Slightly Changes.
What if Gwen, feeling herself irresistibly drawn by Lancelot had decided to leave Camelot, leave Arthur before cheating on him ? How does the King would have react ? Would have he let the love of his life go away from him ? Would the Morgana's evil plan operates in this case ? The true love that share Arthur and Guinevere, could it survive to a true break up ? Would have it been the good answer ? In this version, set during 4x09, after Arthur's proposing, Lancelot come back and the enchanted gift this late gave to Gwen. This one decided to leave all that matter for her, including the man she loves more than anything, because of feelings she thought dead forever ...
First of all, I wanted to thanks tfurman2011 who follow this story, Allie988 who put it in her favorites stories, larasmith,RavenBaller-23 and gorgeousangel who posted review and of course, all of the people who read it :) It means a lot for me so I wanted to say a HUGE THANK YOU 3
II.
"WHERE IS SHE ?"
"I don't know..." blew Merlin, trying to calm the King, "Arthur, calm down..."
"Calm down ? CALM DOWN ?" he suddenly stopped and pointed his finger menacingly at Merlin, his eyes shinning with angry, "Guinevere is missing and you ask me to CALM DOWN ? Are you valuing your life Merlin ?"
The young servant breathed and hesitate before saying,
"Maybe...Maybe she is not missing..."
Immediatly, Arthur stopped everything he was doing ( who resume at pacing)
"What do you mean ? Do you know something ? Merlin, you must tell me if you know !"
"I mean, maybe she decided to go..."
Arthur paled,
"It doesn't make any sense. Guinevere would never do this to me...
"Arthur," blew his friend, "You two aren't together anymore, Gwen maybe had just wanted to made things easy for both of you ."
He saw the King closed his eyes a few seconds before opened them again, staring at the wall in front of him. Merlin sighed, he knew this look.
"We are leaving at dawn Merlin,"
"Arthur..."
"It was not a question, nor a suggestion, it was an order."
24 HOURS SOONER
Gwen sighed again, seeing Merlin ran away from her, she knew that he was mad at her for what she did to Arthur. Arthur. her heart broke a little more, thinking about her former fiancé, that she hadn't saw since 5 days. In truth, the King barely left his chamber, he stayed in it and if the official version said that he was sick, Gwen knew the reason why Arthur refused to get out, the reason why he felt prisonner in his own castle, this reason was her.She was the cause of all this. She broke his heart. The young woman wiped rapidly a tear that had escaped her vigilance, and took her package of clothes before going back to work. She had to talk to Merlin, to explain him, tell him that she did this for Arthur, because she was no worthy of his trust, because she was not worthy of him... She would have hurt him.
Merlin walked rapidly in the castle's corridors, trying to clear his mind. He didn't knew why he kept on avoiding Gwen , it was just that he had this bad feeling about all... His thought were stopped when he saw the King's chamber door slowly opened, Arthur get out of it, and crossed his friend's stare for a few second, his eyes were empty, larges violets circles were under his eyes and Merlin was beginning to fear that he would never see again the man he cared about as the only friend he truly ever had.
"Were you looking for me Sir ?"
Arthur opened his mouth then closed it before staring outside,
"It's nice outside, maybe I will ride today."
"Would you want me to prepare your horse ?"
"No thanks Merlin. I will."
And the King went with a hesitant gait, the face sad while his young friend stayed still, thinking with bittersweet, 'No thanks'? I still prefer when he shout at me rather than see him that way.
Arthur was walking toward the stables, barely noticing the person bowing to him or telling him how much it was good to seeing him well. 'Well ?' he only thought, I am far for 'well', I feel as if someone took a knife and ripped me apart from inside. He finally made his way toward the stables , saddled his horse and ride finally, ready to run away from the city, run away from her for at least a little while. He didn't noticed the wide brown eyes following his departure, he didn't noticed the tear falling from the face of the woman who watched him go toward the forest. Because this day, Arthur paid any attention to anything, he didn't noticed that Gwen only had eyes for him.
Seeing Arthur left, Gwen went in his chamber and found it the person she wanted to talk with.
"Merlin," she blew, he immediately looked up at her and looked down at the armor he was cleaning again, "I have to talk to you."
"I'm busy right now Gwen, I have to clean and polish this for Arthur or he is going to ... Oh no," he stopped hitting his forehead, " in fact, he would not tell anything, he doesn't tell anything anymore since you broke his heart !"
Guinevere closed her eyes and a tear rolled down on her cheek, the young man felt guilty. He sighed and got up to laid a gentle hand on her shoulder,
"I'm sorry Gwen, I didn't want to hurt you," she looked up with her warm brown eyes and smiled sadly, "It's just... I'm worried about him," he finally admitted, looking down again,
"Me too..." and this time, a sob took her and Merlin couldn't help but take her in his arms, trying to comfort her. He was clearly useless to Arthur, he was not going to let Gwen suffered too.
"He isn't well, right ?"
"Do you want official version ?"
Gwen moved away a little and quickly wiped her cheeks before Merlin said,
"No, he's not well Gwen,. And this is a weak word. He stay here, all day, sometimes in front of the window, sometimes just on his bed, staring at the wall. He don't speak anymore, don't eat anymore, don't even sleep anymore ! And I think that it is the first time that he left his room since... well, you know. He's not well at all and I don't know how to help him..."
"I should leave Camelot. she exclaimed, realisation hitting her only now, "With me gone, he could be happy again."
"I think it's too late for that, he was happy Gwen, with you. You don't want him anymore and he has a hard time trying to ... accept it. " she opened her mouth but Merlin cut her off, "He let you leave Gwen, and I think this is the better proof of love he could have done to you."
On this words, he picked the differents part of the armor of the King and get out of the room. Gwen looked around her and tried to resume. Her attention get caught by the closet and she walked forward to see a lot of beautiful dresses, she laid her hand and found a purple one, who pleased her particularly,
"You can take it if you want," said a sad voice, she jumped and turned around to see Arthur at the enter, his eyes were more red than when she has seen him sooner, his cheeks red for having spent so much time outside and his hair was a little mess, "It was for you at any rate,"
She laid down the dress immediately and walked slowly towards him,
"Those dresses are amazing..."
"I had chosen them myself," he looked down and Gwen felt awful doing this to him,
"I'm sure one day, they will be useful for someone."
She regreted her words when Arthur threw a hurt look at her.
"Don't be so sure."
"Arthur I..."
"I'm glad to see you're okay Guinevere,"
She plunged into his blue eyes but found only honnestly there, How can he did that ?
"I would love to say the same about you ..."
A sad laugh escaped his lips and he said again, with that same sad voice that she hated herself to cause,
"Well... I suppose I need time. A lot, a lot of time..."
She saw his blue sea eyes filled with tears again and he looked away, before saying with hurry,
"If you would excuse me, I ... have a lot of things to do." and he left. Letting her in the middle of his room, with the pictures of the man she loved and she had broken, in mind.
It had to stop. The pain had to stop. He had to stop wanting to cry whenever he thought about what could have been, about all of he had been dreaming of and would never happened. He have to move on. But how ? He couldn't. All of this years, he had only loved her, he gave himself entirely to her, he had opened his heart to her like never before. He remembered Morgana said that love was a weakness, maybe she was right after all... He shaked his head, chasing immediatly such thoughts from his mind. No. Even if Gwen didn't love him anymore, and he felt again tears pricked at his eyes, he will watch after her, from far, as he always had done in the past, because he had vowed to, "I will never let anything happen to you." he whispered remembering that night after the Dragon's attack, when he had took her hand, laying it against his heart for her to see how much his heart was beating for her. And the tender and lovingly smile she had given him that night... Again, he shaked his head. He had to move on He really had to
Lancelot checked a last time that he wasn't followed before entered the hidden cave in the rock, he immediately felt a dagger at his back and smiled,
"My Lady,"
"So?" she asked before sit in her favorite spot, in front of the fire. Her emerald eyes once caring and loving were now empty and cold . She turned around again to him and said coldly, "Lancelot ?"
"It's done milady. The marriage is canceled. The King is broken."
"Does he know why Gwen had shut him out ?"
"What do you mean ?"
"Does he know that she canceled the wedding because of you ?"
At the silence followed her question, Morgana knew the answer and with an amber flickering of her eyes, the glass behind them exploded. She got up and faced him,
"Give me a parchement and a quill,"
"Why are..."
"I said," she said a little louder, "give me a parchement and a quill."
He slightly bowed and gave her what she wanted, the young woman settled on the piece of wood which was her table and wrote a letter, saying to the knight,
"Very well, you are going to listen to me attentively,ready ?" he nodded and she said again, "Give this letter to Gwen, but not right now." In front of the puzzled look of the shadow, the witch said, "in two days, it's Arthur's birthday, give her this letter in the morning, as soon as you can."
"How do you know..."
"We grew up together." she cut him off, and she felt like an electric discharge in her heart consumed by hate and revenge before shaked her head, "I still know when his birthday is. It would be the ideal moment, I count on you."
Lancelot bowed again, taking the letter before took his leave,
"I will not disapoint you my Lady,"
"I know you wont."
In the Castle, Arthur was in his Chamber, thinking, when Merlin came in,
"Arthur ?"
"What ?" sighed the King, annoyed to be disturb,
"Your birthday is in two days and ..."
"No Merlin," he cut him off, "I will not have a feast."
"But... Sire, you can't do this !"
"Oh don't 'Sire' me ! Why couldn't I huh?! I'm the King. I do as I want."
"Arthur", said Merlin, this time more gently, getting closer to his friend, "I know you're hurting."
"You don't know anything about hurt Merlin."
"By a matter of consequence, I do, unfortunately."
Arthur turned to him, attentive,
"And where is she now ?"
He saw tears pricking at his friend's eyes and instantly felt guilty, the last thing he had wanted was to causing him pain,
"I'm sorry Merlin, I didn't want to ..."
"Freya." cut him the word, shutting his eyes a few second, "She is dead, years ago now..."
"You never spoke of her before," not an accusation, a finding, a disapointment maybe, I thought we were quite close.
Merlin felt what happened in the young King's head and hurried to explain,
"No Arthur, I do trust you, just ... talk about her death, it would have made it to ... real."
A tear rolled on his face and Arthur ran a hand through his hair before walked toward Merlin and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder,
"I understand."
"Arthur, you have to move on."
"I know." the King looked down,"I love her," he breathed, speaking of it for the first time,
"I know."
"And... it hurts."
"I know."
Arthur sighed before say in a low voice,
"I feel I'm gonna regret it but... permission granted."
"What for ?" asked the young servant,
"For becoming King clotpole ! what for do you think ?"
"Eh ! This is my insult !"
"Looks better on you." smiled Arthur,
"Fine, your majesty, I will prepare a feast for your birthday.
On this words and under the King's laugh, Merlin got out of the room, glad to had seen the man behind the pain.
Arthur looked outside again, looking back at the person he watched before Merlin came in. He saw Guinevere blew and wiped her forehead with one of her hands, then, a man walked toward her and apparently proposed to help her as a smile spread on her beautiful face. Arthur felt jealousy seize him and was going to tell what he was thinking to this stranger which was to close from his Guinevere before he froze inside. She's not my Guinevere anymore. He looked down again, fighting with his feelings, and when he raised his stare, he saw Gwen stared at him since the Castle crowd, Arthur almost ran away from the window but he couldn't removed his eyes from the woman he deeply loved. She waved at him and he absentmindedly noticed that he was waving back before she left. He couldn't do that. See her watching him as if nothing happened, as if they hadn't lived anything, as if he were nothing to her... It was what hurt the most. The way she looked at him now, he was not Arthur, the man she loved, the man who lighted her eyes, anymore, he was just... a man. He only lived for that way she had to look at him and now... Now he had to prepare himself to see her fall in love with somebody else and just the idea of it made him sick. But he wanted her happiness. Before anything, before his. So... if she was more happy without him... Could he really blame her ? Arthur felt a tear left his eyes and swore, wiping it, while he couldn't have the woman he craved, he had to prepare himself for a political marriage, without any sorts of feelings, for Camelot's sake. Maybe Vivian, why not ? It would at least made someone happy... he abandoned at the idea as soon as he remembered the behaving of the Princess toward Guinevere. Guinevere. Again. His whole world revolved around her, he had imagined she would be the first thing he would ever see at his waking every morning of his life, her pretty curls in a little mess from the night's activities, her little body cuddled against his. Her strenght, her wisdom, her beauty, her kindness, her love, by his side forever. He had thought in it so much, with all his being, that now, nothing left except disappointed hopes and dreams inachevables... He was not sure he could move on. He was not even sure he could try.
"Gwen ?"
The young woman got out of her thoughts and smiled at her friend Joseph,
"Perfect Jo, thanks."
He smiled back and said again, seeing her glance at the King's window.
"It's pretty hard for you, doesn't it ?
She stared at him a few seconds and then looked down quickly, but not quickly enough for him not to see the tears in there. The man walked toward her and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder,
"Everybody talks about the King's pain. But, and you child ? Who cares about your pain ?"
"I left him Jo. I broke his heart. I deserve what's happening..."
"Gwen look at me." she looked up and he said, " I know we can't always doing what we want. But, nobody deserves to suffer in such a manner, least of all you." She gave him a weakly smile and he wiped a tear which was rolling down her face, "Don't cry child, if the King and you are truly meant to be together, as I've got the conviction," he said before she could open her mouth, "You will make it out of this mess."
Gwen walked in town, her shawl around her shoulders, lost in thoughts,
"Guinevere," his wide blue eyes plunged in hers, and she saw the nervousness reflecting in there, "Would you make me the honor of becoming my wife ?"
She thought her heart would stop. Finally. She was going to be his wife, they was going to be happy, together, forever after. Forgetting to answer, she threw herself in his arms and closed her eyes, feeling his warm comforting body against hers.
"Is that a yes ?" she heard her Prince asked,
"Oh I'm sorry ! Yes. Yes !"
She then saw the smile merely happy spreaded on Arthur's face and his beautiful eyes shining with love and relief when he passed the ring finger on her. Nothing had never felt so right for Guinevere. She was exactly where she was meant to be. Beside the man she loved.
Gwen shaked her head, trying to coming back to reality. Her heart didn't fooled her, so why has everything changed ? It doesn't made any sense... She then saw Lancelot walked toward her and something bothered her, I want to kiss him but he doesn't make my heart beat the way Arthur did, he doesn't even make me smile when he talks to me, he doesn't make me want to spend the rest of my life with him...
"Gwen."
"Lancelot." she answered, coldly but he seemed didn't noticed and resumed walking by her side,
"I heard you canceled your wedding with our dear King."
"That's the truth."
"Have you finally find your mind again ?"
This time, she stopped and stared at him right in the eyes,
"What are you talking about ?"
"I'm talking about you, refusing to marry the King because you still have feelings for me."
Her eyes were shining with anger and disbelief,
"Let me make things clear between us lance," she continued, "If I left Arthur, it's not because I don't love him anymore and it's certainly not because I love you more. It's because I don't want him to suffer."
"Makes him suffer with your feelings for me ?"
The young woman stared at him again, ready to tell him how wrong he was, but he took her hand, and before she could possibly does anything, drew her to him for a kiss. When he let her go, she felt guilty as hell, guilty towards Arthur. She froze when she saw Merlin quickly walked through them, hands filled by Arthur's things. Oh no. Gwen broke away quickly from Lancelot, shot him a dead look before throwing in pursuit to her friend. She found Merlin, in the arsenal, washing.
"Merlin, I..."
"Don't bother you Gwen." he cut her off, "I don't want to know anything. It's your life and you doing what you want with it but ..." he sighed and plunged his eyes in hers finally, Blue. But not the same as Arthur's. "not with Lancelot."
"I beg your pardon ?" she asked, puzzled,
Merlin sighed again, he couldn't take the risk of having Gwen with a shadow, but he couldn't explain her either how nor why she couldn't stay with him... He tried another way, prying for it to work. "Lancelot, Gwen ? You know how much it would make Arthur unhappy..." She didn't answer and he kept saying, "He had to wait so much time to finally have the nerve to propose to you, he wanted to be sure you were as in love with him as he was with you, and now, not only he saw it was not the case, but more, you want to date your first love ? You know, Arthur never forgot the face you had that morning, when Lancelot left, all those years ago... Don't make him suffer this. I beg you. More, Lancelot isn't ...Gwen, he is not the man we used to know anymore. Do you truly believe he would have done this to Arthur otherwise ? Lancelot was a man of honour, who choose to left you rather than come between the love Arthur and you shares for each other."
Gwen frowned, suddenly alarmed by Merlin's true words and this late felt he was almost there as he saw her eyes wander, sign she was thinking. Lancelot would never have done that...
"And if you really want to date other guys," he said again, "please don't."
"You know I..." a tear fall from her eyes, but again, merlin cuts her off,
"Gwen ,, listen, I got it. This is your life. And I'm not judging you, you're my friend, you'll always will be. No matter what. But... at least wait a little while. It's not even made a week since the wedding had been cut off. I know you're hurry, but give him a little time, please."
"Merlin, I don't love Lancelot." she only whispered,
"Yet I saw the two of you."
"You saw him kissed me."
"And you did nothing to prevent it !"
"I know ..." she breathed,"And I feel so guilty. Don't tell Arthur, I beg you."
"I cant hide it to him."
"Merlin, I beg you ! I don't want to see him suffer more than he already is."
"Alright."
She weakly smiled and looked down. Merlin begin to leave, puzzled about his friend's behaviour. First, she threw herself on Lancelot, then she wanted to lie to Arthur, something was wrong. And what she said made him stopped right away,
"I'm not in love with Lancelot, Merlin." she breathed then and he stopped, "I just can't get those ideas out of my mind and believe me, if I broke up with Arthur, it was for his own good. I was not someone who can be trusted..."
He turned around slightly and she saw him frown all of a sudden,
"What do you mean by 'I can't get those ideas out of my mind' ?"
"Nothing." she blushed.
"Gwen ?"
She sighed ans closed her eyes before staring at her hands,
"Since his return I can't stop ..."
"What ?"
"To want to..." she blushed again and breathed before said again, "I want to kiss him. I can only think at that and I don't understand why. My heart still beat for Arthur but I can't not think about Lancelot and I can't understand what is happening to me..."
"What ..." Merlin started, frowning, before a voice could be heard in the arsenal,
"Merlin ?"
Gwen felt her heart stop, hearing this voice she could have recognize between a thousand.
"Merlin, Leon just congratulates me for this huge surprise you have been up to prepare, I want to know what it is !"
"If I tell you, it wouldn't be called a 'surprise'." his friend said, without stopped frowning,
"Come on Merlin, you know I have the means to make you ..." he stopped right away when he saw Guinevere standing here and his heart stopped. "Guinevere." he whispered and she stared at him in return, any trace of camaraderie had disappeared from his face and she could never forgive herself for the hurt in those bright blue eyes.
"Arthur."
Merlin looked at them, lost in each other, and sighed, before leaving the room. Gwen began to get out too, but the King caught her arm gently, she shivered and he let her go immediatly,
"Sorry..." he cleared his throat and said in a low voice, "You... you will be here, won't you ?"
"Where ?"
"At the feast, for my birthday."
"Arthur, I don't think it's ..."
"Of course." he cut her off, unable to hear what she had to said. " I understand. It was misplaced of me to ask you..." he looked down and when he finally looked up, she was still in front of him, her wide brown eyes as sad as his... I probably just saw what I want. Gwen has broken up with me. She's fine. A curl was escaping her bun and, with a mechanical and tender gesture, he replaced it behind her ear. He then saw how uncomfortable she was and his eyes became wide with horror,
"Excuse me ..." he breathed, "Old habits are hard to removed, I suppose." He smiled weakly and broke away a little, Gwen stared at him for a few second, feeling her heart tighten in her chest.
"I have to go."
And he left, letting her alone, taking her heart with him, as to every time.
In the Castle corridors, Arthur let his feet guide him but he didn't care where. His mind was elsewhere, with her, it was the only place where he could be with her now. He had vowed to get out of her life, to act as if they were strangers. What a stupid idea. He could never pretend, he would never be able to see her in an other way that the woman he deeply loved, the woman who almost became his Queen, he could never pretend that she was just like every servant. She always were so much more than that... Without noticing, he looked up and a sad smile took place on his lips, obviously. He needed comfort, he was feeling alone, he had a broken heart and unconsciously where does his heart taking him in those moments ? At Guinevere's. He was in front of her house. Arthur stroked the door with fingertips and smiled, thinking that all had start here. He kissed her for the first time here, he told her he had never loved another here, he had made the mistake of breaking her heart here, he had asked her in marriage here, this place, it was their story. He smiled again, tenderly, before removing something from his pocket. He pressed the piece of cloth, the favor she gave to him in what felt like decades ago, and stroked it tenderly, before put it in his face, getting drunk with the smell of her which remained like stuck. Finally, Arthur, with a much more shaking hand, tied the fabric to the handle of the door, letting his hand on it for a little while, it was here that all begun, it should end here. He closed his eyes briefly and opened them,
"Goodbye my love."
Then, the King left, and it was like he had left part of his pain too. Oh, his heart was still broken but... differently, as if he had understood that self-pity wasn't the good choice, it wouldn't made her change her mind. His people needed him. Getting back in his chamber this day, for the first time since days, Arthur thought at lay down on his bed and sleep for a little while.
When Merlin came in Arthur's chamber this night bringing him his dinner, he found him asleep, the young warlock smiled and walked toward him, covering his friend with the coverage before leaving the room without a noise. He got in his chamber which he shared with Gaius, a smile on the lips which didn't escape the gaze of the old physician,
"Merlin,"
"Arthur is asleep."
A smile spreaded on the old man's lips
"How much longer since he slept ?"
"Since Gwen canceled the wedding."
"I told you so Merlin, heart's wounds are harder to heal than normal wounds, because they've got no medicine... But it would seem that our young King is in a good way of healing."
"Speaking of Gwen ..." and Merlin's face darkened,
"What happen with her Merlin ?"
"It's ... strange. I couldn't explain."
"Such a great news. Am I suppose to read your mind then ?"
"No, of course no ! Just ... understand. Arthur call that my "funny feelings", it's ... strange, i feel something's wrong with her and I bet my life it's Morgana's old physician and his apprentice stared at one another and their faces were mirroring the same though, one day or another, Morgana will have to be stopped... for good.