Hi! Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, but I had a period of mind block. At home happened few things that slowed down my writing and my inspiration. I am already working on the next chapter, so it's coming soon!

Can't wait for GG tonight, YO!

….

"Today baby is one month old!" a joyful Dorota exclaimed early in the morning.

Blair was still in bed. She hadn't the flu anymore, but she still felt a bit tired whenever she woke up.

She still hadn't started giving her milk again to Alexandra. To everyone's surprise, both Dorota and Chuck had given the baby formula to her for over a week, without Blair complaining she wanted to nurse the baby personally.

Of course Chuck had doubted this choice, but then he figured that probably Blair just wanted him to spend some time with their daughter. He couldn't guess what stopped her from taking the baby in her arms, but the fear she still had few lines of fever. It'sinmybreasts,ifItakeit,she'lltakeit.Wecan'trisk; she would always say.

He had found it normal for her to be that protective towards Alexandra at first, but he had arrived to the point of thinking it wasn't just that stopped Blair from bonding with the baby again.

There must have been something behind her behavior, something powerful that wouldn't let her do what one month before she so eagerly decided she would have done alone.

He thought about calling the physician, but then he gave up because Blair could overhear him. He decided he would instead go out before she and their baby could wake up, to buy both a gift. It was Alexandra's first month and he surely didn't want to miss it.

Blair rolled in the bed tiredly and sighed when she saw it empty for the third day in a row.

She noticed Dorota in the baby's room doing something that she couldn't see from that far, and she thought perhaps Chuck was there with her preparing to feed the baby like every morning.

To what it looked to her like annoyance, every day seemed to go that way, with Chuck always out of bed before she could wake, and Dorota following him most of the time to check on the baby if she would wake up before him, and to check if Blair wanted something.

She missed the days when she wasn't pregnant and when she was, simply because back then Chuck would lie next to her if he didn't have to go to a meeting, until she would wake up. He would cuddle her or whisper sweet words in her ear, or also just be there doing nothing, just keep her company. He would surprise her with her favorite things to eat at breakfast, or with flowers in special occasions. In a word, he would make her feel loved.

Not that he hadn't in those weeks. They had had a short encounter before he went to his short trip to Los Angeles, but it had been very painful. Literally painful. He had been really kind not to push himself too much on her, but she still had felt a burning sensation few hours later. She realized that it was because they weren't supposed to do it that early after the baby was born, and that she should had firstly healed. She had blamed herself for not knowing, and Chuck for not knowing either. Their first misstep. Her first mistake.

She had eventually got over it because time had passed, but she couldn't grasp the idea that in behalf of Alexandra now Chuck didn't seem to give her the attention she needed.

She wasn't asking for sex. Sex was the last thing on that list right now. But she was asking for consolation. Attention. She wanted her husband to hold her and give her those attentions he used to give her before the baby would be in this world.

She felt put aside.

It was probably egoistical to think, but that was what she felt she needed in that moment.

Dorota saw her sitting on the bed, and suddenly came with a bib in her hand. "Miss Blair, you awake. Miss Alexandra just woke up, want me to give her to you?"

"Isn't Mr Chuck there with you?" Dorota shook her head. "Is he downstairs?"

"Mr Chuck said he had thing to do and he will come back home before lunch. He asked me to tell you to wear cocktail dress to celebrate baby's first month."

Blair raised an eyebrow. "He did? That's so nice of him, but I need to see if I can find one."

"He told me to check in closet. There's something there for you, Miss Blair."

She smiled with excitement and got off bed. She couldn't think Chuck had thought about her. She was sure he had bought her a dress while she wasn't able to go out, and she couldn't wait to see it. She reached the closet soon to find the chair next to the mirror occupied by a dress.

She remembered it. It was one from the latestMarcJacobs collection, a red, yellow and burgundy sequin dress with floral print and frothy tulle layers, with a satin bow sash on the front. Next to it there was an envelope with a B on it. Blair run towards the chair and touched the sequin. It was so lucid and so brilliant under the light of the closet.

She then opened the envelope to see what he had written.

I hope this isn't too much for a celebration. I expect you to be already dressed when I come back, or I will personally help you... dress Alexandra like you and be ready for 12. Love -C

She grinned and hold the note tightly as she kept re-reading. She looked like a girl who had just received her first gift from her first boyfriend, she couldn't contain the enthusiasm of the thought and wasn't able to think straight.

She put the envelope away to touch the dress again, then she dropped it back on the chair to go to the bathroom to have a shower.

She would have already entered the room if it hadn't been for Alexandra crying. Dorota was still there with her, cradling the baby on the couch and trying to calm her down. Once she saw Blair, she motioned something with her hand. Blair understood from her maid's face that she obviously wanted her to go there and check on the baby.

"I need to shower" Blair pointed at her robe as a justification.

"Baby hungry. Alexandra misses you. I think you should hold her."

Blair raised an eyebrow. "How do you know what the baby wants? Can't you give her the bib for me? Chuck has said he's going to get back for lunch, and it's already ten-thirty, so I need to hurry. You need to prepare the baby anyway. Choose a red dress."

She rolled her eyes in annoyance and decided to turn without waiting Dorota to quarrel with her. She knew the maid would go on how they hadn't spent quality time together since she had recovered. Blair hated all this kind of reminders, and so she tried to run from them every time she could even if she felt a bit guilty after a while.

She went out of the bathroom few minutes later after curling her hair and apply make up. She had also wore the new dress, and she felt satisfied by how it looked on her. She smiled at her reflection before she headed out. Dorota wasn't in the baby's room anymore, but she figured from the voice that Chuck was.

She walked to the nursery smiling, and found him sitting on the bed with the baby. He was tickling the belly of the baby to make her laugh, and Alexandra seemed to be pleased by the activity. He didn't notice she was there until the noise her black heels made him turn.

He smiled accomplished while the baby still tried to catch his hand.

"You're here" she said with a rather joyful voice.

"Disappointed?"

Blair giggled and blushed a bit. "No, actually... I thought you were going to get home later."

"It's past noon, Blair." He let her know.

She suddenly changed expression and smiled awkwardly, then checked the clock on the wall. It was really late since she had got in the shower. How could she had spent so many time there?

She bit her lip, unable to find an answer at first. "Are we going out?" she asked, trying to be casual and straight to the point.

Chuck picked the baby up from the bed and placed her in a way she could also face Blair. The baby was starting to change soon and she really looked like her father day after day, she realized. And she hadn't spent much time with her... she felt like she was missing things.

He smirked. "Would it be too lame? We've got something to celebrate" he stood up and walked to her.

"Yes" she simply said, her smile still on.

He moved closer and kissed her lips briefly. "You had Dorota gather all of Alexandra's things or we need to do it now? I've got the limo ready out of the building."

Blair looked surprised when he asked. "What? Is she coming with us?"

"Why wouldn't she? It's her we are celebrating today. If she doesn't come, would be like a birthday without the birthday boy."

She followed him with her eyes while he looked for the baby's coat in the closet. She kept smiling as she started to fear that her day would turn out to be bad. She wasn't aware of what or who was fearing her, but she started to panic when he took all the things they apparently needed, to go out.

They had never gone out since the baby was born, together and with the baby. Blair had been pretty stuck at home taking care of Alexandra first, then trying to recover from breast flu. All of it mostly alone, since Chuck one time avoided her because she wouldn't let him take care of the baby, another time left for a few days, then started to do what she was doing when she came back home from the hospital. She was happy that he was taking his father responsibilities so well, but she was feeling out of the loop and out of his loop.

It was all about the baby.

"Isn't she too young? It's October, the flu season! Shouldn't we call the doctor first?" she asked, trying to warn him and stop him from taking the baby out.

Chuck apparently wasn't freaking out like her. "You afraid the baby can take the flu? She needs to go out, Blair. She can't be kept in forever, you know. I read the risk of getting fever is higher if you stay in. You need to change air every once in a while. The baby needs to see the sun and people around her. And apparently, people want to see her too." He laughed.

Instead of being happy her baby was finally going to get fresh air, Blair's smile faded a bit. Chuck's expression was still, he was waiting for an answer while Alexandra kept playing with the collar of his shirt. Blair panicked more once he turned seeing she would probably not answer him. He started to put the coat on the baby. He also put a tiny hat on her head just in a case.

She should had to feel relieved he was taking precautions, but she wasn't feeling sure of it. She was scared of many things at the moment, too many to tell Chuck or anybody.

"We're ready" he declared. "Are you, or do you need to look for a clutch?"

Blair grinned briefly. "I'm ready. Let me take my coat, are you sure there is nothing more we need once out? A scarf, perhaps?"

Chuck sighed and touched her arm. "Is going to be fine. Trust me. I've told Dorota to put all we needed in this bag. She'll be okay" he tried to reassure her. "And you will be too once you'll see where are we going."

Her tiny smile became huge once he sweetly kissed her cheeks, and informed her he would wait next to the elevator downstairs.

While inside of the limo, their phones beeped at the same time. It happened what Blair would find amusing months before. Gossip Girl posted something about them and the baby, with a picture of them exiting their building few minutes before. The baby wasn't visible since Chuck had put her in her stroller, but she was sure someone would take pictures of her soon anyway. Going out with Alexandra sounded like a bad idea.

She folded her hands a lot during the ride, while Chuck was looking outside of the window. Alexandra was in her stroller few paces from them, and Blair couldn't help but look at her.

In her heart, she felt like she wanted to take her and hold her against her chest like few weeks before. Another part of her, though, despised the idea. It seemed as if that part was winning, and was trying to make her appear like a bad mother, or so she thought.

Fact was that she felt really bad for it, but she couldn't help it. She wasn't sure what would unblock her from taking the baby. She surely didn't want to tell Chuck about it, he would call someone and people would know.

She sighed and put her phone angrily in her clutch, and looked away from the baby. Chuck's hand touched hers and she turned again. She was surprised he had noticed something was wrong, probably from the way she had placed her phone back in her bag.

She sighed again, trying to find a good excuse. "She has already spotted us" she complained. "I wonder how much it will take for her to get a picture of our baby."

"You don't want her to be photographed? If you want, I could-"

Blair silenced him. She knew what he was going to say. "No deals with the press, please. Is just... I don't want her to be chased down by paparazzi and stupid young girls who just want to see how Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass's daughter looks like."

"I see. But we can stop them from doing it." He suggested.

"With what? A big restraining order?" she rolled her eyes.

"What do you say, huh? We can't lock her in. She needs to explore the world."

Blair licked her lips. "We'll buy a garden where she'll see bees and butterflies and flowers."

Chuck laughed, "A garden, in New York? Blair, please. Is easier to get all people who get too close to the baby, banned."

She rolled her eyes and looked away, that she noticed Chuck had let go of her hand after a while. It had been too short amount of time he had hold her.

They were stuck in the traffic, and she didn't talk again for a while. She started to wonder what Chuck was up to, where they would go with Alexandra, and how would be their day. She had too much questions in her head, that she was asking to herself to occupy the time. She didn't want to worry more than it was necessary, of course silly thoughts would start to form.

Chuck didn't try to start a conversation either. He looked quite absorbed by what was out of the window, as if he didn't know. The other thing he randomly did was look how the baby was doing in the stroller.

Alexandra looked asleep from where she was. She was being quiet, and she wished she would be later too, so she would spend some time with Chuck without being disturbed.

The feeling of jealousy she was started to have towards the baby was back. She couldn't help but close her eyes in pain once it flashed her mind. She couldn't be jealous of her daughter just because she was spending time with her father. She could spend time with her too, if she really wanted it. If she didn't think the baby would not be safe in her arms.

The baby started to cry when the limo abruptly slowed down.

Chuck soon carried the stroller towards them, and picked the baby up without saying anything.

"It's okay, it's okay. Daddy is here. Are you hungry?" he asked the baby as if she could answer him. Blair found this kind of cute, and it helped diminishing her bad karma. The baby stopped crying as soon as he cuddled her. She looked impressed while he cradled the baby. She was sure if he was a single dad he would be amazing.

Chuck felt she was watching, and instinctively looked at her.

"Want me to give you the baby? I'm sure you want to nurse her."

Blair tried to dismiss the suggestion. "What if she spits on my new dress?"

He nodded. "Right. We don't want mommy to get a stain on the dress daddy has bought her, do we?" he asked to the baby. Blair heard her squeal in response.

As soon as Chuck cleaned the baby, Blair decided it was time for them to go out of their limo.

They had arrived in front of a building a while before and thought it was better for the baby to finish her bib and try to sleep before going in. This time it had gone well, Alexandra seemed quite tired and once she finished feeding, she fast fell asleep. Chuck put her back in her stroller, and Arthur came to help them out of the limo. Chuck also drove the stroller towards the entrance of the hotel Plaza, the destination he had chosen for the day.

Blair acknowledged that they were there after she recognized the gold details of the entrance, and the hall. She wondered why he had decided to go there. Not that she minded, it was a great hotel that one, but she imagined he would have taken them to a French restaurant or something.

"Follow me" he told her once inside. The two walked towards the elevator and got in. They weren't alone for Blair's annoyance. The couple who was also there, and the two girls next to them, suddenly started to watch them and the baby with curiosity. They already knew who they were, or what?

The older woman looked at Blair, that was looking at her, then she moved closer to the stroller to see better. "How beautiful is your baby. May I ask how many weeks has?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Blair" Chuck interjected, then he smiled at the woman.

"What? Is not that I need to tell people about my life."

Chuck rolled his eyes and looked at the woman again. "Excuse me for my wife. Our daughter is one month old. She's turning one month just today."

Blair snorted. She was now getting super protective.

"Don't worry" the woman said. "And compliments for your daughter. She's beautiful!"

He smirked. "Of course. She's all her mother" he answered and looked at Blair, but she wasn't looking at him. She had her arms crossed on her chest, and she was focusing on the carpet.

The elevator's bell rang once it reached the floor the woman and her male companion had to go. She excused herself and went out, leaving Chuck, Blair and their baby, alone with the two young girls.

Blair sighed, already tiresome. And the day had just started.

She looked at the girls sidelong. One of them was wearing a really short skirt, and a pair of high boots. Her friend was dressed more casual, with a pair of jeans and a normal shirt. She noticed the girl with the skirt was looking at Chuck, and she suddenly glared at her.

"Aren't you Chuck Bass?" she asked all of a sudden.

Blair looked at Chuck, and he felt like he woke up from his reverie. He hadn't paid attention to those girls until this one had talked. He nodded.

"Then it's true you finally took your daughter out" she continued. "I didn't think it would happen, to be honest."

"What makes you think that?"

The other girl broke the silence. "She thought you made up you were pregnant in order to get married, she thought all your publicity was staged."

Blair rolled her eyes. "What?"

"Come on, it's not like it would be the first time" the girl with the short skirt said. "You're Blair Waldorf, you've been telling lies for a long time. I wouldn't believe you two had a real baby if I didn't see it personally. I actually didn't think I would do it today!"

Blair raised an eyebrow, but she wasn't able to answer. Chuck saw her indecision on what to answer, so he answered for her.

"That's very considerate" he said before the doors opened again. He stopped the girls before they were going out. "I just need to clear that this baby, here" he pointed to the stroller, "was really wanted. So once you think that Blair Waldorf is a liar and would fake her pregnancy, think again. Because if there's one thing I know is that I've always been wanting to marry her, and have her babies. And I definitely think she feels the same. If you think what you see is fake, then you should had never talked to me. Cheers."

The girl remained interdict after the doors closed, and Chuck looked away. Blair felt like smiling widely at his defense against the girls, that the anger and the feeling of being worthless she started to perceive, started to fade.

She reached for his hand and then for his cheek, which she kissed. He turned to her, to grin.

No explanations needed once they reached the roof. Of course he would take her there, it was his favorite place.

Chuck drove the stroller towards the table reserved at the end of the corridor, right next to the balcony. Blair thanked that the roof had a private and closed area, so that the baby wouldn't get a cold because of the wind blowing.

She saw that he had reserved that place just for them, the other part of the room was empty if not for some waiters adjusting few things.

He helped her sit down once they reached their table, and told something to the metre before sitting down too.

"What is this place?" Blair asked with curiosity.

He seemed pleased by this attitude, he felt like she was happy to be there. "It's exclusive. It's ours. And it's called Alexandra's Oasis."

"You bought it?"

He nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me anything!" she giggled.

"It had to be a surprise, you know. You're really hard to surprise" he smirked.

"You always surprise me" she answered sheepishly.

He looked sweetly at her. "There's also themed and personalized dishes. Look at the menu."

Blair took the menu in her hands and started to read. She couldn't believe the place had several dishes with names linked to their family and friends. There was an Humphrey salad, a Waldorf foie gras, a Van der Woodsen ravioli, and a Bass meat. There was also a Waldass special dish with rare ingredients.

"That's incredible, Chuck" she gushed. "We also share a dish! If I didn't know Waldass was a mix of our surnames, I would think it was a dirty dish."

"Who said it isn't?" he winked.

She looked down and blushed. He always had that power on her.

It seemed Chuck had managed to make her anxiety diminish. It was almost two o' clock, and they had just finished eating the main course. The Waldorf dish was actually really good. Chuck had drank a glass of red wine with it, but she didn't dare to sip. She thought it was better to avoid alcol until she would stop breastfeeding, as the physician suggested. She rolled her eyes at her own thought once she realized she had stopped nursing her baby already.

Alexandra had woken up again when they were about to eat their dessert. Chuck had decided to let her cry and not fall at her desire of being picked up soon, but the moans were too high-pitched to be ignored that he picked her up anyway.

Blair kept eating her cake while Chuck tried not to let the baby take the fork on the table.

It was rather hilarious to see, and it made her feel giddy and more confused. She felt too moody or worse, schizophrenic. Her feelings were too mixed. One minute she was nervous, the next she watched Chuck and Alexandra, and smiled.

She felt so messed up at the moment. She wasn't sure what did she have, but she didn't want to go anywhere to ask for help. She felt she could manage her situation alone. The thought of telling someone about her fears, scared her to death. Would she look too lame? Too stupid? Tell somebody how she was being jealous of a baby, and how she really wanted to cuddle that baby, but she didn't have the will to do so... looked crazy. She felt crazy.

"Blair?"

She looked up from her cake and saw Chuck frowning at her. She instantly put her grin back on, and shook her head.

"Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts" she explained.

"You sure you're okay? Want me to ask for something?" he gestured to call a waiter.

She soon shook her head. "It's okay. I just need a glass of water" she grinned. She took a napkin and cleaned her mouth, then just like she said, she sipped the glass of water she had in front of her.

Over think about her worries wasn't good. It didn't help her mood swings, and it wasn't helping her to enjoy the day. Chuck had been sweet taking her there, at the Plaza. She was still surprised that he had bought the restaurant on the roof, she didn't think he would start another deal after the one gone wrong in Los Angeles. He never stopped.

"What do you say we have a tour? You haven't seen half of this. The landscape on the West area is amazing. You can even see the Empire State Building" Chuck said.

"I say... yes."

Blair took her clutch with her and put her coat back on when he took her on the other side of the restaurant. There was a glass door framed by a flowery decoration leading outside on the balcony. She found that really interesting, and modern. She wondered who did create the place, if he had rebuilt it, or if he had just bought it.

He had covered Alexandra better than before this time, putting her under the wool sheets of the stroller not to let the baby get a cold. She was now calm with her pacifier in her mouth, and as a reflex Blair seemed okay too.

They reached the balcony and she looked around her in awe.

"Wow, that's amazing. It reminds me of your hotel in Brooklyn."

"Glad you appreciate it. I honestly couldn't chose a better roof to seed my name on."

She smiled widely when he let go of the stroller and went closer to kiss her lips briefly.

"Is because the Plaza is your direct contender, or what?" She was curious.

With a hand on her hip, he let out a giggle and looked down. He looked a bit shy. "That's the last reason that lead me to buy this place."

"Then why did you buy it?" she asked with wonder.

"Because it holds a certain pull on me. Too many things have happened here" he reminded her.

She remembered what he meant, and her heart felt lighter. She closed the distance between them and cupped her hand on his cheek to push him towards her, and kiss him hard. It wasn't like the kisses he had given her earlier, this one was feverish.

She had wanted to do it since two days before. He hadn't kissed her passionately since she got the flu. She wondered why he was being stingy with affection, but it probably had to do with the baby.

She moved her lips on his harder once she thought that, that she had to stop at a certain point, because she had no breath left.

Chuck was panting when she recoiled back. "If you wanted other meat, all you had to do was ask" he joked and smirked.

She blushed and looked at the landscape again. The sun was high in the sky, and her mood also looked good. She wondered how long it would last.

Back at home, Alexandra had fallen asleep again. Chuck had asked Dorota to take her to bed since he wanted to kick off his shoes and rest. Blair had already took her dress off and put on a nice nude slip. He saw her adjusting the covers over her body, and look pretty lost. He thought she was perhaps thinking about something.

Blair smiled a bit when he jumped on the bed after he took off his clothes too, and changed into his pajamas. He moved closer to her and circled her shoulder with his arm. She put her head on his arm, and her hand on his stomach.

"Have you had fun today?" he asked with a soft tone.

Blair hesitated before answering. "The restaurant is amazing, really. I couldn't not love it."

"I guess Alexandra will appreciate it too when she'll grow up" he casually commented. "Have you seen how much she's grown? She started to squeal."

Blair didn't answer. She instead looked at the open door of the nursery in front of her.

Chuck didn't add anything either for a while. She thought perhaps he had fallen asleep, but she was surprised when he talked again.

"Are you okay, Blair?" he said with a low voice. Probably he thought she had fallen asleep too.

She still didn't answer, but shrugged against him.

"I've got the feeling something isn't good. Perhaps it's me? Are you still afraid for Alexandra?" he asked quietly. "I just don't want to look at you when you see her, and fear for her. I know it's hard, but you're going to nurse her again or you won't be able to do it anymore."

Blair sighed. "Who knows if the flu isn't coming back. I don't think is safe for the baby to be around me now... plus, she still needs to get her vaccine shots."

"You also said this one week ago after the fever had diminished" he reminded her. "Are you sure it's not just that? You're not even touching her."

"Who tells you I'm not?" she asked a bit aggressive. Bad move.

Chuck sighed with hesitation. "I know because during this past week I haven't left the house to be next to you and the baby. When she is awake, she's always with me or Dorota. I know you agreed that me and her can take care of Alexandra, but what about you? You're her mother."

Blair turned to face him. They were so closer. "That's not true, and you know it."

He raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong, Blair?" he asked, avoiding her affirmation. "If you have some problem... we can seek help. You can talk to someone about it. It's not normal you don't pick the baby up."

She glared at him. "Again, who told you that? You're not always in this room, so you can't know. Don't act like you're omniscient."

"I know because Dorota told me. She came worried to me earlier today, telling me you refused to look after the baby before getting in the shower. She got a migraine because the baby wouldn't stop crying."

Blair bit her lip. "Dorota is too worried" she said and then moved away from him. She turned on the other side of the bed, and looked at the wall in front of her.

Chuck couldn't help but sigh. He wasn't sure of what bothered her, but he felt like he needed to know. He ignored her distance and moved closer to get behind her. It didn't matter he was talking to her back, she would listen.

"I know how hard this is for you" he murmured. "You're scared. Well, don't think I'm not scared. I'm scared more than you. I'm afraid I give too much milk to the baby, for example. Or that I didn't put the sheets well, and that because of that she's going to get a cold. I fear I may not know what to do with her, how to play with her. I'm really scared she would hate me once she'll grow up. I'm scared of many things you don't even imagine. But I keep up. For us."

Blair sobbed silently but didn't turn. "You can't understand."

"Try to explain."

She inhaled deeply and put a hand on her chest, she was holding the sheets with the other. She felt cold all of a sudden. "It's not important, really. I'm sleepy anyway."

"Blair... please." He pleaded.

She hold on the covers more tightly. "You weren't here, you weren't here when that happened" she sobbed. "It was when you... when you left for Los Angeles. I was with the baby in her room, tired... too tired to focus, and... I-I almost dropped her. She-she almost fell on my lap" she said in between moans as she started to cry.

Chuck didn't know what to say. He decided to put his arm around her, and just lie there in silence until she would calm down. He kissed her hair while she cried. She was holding on his hands now, and not on the sheets anymore.

That was going to be a long night.

…

I know, Blair may seem really confused right now. It was hard to write mood swings, I just hope it did not look too messed up. I apologize in advance for mistakes.