The drive into school was always over too quickly, it was one of only a few chances they got to be truly alone, without Charlie hovering or school friends looking over their shoulders. When they were in Edwards car she felt like they were Mr. and Mrs. Normal, just out for a Sunday drive. She had complained many times of how his fast driving scared her, and he had promised to take it more slowly whenever she was around.
"Who was that old lady last night?" She asked, finally remembering what had happened yesterday.
"Who Frieda?" Edward asked coyly.
"Frieda. Huh." Bella scoffed, "Carlisle seemed to know her." Bella remembered the story, of the young man who had saved her with super human strength, who had taken her to his father so she could recover. Had that been Edward that had saved her, how well did he know her? How long had they been friends? Had they been more than friends just like she and Edward now were? Suddenly thousands of questions raced around her head again. Edward sensed the shift in her mood.
"Frieda is someone we helped a long time ago." Edward began, pausing a moment before he continued, thinking back to his past. "She was grateful for our help, but marked by what she had witnessed she became a sort of nomad, roaming from place to place. Carlisle keeps in touch with her from time to time, looks after her until she moves on again."
"She told me what happened to her, were you and Henry close?"
"No." Another pause, "Henry was… an eccentric man when I found him. He had been abandoned by his maker and I thought I could help him… but he grew madder and madder with each taste of blood until finally the rage consumed him."
"What happened to him?"
"He ran away, but he was too feral to be allowed to roam free." His eyes squinted as if to shed a tear that would never come, "After Frieda was safe and Carlisle had tendered to her wounds we went and tracked Henry down. It wasn't hard…"
"Was it like what happened with James?" Bella didn't want him to have to explain, she could see it hurt him immensely just to remember.
"Similar." Bella slid across and took Edwards arm, twisting herself around it and laying her head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, "It must have been difficult."
"Frieda only stayed a few months, once she had recovered she took off to Europe. We haven't seen her in almost three years."
"Why doesn't she stay at the house?"
"It makes her uncomfortable to live in the real world, too many memories."
"I couldn't imagine going through that, it must have been terrifying." Bella shuddered at the thought. Edward sighed an affirmation, reaching out and squeezing her hand tighter, letting her know he'd never let it happen.
"I think she likes you." He joked,
"She freaks me out, I know she shouldn't but.."
"Give it time Bella, you'll be friends."
"I don't think she likes me, not being with you anyway…"
"She's just protective that's all. Carlisle explained the situation. She knows I'm not hiding anything from you." Forks High School appeared out of nowhere, Edward parked the car and then headed around to help her out. Slamming the door closed behind them Edward placed a hand around her waist, his hand resting on her stomach. She placed her fingers in his and they walked hand in hand to their first class.
*****Everyone was feeling festive, it was one week till Halloween and there were posters everywhere. Jessica had organised a school dance and nearly everyone had said they would be attending. People were picking out their costumes and devising weird and wonderful plans. There was a competition going for whoever could come up with the scariest gag. It made Bella uncomfortable, because unlike previous years she was now attune to how such creatures truly existed, and furthermore how they needed to keep such a truth secret. She found herself defending the myths and misconceptions. Bella knew she shouldn't and Edward had warned her too be careful, that she protested too much and would make people suspicious of them. He told her they'd lock her in the insane asylum if she wasn't careful.
"Hey Bella."
"Hey Eric."
"You coming to the Halloween party?" He asked handing her a flyer, Edward laughed under his breath, "Angela wants us to go as Romeo and Juliet, but I'd rather go as Mr. and Mrs. Munster you know from that TV show."
"Oh yeah, right" Bella laughed, not really interested.
"Bella would love to go." Edward butted in, meeting Eric's gaze. Bella nudged him in the ribs. He knew that she didn't like parties. "But" he added, "We have already made plans to visit a cousin of mine out of town."
"Awe that's too bad." Eric said, although not surprised, they had managed to avoid nearly every special function in the last three years. People had stopped expecting to see them attend and only invited Edward and Bella out of kindness. Bella found herself distressed by Eric's reaction, was she truly that bad a friend? Edward must have noticed her reaction for he added, "Unless you would like to attend." Her mouth was dry, she didn't know what to say. Bella looked up at Edward and then at Eric. Edward smiled at her and squeezed her hand lightly.
"I suppose" Edward continued, "We could go the weekend after."
"Great, I can't wait to tell Angela, she'll never believe me" Bella was so grateful to have Edward, he knew her like no other, not even her own father who she was very close to, truly understood how miserable she felt when surrounded by large crowds but when she was with Edward none of that seemed to matter.
"Great." Bella remarked unenthusiastically. Edward laughed,
"We'll see you in English." Edward proclaimed before leading them down the hallway. Eric moved onto his next victim as Edward and Bella maneuvered their way through the crowd to a small door that led outside to the main courtyard. Edward choose a small seat under a large oak tree, they sat side by side staring at each other for the longest of moments. Bella did not care that they were in public, or that she was making a spectacle of herself. She only knew that every moment she had with Edward was precious and that she would waste none of them.
"I do hope you'll forgive me." He begged, holding her hand in his as if to kiss it as would a man of his age many years ago.
"For what?" Bella asked him,
"For forcing you to attend such an awful social event. I don't know what came over me." He smiled.
"You may have to persuade me a little." I teased, kissing him on the hand, then the cheek and then the lips.
"I'll see what I can do." He held my embrace, kissing my forehead before kissing my hand. We only stopped when it became apparent that several spectators had started staring at our vigorous affections.
"I think we should continue this conversation at another time." Edward suggested as I sat their blushing like a little school girl after her first kiss.
"Hmm." I agreed biting my thumb as I often did when I was embarrassed or nervous. Something about the way my jumper enveloped my hand as only the nail showed felt oddly comforting. The bell rang, we would be late for English. Edward helped me up and put his hand around my waist as was customary. He walked slowly to English and chose a seat in the back row as normal. We were learning about Macbeth. Edward knew it off by heart and he relished tutoring me every chance he got. My education it seemed was of the upmost importance to Edward. I felt sorry for Macbeth, as with most of Shakespeare main characters they were often misunderstood and taken advantage of by those closest to them. What a cruel world he must have lived in to write such tragic stories.
*****That night Edward and I hiked up to our meadow. Laying there beside him all the cares of the world disappeared, He was not a vampire, I was not a human we were just Edward and Bella. Soul mates forever. We rarely spoke in our meadow, instead enjoying the silence and heightened senses that came with it. I could almost make out the sound of Edwards heart, now motionless. His odor was more sweet, his touch more velvety. As I watched the clouds pass it was as if I was flying, nothing could touch me. It took me a while to realize that Edward was staring at me. I drew back from his affection not sure what he was thinking.
"Tell me what do you see?" He asked inquisitively.
"Where?" I asked innocently as Edward laughed.
"Your mind does vex me so. I wish I knew what you knew, could feel what you feel. You look upon the world with such wonder, such awe. I want to capture that which makes you smile, so that you may have it with you forever."
"My dear Edward, it's you that I smile at." Edward leaned in and kissed me on my forehead, and then on my lips.
"Then here I must stay."
"Do you promise?"
"I am nothing if not a man of my word."
"Hmm. I could get use to this."
"You're avoiding the question"
"What question?"
"What were you really thinking just now?"
"Honestly."
"Yes."
"I was thinking about Macbeth and Shakespeare, how cruel their worlds must have been."
"Cruel?"
"How they were tricked by the ones they loved. They never get their happy ending, it always ends in misery."
"There just stories Bella, meant to entertain."
"Even so."
"Okay, no more Shakespeare for you. I'm going to ask Mr. Hill to add a little helpless romanticism to his itinerary."
"Is that what it was like? In your time?"
"Like I said they were only stories."
"Why don't you ever talk about it?"
"I don't know, I guess it was so long ago that I really don't remember that much."
"What do you remember?"
"I remember the hospital. The smell of disinfectant burning my throat. I remember the screams and the moans of those who were dying."
"What about before the hospital. Do you remember anything?"
"It's kind of like watching an old movie, like you're never really sure if what you are seeing is real." Edward paused a moment in reflection. "I remember walking down a street, it must have been a Sunday because I was dressed in my finest clothes. There was a vender on the corner and I stopped to buy some flowers, lilacs I think. The sun was shining and everyone seemed happy as they went about there business." Bella listened intently. "I remember a small cottage made of stone with a little garden out the front. Some kind of thick bushy vine had overgrown and covered most of the south wall. I can see a lady on the porch waving back at me, she is dressed in a long tan skirt and a white blouse. She has a basket hanging over her elbow full of flowers and some pruning shears in her hand. As she sees me approach she smiles and waves at me, I wave back."
"Your girl?" I asked, Edward smiled,
"No I think it's my mother."
"You think, don't you know?"
"It was over a hundred years ago Bella, it's reasonable to be a little hazy."
"Is that how it will be for me? Will I forget what Charlie looks like?"
"I doubt it, you are much stronger than me Bella. I was not prepared for this life…"
"… but I am is that what you were going to say?..."
"I…"
"Was she beautiful?"
"More so than you can imagine"
"I bet she looks like you."
"She was so sweet and gentle, she never said a bad word or made an enemy." Edward held back a silent tear, "I wish I had been stronger, to take better care of her instead of letting her die alone like that. She deserved better."
"She wasn't alone. Carlisle was with her remember."
"And for that I am eternally grateful."
"You've lived through so much, you must have seen some wonderful things."
"That's true. I saw the death of the horse and cart and the rise of the automobile. I saw indoor plumbing and modern appliance shape the world to what it is today, but I've also seen the death and destruction that comes with our technological advancements. Home, Community these things mean so little now and it saddens me."
"Do you think we'll ever learn from our mistakes. Get back what we have lost?"
"I truly hope so." I held a hand out and stroked his cheek. I had wanted to know and now I did. Just then the cloud bank above us opened up and the rain began to pour down. Edward looked beautiful as the rain poured down over his glimmering body. I remembered my dreams and had to control myself not to let them overtake me. I had promised myself to give him a break from my human impulses. "I'd better get you home." He held out a hand and helped me up, I took a deep breath inhaling his scent so deep it filled every crevice of my being. "Hold on." He warned before flipping me onto his back and making his decent out of the forest to Charlie's house.
*****It didn't take half as long as if we'd walked down, but it was still long enough for me to get completely soaked. In the not to far off distance I could hear the sound of thunder, and what I thought was a lightening strike. Edward must have heard it too because he held me a little tighter and sped up shortly after. "Meet me upstairs" I told him as he put me down on the front porch. Charlie's car was in the driveway. Charlie was inside watching the game when I walked in. "Hey dad." I said casually.
"Bella, you're soaked." He noticed sitting up in concern.
"Yeah, I got caught out in the rain. I'm going to go take a shower to warm up."
"Okay Bells."
Once upstairs I went straight to the shower. I had to avoid Edward at least until I had shaken off these urges of mine. I usually kept a spare set of clothes in the bathroom anyway just incase of times like these. Once I'd showered and brushed my teeth I couldn't avoid it any longer. Still running a towel through my hair in an attempt to dry it I entered my room and found him standing there, looking through my photo album. As I stood there he looked upon me like he was seeing me for the first time.
"What are you thinking?"
"Me.. um… wow." Edward was stunned. She was standing there, in old track pants and an oversized shirt, Her hair hung down in loose wet curls, as she rubbed it with the towel it was like an image of Marylyn Munroe in slow motion. Edward was speechless. Now he was the one who was struggling to overcome his emotions. He took a step back and tried to shake the feeling. Now was not the time to loose control.
"Please… don't" I never felt like I was pretty and the more people tried to convince me I was the more I believed that I wasn't.
"I wish I could show you what I see. You need a little faith Bells." There was an awkward silence, I was almost glad when Charlie knocked on the door.
"Bells. I have to go out. Sorry about dinner but there's been a lightening strike down near Schuster's landing. A couple of old barns are on fire and I have to go help put them out."
"What about dinner?" I asked propping the door open just a little.
"Don't wait up for me. I'll catch something at the diner once I'm done."
"Okay. Be careful.
"Always."
"So…" Finally we were alone, just Edward and me. It was only six o'clock, too early to settle in.
"I think I'd better let you study, we have that test tomorrow."
"Don't go."
"Bella, relax." Edward came over and placed his hands firmly on my shoulders. Then he leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I'm not going anywhere, besides I feel that it is only fair that I help you study, considering I've done this test a few times and I'm bound to know some of the answers."
"You make an interesting point." I concurred kissing him back but my traitorous stomach started to grumble.
"But first I'd better feed you."
"That's okay, I'll just throw something on. It won't take long."
"Or… wait here." Edward grinned as he jumped out of the window. I had no idea where he was going or what he was thinking but he was only gone twenty minutes before he climbed back through my window with a steaming hot pizza in one hand and an old copy of Macbeth with hand written notes in the margins in the other.
"If I didn't know better I'd say that you'd planned this."
"Pizza, the ultimate study food I'm told… not that we had pizza in my day."
"Perfect." I said jumping on the bed, opening the box and pulling out a slice. He sat next to me on the bed and opened up to the first page of Macbeth. As I sat there as he recited the story for me word for word, occasionally taking a bite of the delicious pizza and watching his lips sign every word on the page. "… a heart to love, and in that heart, Courage, to make love known…." It was like sheer poetry.
"That's beautiful."
"What about this one?... For where thou art, there is the world itself, and where thou art not, desolation."
"Hmmm…"
"Henry IV part 2" Edward withdrew a moment, hesitating over what he would say next. It was not like him…I almost interrupted when "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite. I love thee, I love but thee With a love that shall not die Till the sun grows cold And the stars grow old. So dear I love him that with him, All deaths I could endure. Without him, live no life…" Edward drew me closer then continued, "Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set on the fair daughter of rich Capulet: As mine on hers, so hers is set on mine; and all combined, save what thou must combine by holy marriage: when and where and how we met, we wooed and made exchange of vow, I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray, That thou consent to marry us to-day." I hadn't realised it but as a lay there his fingers in mine, twirling my fingers in his, I sat open mouthed and dumbfounded, his voice was like an angel and his words filled me head with wonderous images of star crossed lovers and forbidden love. His words echoed in my thoughts and then…. "Marry me Bella." Reality.
"Edward I…"
"Not today, not tomorrow but at a time of your choosing. I want to know that you are promised to me. I want to know that you are mine, always."
"You know I am Edward…"
"And what about…." Edward would not say his name, Jacob, Jacob was his name. How did my life get so complicated?
"No matter what intentions he may have for me, I do not care for him that way. You are the only one I want Edward Cullen."
"Then why do you refuse to marry me?"
"It's not that I refuse, it's just that it's not something that I want to consider now."
"You are not your mother Bella, and I am not your father."
"I know." Although I fought to control them tears started to form in my eyes. Damn it. Why was I so emotional? Why couldn't I just say yes? Or did Jacob really mean that much to me? I pulled away from his affections and went over to my dresser. I picked up my brush, grateful for a distraction, and started to comb out my hair. Edward came up behind me, his arms glided past mine as he reached out and grabbed the brush. He spun me around to face him and kissed my forehead.
"I'm sorry." He apologised, "No more pressure I promise."
"Just give me time Edward. I'm sure I'll come around eventually."
"As long as you need. I can wait." But as he said it I began to wonder if he really would stick around that long or if he would get tired of my procrastinations and move onto someone new. "Enough studying." He continued, "Time Bella got some rest." I didn't argue. I jumped into bed and pulled the dooner over my body. He sat beside me, my head cradled on his arm. As he sang my lullaby I drifted off to sleep.
*****The next week went by quickly. I got a 'A' on my test, Charlie had been busy with a spat of arsons in the area and Edward had taken three days off of school to go hunting before Halloween. With Victoria still around somewhere it would be the perfect time for her to strike. While he was away I took the chance to visit with Frieda again. I had so many questions to ask, questions Alice couldn't help me with. She had not been part of his life back then, but Frieda had. I decided to bake some warm Banana bread for my visit. My grandmother had always taught me never to go around to someone's house uninvited an empty handed. The bread kept my hands warm as I carried it through the forest. I'd parked my car in the school parking lot and made the journey on foot. I was sure that I would remember the way. The day was cold, and there was snow in the air. I had been so busy looking over my shoulder like a frightened school girl that the trip had only taken twenty minutes.
There was no sign that anyone was home as I carefully made my way to the entrance. Fearful of surprising the old woman I treaded heavily, breaking branches where I stepped and giving off a little cough as I got nearer. As I got to her door my fingers almost froze as I pulled them out to knock. By the third knock the old lady had opened the door and my fist almost came down into her chin. She stood there, silent and motionless. I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Hi, I'm Bella Swan. I don't know if you remember me from the other day.."
"What do you want?"
"I wanted to say sorry. I baked you some Banana Bread." The old lady snatched the bread and walked over to the stove.
"Well are you going to stand there all day or are you going to come inside?"
"I… um.."
"Hurry up an make up your mind, and close the door your letting the heat out." She reminded me of my fathers mother. She had been a stern woman, a military mans wife she had no patience for idiocy.
"Sorry." I apologised again as I closed the door and stood by the fire.
"Tea?"
"Excuse me?"
"Tea child would you like some tea?"
"Yes please." Although I had no tolerance for caffeine I didn't want to offend her. Besides the cup felt warm in my hands and the liquid warmed me almost instantly.
"There's no need to be afraid child. Carlisle has informed me all about you."
"All good I hope."
"Highly strung, accident prone, impulsive…. Your just as reckless as the rest of your friends. Ignorant of the true world and what it has in store for you all…."
"I'm sorry you feel that way…" I began, but she continued as if I had not spoken,
".. but I can see you have a dear heart, and dear Edward must care for you very deeply. He's a good boy that one…"
"Yes I think so…"
".. but you'd do well to steer clear of him. Leave him now while you have the chance…"
"How can you say that, you know nothing about Edward and…"
"I know all I need to know. You are a foolish young girl swept up in the romance of it all. You are so eager to give up your live as you know it yet you've never truly lived."
"You sound just like Edward…" The old woman seemed stunned by the revelation.
"Your Edward is wise, like his father."
"I would like to know more about him. Please will you tell me?"
"There is nothing to tell."
"Please. Edward does not speak of his past, it pains him too much but I must know what he was like, before he came to Forks."
""No…. no. It is not my place."
"You say I am ignorant, that I don't understand… so teach me." The old woman though on it a moment. Then sat down beside me.
"I will tell you what I know but only if you promise to reconsider what I have already asked."
"I will promise that I will think about it."
"Fair enough."
"I first met Edward just a month before that eventful night. Henry had been going out every night for the past two months. I had assumed he was attending one of those so called gentlemen's clubs. That where he told me he had met Edward. He looked so young, his eyes although golden held so much pain and misery. He was like a kindred soul. I took a fancy to him straight away but being both married and afraid of Henry's jealous streak I made no mention of it. Edward would come and visit most night. Henry and he would talk for hours in the parlor. Sometimes I could hear other voices too but often it was just the two of them. I would hear Edward pleading with Henry, asking him to stop killing those poor innocent girls. I could tell that it pained Edward but that something in him kept him coming around every night, hoping against hope that Henry would listen. That night, when Henry lashed out and threw me down the stairs I remember seeing the horror in his eyes. I think I knew what he was, that he would never hurt me. When he ripped Henry off of me and picked me up in his arms I felt as if an Angel was carrying me to heaven." Bella knew the feeling, she let out a smile. "When he took me to Carlisle, Carlisle was quite mad at first." Carlisle mad, Bella couldn't picture it. "Edward insisted that I was not a threat to them and Carlisle stitched me back together. They insisted that I stay with them until I was fully recovered, Esme was lovely like the mother I'd never truly had. I stayed with them for almost three months while my wounds both physically and emotionally recovered. Edward was the perfect gentleman. We would take walks in the garden, he would escort me to picture shows when I felt like getting out and he always made sure that I was fed and warm." Maybe they had been sweethearts. Is that why Edward never spoke of her? "As time past I decided to move on with my life. I promised to keep there secret and in return Carlisle made sure that I had everything I needed, a house, clothes… but no matter how hard I tried I never found a way to belong in that world again, not after what I'd been through, what I'd seen." Bella knew exactly how she felt, "Edward would stop by and keep me company from time to time. I loved to listen to him read, and to hear him play his music, he's very talented you know."
"I do.."
"I didn't know how to tell him thank you or goodbye, there were no words. So one day without warning I packed up a few belonging and I left. I boarded a ship for the America's and became what was known as a gypsy travelling from place to place wherever the urge took me. Every few years I would circle back around, needing to see some familiar faces, but mostly I kept my distance. Edward was never the same though. He'd lost that spark. Like he'd seen more than his young eyes were ever destined to see. Shortly after I left Rosalie was added to their family, but that had not worked out quite as they'd hoped for." So Rosalie was made for Edward, but he had rejected her. "I thought I'd never see his eyes sparkle with life again, until that is I saw him with you."
"Were you two.."
"Lovers? Heavens no."
"But you said…"
"I did love him, that is not a lie, but we were not sweethearts. He was a dear friend, a companion in a time when I most needed one. Edward is one of those very rare gentlemen indeed. He places no value on possessions or rank only on the finer things in life, friends, family and doing the right thing."
"You have nothing to fear from me you know. Edward doesn't want to turn me, in fact he's dead set against it."
"Is that so.. not that I'm surprised."
"It's me, I want to be like him."
"Why would you wish a thing like that child?"
"Because I see how much it pains him to be near me, to watch out for me. He's always afraid. I don't want to spend the next eight years knowing every step I take, every decision may lead to more pain. At least if I was immortal he wouldn't have to worry about me so much, and we'd be free to truly embrace each other without the fear of loosing control."
"Ahh I see… pure motives indeed, but still foolish. You know not what you are giving up my child."
"I would give up everything for Edward, and he me."
"That my child is what frightens me."
"He's asked me to marry him you know."
"And what do you think about that?"
"I'm not ready for such a commitment."
"But you said you would give up anything…."
"In my world marriage isn't something that lasts."
"What are you afraid of?"
"My parents were madly in love, high school sweethearts and then they got married and they fell apart. My mum split from my dad when I was still a baby. I don't want that for Edward and I. Marriage is just another label that people have to live up to, it doesn't define who you are."
"So you don't believe that you and Edward will last for ever?"
"No, I do. I can't imagine a life without him"
"For now."
"Ever. I shall never stop loving Edward. We belong together."
"Then what is stopping you from saying yes?"
"I thought you didn't want me to become a vampire, didn't you just tell me to leave Edward and never come back?"
"I also said that Edward was a dear friend and that his life was more meaningful with you in it." The old woman stood up and placed the cups in a pot of boiling water, "Cheer up child, we're just talking marriage not eternity."
"They are not mutually exclusive you know."
"I know." What was I afraid of? Why couldn't I say yes?