I barely managed to get through the day without vomiting. Every move sent a fresh wave of nausea. I managed to deal until late at night when I was just getting into bed. I moved slightly to get more comfortable and instantly clamped my hands over my mouth. I ran straight to the bathroom.
"Food poisoning indeed." Steve said, holding my hair back.
"Just a bug or something."
"Yeah, except you don't get bugs. Natasha... what if..." His hand dropped to my stomach.
I froze. I couldn't... "What date is it?"
"10th of January."
"Oh god... oh god... no..."
"How many days?"
"This isn't even days... I haven't had a period for nearly three months."
"Oh... that's not good..."
"No shit Sherlock... I need to go get a test." I stood but was almost immediately back beside the toilet, throwing my guts up.
"I can go." He stood and left the small bathroom. I rested my head against the wall and closed my eyes, praying to any and all gods. If I was, there was only one option. Keeping it would only put us and it in danger.
Steve came back after around ten minutes. I grabbed the bag off him and pushed him out.
"Well?" He asked after five minutes. I took a deep breath and summoned up the courage to open my eyes and look. When I saw the result I couldn't help but scream and start crying. I backed up against the wall and sank to the floor.
This couldn't be happening. I felt like fate was deliberately taunting me. I had already lost three children, and now it was forcing me to do it deliberately.
"Natasha? It's positive isn't it?" Steve said.
I didn't answer but my silence said everything.
He pushed open the door and walked in. He knelt down beside me and held me tightly.
"We have to get rid of it." I said, struggling to keep my voice level.
"I know." He said after a minute.
I couldn't help the disappointment that welled up. Some stupid, selfish part of me had been hoping for a different response. For no reason other than to ease my guilty conscience.
"Is it legal?"
"I think so. Up to 12 weeks."
"Are you under that?"
"Um... yeah. I should be..."
I closed my eyes and more tears squeezed out.
"It'll be okay." He said softly, kissing my forehead. I nodded and tried to have some faith in his words.
"I need to get out of here..." I unsteadily pushed myself up and quickly threw on clothes. I ran out. I found myself walking down a dark, lonely alleyway.
"We've been watching you." I heard a cold voice say.
"Really? I'm flattered."
"Haha. Very funny. You killed my brother."
"Brother? And who was he?"
"Peter Trent. You killed him."
"Trent? I remember him. I enjoyed watching the life slowly drain from his eyes, watch the blood seep from the wound I created-" I heard a roar and ducked. A man was sent sprawling onto his face.
"You stupid, heartless bitch. I'm not alone."
"Oh goody! It's been a while since I've thoroughly beaten the crap out of someone. You really do miss it. The feeling of raw bloody flesh underneath your fist..."
Someone jumped down from a rooftop. One high kick sent him to a painful landing in a dumpster.
"The groan of a man giving up on life..." I whirred around and punched someone.
But they were like a pack of wolves, encircling me. Then two grabbed my arms and hit the back of my knees. I fell to the ground.
"The grin of a man, arrogantly thinking he's about to win." I tried moving my legs but then a heavy foot stamped them down.
The first guy approached me. "An arrogant bitch who thinks she's made up for her crimes... Wiped the blood off her ledger." He drew his fist back and punched me.
"That must have taken a lot for a weak bastard like you." I said, spitting out blood.
"You think you've somehow made up for your crimes? That you've redeemed yourself by killing the soldiers of your bosses enemy?"
"I'm impressed. You've done your research."
He roared and punched my gut. I smiled. "Maybe you should have spent more time in the gym instead. I've seen toddlers that can punch harder than you."
"What? That bastard child with the captain? I'm sure I could arrange a meeting..."
"Don't you dare touch her!" I screamed.
"Looks like we've found a weak spot. I'm sure the captain would love to know about how while he was blaming himself for your disappearance you were seducing your guards and abandoning your daughter."
I felt tears in my eyes. "You call that seduction?" I whispered.
"Or does he already know?"
"Yes, he already does." I lied.
"No, I think not. The infamous black widow, master of seduction and legendary assassin, so weak she could be raped? Not even able to defend herself against one guard? You know, I have heard stories about your prowess. Why don't we all have a go?"
The men around me grinned. I felt hands grabbing at my clothes.
"You sick bastard..."
Eventually they left me. I forced myself to stand and stumbled into some 24 hour diner. I went straight into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I might be able to get away with it. I fixed my nose with a slight crack and washed my face. My entire body ached but I couldn't do much about that. I wrapped my coat around me tightly and left.
Steve was waiting up for me.
"Natasha! Where the hell have you been?"
"I went for a walk."
"For over an hour?"
"It was a long walk."
"What aren't you telling me?" He said with concern.
"Nothing. I'm fine."
He looked at me for a moment then shook his head. "I was worried."
I smiled slightly and kissed him softly. "You shouldn't have been. I'm fine."
"You're limping." He said, looking down at my ankle.
"I tripped and twisted my ankle."
"Natasha. What happened?"
"Nothing! I just tripped. Stop worrying so much."
"You're sure?"
"Yes! I'm fine." I carefully took off my clothes and changed into pjs. I smiled and slid into bed next to Steve. He put a strong arm around me and I winced, barely managing to stay quiet. I kept my tears silent as Steve slowly fell asleep.
Eventually, when weak sunlight started streaming through the window, I gave up on sleep. I carefully moved Steve's arm and managed to stand with minimal pain.
My entire body hurt. I ignored it and grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom. I locked the door and carefully removed my pjs. I avoided looking in the mirror as I stepped into the shower. But I still looked down at my body and nearly screamed. Almost my entire body was bruised and purple. You could see the marks of harsh fingers on my upper thighs. And higher than that.
I couldn't take it. I slid down to the floor of the shower and started shaking despite the hot water flowing down my back. I couldn't stop the tears that slid down my face.
Steve couldn't know. He just couldn't.
I took a deep breath and stood. I switched off the shower and got out. It was only then I noticed the scarlet blood circling the drain. My hands dropped to my still flat stomach. Of course. There was almost no chance of it surviving the previous night. I threw on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved top. I grabbed a coat and left, thankful Steve was still sleeping.
As I walked out of the building I found the nearest ob-gyn on my phone.
When I got there and was given an ultrasound, the doctor only confirmed what I already knew. That I had lost the baby.
"I'm sorry to pry, but how exactly did you get these bruises?" The doctor said, putting a warm hand over the purple marks on my stomach.
"I fell. Down the stairs."
"Really? At what angle exactly?" He said with scrutiny, peering at me through glasses.
"It was a long stairs, I tumbled down." Even to me the words sounded fake.
"Miss, if you were attacked or violated... you need to tell someone."
"I'm fine. I just fell down the stairs."
"Very well. Now we have two options. We could let nature take it's course, or use drugs to get rid of it more quickly."
"Just get it out."
He nodded and left the room for a few minutes. I wiped away the tears that had been threatening to spill since he told me it was gone.
I walked back into the apartment a few hours later.
"Where the hell have you been?" Steve said angrily.
"I went and had it done."
"Without telling me? I woke up and you were gone."
"Why wait?"
"You should have left a note, or something!"
"I didn't think."
He grabbed my arm and I bit my lip to stop myself from moaning in pain. "What the hell really happened last night? What aren't you telling me?"
I swallowed and calmly looked into his eyes. "Nothing. I went out for a walk, I tripped and sprained my ankle."
It was a few weeks before things returned to normal again. At least, as normal as they would ever be in that situation. But our stay in Prague was cut short when a wanted drawing of us was circulated. It similar enough to us that if someone saw us in the streets, they would recognize us, but not similar enough that anyone would recognize them as Captain America and Black Widow. It was time to move.
"We should go to your parents place over Christmas." Steve said in the cabride to the airport.
"Or we could drop over there right now. They live pretty close to the airport."
"Great." Steve said with a smile. It was settled. We were going to Russia.
But as we walked through the airport I could feel eyes on us.
"I'm going to use the restroom. Ok sweetie?" I said, kissing Steve while simultaneously spotting a sniper fifteen feet away, above us. As our lips parted I whispered the information in his ear.
"Agent with a pistol. Seven feet. Disguised as a businessman, hasn't moved from the general area for fifteen minutes."
I smiled brightly and walked away.
"I will give you one hundred euro to change clothes with me." I said to the only other woman in the bathroom, shutting the door. She was wearing skinny jeans, a loose hoody and sneakers.
"Um... sure."
I quickly removed my own outfit and put on the clothes she offered me.
I put away my weapons and handed over the money. The girl skipped out with a grin. I carefully fixed my hood so none of my hair was visible and left. Steve was already gone. I kept my head down and walked towards the gate.
"Excuse me, miss, I'd like to talk to you." Someone whispered in my ear. I felt a strong hand on my forearm.
I obediently let them lead me into a room. But not much more than that.
"Hmm. 3 and no sniper." I said, looking at the unconscious bodies around me.
"You okay?" Steve asked, entering the room.
"Of course. You missed all the action though." I said with a smirk.
"We need to get out of here." I said, bending down to pick up one of their guns. I grabbed some ammo and hid the gun. Steve did the same and we both left the room.
We quickly boarded the train and found a compartment. I put my head on his chest and closed my eyes.
please, pleas review! I will try update more regularly, I promise