Let me start with thanking ellibells and her comment. I was unaware of that delivery thing since I'm not very familiar with the medical world (I dread it a bit haha). I will correct that exact part of the chapter :)
I also wanted to thank the people who leave me comments and have added this story to their faves. It's hard for me to write sometimes because I have no idea if people will appreciate what I write, and this fanfiction has proved me many things, also a lot of things concerning my English in particular, since I remind you I'm just a student who loves to write in a language that's not hers. Lol
No more ramblings though, I'll leave you to the chapter. :P
….
Two hours later they had managed to get to the hospital.
The nurses couldn't believe how the baby had been delivered in a car with air conditioner, and in the traffic of New York by no less than Chuck Bass. He already was on everyone's mouth because of his business, this would give him and Blair more publicity.
Blair's gyno wasn't there to check on the baby when they reached the building, but there was her partner and she complimented Chuck for his work. Very well done for someone who doesn't do this for life, she had said.
The woman sent them to the maternity ward where they had to stay at least for one day for exams, then they were free to go to their penthouse and enjoy their baby.
They still hadn't called anyone, but they were sure Gossip Girl wouldn't miss the chance to inform people on her website. Blair had received a text on her phone already and decided to let Chuck read it for her. She was tired and didn't want to bother and roll her eyes at what the blogger may had said.
"She congratulated" Chuck said after he put Blair's phone away. "Of course she wants to have a picture of our baby soon." He added.
Blair yawned and wiped away a bit of sweat off her neck. "That can wait... neither our friends do know. Call my mother, please?"
He half smiled and took Blair's phone again since his was dead and went out of the room. He decided to leave Blair alone for five minutes. She was still confused and maybe shocked by what had happened in the morning. She had expected to get back home and relax perhaps on their bed and play something dirty, instead she delivered a baby in a limousine. That sounded like irony to her.
Chuck on the other hand looked calm. He kept smiling randomly at the thought of his baby and the fact that he helped her out. He couldn't grasp what he had just done... It was simply amazing and unpredictable.
He couldn't wait until they would take Alexandra back in the room with Blair so he could take a closer look to his pretty daughter.
He swore she had his eyes although baby's eyes can change color until they are around twelve months old. The hair were totally Blair's. No curls, but dark thick hair. He was pleased that the baby already had so much hair at only one day of life.
He closed the call with Lily after he hadn't managed to find Eleanor and Cyrus and Harold, and got back inside Blair's room.
She was silent on the bed, had gotten asleep for the tiredness.
He smiled at her and then sat down on the chair next to the window. He checked his wristwatch to see it was still four o' clock. Visitors were allowed starting from 6pm, so they had time to spend for themselves till then. He decided he might as well sleep too.
Once Chuck woke up, he rubbed his eyes and saw Blair was up and not alone.
She was sitting on the bed, legs crossed, and the baby was in her arms, feeding.
Blair turned to him once she noticed he had woken up and suggested him to go there and see the baby feeding on her, perhaps a good occasion to start bonding with the baby.
He sat next to her on the bed, right where he could look at the baby sucking.
"This is her first meal" Blair commented. "It's been ten minutes already."
"How many time it takes to feed her?"
Blair sighed. "I guess until she doesn't want milk anymore."
He didn't know what to really say. He wasn't sure why his curiosity did want to have the best of him at the moment or he was just half asleep to function properly.
The baby stopped feeding five minutes later. Apparently she was done sucking Blair's nipple and closed her little eyes a bit after she was removed from her breast. He was sure now the baby wanted to sleep, milk was soporific for little babies.
"Why don't you take her?" Blair asked after she fixed her pajamas.
Chuck looked unsure of her question, but he decided to give it a try. This would be the first time he ever held his daughter after the delivery. He felt so emotional about it that his arms were trembling a bit after Blair passed him the baby.
He looked at the tiny infant in his arms and acknowledged what he thought was true.
She had dark hair. They were so dark that they looked even darker than Blair's. Her eyes were half closed but they looked dark as well. Her head was so tiny and he was trying to hold it with his left hand, and her nose was so sweet that he just wanted to kiss it forever. But the hands and the feet were in his opinion the best features of the baby. They looked so perfect in their smallness. He touched the baby's hand and then kissed her forehead as lightly as he could.
The baby opened her eyes more when he did that. He wondered if she could sense him there and feel the love he had in his heart for her, so tiny yet already much loved.
Blair was looking the scene in awe and thought she was about to cry. He knew he would start to be a father since the baby's first cry, but those were thoughts. Now that Alexandra was there in his arms her dreams could become true.
"My baby is so beautiful" he commented.
"She totally is. I wonder where did she take all of her charm" she smirked.
He giggled. "I guess her mother is pretty good at attracting all of the lights on her, that's probably the secret formula."
"But her father has the charisma" she smiled at him.
He lowered his head shyly. "Right. I got the charisma and you got the charm. Pretty sure she's also smart." He said and caressed the baby's cheek lightly. "She'll start saying daddy very soon, and she'll walk before she's one year old."
Blair made a face. "Daddy? Mommy will be her first word, true dear?" She asked, but the baby remained still.
"She's feel asleep."
Blair moved closer to see the baby's eyes closed. "She can't fall asleep, her grandma and grandpa are going to visit soon." She said with irrational anxiety and tried to take Alexandra from Chuck's hands. He tried his best not to pass the baby.
"Do you want to control the life of the baby already, Blair? Let her sleep."
Blair didn't answer and looked away, clearly disappointed. She didn't know why she had raised her voice to ask for the baby to be awake. She wasn't a doll and above all she couldn't control when she ate or slept or wanted to pee.
She turned towards Chuck and noticed his eyes on her.
"I am so inconsiderate" she admitted with a hint of sadness.
"You sure you don't need more sleep? I'll look after the baby."
Blair shook her head. "I am okay. I probably... just want people to see the baby awake. Is probably because I barely slept if not on this bed."
He extended a hand to touch her cheek. "Have you suffered for the heat last night?"
She frowned and looked down. She knew she had to confess him the truth. She wasn't sleepy because she hadn't slept that night, she hadn't slept because... "I had strong contractions last night. Really painful ones."
"But you got the pills." He assumed, looking at her with seriousness, but Blair bit her lip. "I guess you hadn't taken those, then. What was on your mind? They were to help the pain go away." He said with a rather fatherly tone neither Harold had ever used in his life.
Blair rubbed her eye. "I stopped taking them a while ago, okay?"
"That's why you were so pumped in bed at night... too much energy without the pills that took it from you. You could had avoided a lot of pain if you hadn't stopped taking them."
She rolled her eyes. "I'd rather stay awake and be with you than feel a stomachache."
He shook his head and focused on the baby. He realized he couldn't argue with Blair right now when they were supposed to be happy and joyful for the birth of their daughter. The pills weren't anymore important as she had finally delivered, so he decided not to blame her for the fact that she hadn't taken them during the last few days they had been at the Hamptons.
He imagined Blair was tired already because of the weight she had to carry for all those nine months. She had to manage the business of the Palace too and run some errands for her mother's group while she was in Paris with Cyrus.
If he thought about it, Blair was great for working that hard although she was pregnant. He thought she was amazing, another woman wouldn't have been able to do the same.
He needed to trust her.
They kept themselves silent and Blair got up and tried to be more presentable as the clock had tick 6pm. Their parents would be there soon and she didn't want to have bags under her eyes and unruled hair, as much as she was justified for it.
Chuck was left alone with the baby while Blair looked at herself in the bathroom and took a quick shower.
The baby was asleep and he didn't want her to wake up. He couldn't take his eyes off her while he sat on the armchair in the corner. She was so beautiful, and he wasn't just thinking that because it was his daughter. The baby had a porcelain face and she was so tiny... she looked quite like a doll, a rare one. He knew the baby was a mix of him and Blair, but Alexandra totally had her mother's nose and small eyebrows, even if it was too early to say it. Her lips were pouty while she slept in the dead silence of the room. She looked so defenseless.
Once Blair came back in the room, Eleanor and Cyrus had just arrived. It looked like Lily had called them after Chuck had called her and told them the news. They had brought cookies and flowers and a pink pacifier for Alexandra. It would be the very first one she would have.
Blair had managed to smell good and changed into a more presentable pajamas.
"Let me hold her, Charles" she asked, approaching Chuck. He passed the baby carefully to her and she smiled like a little girl. "She looks like an angel" she said as she caressed the baby's cheek trying not to wake her up. "I can't tell who she resembles the most."
"To me she does look like her father more" Cyrus interjected and made weird faces at the baby as Blair exchanged a look with Chuck. "See the lips? They look just like his."
Eleanor frowned. "Nah, they look just like Blair's. Look at those cheeks!"
"Who cares who she looks more like? Let's appreciate her beauty!" Cyrus said gleefully.
Chuck from his armchair rolled his eyes and turned to Blair. She had been looking around on a random point of the wall, as if she was in another dimension and space. He was worried something was wrong with her. She already said she was sleepy and tired and probably her bones hurt. Perhaps she didn't want her parents there?
He stood up and reached the bed where she was sitting. He put an arm on her shoulder and she looked at him and smiled while Eleanor and Cyrus walked towards the window to look closely at the baby in the sunlight.
"You okay?" he asked with concern. "Want to take a walk?"
Blair nodded and they decided to remain the baby with her grandparents.
They went where there was a small balcony and no one around. Chuck thought Blair wanted to be alone with him and no noise.
She looked outside with eerie. "I feel so weird... so out of place."
"Out of place?"
She bit her lip and nodded. "I don't feel I am good enough to take care of the baby. I... am not ready yet. I thought I was because I've wanted her to be born since after we get married, but now I feel so confused on what to do and my mother seems better than me..."
He moved closer and placed an arm on her shoulders. "Shh. Don't say that. She is only five hours old. You're gonna get used to it. You and me." He kissed her cheek swiftly as he felt a tear on his mouth. "And she's going to appreciate you because you were the one that gave her life. Never forget how strong you are, Blair."
"I highly doubt that." She murmured.
"Don't ever say that."
"I saw when you had it in your arms. And in my mother's."
Chuck shook his head in disapproval. He didn't want her to be jealous of him because of the baby. The fact that he had been good with her didn't mean he couldn't misstep in the future.
"It was coincidence, Blair. I just did what my fatherly instinct suggested me, just like your maternal one does. You're going to be great, trust me. And as for Eleanor, she is your mother. It's obvious she has more experience than you and me both." He stroked her back but she avoided to look at him. "Why we don't go back in your room and show your mother how good you can take care of our daughter?" He suggested with a smile.
Blair barely smiled him back, but decided to accept the suggestion and got back where her parents were, hand in hand with Chuck.
Meanwhile they had their brief comforting session out of the room, Lily and Rufus had also arrived. They had brought chocolates with them, and some things for the baby.
"Blair, you look wonderful." Lily hugged her now stepdaughter.
"Isn't there sweat in my hair?" she asked, trying to be funny.
Lily laughed. "Seriously, I wasn't this great after I had Serena. You can ask her next time, I never miss to tell that story."
Everyone laughed and Chuck squeezed Blair's hand. She smiled back at him and tried not to think about her fears. She went where Eleanor was on the bed and sat down in the center while Lily and Rufus were looking at the baby.
"She's so beautiful, I have not words to describe this miracle." Lily smiled at the baby while Rufus mumbled something helplessly.
The parents kept staring at the baby and made all weird noises to her until it was time for the visitors to go home. Eleanor and Cyrus had congratulated again with the couple and seemed so happy they had a granddaughter now. Lily and Rufus on the other hand were really silent and tried not to wake the baby that was still asleep.
Once alone, Blair sighed with relief and put down the baby in her crib, while Chuck was looking out of the window casually.
"It's 8pm and the sun is already setting. Time flies."
"Yeah." She answered with not much conviction. "I remember the night I found out I was pregnant... the worst day of my life." She confessed with sadness and he turned slowly, kinda surprised by the revelation. He frowned but didn't ask more. "I thought you didn't want this baby. That it was too early to be parents and that you wanted to be with me, but with no kids. I don't know, I have daydreamed about having kids with you but since we never crossed the argument before I told you I was pregnant, I had no idea how you would have reacted."
Chuck's features relaxed. "I've always wanted a baby with you, to be honest. You just didn't know." He said as he walked near Alexandra's crib and looked down. "I on the other hand thought you wanted to pursue a career and then have a baby."
"Apparently we both were unaware we had wishes we wanted to fulfill."
He smiled at her and she smiled back, then his eyes went on the baby again. She looked like she wanted to wake up because she moved her tiny lips as if she was sucking. The image was so sweet and hilarious at the same time.
"Do you have any particular wish right now?" he asked.
Blair bit her lip and seemed to think about it for a while. She wasn't sure what to say, but she decided for the first thing that come to her mind. "Can I have a box of macaroons?"
….
Two days later Chuck and Blair and their baby got back to the penthouse.
The nursery for the baby was finished although the baby was born two weeks before the term. Thankfully, they had wanted the workmen to finish the room early so the only thing they would have to do would be buying clothes, diapers, and things like that. The room was shaping for a baby boy, but thanks to Chuck's choice to paint it lilac it would be okay for a girl too. The clothes they had already bought wouldn't, though. Blair had bought some tiny trousers and shirts, and also bow ties for the baby although she knew if the baby was a boy he couldn't wear them before he was 5 months old. Boy clothes had to now be substituted with dresses, stockings and headbands for the future when they wouldn't have to be careful because of the fountain on the baby's head. Babygros could instead be kept.
Chuck carried Blair's bags as she walked out of the elevator with the stroller. Alexandra was asleep and hadn't woken up yet to be feed. He put the bags on the floor and then walked upstairs while Blair pushed the stroller towards the couch and sat down, a sonorous sigh followed. The baby started crying so Blair had to pick her up.
She looked at the baby. She still hadn't got over the compliments for her, she was truly beautiful. She opened her blouse and put away the pacifier from the baby's mouth and put the baby near her nipple to let her suck. She didn't want to at first, but then the baby attached to it and silence fell on the room again.
Blair kept looking as Alexandra's tiny hands cupped her breast. "You're just like your father... you love to suck my nipples."
"What does her father like to do?" Chuck asked as he went down the stairs.
She rolled her eyes with amusement and turned to the baby again. Chuck meanwhile had reached the couch and sat down next to her to watch. He had been doing that for the two days old Alexandra was. Not all the times because he had also decided to left the hospital while the baby was in the room with the other babies and when Blair was asleep, but he could tell he loved watching this. Not much because Blair had to get undressed on the top of her body, but because the show was fascinating. He thought he had never seen something like that before.
The elevator's door opened few minutes later and a Serena walked in the foyer. She could only see Blair and the baby the day before yesterday for few minutes since she had errands to run.
"Where's my niece? There she is!" She giggled as she noticed Blair nursing her.
"Wait until she's done eating, Serena." Blair said when her best friend extended her hands as if she wanted to take the baby.
"I'm glad you are finally home! It will be easier to visit now since I can come when I want." She said as Chuck frowned and Blair made a face. "And by the way, I could not come with anything for Lexie!" She continued as Chuck and Blair looked at each other.
Blair raised an eyebrow. "What did you bring for her? I hope it's some clothing. We're running out of those since we believed Alexandra was a he -"
"Surprise!" The bell of the elevator rang again and a big white bear got in the house.
"Ta-da!" Serena clapped her hands gleefully.
"You didn't say Humphrey was going to come, Serena!" Blair complained as she tried to carefully remove the baby from her breast. "Don't look, Humphrey." She ordered when the guy arrived few paces from the couch. She successfully removed Alexandra from her breast and the baby of course started crying. She tried to calm her down by putting her on her chest and supported her baby's head so that she could burp. She had already put a towel on her shoulder to avoid the baby spitting up on her Elie Saab shirt. She tried to close the blouse but she obviously couldn't because the baby would have fallen, so Chuck helped her.
"You can watch now, Dan." Serena informed him. Dan put the big teddy bear on the couch and wiped the sweat he had on his forehead with his hand, making Blair uncomfortable.
"Thank you for bringing us a tinier version of Nate, Serena." Blair said.
Serena looked skeptical. "You're welcome... uhm how you are you by the way?"
Blair was lucky she had changed subject. "Wonderful, amazing, ecstatic."
Serena smiled widely. "It's so nice to see her finally here. I really hoped she would be a girl."
"Me too! Now we can enjoy her. I think it will be easy."
"If you think so then you have no idea how to be a mother already... I guess." Dan interjected a bit rudely. Blair started to frown and also Chuck. "Being a mother is hard. The baby will wake up in the middle of the night and you can't help by standing up from your bed and calm her down so that she will fall asleep again. Some days she will cry for hours during the day and there won't be any solution to that."
"I didn't take you as a mother, Humphrey." Chuck said bitterly before Blair could say anything.
"I'm not... just saying that. If you recall I thought I had a baby before Georgina told me it wasn't mine. I had to take care for that baby when she wasn't home, and believe me if I say it was hard. I was lucky enough if my father and Lily could look after him at noon."
As Dan talked Blair looked away from where she was. She wasn't sure what she was looking, but one thing was clear. As much as she wasn't friends with Dan, he had experience with babies while she didn't. Even Dan would be a better mother than her.
She turned to Serena and smiled, then she faked a yawn. "Since I haven't slept right in the hospital bed these two days, can you please leave soon? The baby needs to nap and so do I."
Serena shrugged and Dan shook his head. "Sure, B. We'll come over tomorrow if it's okay with you."
Blair looked at her her baby that was slowly falling asleep again, and Chuck nodded to his stepsister until she and Dan left the penthouse.
When they were left alone again, Alexandra had dozed off.
"Can you take her, please? I need to go to the bathroom." Blair said as she passed the baby to Chuck and literally run off upstairs.
Chuck stood up, then. "I think you need to sleep in your crib now." He started to murmur to the baby. "First night in your crib at your house. Aren't you excited?" He asked the sleepy baby when they reached the nursery, aka the room on the left of theirs.
He removed the tiny sheets and placed the baby carefully under them. The sight made him smile, but his grin disappeared as soon as he heard someone crying in the same room.
He knew it was Blair. He had felt it when Dan had said all those things about parenting your child. She already had a little breakdown at the hospital the day Alexandra was born, he thought this had to do with his stepsister's boyfriend. Dan had been right but also so inconsiderate. Blair had just delivered their baby and was frail, she was happy but also too much tired.
He decided not to go to the bathroom of the nursery to check on her. He knew she didn't want him to see her cry.
….
The baby started crying as soon as he fell asleep, or so he thought. He looked at the clock on the nightstand and saw it was around 4 in the morning. Last time he had checked it was 10, so he was lucky he had been sleeping for six hours at least.
He looked at Blair. She was asleep and he wanted to let her rest, but the baby was probably hungry and he sure couldn't do anything to help her. He sat down and yawned and was about to touch Blair's shoulder when she turned to him and looked in his eyes. He could tell she hadn't slept much, she looked like someone who had insomnia.
"Baby" he whispered.
She nodded. "I know." She said as she removed the covers and got off bed, towards the nursery. Chuck followed her, and when he arrived she had already took Alexandra in her arms and was opening her nightgown to let the baby feed on her breast.
He remained next to the door frame, unsure whether to enter or not. It wasn't that he was of help, but he would love to help for something. Let Blair do all the job for the baby was ego.
She didn't even look at him when she spoke again. "Go to bed, Chuck."
"I wanna stay."
"What for? She does this three times a day and she will do it for at least six months. You won't miss it for sure." Blair answered with a stressed tone.
He sighed. "I want to be of help. Change her diaper later, so you can go to bed while I do it."
Blair looked at the baby again. "I can handle that. You have work tomorrow. Go sleep."
"Alright." He decided, he didn't want to argue that night, he wasn't really in the mood. He looked one last time at Blair and the baby and then got back in his bed.
Next day and next week, everything went on the same way. The baby would wake early in the morning to be feed, and Blair would get up to give her milk. He would get up too, but she would tell him to get out of the nursery. The baby would wake around 10am if they were lucky, and Blair would do every thing alone again. Only times he could change diapers or change the baby into fresh clothes were when Blair was taking a shower or was busy with Serena or her mother. Of course she would yell when he would do that, and he would try not to argue with her, but in those last two days it had been impossible.
"Why did you put that thing on the baby!" she had looked bewildered. "That red onesie just doesn't match my pencil skirt and white blouse."
"Do they have to match necessarily, Blair? Is just a onesie, she's not even going out yet."
"Who cares she isn't? I'd love my baby to be fashionable like her mom. Give it to me" she said and took the baby from Chuck and put it on the changing-table and then started opening the clothing. "You will look so beautiful with your white stockings and shirt! And a tiny pink skirt like the one your mother is wearing!" She said to the baby while giggling as Chuck looked at the scene from afar. "You weren't as pretty with the thing your father had put you in" she shook her head. "He doesn't have your mommy sense of style for clothes."
Blair kept talking to the baby until she had finished while Chuck rolled his eyes. She put a pacifier in the baby's mouth and started to cuddle her until Alexandra fell asleep. It had been passed around twenty minutes from when she had found Chuck with the baby, and he still hadn't moved an inch to leave the room.
She turned when she put Alexandra in her crib, looking at Chuck questioningly.
"What?"
"I thought you had left." Blair answered with a hand on her hip.
Chuck raised both eyebrows. "I may remind you that is also my baby?"
"She's sleeping now. We shouldn't disturb her."
"Oh, really. What a pity" he said with sarcasm. "As if I had the chance to hold her or change her sometimes."
"You hold her, Chuck. And change her diaper occasionally, you-"
He smirked viciously. "Yes, I hold her. Always when you have to take care of you and there's no other person that can look at her. I can't hold her when she's awake since you have all your attention set on her. I can't watch you feed her because this time you feel watched. I can't change her diapers because probably well, you think it's not my job. I can't dress her because she has to match with you."
"This is nonsense."
"Nonsense, Blair? I should be her father but all I feel I am is a surrogate dad."
Blair shook her head. "You're being the perfect father. Letting do the mom what she has to nurse and cure her baby. Playing your part and watch when I do the job that mother nature gave to me as a mother myself."
He passed his hand on his eyes and rubbed them. "You shouldn't do every thing... that's why I'm here. I want to help you, I want to pass more time with my baby."
"But you do! By doing what you are doing."
"That is practically nothing" he sighed. "Look, I know that you're trying to be the perfect mother. But she's also my daughter and I want to take her of her too. Maybe now not feed her since I can't, but do other things. Do my part. I feel so... put aside."
Blair made a face. She looked incredulous. "You never change. I can't believe you are thinking about sex now."
"I didn't mean put aside as not sleeping with my wife for long. You know what I wanted to say. You're just too stubborn to realize you're trying to do everything for Alexandra so that Humphrey will see how a good mother you are. We both know how he doesn't think we can be good parents, but only together we can prove him wrong."
She crossed her arms on her chest. "You can't be serious."
"You can't be in denial either."
"What do you want, Chuck?"
"Just be my baby's father. Play my part. So that you can rest." He said as he approached her and put his hand on her shoulder. "You haven't slept very well since Alexandra was born. Let me be of help and don't let me be useless."
"I don't need to rest. I'm pretty relaxed. While you're pretty boring."
Chuck sighed again and recoiled back. "Then I guess it's okay I go in an empty guest room and do my job? I have plenty but I was really happy to give it to my assistant so I could have been with my family. Guess what, whatever. Have a good night, Blair. Don't wait for me awake. I'll be sleeping in one of the bedrooms." She watched as he walked away out of the room and closed the door shut behind him.
She knew she was probably doing too much for the baby while she could ask Chuck or Dorota for help, but she felt it was the best thing to do. She was the baby's mother and hence she had to take care of her before anyone else.
She turned and looked at the baby in the crib before she headed for the bed. It was still eight in the evening but she felt like it was the right time to sleep. The baby would be awake in less than five hours and she had to be ready to feed her. She couldn't let anyone down, she had to be on top to let everyone see how a good mommy she was, even if it meant having a messed up sleeping and eating pattern.
She crawled under the covers with her clothes of that day on and looked at the window on her side. The sun had set one hour before and summer had ended not so long ago, so every day seemed shorter than the previous.
She sighed silently and then felt the tears coming.
Everything was fine but nothing was in order.
…
Sorry for this late update, but this is not a happy period for my family. My mom has been four times at the hospital this past month and it will take long until she's going to be fine. I'm not gonna give up on this fic of course, but some chapters will be delayed.
I hope you don't mind my choice of Blair getting obsessed over the baby. My idea is that she doesn't want to be like her mother and wants to give her baby the best. She also doesn't want others to think she's not good enough to be a parent, that's why she tries to be a super mom and she's putting Chuck aside. She believes she can do everything for the baby, but well as you may guess she will soon realize life doesn't go exactly like this.
Comments are love, see you soon ;)