Wasn't GG great last Monday? I really loved the Chair scene we've got and can't wait for episode 5.07 to air! That pumped me to finish this chapter. ;)

….

"How are you doing today?" she heard him ask from the bedroom while she was in the bathroom.

She answered sincerely. "Actually... I'm fine."

Blair had tried to start doing what she used to do before. Held her baby, nurse her baby and change her baby. She had dropped the idea to bathe Alexandra because she wasn't fully sure to succeed. The baby would bet wet and God knew if she could make a misstep.

She was trying to do what she felt like doing, with no pressures.

He had stayed next to her for the first two or three days to make her feel confident about it. 'Just in the case' type of reassurance. It made her feel better because she knew that he would be there to help her, but then he started leaving her alone with the baby. She knew he was doing it so that she could easily came back to her routines and feel sure about the things regarding the baby.

After two weeks, it seemed as if the plan was slowly working. She had slowly started to take Alexandra in her arms again for longer periods of time and on suggestion of her physician she had also started to nurse her again. It felt nice to breastfeed the baby, but it also felt tiring because afterwards her breasts looked sore. They hurt her and she was afraid she could take the flu for the second time, but her doctor always said it was normal. She shouldn't worry.

Speaking of her physician, Blair had set up another appointment for that week. She sensed that Dr. Crane wanted to monitor her feelings. When she had gone to her study and she had had the argument with Chuck outside the building, her doctor had asked how she was feeling.

Blair had lied saying she was really happy for the baby. She was indeed happy for having Alexandra but mentally and deeply she wasn't feeling that strong. That hurt really bad but she didn't think she wanted to share that sensation with the doctor. She hadn't shared it with Chuck or Serena but she felt Chuck somehow knew more than he saw.

The doctor had also asked her about post-pregnancy bleeding and pelvic pain and Blair had quickly responded that everything was okay for that matter too.

That was another hell of a big lie. She didn't have any major bleeding but her inner thigh area often ached. She had wanted to ask the physician if have sex too early could have had provoked that pain but then she realized she would appear what she didn't want to appear; an unexperienced wife and mother. That was for sure, it wasn't only her fault. But she had had to read something about the argument, despite he didn't go that deep and was quite calm.

She remembered the moment as if it was yesterday. The last time she and Chuck had had sex. Almost a month before.

For someone else was enough to have sex every once in a while but for them it wasn't the same. She felt that piece was missing from her life, although she didn't want to care about it yet. Sex wasn't that important after all.

She wondered what did Chuck think about this and if he was of the same opinion, but he had barely tried to touch her during those last few weeks. It made her a bit sad that perhaps it could pass even more time before the next time. The fact that he wasn't pushing the issue was good because she wasn't exactly in the mood for that. But she knew that he may be, he was just being silent about it because of this whole issue with their baby.

It didn't help that during the check up with Dr. Crane she had found she had gained few pounds. Her perfect shape wasn't perfect anymore and it made her think of the times she used to throw up. She had been bulimic for a while and it had been hard to eradicate that disease. It took time to understand that she liked herself the way she was even if her body wasn't as skinny as the one the models her mother used for her show was.

She still didn't fit in a 4. She had bigger thighs. She had also bigger hips and her tummy still wasn't perfectly flat as before. She had broader hips. The only good thing was that she had bigger boobs, but she didn't think boobs could be enough to still look pleasing to Chuck's eyes.

This was literally killing her and she hoped he would prove her otherwise.

Not that he didn't kiss her or hugged her. But she noticed how those gestures sometimes were really cautious as if she was a porcelain doll. She didn't want him to see her as something to protect. She wanted to feel protected but also feel strong. She didn't want him to behave like that because she was being emotionally weak.

She heard steps coming closer.

"It's great that you're feeling good" Chuck said with a pleased tone.

She was doing her eyebrows at the moment and was in a white robe with a white towel around her hair. She had just gone out of the bathtub and her robe was a bit loosened on the chest.

"Yeah" she answered.

The steps were closer as she kept doing what she was doing. "I was thinking about something" he said with a thoughtful voice. "Why don't we -" he was about to ask before trailing off.

Blair turned towards the door where he had just got inside of the room. She wished she knew why the hell did he stop talking. Chuck's face suddenly fell to the floor. He seemed rather embarrassed and she couldn't get why.

"Why don't we what?"

His eyes kept wandering on the carpet and tried not to eye Blair much. "I wanted to take the baby out. Be just us and her in the pollution of New York City" he explained.

Blair made a quiet laugh that made him raise his head a bit. "Do you really want our baby to inhale bad air?"

He shrugged and put both hands on his pockets. "If we go to Central Park she won't. Or we could just go somewhere else?"

"I have an appointment today."

He looked surprised. "Appointment?"

"With my physician. She said she wanted to see me again after two weeks since the last time" she said as she was also plucking her eyebrows. "I forgot to tell you because I called her yesterday. Sorry."

Chuck shrugged. "There's no need to be sorry."

She turned and gave him a weak smile. "Want to come with me with the baby, perhaps?" she suggested. She wasn't sure that was the best idea but she wanted to spend time with him and the baby that day. She felt like it. She was also trying to get reassurances.

"You sure about that? Wouldn't we be in the way?"

"You can wait outside of the study if you feel in the way" she simply shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm going to tell Dorota to dress the baby up... if you don't want to do it, of course."

She grinned. "Let Dorota choose the outfit for today. I'm going to get dressed soon."

He nodded and then exited the room.

Blair turned to the mirror again to finish what she was doing. All of a sudden her face seemed so tired and lost. She felt unpleasant and had a weird feeling of sickness in her stomach.

He hadn't looked at her at all. For the majority of the time he had been looking around the bathroom to avoid her glances. She was sure of it. And she had her robe really loosened on the chest... she noticed it had almost slipped off opened and her right breast was a bit visible.

Why then he didn't do anything? She wasn't expecting him to take her there like in the past. She didn't want to be taken. She wanted a sign of passion. She wanted his mouth to trail kisses on her bare neck and descend in that slit in between her chest and keep kissing her there until her robe would fall from her shoulders on the floor...

She needed to stop. Perhaps what she was thinking wasn't true. He wasn't in the mood for sex as much as she wasn't and he wasn't in the mood for kisses and cuddles either.

That sounded really depressing.

She hoped at least her doctor would tell her that she lost few pregnancy weight. That could make her feel better that day.

….

"Apparently Gossip Girl thinks we're going through a marital crisis" Chuck laughed few hours later in the limo. "She thoughts so because we looked sad while reaching the car."

Blair rolled her eyes. "That girl must stop. Why does she hope so poorly of us?"

"Really have no idea. Let's just say of all our friends we weren't exactly the ones you expect to get married and have a baby this soon" he turned to look her in the eyes.

"You think?"

He bit his lip. "I do think that may be true, yes. I honestly never thought I'd have a family before I would turn forty or even fifty. I didn't even think I would ever have a legacy. I couldn't see myself pretty much with company."

Blair frowned, confused by his words. She arched an eyebrow at him.

Chuck turned again and looked straight in front of him. "What I mean is that I never saw myself as a husband nor a father. It took me off guard when you told me you were pregnant although that night I already wanted to propose to you. There has been a moment where I thought I lost everything, few years ago. Then we got back together and what I lost I regained it quickly than I expected. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it sometimes."

She smiled at him, moved by his words. He was just standing there with a neutral expression, he looked so sincere about it. She leaned forward to seek physical contact and kissed his cheek.

"Your old beliefs proved you wrong, apparently" she caressed his jaw. "You have been a good husband and father."

Chuck smirked under the touch of her manicured hand still on his face.

The limo stopped soon and Blair hated it. There was such a romantic atmosphere in the vehicle that she didn't want to break.

Helped by Arthur, the trio went out of the car and moved inside of the building. They reached the floor where the studio of Blair's doctor was. The same secretary had greeted them at the door, and now they were waiting in the hallway that Dr. Crane would finish her previous visit.

Once the door opened again, Blair's doctor was happy to see her there.

"Mrs Bass, I'm glad you came with a short notice. I have the results of your analysis to discuss" the woman said before getting inside again. Blair stood up and looked at Chuck as to mutely tell him she will be right back soon and they could wait there. She was halfway towards the door when the doctor came out a second time. "Can Mr Bass and your baby get in too? I need to talk to them."

Blair was unaware why the doctor also wanted them there. She would have to discuss about her pregnancy weight and mood. She didn't want Chuck to be there. She didn't want him to listen to what she had to tell the physician.

"Is it inevitable? He needs to give the bib to the baby or she would cry for hours" Blair made a weak smile hoping to convince her.

The doctor shrugged. "If you don't feel comfortable about having them with you, they can wait outside. But I'd like to have them here after the usual check up. It's okay?"

She turned towards Chuck and the baby. He was looking serious at them but didn't say a word. She thought that whatever thing she decided to do, he would be fine with it. Truth was she didn't mind Chuck with her as long as the doctor wouldn't get into deep issues. She hated to seem weak in front of him, and also don't look as beautiful as she'd love to be.

Blair nodded in agreement.

"Great. Please come inside then."

The physician let Blair in and closed the door behind her. She sat on her chair behind the desk and Blair did the same.

"So, Mrs Bass. How are we doing today?"

"I feel fine. I am okay" Blair said with a low voice.

The doctor grinned and looked at some papers on her desk. "Your analysis look discreet" she started to say "but overall good. Have you had any bleedings recently? Your red cells look lower than the last time."

"Barely, really. They aren't that great."

"Does your pelvic area hurt? Or your breasts? Have you started breastfeeding again by the way?" she asked and got up from her chair to go to Blair. She asked her to let her see her breasts for the check up.

Blair nodded. "Sometimes the ache is unbearable but it goes away with that cleaning product you gave me few weeks ago. But with the breasts... after I started nursing again about eight or ten days ago, I really felt wore out every time. My breasts felt really sore and the only way to feel comfortable is to have a hot bath."

"It's really good you have started nursing again after the flu" she commented "and I suggest you not to stop again or either it will be hard to restart. A hot bath is perhaps the good solution with breast soreness. You need to have time for yourself. Be a mother is great but as you may seen it's really hard. I'll give you some pills for aching breasts anyway. Now I want to check few other things with you. Go there and undress that we'll see how you've healed."

Dr Crane tasted Blair's chest lightly until she told her to fix her shirt. Blair stood up and removed her skirt then, and put her bag on the armchair nearby. She slowly slip off her stockings and did the best she could to sit down on the examination chair properly.

The doctor went where she was and started to check. Every time was so awkward for Blair to be there and be examined but thankfully her doctor was a woman and not a man. There would have been really weird and uncomfortable.

"Every thing seems fine to me since the last time you came here. There was a disaster and I couldn't give you the green light that you could feel okay with doing what you did before the baby was delivered. It has healed a bit since then but I'd suggest you to keep calm."

Blair frowned. "Can't I have sex then?"

The doctor raised her head a bit. "I'd rather wait a week or two, just to be sure. The fact that you had sex only three weeks after the birth practically messed up the typical post-pregnancy schedule. Not that I totally advise against having sex again. I just think if you're gonna do it now you're gonna feel pain. Sure your husband can try to be calm, but it will hurt anyway."

She looked down when the doctor lowered her head again. That news made her a bit sad. Not that she needed to have sex again. She just wanted to be back to normal in a way. It wasn't a priority but it was something that bothered her and made her feel guilty for the quickie of about a month before.

The doctor told her she could get dressed again but she asked Blair to remove her shoes after.

"I need to measure your weight. You were about 142 pounds last time."

She bit her lip. "I was 112 pounds before I started."

"Come on. Let's see if you lost at least 6 pounds as I expect after the diet and exercises I gave you last time."

Blair jumped on the scale and tried not to look at the result too much. If she didn't lose at least a pound she would be really sad. She hated pregnancy weight.

Dr Crane walked on the other side of the scale and sighed. "Uhm."

"Have I lost anything?" she asked with a worried voice.

The doctor smiled politely. "You lost even more than I expected. Almost 7 pounds! That's great. I'm sure that before Christmas you can lose even more. Only 24 pounds are to lose to get back to your original weight. I think you can easily make it if you keep up."

The woman walked away and reached her desk while Blair smiled at herself. It wasn't much but it was something. Still, wasn't enough.

She put her pumps again and then walked towards the desk to pick her bag up while the doctor was writing the recipe for the pills and suggestions for the diet she should follow to lose more weight.

"You can take these pills, don't worry. They are natural so they won't make your milk 'toxic' for your baby" she explained and wrote the last few things before giving the paper to Blair.

"Then we'll see in two weeks?" Blair asked.

The doctor nodded with a grin. "Sure. Try to take care of yourself during this period. I'm sure you'll benefit. Okay? Can you please call your husband now."

Blair frowned. "Why?"

The woman became serious. "I just want to talk to him with you."

"About what?"

"About your post-pregnancy blues, Blair. It's serious. If we can't kill it now it will take time to heal. I'd love to help."

"I'm not depressed" Blair prompted answered.

The doctor shrugged. "You can't be in denial forever. There's a baby out there that needs your love now. You can't abandon her. I'm sure you are a good mother but I studied you and you have few issues due to this pregnancy. They could get worse."

Blair snorted. "I don't know what you're talking about. Please don't put your nose in my life, you don't know anything about my life at home with my daughter. Now if you'll excuse me."

She gave the woman a harsh answer before going out of the study. Chuck and Alexandra were there waiting for her and Chuck was making the baby play. The baby seemed pleased because she heard her squeal.

She approached Chuck and smiled at him. "Can we go? I'm done."

"Sure. The limo is waiting for us."

"Why don't we just walk and go to Central Park instead?" she suggested with a smile.

He looked happy of the choice. "Let's go."

…

Blair had avoided Dr Crane for the following days.

She had called at least two times a day with no success, both on her phone and on her house phone. She felt lucky that Chuck wasn't at home when the doctor called. He had been busy with something at the Empire, and he had asked Blair if she was fine with him being more hours away from home and be in his real office.

She felt more free when she was alone with Alexandra at home, so she agreed. Of course he wouldn't stay too much out but the time he remained at work felt relaxing for her. It could perhaps help her go past her fear.

The phone had rang five minutes before but she had ignored it. It should have been the doctor again. When she ignored the second call, a third started but it wasn't what she expected. It was on the other hand a text, and she had rolled her eyes at it.

"What does this woman want" she said annoyed at the baby on the bed next to her. The baby just watched her with her wide eyes. She would not read the message.

She jumped off bed and decided to watch a movie while waiting for Chuck to arrive for dinner. It still was six, but the time the movie she had chosen lasted would cover the time he would get back.

She got back on the bed as soon as she had put the DVD and started the movie. She took the baby in her hands and started comment the images with her. She was surprised and amazed at how the baby seemed to react to her talking.

Alexandra usually squealed and made weird noises whenever a new music or someone that talked really loud appeared on screen. It was amusing to listen, and it made feel Blair better whenever her daughter did that. It felt as if those weeks apart had quickly passed and she was back to normal with her baby, as it should had been. Probably the fact that she had took a break from nursing and her baby routines had helped.

The telephone rang again after a while, and she ignored it as usual. It also made the baby woke up and made her sigh so loud because that was the second time she did it. She was surprised when the answering machine voice started and someone talked.

I wonder why you aren't answering your phone and this phone, but I hope is not for me and my being late... I'm sorry I can't be home for dinner. We needed to set up a late meeting and it is about to start. I have no idea when I'll get back home, feel free to eat if you want. Give a kiss to Alexandra for me and see you later. I love you. Bye.

She pursed her lips and and sighed in relief. He may have been calling the other times and she thought it was the doctor instead.

She waited for the baby to fall asleep and then she asked for dinner to get ready.

After she ate dinner Chuck still wasn't home. She didn't mind his being late than usual, he was probably getting into the loop of his work again just like her with Alexandra.

She decided that since she wasn't sure when he would be back, she would try to take care of her body as she did every night before bed. She now was also checking her weight and was trying to massage her legs more often to re-shape them as soon as they could. Not that her legs were fleshy, but she felt her calves were a bit puffy.

She needed to lose those 20 pounds or something to regain her older figure, the Blair he loved so much.

She thought that perhaps he would look at her with lust when she would, and not as if he was embarrassed for her like the other morning. He would not look as if he is being invasive. He would not be shy to look at her above all.

The thought of not being enough for Chuck and to still be pleasant for him really wore her out. She knew she didn't need to worry about that. He hadn't let go when she had started gaining weight during the pregnancy and back then they had had sex several times and it had always been great. He had never commented on the fat she clearly showed but lately she felt he was disappointed. She was just focused on the baby and despite he was being a good husband for her, he wasn't exactly looking at her the way he used to.

She felt so insecure for thinking that, but it was inevitable.

She went to the bathroom to have a hot bath. She let the water flow as she started to put the bath oils and then she started stripping out of her clothes, trying so hard not to turn and look in the big mirror in front of the bathtub. She tied her hair back and then got in it.

She started relaxing as soon as the hot water touched her body. It smelled real good and the scent started to make her feel better. She started to drift off with her thoughts after she put her head back on the bathtub. The sensation felt so soothing that she didn't notice she was about to fall asleep.

The crash of a thunder woke her up.

She looked at the clock on the bathroom counter and it said it was almost eleven. She hoped it would not rain too much and that Chuck would not come home drenched. All of her hopes failed miserably when he indeed got back with his outfit sopping wet.

He opened the door of the bathroom and didn't notice her soon. This made her feel uncomfortable as soon as his eyes fell on her figure hidden under the bubbles.

"I'm sorry, I didn't you know you were here." He said with a low voice.

She smiled sincerely. "You look like a drowned rat. What happened to you? Was Arthur on strike?"

He laughed. "Too much traffic. I had to tell him to drive off and walk for few blocks under the rain. It was really blocked that after the hour we've been waiting in the traffic jam I only wanted to come home, no matter how."

"You should had waited in the limo. You would have not soaked in the rain."

"I wanted to come home. Have been too many hours apart from you and the baby. I was missing you both" he said with a sweet voice and grinned.

Blair grinned as well. "Now that you're here... since you're already soaked why don't you join me? I'm drenched as well and I'm really cold." She blinked and tried to do the Bambi eyes.

Chuck's mouth fell open. At that point he seemed as if he didn't know what to say.

"Why don't I change and go to bed instead? I think I had too much troubles with water for today" he said as he started to get his coat off and put it in the dirty linen bin.

She sighed. "But you need a hot bath. There's enough space for two in this."

He was starting to remove his suit piece by piece to put it in the dirty laundry box. He was now only in boxers and shirt. He turned from where he was to look at her. She didn't love his serious expression at all.

"The only thing I want now is a hot bed."

"Why not a hot woman in a hot bathtub?" she asked. Blair winked at him from the bathtub and then stood up, leaving him not too much at the imagination since her body was only covered by bubbles here and there.

He looked at her body from head to toe, but then he just sighed. "I'm tired, Blair. Really tired."

She put both hands on her hips. "We can be tired together" she fluttered her eyelashes at him with no success. She felt so stupid.

"Your hands are wrinkled" he noticed, and her eyes fell on her hands for a second.

"Not enough to stay for other five or ten minutes" she kept trying to seduce him.

He tried hard not be harsh. "I am not in the mood for a bath. I just want to sleep. Please. You can go out there and follow me too" he smiled politely at her.

Blair's expression changed. "I'll reach you in five minutes" she managed a weak smile.

Chuck was under the sheets reading the newspaper when she got back in their room. The lamp was on and was the only source of light of the room. She walked slowly towards the bed with her silk blue pajama, and then crawled under the covers too. He turned when she put her head on the pillow, and he gave her a tiny smile before going back to his newspaper.

Blair looked away from him and started to focus on her bare hands under the sheets. She tried to move them slowly to reach his hip. When she put one there, he slowly reacted by moving his foot a bit. She started to massage there going all the way from his chest to his crotch.

He seemed to relax and excite as she moved her hand, until he turned and asked her to stop.

"You look like a woman on her period tonight" she complained to him.

He shook his head. "I'm just tired" he tried to justify.

She snorted. "Sorry" she answered bitterly and adjusted herself better on her pillow.

Chuck rolled his eyes and put the newspaper back on the nightstand. "What's happening, Blair? First you were horny in the bathroom, now you were trying to provoke me an arousal. Is there something I don't know?"

She made a snarl giggle. "It baffles me that you of all people are asking me this."

"Sorry for not understanding, but I already told you I'm wore out."

She shrugged. "So am I."

"It's not just that."

She raised an eyebrow. "Try to guess."

His eyes wander around the room before studying her again. He didn't look really awake in that moment but she didn't care. He was still conscious and she hoped he wouldn't disappoint her or otherwise she would feel really bad.

What she was feeling was close from happening. What could she do?

"If this is for Milena, then..." he started to murmur few words until she made a face.

"Who the heck is Milena?"

He frowned. "The new receptionist. I thought you'd seen her. She is very..." he trailed off.

Blair fumed. "How is she? Tall, blonde and with big boobs? Well what could I have expected."

"Is just a receptionist, Blair."

She pretended she cared about this person. Who the hell was this girl didn't matter. The matter was another and it wasn't exactly a matter of jealousy.

She rolled her eyes and avoided to look at him.

He moved closer to her and looked for her hand under the sheets. "Are you jealous? I like that you're jealous."

Blair groaned.

"I'd take this as a yes?"

He really didn't get anything. She didn't care about this receptionist and she didn't even have seen her yet. She partially didn't doubt about his loyalty to her.

What feared her the most was herself and what she could become. She would be less Milena and more fat Blair if she wouldn't lose her pregnancy weight soon. Then she would have to worry for the receptionist because Chuck would be more attracted by a model type rather than the mother of her baby.

"I don't care about how the staff at your hotel looks like, to be quite honest." She answered.

"Then what? Enlighten me."

She rolled her eyes. "Why don't we just sleep? I'm losing my voice..." she blinked.

Chuck remained there with his mouth half open and wonder on his face as Blair curled on the side and looked at the wall in front of her to try to sleep.

She thought he was really slow to understand how she was feeling, and was proving her that something had changed indeed. That looked so sad to think but she had no idea where to find her confirmations if not in his gestures towards her.

She thought he had fallen asleep five minutes later when he stopped moving in bed. He instead moved closer to her and circled her body with his arm. She felt the goosebumps as soon as his hand found hers. She had been keeping it on her belly and it reminded her of when she first told him she was pregnant. He had held her hand on that spot for the whole pregnancy, and had caressed the belly with her up to the delivery.

"I really love you, Blair. Don't think a blonde receptionist would be enough to make me leave you. You're a beautiful wife and an amazing mother. I could not ask for better. So please never forget that, okay?" he said. He then gave her a neck kiss. The goosebumps continued.

Blair tighten the grip on his hand and smiled weakly.

He seemed he always made her happy with something, but why did it feel the words weren't enough for her to prove herself he hadn't stopped wanting her in that other sense too? She had rejected her two times in a row and she couldn't take another no the next time she would try to show herself that he still wanted her that way. She had to do something so that he could not resist to her next time... but what? Perhaps someone could help.

She fell asleep with his cologne inebriating her nostrils.

…

As you can see, I am going trying to analyze Blair's body issues. She is really conflicted and insecure about her image that she needs proofs from Chuck. Well he still couldn't give anything solid to her, but his response will come soon, don't worry. I hope as always that I didn't make a mess of Blair's emotions. I write as if I were her and try to put my feelings to describe hers. I hope I succeeded.

Comments are loved!