Wow, has been almost a month since I last posted and I'm sorry. I've had a busy life and a writer block so I couldn't finish this chapter when I had to. My family has been going through a bad period so I need to take care of the house and my inspiration faded a bit. I hope anyway to overcome this problem soon.

I will start the new chapter tomorrow. I may also post something new I started before I even wrote the first chapter of this fic. I do wonder if you love CB AU fics... I'll let you know when I post. I also plan to update my other fics, if times would let me! Have a good read :)

…

Blair kept crying the whole night while he held her. He couldn't and didn't want to fall asleep until she would be soothed. He was angry at himself for not seeing how wrecked up Blair was. He had ignored her signs of help. From asking him to stay, to keep the baby far from her.

He couldn't think Blair was being other than just a protective mother.

He figured she felt wore out. The baby was taking all the life they had, since it was needed that one of them would look after her for a couple of hours everyday. Blair had barely touched Alexandra anymore for over a week, and so he was the only one running the daily routines.

The day after they were scheduled to run one important errand. The baby needed to get her vaccine shots that day, and since the study of her physician was also there, Blair was scheduled to have her post pregnancy check up. He was sure she remembered. When her physician had come to check on her breasts flu, she had booked an appointment in advance. It was also marked on her blackberry calendar, the alarm would go on in a couple of hours.

Lost in his train of thoughts, he noticed that the dawn was about to break. He hoped Blair had at least slept. He didn't care he did not. He stretched his leg under the covers trying not to move too much, and felt the grip on his hand tighten. He understood from that firm hold that she was awake. He stretched out his other leg as a signal for her, hoping she would get it.

She held his hand tighter in response. "Don't go" she whispered softly.

Chuck got closer and kissed her hair. "You should sleep. You have time to rest."

"Until we have to go to my doctor?" she asked, surprising him. He thought she would try not to remind him of the check up she would have to do in the day.

He sighed. "Alexandra needs to see her pediatrician too" he said, he lowered his voice a bit. "She needs to have her vaccine shoots. Winter is coming and is safer if she does it before the flu season, don't you think?" he tried to ask casually.

Blair didn't answer at first, and he thought he had done wrong asking her about the doctor. Then he realized that the best thing to do when you had a fear, was face it. Alexandra was their daughter, and Blair would see her for a long time. She couldn't avoid her, even if she wanted to. A baby requires all the attentions of her parents.

"She needs to be okay" she finally said. "Right?"

He was content she had agreed. "Of course, and so do you. You both need to be okay."

Blair rubbed her head on the pillow, and shrugged. Then she entwined her fingers with his, and brought that hand on her heart.

She was going to be fine.

….

Blair's blackberry alarm woke him up. He noticed it was half past eight, and that the other side of the bed was actually empty. He snorted with annoyance and got out of bed to go in Alexandra's room. Dorota was there and was cleaning some things of the baby.

"Is Blair here?" he asked with a rather worried voice. He hoped he didn't look hopeless.

Dorota stopped was she was doing and answered him. "Miss Blair gone out alone minutes ago. She didn't say bye, but I heard elevator's bell."

He sighed and shook his head. "Prepare the bag of the baby and dress her up. I'm going to get dressed too then we're going out" he said as he walked towards the door.

"Is something wrong with Miss Blair?" Dorota asked.

Chuck didn't turn but bit his lip. "Nothing, Dorota. Nothing."

Less than a hour later Chuck and Alexandra went out of their building. This time he didn't bring the stroller, but asked Arthur to put it in the back of the limo if he needed it. He put Alexandra in the baby carrier, thinking if any he would have both hands free and the baby with him.

He was sure when his phone beeped after he had arrived at the building where their physician was, that Gossip Girl had sent a blast about him and the baby. She had wanted to see how the Bass baby would look like, but since they only went out the day before and Alexandra had mostly been in the stroller, none had had the chance to take her a picture. He didn't want to pick his phone from his coat, but he thought Gossip Girl could had actually posted something about Blair and where she was. It turned out it was what he thought.

Spotted: Chuck Bass heading out of his limo to run some errands. Looks like his little brunette daughter was with him. I finally got to see her, thanks to some kind reader! Really, good job Bass. I'd compliment your wife too, if someone wouldn't have seen her rush in the building. Apparently she did look quite satisfied... time to have sex again, perhaps?

He rolled his eyes at the sarcasm of the blogger and reached the elevator fast to go up to the study of the physician where he was sure Blair surely still was. He pushed on the doorbell once he arrived, and a young secretary came to open.

"Hello, can I help you?"

He smirked. "Actually, yes. My wife had an appointment today, I wondered if she came."

The woman frowned at first, then smiled again. "Of course. Mrs Bass is still here if you wanna wait for her. Doctor Crane just received her."

"Thanks" he said and got in to wait on the couch in front of the door of the study.

After a while, the door opened. Blair was smiling when she went out, but her smile kinda faded when she saw him and Alexandra. "What are you doing here, Chuck?"

He stood up. "Waiting for you."

"Oh, there's no need to wait for me. I'm done, thankfully."

He nodded. "I've got the limo waiting to take us to the pediatrician -" he was cut off.

Blair kept her index up as she talked. "No no. I can't come with you, sadly."

"We have an appointment, Blair. Alexandra's doctor wants to see us both. She's going to have her first vaccine shoots! Don't you want to see her getting protected from flu?"

She stopped before she could reach the door, and looked serious at him. "I have some stuff I remembered I have to do, actually. Why don't you take her alone?"

He sighed and looked at the baby. Alexandra was peacefully looking at him too. "Don't you want to be there for your baby?" he asked, thinking he had been too harsh. Blair didn't turn this time, probably both because she didn't want to meet his eyes and because he knew he was making her feel guilty with that affirmation.

She cleared her voice once they finally got out of the building. "You left me for two days, Chuck. To go to Los Angeles and buy a stupid property. You haven't talked me for a week when I didn't want you to take care of Alexandra. Now you're talking with me about being there? Spare me." She said as she fast walked towards her limo.

Chuck followed her. "And since then I regretted it. I'm still trying to do as much as I can to help you and the baby. If you'd let me."

"I don't need help. I'm fine."

"You're not. You are an emotional wreck. You can't even hold your own baby" he tried not to talk too loud. "I haven't forgot what you told me last night."

Blair sighed and looked at her clock. "Wow, it's late. Gotta keep going!" she said as she ignored his affirmation, and went closer her limo. Chuck didn't let her in yet.

"Blair, please. If you don't want to do it for me, do it for Alexandra. She loves you. She needs you. You can't be in denial about this."

She bit her lip and blinked. "I'm late. I'll be home for lunch. We'll have time later."

Chuck sighed loudly and didn't add anything. He watched as Blair got in her limo and left, hoping her driver would turn around and park again and she would go out of the vehicle to inform him and the baby that she was going to come with them to the pediatrician.

Too bad it never happened.

….

Chuck and the baby got back home right before lunch. He had called the pediatrician asking to postpone their appointment. He wanted Blair there with them so he thought it was the right thing to do.

He expected Blair to be there already, instead he found Serena sitting on their couch. Serena was all joyful when she saw him and the baby.

"Hey! Finally my little princess came back home!" she said as she approached them. The baby moaned some noises when she caressed her tiny hand. "You squeal now, how cute! You are too adorable. Can I take you?" she asked, and Chuck nodded. He freed the baby out of the carrier, then gave her to Serena.

She went to sit on the couch while Chuck got rid of his coat. He was somehow feeling hot. He reached the girls after a minute.

"The baby has grown so much. Look at her hands! Now she looks more like both of you. You, actually... the baby has your eyes."

He shrugged, his mind was elsewhere at the moment.

"Is everything alright? You look distant."

Chuck turned abruptly. "Wonderful. If you want perhaps you can give the bib to Lexie? She has to eat" he changed subject and stood up. "I'm going to prepare it."

"Wait, Chuck. Where is Blair?"

He shook his head and a harsh smile appeared on his face. "She's going to get home soon."

"What? Wasn't she with you? I thought she was when you took -"

"Yes, when I went to the study of the doctor. She wasn't with me."

Serena looked surprised. "She didn't want you there for her post partum check up? Last time I went here she didn't want me to take the baby for more than a minute, and now she seems she's leaving her all the time with you."

"Right." Chuck murmured to himself.

"What?"

Chuck sighed and touched his chin roughly. "I don't know where Blair is. I don't know what Blair has."

"Try to explain. You know you can count on me" Serena said motioning him to come sit down next to her.

He refused and decided to stay where he was. He passed a hand through his hair, appearing annoyed but inside tremendously worried. "It's a problem between me and her" he tried to move to another topic.

Serena frowned. "Have you guys argued over something? I'm sure you'll fix things. Give Blair time, you know how she is."

He rolled his eyes and absently looked away.

Not that he didn't want to tell anybody what he was worried about, he just felt it was a private matter, a matter between husband and wife. He knew deep down there could be more than that. Blair looked scared and used denial to fake she was alright. She was perhaps traumatized because of what had happened when he wasn't at home?

It looked lame from the outside. Someone could say that even if Blair would have dropped the baby, she would have fallen on the bed. Hence she wouldn't get harmed at all.

He had read few articles and stuff on-line, before the baby was born. In every website, they described the moments after the deliver very were tough for the new mother. It was likely she would get depressed, and really down, in the first two weeks. This was purely hormonal and psychological, women usually went from the high of giving birth to the many responsibilities of becoming a new mother.

He had asked a lot of times to take care of the baby, but she had dismissed every time. Now he wasn't saying it was Blair to blame, but probably she had been too anxious and overprotective of Alexandra not to ask for help. He was her husband after all. He also was Alexandra's father. He knew that he had to help, even if he realized it just now. He shouldn't had had go to Los Angeles and neither avoid her for a week. She was right about that.

He sighed when he thought that he probably hadn't been stubborn and tried again when Blair didn't want to let him look after the baby.

He had been closed in his study for a week, he only saw the baby at night when Blair was asleep, while she was in charge of everything regarding the baby. She may had needed help. Other than physical help, emotional help. He hadn't thought about that at all. He had been immature and thought about his stupid job.

When they had finally made up, and Blair had agreed that he could also do his part, he had flown to Los Angeles to go buying a stupid hotel and t had been a fiasco. He was also to blame. He hadn't been there for her when she most needed him.

He may been taking care of Alexandra more than her now, but he hadn't taken care enough of Blair when he had to.

He was distracted when Gossip Girl sent another blast. Serena was too busy to play with Alexandra to pay attention to him. Apparently Blair had been spotted at Saks and had few bags in her hands. Shopping therapy, perhaps.

He went to the kitchen to bring Alexandra's bib to Serena. The baby was unusually calm in his stepsister's arms.

"Wow, never thought you'd be this good with babies, sis." He commented, and Serena grimaced. She took the bib from his hands and then looked at the baby trying to put the bib in the baby's mouth.

Chuck looked diverted as Alexandra not too gently pushed the bib away, trying to get a grip on it. Serena kept herself calm and silent while she tried to get the baby suck on the bib, but it did not work. The baby started to squeal and moved her hands rapidly as a one-month could. Serena wasn't giving up, but she looked quite annoyed by the baby not doing what she wanted to. Chuck giggled. He was more amused than he should.

"You need to be sweet to the baby, Serena. You can't pretend she latches at the bib that easily if you are rude."

She scowled at him. "I'm not being rude at all!" she complained. "She doesn't want to suck it."

He made a quiet laugh. "I swear if I didn't know about who you were talking about I would have taken this statement as a dirty joke."

"Still the same old Chuck Bass, I see" her eyebrows went up as Chuck winked.

For a moment, he felt relieved. Serena had managed to make him smile, but he hadn't forgot his worries. He wanted to know where Blair was and wasn't sure where he could find her.

….

She was sure someone had seen her.

She had heard the camera of a cellphone snap. Someone had surely taken a picture of her while she was at Saks, or it was at Prada's? She had been spending the whole morning after she went to her physician, to do shopping.

She felt like it was the right thing to do even if that far it hadn't gone the way she wanted. She had visited her favorite places to buy a new dress or any other outfit from the new fashion season, but she hadn't been able to find much. The only things she had bought were shoes and bags, and some winter accessories. It was all fault of what the physician had told her.

Over a month had passed since Alexandra was born, and she sadly noticed she still hadn't gone back to her size 4. She asked herself then why the dress Chuck had given to her few days before fitted her so well. She hadn't taken a look at the size because she had been too giddy to finally try on a new piece after two months of being at home to take care of herself before she gave birth, and then to look after the baby.

She wondered if Chuck had bought her a size 6 or a 4. It was stupid to be concerned about the size, she thought. It wasn't that he had found her uglier because her legs and tummy were larger than they were a year before.

He had never complained about that, but she felt like he silently missed her body pre-partum.

This was another reason that was making her feel too bad that day. It wasn't enough to be feeling off because of her inability to get closer to her baby again. Her body was answering in a way she couldn't control too. It was as if her whole body and mind were against her, and she wasn't sure what to do.

He probably had described her mood very well. She was an emotional wreck.

In a critical situation as this one, she wasn't sure what to do. She wasn't feeling ready to get back home. She had challenged herself to find a size 4 dress that suited her before the day would end. Usually she never gave up. She was too stubborn to do so.

She would avoid eating lunch if it was the case.

She decided to change her plans sooner than expected. It was almost evening when she felt so tired that she couldn't stand another size delusion. She went in the dressing room and tried a dress, deciding it would be the last for the day. She would be luckier the next day.

As expected, it didn't fit but a small space on her back. She felt tears forming in her eyes but she didn't want to give up. With a bit of help she could have her zip closed and her dress would be fitting like a glove.

She went out of the dressing room to find none around. Her eyes sagged. She hadn't strength to find anyone. She was about to get in the room again and buy the dress anyway when a voice called her. She turned and managed a weak smile when she saw her mother-in-law standing few steps from where she was.

"Need help find something?" Lily asked as she leaned forward to her.

Blair's voice quavered when she answered her. "I... was about to go. I've already bought what I needed to." She explained and turned to make Lily see the bags behind her.

The woman studied her. "You sure you don't need help? You can't close your zip?" she asked. "The dress is lovely. Blue suits you so much."

She made another weak smile. She was sure Lily was being sincere. She usually was.

"Would you... help me?" she muttered.

Lily grinned with enthusiasm. "Let me see if I can do it" she agreed and reached her. She moved her hands calmly on her back and tried to move the zip up. Apparently it wasn't working. She sighed. "Seems like I can't close it. Are you sure they gave you the right size? This dress doesn't look like it fits."

Exhaustion drew Blair's face down but she tried not to show it. "But this is my size. I should probably try not to breathe too much in this dress" she giggled nervously.

Lily didn't seem to buy it. "Blair. I've been pregnant three times and I know how long does it take to go to your original weight. You don't have to feel ashamed to buy a dress of a larger size. You'll be like you were before in few months. Give it time."

"What are you talking about. I haven't gained much weight while I was pregnant" she made an awkward smile. "Is just this dress, the zip doesn't work well."

Her mother-in-law gave her a tolerant smile. "If you say so then I'll call one of the salesladies to help you since I can't seem able to close this dress." She said with quiet voice. "Or you can just ask for another size. It won't be the end of the world. Right?" she patted Blair's shoulder before she pirouetted to leave.

Blair pursed her lips. "What if I remain like this forever?" she asked when Lily was already far from her.

The woman stopped in her trails and turned briefly. She was serious now. She decided to reach her again. She didn't want the other people in the boutique to hear.

"You won't. You just have pregnancy weight that you'll surely lose soon, if that is why you're worried." Lily said with a rather soothing tone. "If you're worried that somebody else won't like you... that is another story. Anyone that loves you likes you for what you are. It doesn't matter whether you're fat or skinny or dye your hair purple. Those people will never leave you. They'll accept you because they love you."

Lily's words should have had a convincing influence on her, but they didn't. She thought she was so unappealing now. Fatter and with her hair not in place. She was already pushing away her daughter because of a fear, she wanted to push Chuck away too?

Blair's eyes went dull and she hoped not to cry. She usually did whenever she let out some thoughts she usually kept for herself because they were too scary to face.

"Did something happen, Blair? You look so exhausted."

She closed her eyes for a brief second before answering. "Can we have a drink? I think I am dehydrated. I'm going to get out of this dress."

Lily smiled warmly. "Of course. But buy that dress. It's too nice not to be purchased. If you want I'm gonna ask for another size."

Blair smiled coyly and got back in the dressing room to get dressed.

One hour and half later, twenty missed calls later, Blair and Lily had gone to a bar she used to go with Chuck. She loved that place because they baked great croissants. Now whenever she saw one she felt disgusted. It reminded her of how much weight she had gained.

Lily had taken a tea since it was around 6pm, while she had taken a simple black coffee. It was the first thing she had drank since she had gone out that morning.

"So Blair. Serena told me yesterday that you had a meeting with your doctor today. Did every thing go well? I ask because I know you had breast flu. I wanted to make sure you're good."

Blair wanted to roll her eyes at the question. Why did Serena tell her mother about her appointments? What did Lily care about that? She tried not to be rude because of the anger that came after that admission. She would talk to Serena about this.

She sipped her coffee and smiled politely. "Everything is okay. She told me I should not worry about flu unless it comes back again."

"What about the other aspects? Are your abdomen and pelvic area alright? I've had a severe bleeding for few weeks after Eric was born. I could not go out without any pills. My stomach hurt so bad" she asked with an interested tone, but Blair looked down as to let her know those were probably private informations. "I'm so sorry Blair. I didn't want to embarrass you."

"You aren't. Is just..." she started to tell her as she contemplated an empty table not so far from Lily "I feel as if no one understands this."

"I'm here to listen to you. I know sometimes it takes a mother to understand a mother."

Blair bit her lip frowned. "Were you scared to be a mother?" she asked sheepishly.

Lily looked down for a brief second and smiled at the memory. "Many times. I'm still scared to be a mother now. Your children are always unpredictable and you don't want to hurt them when they do something wrong. Sometimes you need to be hard on them but always be there for them. I... I've been quite distant from Serena's and Eric's lives when they were little. I was lost in my love stories and I haven't been properly there for them as a mother. I still fear sometimes that I will make a bad choice, but that is inevitable. We are not perfect" she said with conviction.

She felt a bit relieved about that. Lily didn't seem to have been a good mother, but Serena and Eric were still there for her. Her first son Scott was also there for her every once in a while. She thought that probably Alexandra would too for her. No matter how many mistakes your family does, you still love them. Problem with Blair was a bit different though.

"I know you are probably scared, Blair" she started to say. "You have the right to be. But try to face your problems before it's too late. You never know what's gonna happen tomorrow."

Blair frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean don't be scared to do certain things. If you don't make it the first time, try again. Ask Charles for help if you are too insecure about something. Just don't put your kids aside. They feel it when they are neglected."

She looked down and drank another bit of her coffee. Lily was probably right. The only thing missing there was strength. She didn't feel she was strong enough to face the problem.

"If something happened, Blair... don't keep it inside of you. If it's something about the baby, Charles can figure it out with you. Now that there's Alexandra with you too, you are a family. You should take care of problems together." She explained with a soft voice.

Blair made a smile and looked down at her phone again. It was vibrating and it was the same person calling. He had been calling for hours.

She heard the chair in front of her make a noise on the floor. Lily was standing up and fixing her coat. "I'm sorry but I need to leave. Tonight me and Rufus are going to go to the charity event at the theater and I need to get my hair done" she said.

"Sure. I'm going to get home now. I've been out the whole day" she giggled.

Lily smiled back one last time. "I really hope you will get better, Blair. Let me know if you need help or just someone to talk, okay?" She got closer and put a hand on hers.

Blair blinked. "Thank you."

Lily grinned one last time before leaving. It was then that Blair realized how much her mother-in-law had helped her without asking her what was the problem. She perhaps knew what to do in that moment, although it looked hard to do in her mind.

She could make it.

….

Serena had left one hour or so before. In the end she had stayed with them to eat lunch and was soon joined by Dan. He had come there to look for his girlfriend. Apparently they had got back together the day before after the controversy Dan had had at work.

They both took care of the baby while Chuck tried to look for Blair on her phone. He had sent her texts and called her. She had never answered. It was frustrating not to know where she was. He felt so worried for her. He knew how much she was down and he knew he had to be by her side, but he also knew how much Blair needed her own time.

When it was almost dinner time, he gave Alexandra her dinner bib. Chuck had thought that it was better to give it to her on his bed. He thought the baby seemed comfortable in that one more than in hers. She also seemed to fall asleep faster when they ate there.

He put the baby on his stomach when she finished eating. She burped soon and he adjusted her in the middle of his chest. He circled her with his arms as the baby kept herself silent and started to soothe her by caressing her fragile back, while the baby was holding his index.

He loved this moment because Alexandra usually calmed down sucking on her pacifier. It was relaxing that once the baby fell asleep, he put her next to him and fell asleep too.

He wasn't sure how many time had passed once he woke up but someone was next to him and the baby. He yawned as if he wanted to say something but no words escaped his mouth. His beautiful wife had come back home too and she was now in a red pajama. He noticed she had also tucked the covers on them.

He smiled at her and she smiled back, then he fell back asleep with contentment.

The following morning when he woke up, Blair was still there. She was now the one still asleep.

He noticed on the clock that it was still time for breakfast, so he decided to surprise Blair by bringing her the meal in bed.

He went downstairs and prepared something. He also called the cake shop to get some sweets and croissants delivered at home. He also prepared Alexandra's bib so that they would all eat breakfast together.

Luckily for him when he went upstairs with everything, Blair was still asleep while Alexandra seemed wide awake and trying to grasp her mother's silk pajama with her tiny hand.

"Shh!" he muttered to the baby with his index on his mouth. "Mommy is asleep!"

He put the food trolley not far from the bed and lowered down to kiss Blair on the cheek. She soon moved and a sleepy smile appeared on her features. She moved her hand next to where the baby was, and Alexandra took it for a second. Then, as she was in another world, Blair woke up and started to giggle.

"Why are you laughing?" Chuck asked with an amused voice.

She kept giggling as the baby tried to get a hold of her hand again. They seemed they were playing. "Because it's funny" she said in between the laughters.

Chuck smiled happily and went on the other side of the bed so he could see them.

Blair kept moving her hands so that the baby could try to catch it. It looked so funny that it made him feel better. She was finally touching their baby again. She sat down at some point and kept playing with Alexandra. The two of them seemed rather joyful and Blair smiled with real euphoria. He didn't think it would happen this soon.

He watched as them kept doing it until Blair broke to tears. He felt suddenly worried but Blair blocked him before he could say something about it.

"It's joy, it's joy" she said crying. She was actually crying and smiling at the same time. "I'm happy. Really happy right now" she gushed.

Chuck blinked to avoid some kind of emotional breakdown too. He just picked the baby up and passed it to her. He knew how she was feared to take her again. She took Alexandra slowly in her hands, he tasted how she was trying to tell herself to keep calm. She didn't need to freak out. He was there with her.

She shoved his hand away after a minute and looked at her daughter. The baby was looking at her with her big hazel eyes and was trying to reach her cheek. This made Blair giddy inside that she cried a little bit more. She held Alexandra tight on her chest and kissed her head.

She had missed doing it. She had never stopped doing it in the first place, she realized.

He felt so relieved to see mother and daughter together again. He felt his heart lighter. He tried hard not to be moved by the scene but eventually a little tear appeared in the corner of his eye. He instinctively got closer to his ladies and kissed Blair on the cheek then he put his arm around her shoulder and reached for the hand of the baby. Taking his index in her tiny hand had become Alexandra's favorite sport those days.

"I love you so much" Blair murmured. The baby squealed and she giggled. Both she and Chuck looked at her then at each other.

"I'm sure she wants to say she loves you very much too" he commented.

Blair glanced back at the baby and she opened her mouth in surprise when she noticed something. "Has she ever done this?" she asked with curiosity.

"What is she doing?" Chuck wondered, and Blair turned the baby so he could see her too.

"She is smiling! She is smiling for us!" she giggled happily as she shed another tear.

Chuck smiled too. "Yes, she is doing for mommy and daddy" he said and looked at Blair with satisfaction. He was so relieved. "She is so happy to see you close to her again, I'm sure."

Blair grinned and reached him for a brief peck on the lips.

It looked as if her family puzzle had finally put its pieces back together. She hoped it wasn't just an illusion... was it?

…

Hope as always I was clear with my choices. I aimed to show a broken Blair over the start of her responsibilities as a mother. Of course as you may think, the problem is not fully resolved. I don't want to drag it for long, but I won't definitely give it a closure yet. I have half an idea of what to do, hoping I won't have another writer block.

Can't wait for GG on Monday btw. It's limoversary day!

Comments are appreciated :)