After putting another team member in potential danger Nick Fury thought it would be best to keep Tasha out of missions, and have her stay at S.H.I.E.L.D and help out with some task around there. No matter how much I begged Nick Fury to let her come along, no matter how much I told him it was my own fault I was injured, no matter how much I told him that I needed her there, his judgment stood solid.
"Had you been seriously damaged Clint, we would have been short two team members. We can no longer take that risk. I understand that each of you risks your lives every day for this job, but we can't have you taking extra risks to keep Natasha safe as well as yourself. I promise you she will be safest here." Nick Fury told me several different ways on several different occasions, but I just couldn't accept it. I would no longer be fighting beside, not only my fighting partner, but my best friend. The numbers would be odd. I would have to go by myself. Who would cover the south? I tried to push it from my mind, and just move on.
"There are still a lot of things Tasha can still do" I would tell myself daily.
The next incident was around 4 months later. Instead of mission she stayed with Maria and Coulson, and helped with monitoring potential threats. After I came back from shawarma with the guys to celebrate victory, I drove to S.H.I.E.L.D to pick up Tasha. When I walked in and asked where she was nobody claimed to know. I went to the office area, where no one ever was, and I knew Tasha was there. Something was obviously going on, and she didn't want anyone to know what was happening.
In the back corner of the office curled up in a tight ball was my Natasha with silent tears streaming down her face. I ran over without saying anything, we didn't need words. I just held her, so she knew everything was going to be alright no matter what was wrong.
"I can't do it anymore Clint. I there is nothing else I can do. Even the stupidest tasks I can't accomplish without knocking something over, or dropping something. I can't anymore Clint, and I don't think you can handle this any better than I can."
"Tasha, I will always be there for you. I don't care if you're deaf, blind, and can't speak. I will always love you. Never forget that. Never"
"I love you so much Clint."
At that moment everything around us was gone. We weren't in an office, we were just us together forever in a bunch of nothingness, and in a way it was a perfect yet imperfect moment. In that flawed yet flawless moment I knew there was something I had to do.