.
"You ripped open the stitches, you may have damaged the muscles again," Chloe's voice explains. I can feel the anxiety in my chest like my skin has shrivelled and is now too tightly stretched.
"What –" My dazed eyes turn back to Grey as I suddenly realise his proximity and I notice now how his arms are covered in blood. I have enough energy to roll the opposite direction from him and puke up my dinner.
"Chlo can you fetch a bowl and a wash cloth. Jas could you get some new bedding."
"Sure," I hear a sullen reply. I hear the door open and close. I can feel Grey's tight grip still on my wrists pinning them away from my body.
The room is left in thick silence and I continue to degrade myself by being sick over the side of the bed until there is nothing else but the pain seeping up and through my body from my leg.
"Chlo's got some medicine to take care of your leg. We couldn't give it to you before because you wouldn't stop moving."
"Why are you pinning my arms down?" I ask quietly
"You were harming yourself in your sleep. You went into a spasm." Grey explains and I refuse to look him in the face. So he's protecting me from myself. "Chloe seems to think you had a reaction to the Morphine you had for your leg – she says some people can have reactions to it up to 3 days after your last dose. It looks like your body was depending on it more than we knew."
With a sudden bolt of energy I rip my arms away from his grasp. I feel so angry with myself, with them, with J and Odin for making me the way I am. I feel so weak. I wish they'd never have found me out in space. My skin feels like its burning as if I'd been caught in a fire. I wish I was normal, but I don't think I was ever intended to be.
"Heero," Grey's eyes have widened slightly, "calm down before you hurt yourself." I glare as hard as I can at the captain kneeing by bed. He stays as solid as a rock and doesn't even flinch.
"I don't need you here to help me." I state though I cringe at the sound of my voice.
"Yes you do,"
"You should have left me in space," he doesn't reply at that. He just stares, his uncomfortable, intense eyes staring at me as if trying to figure out who exactly I am and what the hell I'm trying to do to myself. The thing is I don't know the answer to both of those questions.
However, there's no pity within his eyes, just curiosity. I drop my gaze and turn my attention to his tattoo noticing its beautiful art work on his slight tanned skin. My mind suddenly wonders how he could even have a tan having to spend all his time on his damned ship.
The room lapses into silence before I feel him move away. His voice is so soft I almost miss it "We all have demon's Heero –" I look up and find his gaze burning into mine almost covered by his dark wild hair. I can feel my cheeks burn, though I don't know if it's down to the fever or him. "It's just some people can cope better than others and have support to help them." I feel insulted but I feel like I don't have the energy to keep on fighting as I can feel myself slipping into the darkness again. "We would like to help you."
"You can't help me," I murmur through tired lips cursing myself at revealing how fucked up I actually am. That I'm broken to the core and I don't think there is a way to glue me back together.
"We would like to try, don't let go just yet." I hear his quiet answer before I'm pulled under by exhaustion.
I dream I'm in a forest; the location is unknown to me. I can smell the fresh pine air and I can feel the soft cool breeze as it wafts over me ruffling my green tank top I used to wear in the war. There is nothing but beautiful pine trees around me. What strikes me however is that there is no sound and I suddenly notice I'm all alone. I keep wondering around searching for some form of life but I never find any. It's just me by myself. The way it's always been. And then I wake up.
Before I've even opened my eyes I can hear the very faint sound of a TV and the hairs on my arms raise as I sense the presence of someone most probably sat next to my bed. To confirm my suspicions I peak open one eye and spy Jason sat not far away his legs propped up by the small desk I have in my new room. His head is lolled back, his golden locks falling away from his young peaceful face as he snores happily.
I turn my attention to the small TV over the other side of the room playing an old TV program from way before the colonies were built. The room seems peaceful but so distant like I'm on the outside looking in through a window. My body aches and I notice the dull pain in my stomach.
I try to shift so I can sit up but I feel the throbbing in my leg ripple through me. I notice that I'm dressed in fresh bed clothes and my bed lining has been changed. My leg has also been wrapped in brand new bandages and from the feel of it my wound has been stitched back together. I still feel a little hot, however nothing compared to last night – if it even was last night.
I finally manage to sit up and carefully turn so I'm sat on the side of the bed. It's when I try to put my foot to the floor that I cry out. I punch the bed with my fist. I've never shown such an outburst of pain.
Jason's eyes have instantly flown open and he's out of his seat before I've had time to recover.
"You're a crazy ass bitch you know that Heero?" he says with a frown but for some reason his voice seems distant as if I'm wearing some ear muffs. "You need to get back into bed."
I stay rooted to the spot glaring at him. He doesn't look at me as he gently pushes me back looking almost guilty.
"Doc's gave my orders to make sure you do just that," he states his deep brown eyes rising to mine and all I can see is concern. "And I always obey orders." He stands transfixed in front of me and I know I haven't got cats in hell chance in getting past him. I sit silently and can feel my cheeks burning as he props my pillows up and helps me back into bed.
"You really scared us the other night, I thought you were a goner," he says his voice almost quivering. "You were in a pretty bad shape."
"I'm sorry," I surprise myself by answering. "How long was I out for?"
"Two days and its ok it's not your fault, it's just – I've never seen anyone like that before," he admits while pulling the bed covers towards me but not actually tucking me in. It's a good thing as well because I think I may have punched him if he tried.
"Well I suppose the only way is up from now on," he smiles settling back in his seat. "Chlo says all the morphine should be out your body and you're through the worst, which is good right?"
I nod a reply as I turn my attention to the TV. The reason I know it's such an old television program is because of how fuzzy the picture is. Now days technology has advanced so much that it almost feels as if you're in the program.
"I used to love this program," Jason comments next to me. "I remember it used to be on when I was a kid – repeats obviously, this gig is probably a thousand years old – but anyway I used to watch it with my mom and dad every Sunday after dinner. We'd sit down and eat our pudding while watching it."
I glance at the strange young man to my left noticing how his dark brown eyes have become slightly glazed as he thinks about his past. They then drop to look at the floor.
"Things change I guess," he says causing me to frown. How often I'd heard that phrase in the last few years. So much has changed since the war. "But it's what you make out of the changes that counts," he carries on. "I mean look at me, looks like I'm gonna be stuck on this damned thing for the rest of my life but I ain't gonna let that stop me from achieving my dreams. I guess sometimes you've got to make sacrifices to keep yourself happy."
I frown as the room lapses into silence. Make sacrifices?
"What do you mean?" I whisper, noticing how hoarse my voice sounds.
"Sometimes you've got to give up something if you want to be happy," he answers with a wistful smile while settling his feet back up on the desk and propping his arms behind his head. "I mean I always wanted to go to Earth and be the best pod driver there ever was – well I guess that ain't gonna happen, so I decided I'd become the best pod driver in space. I guess space is better than just Earth right?" He tries to convince himself. "I had to give up my dream to become happy."
I hum a reply. Could I ever be that strong and give up one of my dreams to become happy?
xXx
Have you ever felt as if the whole world is moving so fast around you but you're standing completely still? That's exactly what the last few days have felt like.
I didn't get much sleep that night in my new room as expected. As much as my body wanted to sleep, my mind wanted the complete opposite. I felt like I couldn't breathe within the small room with no windows. Sometimes I wonder why I even try.
I spent the next few days in bed trying to recover. Doctor Harris came to visit and tried to get me to come back to the hospital wing. I would have but I liked the privacy of my new room no matter how much mental torture it gave me. Jason came and sat with me every day.
I still can't sleep.
I don't know if it's down to my lack of sleep, but I can slowly feel myself falling as if I am falling further and further away from everything. My hearing is still muffled as if I'm wearing earmuffs. Nothing seems colourful or bright anymore as if my eyes have lost their focus. I feel lifeless.
My steady hands have started to shake the last few days. I can feel myself slowly breaking.
On the 6th day Chloe came to visit again. She booked me in to have physiotherapy for my leg and then asked about my nightmares. I lied saying I was fine though I'm starting to think that there won't be a day that I'll be able to lay to rest what I did to that little girl. The Doctor could tell I was lying; she left a bottle of sleeping pills on the small desk in my room without consent.
My room is actually quite nice. It reminds me of one of the boarding schools I stayed in once on Earth. It has a simple single bed, desk, wardrobe, a television, and a few books placed on a small shelve. There's a small ensuite wet room to the left which is more than descent. The only thing is it reminds me of him and our times together at school, where once I wished I was a real student and had no worries about if I would die tomorrow.
I am actually glad that I'm off the morphine, being in this room which rising so many memories – the effects may have been drastic. I still dream about him – I don't think that will ever stop. The last time I dreamt of him it was a memory of one of the missions we went on during the war – he'd tried to overdo himself as usual – and I had to stitch up the damage. Always the Baka.
A week later I'm feeling much better and Jason's taking me to see Chloe so I can have some physiotherapy. Our little tour has been put on hold for the time being.
I sit silently on my bed my thoughts wondering everywhere as they usually do. I wish there was a way I could turn them off. I haven't been able to stop thinking about what Jason said the first day I woke up. Could I really give up something the way he did?
There's a soft knock on my door and I almost miss it. I sigh from my place sat on my cleanly made bed. I must have been daydreaming for the past hour, it was 8 o'clock the last time I looked at the clock and Jason usually calls at 9.
I call out for Jason to enter, and he does his head popping around with a chestier cat grin on his face as he holds up two crutches.
"Hey buddy you ready to go?" he asks his brown eyes sparkling with excitement "got a big day ahead."
I silently nod my head and gratefully take hold of the crutches. We have to walk slowly and it takes us double the amount of time to get to the hospital wing than before.
My stomach twists as we enter the private hospital ward and I find Doctor Harris standing talking to the last person I wanted to see. Grey's green eyes instantly snap onto me almost hiding beneath his spiky black hair. It looks almost as wild as mine.
"Hello Heero," he says, I can feel my eyes narrowing however I nod a greeting back.
"Landon's come to help out with us today," Chloe explains. I grit my teeth in anger, I don't need any help but I dare deny the help off the notorious captain of this ship.
"I'll see ya when you're done Heero, I'll show you to the canteen then if you're up for it" Jason says with a smile. I almost don't want him to leave. I'd gotten used to his almost constant presence at my bed talking about everything and nothing. I nod my head slowly in response before turning my attention back to Grey. I feel extremely uncomfortable under his intense gaze and I wish he'd aim it at someone else.
"Right, now Heero we are going to run through a number of exercises. I want you to keep within your comfort zone– stop immediately when you feel any pain."
"Hai," I answer just so she knows I'm listening.
We start off with a few foot exercises' which had me writing the digits 1 – 10 with my toes in the air and circling my ankle. I could feel my muscles beginning to loosen.
I had Chloe coaching me all the way through telling me if I was doing everything right. Which I did, I like to master the art of perfection. It did however get me thinking back to how I used to treat my wounds during the war. Whenever I've had an injury before the actual proper way of healing took a back seat to my duties of being a soldier. Sometimes I worried if I hurt myself too much J would replace me.
"You're doing great Heero," I feel my chest contract as the young captain speaks up. When I look up I almost snarl as I see the concern in his green eyes. For some reason I feel angry, so angry I can feel my blood beginning to boil.
We run through a few more exercises, Grey doesn't speak again. I can soon feel myself beginning to grow tired and my leg beginning to ache. For our last exercise Chloe has me standing up and I have to take a few steps putting my foot flat on the floor to stretch the muscles of my legs.
I take the first few steps, however soon after I can feel my legs beginning to wobble and my vision blurring. Reaching out to stop myself from falling I feel my hand connect to something hard and steady. Looking up I find Grey in front of me and my hand resting on his arm.
"Come on, you can do it, just hold on." He speaks and takes a step back. "Just a few more steps."
"Landon, I think that maybe all for today."
"No he can do it," the captain speaks back. "I know he can." His green eyes stare into mine motivating me to go on, to keep going and not give up. As if teasing me with my own person mission: get to the other side of the room. Never give up. That's what I did during the war. I never gave up, so why had I started to now?
I take one step and then another feeling my stiff leg drag itself into position. He takes another step back, "come on Heero. Don't worry about falling I'm here to hold onto."
I can do it. I will walk. I will not let the pain stop me. Nothing will stop me. I can feel myself growing more confident with each step. I am strong, I am not weak.
Before I know it I've crossed the room and Grey is smiling in satisfaction.
"Heero, my – after last week – wow," was all I hear Chloe say before my leg collapses. I feel Grey's arms around me before I touch the floor. He carries me over to a chair across the other side of the room and I can feel my cheeks burning in anger.
"I can walk myself," I state.
"You're not superhuman Heero," he replies and I feel infuriated. I can hear my short puffing breaths and I curse myself for even showing how angry I've become. He settles me quickly down in a seat near Chloe's desk. I remain glaring at him until Chloe speaks while handing me a sheet of paper.
"I'd like you to gently run through these over the next couple of days. I'm pretty sure you're leg will heal quickly like last time, but I just want to make sure that we are doing everything correctly."
"Thanks," I murmur as I take the sheet off her. Grey has resumed a place leaning against the far wall, his green eyes eye's still on me. He's crossed his arms across his chest.
"We erm," Chloe says now looking a little hesitant. "Wanted to talk to you about the nightmare you had."
I suddenly feel as if my stomach has dropped out and I can taste bile in the back of my throat. I turn to her and instantly shake my head, "No."
"Heero, I think if you talk about what you were dreaming about it may help in some way." I stare at her as if she's grown another head. I've never spoke to anyone about my dreams, and there is no way in hell that I would tell these criminals, no matter how nice they may act, such personal information.
I can feel myself beginning to panic as they both wait expectantly.
"I always have this one dream," Grey speaks up causing our attention to snap onto him, "of my parents." He continues after a short pause, "It's of the day they died. It always plays out the same way – me wanting them to drive me to the market to buy some latest toy. I stop and do up my shoe lace as they carry on to the car." His gaze is not on me anymore as he lowers it to the ground. "And I always watch them explode as a bomb strapped to the underneath of their car goes off."
"Landon –" I hear Chloe's voice say lightly.
"I'll always dream of them, but with the help of Chloe I don't blame myself anymore." he says and his eyes rise to meet mine again full of so much wisdom and experience and promise. Maybe it's not just me who suffers. Maybe I could do with a little bit of help. For some unknown reason I feel myself accept his offer. "Everybody has demons"
I don't want to be weak anymore; I want to be strong like I felt during the war. I want to have realistic life dreams, but maybe I have to give up some on the way. I want to be able to live in peace. I want a chance of a normal life.
But I know I have a long way to go before that.
"You want some help getting back?" he asks quietly. I nod my head knowing my legs are too weak. "Same time Wednesday Chlo?"
"Of course," she says solemnly. "Keep running though those exercises Heero."
"I will," I answer before I am scooped up into the strong arms of the captain of the Redstar ship. I glare at him but he just smirks in return. He carries me all the way back to my room and I silently thank God no one saw.
Once there he settles me down on my bed and takes the seat which Jason occupies across the room. He sits in silence for a moment before he speaks.
"I take it you're a friend of Relena's?" he murmurs. I look up at him surprised before shrugging my shoulders. "I thought as much." I frown.
"You don't seem like the master criminal who would be as crazy as to still her ship - I know she has connections."
"Hai," I whisper back all of a sudden feeling extremely tired. I hear him rise from his seat and move towards the door.
"Oh and Heero, a friend of Relena's is always a friend of ours," and with that he leaves and I promptly fall asleep before I have time to think about his comment.
This time I'm back in the forest of pine trees and I can hear the twitter of birds in the distance.
TBC...
Hey everybody, thank you for everyone who reviewed last time. I'm glad you liked. I know it may seem that Heero may never get better at the moment but don't worry + got some more info about these 'space pirates' coming up + of course more Duo
For those of you waiting for the next chapter of the deal it will be released soon :)