Hope you'll like this.
Next chapter is the one to "celebrate" one year that I have written this fanfic.
Comments make my life better! :)
….
She decided to go to her doctor few days later. She wasn't feeling anxious about her period still not coming, she was just slightly worried.
It wasn't the possibility of the new pregnancy itself that worried her. She was more worried about how her family would take it. Alexandra was just five months old. She had come unplanned and taking care of her was harder everyday as she grew up.
Plus, Blair wasn't aware of Chuck's reaction of the news. She didn't think he would be opposed to have another baby but the problem was the timing. Too soon after the first one.
She sighed with tension while she awaited for the person that got in the room before her to get out.
"Are you... Blair Waldorf?" She heard someone ask with a rather annoying voice.
She turned on the right to acknowledge this person. It was a blonde girl she had never seen before nor remembered. "Yes. I mean, actually I'm Blair Waldorf-Bass now."
The girl seemed excited. "I know! You're so lucky! I hoped I would meet you someday. I've always been a fan of you since you went to Constance School."
"Uhm... really?" she asked with surprise.
"You were great in high school. I've got all of your styles in a scrapbook and I even own a page with your outfits! You are like a celebrity for me. My sister hated you but I always talked good of you and I love your story with Chuck Bass! I was so glad when you two got married."
Blair frowned and made an awkward smile. "Oh."
The conversation stopped once she heard the door in front of them open. An overconfident Penelope exited it and soon glared at Blair. She was carrying a baby that was possibly a little bit older than Lexie.
"Look who is here. Pregnant again, Blair?" She asked with an acid tone.
She pursed her lips. "I could ask you the same question, Penelope. Still single?"
Penelope seemed disturbed by the demand, and didn't answer but the girl did for her. "Penny still hasn't found a guy yet. The father of my niece has a new woman."
"Maggie, shut up!" Penelope took the girl by the shoulder and made her stand up.
"But Penny! That is the truth" the girl tried to justify herself while Penelope tried to take her away from the seats where Blair was. The girl turned one last time before they got in the elevator. "By the way, it was a pleasure knowing you, Blair!"
Blair grinned at the girl and waved before the duo disappeared. She rolled her eyes and sighed. She should probably change her doctor if she didn't want to meet Penelope again next time. Finally, the woman freed and asked her to get in.
She got in and sat in front of the desk and waited for the doctor to find her folder.
"How are we going, Mrs Bass?"
She smiled at the woman and giggled lightly. She still had a weird sensation when someone called with her married surname.
"I'm fine but I'm really tired these days."
"Is it because of your baby? Have you stopped nursing her with your milk?"
Blair shook her head. "Partially. Some things happened after the last time we saw each other. I... I still haven't got my period yet."
"That's not unusual, Blair. Many women got their period back after a year they delivered" she explained. "All depends on how much you are breastfeeding your baby and on your hormones, of course. Every woman is different."
The woman then asked her to undress and visit her. Blair couldn't understand if after she started the check up she was taking a lot of time because she wanted to be sure, or because she was simply being slow.
Blair wanted and needed to know. She was truly afraid of the results of the visit, her doctor had no idea.
She was asked to get dressed again after a long inspection.
She tried to tell the informations as better as she could, when she sat back down on the chair in front of the desk. "I don't give my milk all day to my baby. My mother suggested me to give her solid food for one time a day and baby formula. I tried this for a few days and thought it was better because I was feeling less breast soreness."
The doctor nodded "You are doing the right thing. Start eating solid food such as puree after your baby turned five months is normal. The baby needs to be wean... you are giving her your milk less and less? How is that going?"
"I only give her my milk in the afternoon. You know, after I also rested for a while."
"I see. Well, besides that how is your sexual life? When was the last time?"
She bit her lip and looked at the satchel on her legs. "Last week... the day before yesterday. Yeah."
"Have you had any other intercourse before that?" she asked while she wrote down the infos.
"It was just foreplay before that" she said with a low tone. "But few times before the new year, on Christmas Day... I can't remember all the times. We used protection back then."
"And now you are not anymore?"
She looked up and shook her head.
"You often did it without protection" the doctor reasoned and Blair silently nodded. "I can't say that the breastfeeding method works fine for everyone. You can still ovulate and don't acknowledge it. You also had a few weeks nursing period because you had breast fever, am I correct?"
Blair nodded again.
"Then I really need you to do another check up in one month. I guess we don't have to worry now. Your period looks still blocked because you're breastfeeding."
"Are we really sure about that?" she asked with clear worry.
The woman seemed worried for Blair herself. "What's wrong, Blair? You are afraid you may be pregnant again? You need to be calm. Your period may be coming anytime since you are not breastfeeding all the time but it could also be delayed of few months."
She sighed. "I do want another baby if there may be the case. Just not now. Alexandra was born less than seven months ago and I'm still getting used of her in my life. If I get pregnant again, I could dedicate her less time. I don't want this."
"The possibility you might be pregnant is really low. I've followed you since the start and I know your pattern. You should try to think positive."
She didn't know how to explain the woman how she was feeling.
She wasn't sure why she felt so anxious in the first place. She knew that it was unlikely that she was pregnant because her period had yet to come back. She knew about the natural protection she had because of nursing. Still, she wasn't sure it had worked all the times.
She felt as if she wasn't able to control it. Truthfully, she wasn't. She couldn't control neither her emotions, nor her hormones.
Her doctor kept telling that she wasn't in danger but she couldn't fully be sure of it.
"Come here in one month again. We'll see how your analysis are and we'll also do an ultrasound if that's the case."
She frowned. "Can't we do it now?"
"Wouldn't give us anything. It's been two months since you didn't use any protection anymore and one since you aren't giving your milk to the baby like you used to."
She sighed.
"Try to enjoy your days. We'll see each other the day before Valentine's Day, Mrs Bass."
….
One month later, Blair exited the study of her doctor with a little reassurance but not enough to actually make her change her mood.
She couldn't stop thinking about possibilities. What would be of her if she was pregnant again?
She wasn't afraid of Chuck's reaction. She was sure that whatever the case she might have another baby in less than a year, would have pleased him. He already loved Lexie and it wouldn't be hard for him to love another person with his own blood.
She reasoned that if she was at least four weeks along, the newborn would be delivered when Alexandra would be one year old. That was a critical period for a baby. She would learn to move the first steps and say the first words. She would start to build tension between her and them because she would start to understand more than before.
She didn't want her daughter to feel put aside just because she was pregnant.
Her doctor suggested her to try to distract with anything and push away the idea of being pregnant. She added that she could call her and come back to her study if she felt other symptoms that may make her worried.
Dr Crane had had her do another blood test that morning, just to be sure. She had seen that it wasn't impossible for her to be expecting again but that she still needed to be positive and optimist. Nothing was set in stone, even if she felt it already was.
She had stopped nursing her baby all the times Lexie had to eat because she seemed to refuse her milk. Her doctor had told her it was normal, but she hated when her daughter would stop sucking and would feel enough. She felt as if the baby didn't want nor need her milk anymore. Yet, she always tried to put it in the afternoon meal for her. She thought her baby was getting used to puree and baby formula, she didn't want that anymore.
This made her feel so anxious. Breastfeeding wouldn't protect her like it used to if she stopped doing it or did less and less. She would have more chances to return to her routines and probably really get pregnant again.
She went out of the study few hours before dinner and thought she could spend the rest of the afternoon before it with Serena. She was caught off guard when she spotted Chuck leaning against her limo. She wasn't expecting him at all.
She smiled and tried to hide that her head was somewhere else. "I thought you were at work."
"I was" he said with a sharp voice. "The group of Canadians who was staying at the Empire left two hours ago and I decided to get out of work earlier."
"Sure, I remember about the Canadians" she said with not so much conviction. "How do you know I was here? I didn't tell you."
He touched his lips with two fingers and smiled as well. "I read it on Gossip Girl."
She made a face. "I wonder when she'll stop tracking us down. It's really annoying."
"I know" he shrugged. "But without her, I wouldn't have found you now."
"True." But you could have called, she wanted to tell him.
Blair felt as if she was unable to say a long phrase. She needed to be alone for a while but she didn't want to explicitly tell him that.
He raised one eyebrow. He looked suspicious. "You don't seem happy to see me" he stated.
She dropped her thoughtful expression and grinned again. "No, no. What are you thinking?" she laughed very awkwardly. "It was just... unexpected."
"Aren't some unexpected things good because they are unexpected?"
She waited a moment before answering. "Would you have liked it if it was me who surprised you with something? Since tomorrow it's Valentine's Day and all" she teased him.
"Of course I would."
She pursed her lips and looked down. She wasn't sure of what she would tell him. Of course she wouldn't confess her worries about being possibly pregnant... yet. But she felt as if she had to tell him something.
"What is that face" he murmured and caressed her cheek.
She timidly looked up to face him. "Nothing, absolutely nothing" she lied.
He pursed his lips, still unsure. "Why don't we do something before dinner?" he suggested.
As much as spending time with him sounded good, it wasn't what she needed that afternoon.
"I can't stay, Serena is waiting for me. I promised her to go shopping."
"Then alright. I'll see you at dinner?" he wondered.
Blair bit her lip and shrugged. "Later."
….
Blair couldn't help by feeling a bit guilty of her choice. She had decided to stay away from him for a few hours in the possibility of calming down. She was getting too much anxious over an unlikely pregnancy, what would she do if she was actually expecting?
She walked to Serena's building with the hope of finding her best friend in.
She had been a guest at Chuck and Blair's penthouse for over a week, during the past month. They had slept in the same bed for two nights in a row and remembering old times, until Blair thought she had to return to her daily routines and Serena had start trying to heal her wounds and talk with Carter and Lily about it.
It helped her that he knocked on their door after three days Serena was staying there.
He and Serena had talked and she had explained him why she didn't tell him about her pregnancy soon. It had been hard but she had made it.
It looked like Carter really liked Serena. Blair couldn't believe her eyes and hears when she heard him say I love you to her best friend. Carter had been a womanizer as much as Chuck in the old days. Seeing these changes and steps ahead that he had made, warmed her heart.
She only wanted the best for Serena.
Her friend had got back to her house after a while. Lily had been happy to have her daughter back, the two tried to discuss things that Serena had left unsaid and made up.
Now Serena felt rather positive and lighter and Blair kept being by her side almost everyday. At least she was fine now.
When she reached the apartment of the Van der Woodsens, Lily was sitting on the couch reading a book. She looked alone but Serena could still be in her room for all she knew.
She got up and hurried to hug her when she made her presence clear. "Hello, Blair! I'm happy to see you."
She smiled. "Is Serena home?"
"You girls had to meet today? She left few hours ago for Caracas."
Blair seemed disappointed by the explanation. She really could use a talk with her best friend.
"I didn't know she was headed to Venezuela." She rolled her eyes.
Lily moved to give her space to sit on the couch. "I really have no idea of when she'll be back home. I can try to call her or give her your message if you want."
She shook her head with a smile. "That's okay. I can visit another time" she answered.
Her mother-in-law was distracted from a text on her phone and decided to answer before getting back on her. In the meantime, Blair decided to glance at hers. She had got one missed calls and two texts, both from Serena.
I'm not home, B. Carter and I'm out of the country and I'm not gonna get back until Friday. -S
She felt as if she had went there for nothing. If she had known before, she would have gone to another place.
Lily sighed. "What's wrong, Blair?"
She raised her head and grinned. She didn't need to show her that she was clearly worried and the fact that Serena was out was making things harder. She needed someone to talk to.
"Serena just informed me of her trip to South America" she explained.
Lily tilted her head on the side. "I'm sorry she's not here. I thought she told you."
She managed a smile and shrugged.
Her expression changed once Lily got another text that made her giggle. She felt like laughing too, seeing how many texts was getting her best friend's mother. She was texting like a young girl. She probably thought she was texting with Rufus.
She looked up and had an excited expression on her face. Blair looked exhausted.
"Is everything okay?"
Blair nodded. She didn't need her to know about her pregnancy fear. "I should go" she said as she stood up, then thought about it again. "Can I use the bathroom before I go?"
Lily nodded her head and Blair left the room for the toilet.
She knew that she wanted to go there not for a real urge but to check if something had changed. She was freaked out without needing to but she couldn't stop thinking about it.
She closed the door behind her with the key and went to check herself out.
She did it fast and expected what she saw. There was nothing saying her period was back yet, as well as she was in a particular state.
She reluctantly fixed her clothes once again and then sat on the edge of the bathtub to cry. She couldn't help but making the tears wet her face and ruin her mascara. She felt feared without needing to be and her mind wasn't able to stop her from being.
She also forgot that in the afternoon she usually tried to give her milk to her baby. She was exhausted that she was forgetting things.
She went out of the bathroom with her bag in her hand and looked for Lily to say goodbye.
She found her in the kitchen behind the counter, she was drinking what it looked like water.
"You are leaving?"
She nodded. "It's almost dinner time and I thought me and Chuck could use a meal together."
"Yes, you do" Lily agreed then put the glass on the counter. "Who knows, maybe he can help you with your problem while Serena is away."
Blair looked at her hands and sighed. "I don't think he can, actually... you know, girls things" She exclaimed with a giggle that came out very awkward from her mouth.
Lily's tone grew serious. "I heard you cry in the bathroom, Blair."
"Crying?" she asked with another awkward laughter.
"If you have a problem, remember that I'm here to listen to you. I know I may not be Serena and that you may feel conditioned that I am your husband's mother, but I can help."
Blair shook her head and looked away. "I can live with it" she lied. "I need to go now."
"Okay" Lily murmured before Blair walked away very fast. "I'll see you."
….
She hurried for her limo and wasn't sure what she would do now.
She asked her driver to take her home, hoping she could at least use some time alone. She just wanted to read a magazine or do something for herself before dinner.
She found Chuck sitting in the foyer with the baby. When he noticed her, he jumped off it and came to greet her.
"I thought you wouldn't get back before shops would close."
Blair seemed perplexed he thought so. "You don't want me here?" she tried to joke. "I'm kidding. Serena wasn't home, that is all. She went to Caracas with Carter" she rolled her eyes.
He frowned. "Oh. I'm sorry, I know you needed to go shopping so badly."
"Yeah, I did. But there's time when she gets back for that. How is my baby, by the way?"
"Your baby is really horny and wants to you give you a kiss" he smirked at her.
Blair rolled her eyes pretending to be disgusted. "I meant the other baby" she punched his arm lightly and took the baby from his arms.
Chuck looked at them with amused eyes. "Sad to know I'm your baby number two."
She froze after she started thinking about it. "W-what?" she pretended to be distracted.
"I said that I'm disappointed to be your baby number two."
She shrugged. "Maybe you aren't. I consider both of you on the same footing."
He pretended to be jealous. "At least Alexandra can't have you the way I do" he smirked.
"Chuck!" She admonished him and rolled her eyes as she walked away towards the stairs. She just wanted to kick off her shoes and have a calm dinner.
She took the baby in her room and put her on the big bed. Lexie protested when she was put down but Blair had to change before she could take her back in her arms. She gave the baby a kiss and decided to feed her since she hadn't been home in the afternoon to do so.
She sat on the small couch of Lexie's nursery and opened her shirt to let her latch.
The baby was used to the gesture and she soon started to suck with energy, to Blair's surprise.
"Hey, hey! You really are hungry today. Didn't your father give you anything?" she wondered. She knew Lexie couldn't answer her yet. She just heard mumbles.
She started caressing her baby's head kindly. "What would do do if I'd tell you will have a brother or a sister? Would you like it?"
The baby kept eating and often looked at her mother with dreamy eyes.
"Yeah, I know. You still want your mother all for yourself. I know the feeling. I was like you. But I actually didn't want any sibling. I just wanted my mother home with me" she said with melancholy.
Lexie suddenly removed her tiny mouth from Blair's left breast. "Is the milk already finished?" she asked with worry as she tried to latch the baby again without success. Alexandra seemed as if she didn't want to suck anymore. She tried to push with sweetness but she hurt there so she stopped and decided to give her baby her other breast.
When she did so, the baby still didn't look as if she wanted to keep eating.
She bit her lip and tried several times to latch the baby but she didn't want to. She pressed on her breast to try it as if milk would flow out of it, but she didn't have any leak as she expected.
She started to panic as if that would be any indication that she had stopped producing milk or something of the same nature. She didn't know what to do and her freak control over things made her feel as if she had to try and try until Alexandra would be nursed, even if she knew it was probably due to the fact that her baby was getting used of other food.
She tried several times without any success. The baby even started crying when she tried to block her from duck her head on the side because she didn't want to suck anymore.
"Why can't you eat" Blair murmured in the middle of the room as she tried to change positions.
She tried everything until she felt exhausted and she started to cry for no reason.
Chuck came to tell her that dinner was ready few minutes later. She hated that he would see her crying. She didn't want him to ask her why even if she knew he would. Plus, the baby was crying too so it was a big sad picture to look at.
He approached her on the couch and put a protective hand on her back.
He tried to shush her as she avoided his glances. She didn't oppose when he took Alexandra back from her arms and tried to calm the crying baby.
Blair covered herself with her arms on her chest and put her hands on her face so that she wouldn't see him. She felt so hormonal in that moment that she hoped it was a sign that after all she wasn't that pregnant, or maybe that she was it too much.
He waited until the baby calmed down to put her back in her crib. He got back where she was still emotional and hiding from him. He adjusted his arm behind her back and took her closer to him until her body touched his.
She kept crying silently until she recoiled back and looked at the floor while she fixed her shirt.
She shook her head and wiped away her tears before she had the strength to finally look him in the eyes.
He tried to soothe her. "What's wrong?"
Blair's eyes drifted away from his. "The baby doesn't want my milk" she whispered.
"Mmmh" he mouthed "are you sure about that? Your milk is delicious."
She had the instinct to smile at that one. "Don't joke."
"Was just trying to make you laugh" he shrugged. "What's wrong, Blair?" he echoed.
"I don't want Alexandra to stop eating my milk" she said shyly. "I hate baby formula and all that garbage we're giving her. And I... I read that if you breastfeed you have less chances to get pregnant again after you deliver."
He looked really surprised of the news. "Is it? That is why you didn't want me to use any protection these last two months?"
She nodded silently, but he wasn't hooked on that yet. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't what was wrong with her either.
"You didn't know?" she tried to seem detached.
He cleared his voice. "That sounded new to me."
She tried to smile at him and then her eyes fell on the floor again. "You know, Chuck, maybe that is not my only worry right now." She sighed. "I... I went to my doctor this morning and you know that because you saw me" she spontaneously giggled. "I was really worried, greatly worried, that I was – that I was" she exhaled one last breath "that I was pregnant."
Blair didn't dare to look at him at first. She couldn't bear to look at his face, if he would have showed disapproval for her news. She feared his reaction so much because he was also involved in this.
She really felt she went back in time to one year before when she had to tell him she was pregnant with Alexandra.
She had feared that moment for so long. They were just twenty-two years old that had yet to get married. She still didn't have a job and didn't know who she wanted to be in her life. Getting pregnant with Chuck, the love of her life, was one thing. Getting pregnant of a baby before marriage, was another.
Her courage helped back then reveal her truth without fear. She thought it was now or never. She was expecting a baby and she couldn't go back. She needed to let it out.
Now the situation was kinda the same except that they were married and that she had a job, but their daughter was still too young.
They had gleefully talked about babies while Lexie was in Blair's tummy, but they never actually made plans of having more after her and that soon. She really didn't know how he would take it, but now that truth was out she hoped for the best.
Chuck seemed quite neutral when she looked up.
A slight smile appeared on his features and made her feel better. Chuck smiling usually meant good things. She knew him.
"Why is that" he asked with a really low voice.
She bit her lip and tried to explain him. "I was feeling really weird one month ago, when Serena was staying here. I have no idea why I felt as if my life was going back to what it used to before I had Lexie, but for one thing. All of my, well routines" she rolled her eyes "still weren't back, I went to my doctor to have a check up and she told me I was okay. But now, things are the same. I feel super hormonal and horny and my belly looks swelling."
"You've always been like this, Blair. Horny and all" he shrugged and got a punch on his arm in response. "I mean, Lexie changed us but we are still the same Chuck and Blair."
"My belly is still swelling, though" she sighed.
He sighed back and tried to caress her arm. "There are many reasons why you feel this way. Maybe you are not pregnant again. Maybe you are just stressed."
She frowned. "Are you an expert now?" she rolled her eyes.
"I just think you are overreacting. Have you done a blood test?"
"She's going to send me in the results tomorrow."
"Well don't we wait before freaking out? It's just a day" he answered.
Blair got up then. She sighed and turned to him. She wasn't really getting calm and it was also because of him. She had no idea why he didn't seem to comfort her like she wanted to.
"You look as if you don't care" she said with a cold voice.
He frowned. "What makes you think that?" He stood up too and opened his arms in disbelief. "You know that is not true."
"What would happen if I'm really pregnant again, huh? Another Blairzilla who gets fatter everyday and another little boy or girl to look up to when she's done. We can barely keep up with Lexie, what would we do if we have another one?" she complained with sadness.
He tried to take her hands but we wouldn't let him. "What would happen, Blair" he started "would be having a bigger family. I don't care it's too soon. If you really have another baby Bass inside of you and it's not just your body doing tricks, he or she will be welcomed."
He made her smile. "You would be okay with it?"
He nodded. "I don't know why I shouldn't be. I love you" he kissed her cheek gently. "And if, by any chance, this turns out to be true... it would be another great gift for Valentine's Day."
Blair smiled more widely and felt a bit better. She still didn't know what were the results but knowing that he would be okay made her feel as if she had a lighter weight upon her shoulders to carry. It was still heavy in some parts. The worry and anxiety she was feeling would only disappear once she would find out if her suspicions were true.
"Valentine's Day" she murmured to him.
He gave her another kiss on the cheek and made her look at him in the eyes. "I wanted to give you your gift tomorrow, but I guess I can't wait for you to see it" he said with an enthusiastic voice. "Prepare your bags and get ready."
She was perplexed. "Why?"
He smirked. "We're leaving. And you are not supposed to know where to" he winked at her.