It was her phone vibrating that woke her up. She couldn't see what time was it, she just picked up very quickly without seeing who it was.
"Did I wake you?"
"Lily, is that you?" she said with a sleepy voice. "Isn't it late?"
"I'm sorry I've called you so early in the morning" she started to explain "but Alexandra wouldn't fall asleep so I thought you could help me."
She looked for a clock to check the time. "How come she doesn't fall asleep?"
"We've been trying for two hours to do it, but she wakes up after few minutes. I don't mind that is past midnight, I want the baby to sleep tight but I couldn't do it and neither Rufus succeeded. I'm sorry to disturb you for this."
"You're not disturbing me at all. I was awake" she lied. Did Lily say it was past midnight? Then it must be six in the morning or something in Paris. Good she had only slept for two hours and Chuck still hadn't noticed her absence.
Lily sighed on the other end. "Alright. I will pass you Alexandra right away. Hold on" she said and Blair could hear noises.
"Lexie, are you there? It's mommy! Do you recognize mommy?"
The baby mumbled. "Mo mo! Gu gu!"
Blair smiled. "Yes, mommy! Do you want to be a good girl and fall asleep for mommy? Your grandma Lily has to sleep too."
"Gu gu gu!" Lexie said.
They spent few minutes chatting until Lily informed Blair that the baby seemed to have calmed down a bit. Blair decided then to hung up, she couldn't talk too much on the phone because it was an international call.
The real reason was that she didn't want to be heard from the other room. Not that she would mind him hearing her, but he would suspect why the hell she was in the bathroom with her phone, at 6am. She could have pretended to call his mother and have Lily cover for her because she did call for real. But she decided to quit thinking about excuses for the moment, and act. She needed to get back to bed despite she was suffering of jet lag.
Chuck was still peacefully asleep.
His mouth was open and he was on his side, his arm extended and maybe looking for her. She sighed and hurried herself to change in her slip and fixed under the covers before he would wake up and ask questions.
He wasn't the intrusive type, but he would be wondering why she had that face all of a sudden.
After what she heard on the phone, her expression had changed and she hadn't been able to put her smile back on. She didn't want to hide him the truth, but she needed time to realize it.
She wanted to pretend things were okay and move on until she would be ready to confess the truth to him. She wondered if he would be okay with it or not.
She spent the following hours trying to sleep but she only sighed and moved under the sheets for the whole time until he woke up not too late.
Chuck was jet lagged as well. He hadn't been able to sleep soon after their sexy times, he had told her he still felt he was in New York time. Yet, he had suddenly closed his eyes after eating one macaroon. Men sounded very weird to Blair.
He had the room service bring a trolley with food, but she didn't eat much of it. He wanted to have breakfast with her but she lost the time talking about random things she wanted to do during the day instead of focusing on what really mattered.
To him, she looked quite comfortable. He was in the dark about her early morning call, nor he suspected it. He thought the doctor still hadn't called his wife, maybe the results were delayed.
He didn't ask anything about it because he didn't want to pressure her. He knew she was having a rough time waiting for the answer and talking more about it every few hours, didn't look promising.
He feared that phone call.
For some reason, he thought she wouldn't be satisfied whether the result was positive or negative.
He didn't know why, but he felt that Blair wasn't ready for another baby this soon. He wasn't sure she wanted to do the same things all over again. She had just gone out of a bad period after Lexie was born, she may risk to get really depressed to struggle with this so soon.
He thought she just wanted to do things step by step, day by day. She didn't want to rush Alexandra's growth in any way or abandon her to do trips to other countries. He now realized why she didn't seem to be happy about his holiday either. In any case, he would try to help her for what was better. He wanted her to be happy.
She asked him to take her out that morning. They went to Ladurée and then had something to drink at some elegant café.
"Do you want to go today?" he asked her. She seemed lost in her thoughts.
She looked up and frowned. "Today?"
"To your mother and father. Do you want us to call the limo so we can go today?"
She shrugged "Yes, why not. But I want to call them first so we are sure they are not out."
He nodded and gave her a big smile. He wasn't sure but she was still worried about things. She looked deep in thought and absent.
….
Eleanor and Cyrus' house was in a nice neighborhood. They had been there already in the past years, but they were missing from Paris for over a year. Looking around, living there would not be that bad. The place seemed quiet and the gardens had beautiful flowers.
Chuck helped Blair getting out of the car and they walked towards the entrance of the residence.
Eleanor's maid opened the door soon and the couple was greeted inside few minutes later. The trio sat down on the large couch of the big house and they were served drinks. Blair's mother had informed them Cyrus was out for work and it was just her at home for the moment.
"Blair, honey. I'm really surprised to see you here" Eleanor said as she hugged her daughter. "Did something happen? I should be worried?"
Blair could not smile. "We've got here yesterday. Chuck took me to Paris for Valentine's Day."
Her mother looked amused and raised her eyebrows. "Really? That's so romantic. I wish Cyrus would do the same for me" she shrugged. "How is it all going? You haven't brought your little one? I wanted to see her."
She shook her head. "Lexie is staying with Lily and Rufus. We didn't think she should had come given the circumstances... and it was too early for her to fly so young."
"That is true. But next time you need to bring her! I think she'll have fun in the garden once she'll be able to walk. Has she started yet?"
"We really haven't tried yet" she looked down and sighed. "She still crawls. She's too young, mom. She still hasn't said her first words."
Eleanor leaned forward. "That's not a real problem, my dear. You said mama when you were ten months old and called your father when you were eight months. Alexandra's moment it's going to come too, you just need to wait."
She nodded. "Yeah."
"You look really good by the way. You seem refreshed."
Blair crinkled her eyes and he frowned. "Refreshed? Thanks mother. So do you."
He looked closely at her when she smiled widely. She didn't seem happy at all, she more seemed bothered by something. He knew that worry couldn't pass that fast. He hoped Eleanor could at least help her daughter with that, he knew Blair may confide with her.
Blair's mother insisted that they ate lunch at her house. Cyrus was back too and he tried to bond with Chuck most of the time while the women went to the first floor. She was amused that they still had her room, in the case she wanted to remain there. They had build that room just for her small trips to the city, few years before.
"Do you still have my room?"
"Why would we change this room? This was created just for you, whenever you wanted to stay here with us."
She grinned and turned to see some pictures she had put on the wall the last time she had been there. It was two years before. She couldn't make it for Christmas so she came earlier to stay few days with her family. Chuck hadn't come with her and she had decided to put pictures of them together on the wall so that she wouldn't miss him too much.
"Mom, can I ask you something?"
Her mother's face grew vague. "Of course, my dear. Go ahead."
She sighed heavily and fought to find the right words to say. "Have you ever lost a baby?" Blair's eyes pleaded for an answer.
"I never... it never happened. Well, not really. Before I got married with your father... there was this nice guy in my high school, his name was Alfred. He didn't hide his interest for me so after a while I gave up and we started dating." She shrugged and smiled at the memories. "He was the one, huh. When I was seventeen. And he wasn't wiser as I thought he would be."
"He got you pregnant?" she asked with curiosity.
She nodded. "I wasn't really pregnant. I was just a week late but it feared me. You may not remember your grandmother, but she was very strict. She used to control my 'dates' on the calendar because she had to have everything in control" she rolled her eyes. "But I was lucky that it was just a false alarm with that Alfred. He wasn't a smart guy."
"Yeah. And if you and this man would have had a baby, I wouldn't be the first-born." She giggled. "What did you tell him?"
She gave her a short side-glance. "I didn't tell him anything. And when he found out, we broke up" she shrugged. "He was a coward even if there wasn't a baby to start with. But thankfully to him, I met your father. He was one of his best friends."
Blair gave her a surprised smile. "Maybe it was destined to go this way" she said, thinking about her own story all of a sudden. It had happened with Chuck too. In the past she was with Nate and then she fell in love with Chuck. She also had a pregnancy scare after she slept with both and at the current day she was not aware of who could it have been the father.
Her mother sighed and sat down on the bed, while Blair looked outside the window. She wanted to tell her something, but she wasn't sure she could give her an answer that would help. Maybe she should just pretend she didn't know the results yet...
"You seem weird" Eleanor noticed. "Are you okay? I've got this feeling when I first saw you earlier but I didn't want to touch on a sore point. You know you can talk to me."
She sighed. "Must be the jet lag is my problem. I've barely slept last night."
"Possibly. You should take a nap. If you want, you can use this room. You'll feel better."
"I don't want to sleep. Can I have some more of that cake, please?" she asked.
….
When they got back to the hotel, he could sense something was wrong. Blair seemed calm at her parents' house but he could see that her thoughts hadn't stop from flowing.
He knew she was still thinking about that blood test. That worry was accompanying them through their holiday and he wasn't sure it would leave them soon. He was unsure if he should ask her about it or not. No one had called yet.
She held his hand when they went up in the elevator and then got inside the luxurious room. She left him in the bedroom getting out of his grey suit, while she decided to take a bath.
The fact that she had gone alone bothered him. Not that he needed to take a bath with her, but he thought that she would at least ask him. They were in Paris and one of the reasons they had gone there was to spend a nice time with each other. Not having sex, of course. That would happen naturally. But do things together, relax together.
He really wanted her to feel better and distract and if she was building a wall in front of her to hide herself and burden alone, it would hurt him.
He remained in his pajama pants and the white shirt he had under the suit. He put his hands behind his head and drew in a long breath and let it hiss out slowly. He needed to find a solution to this.
What would help Blair?
He had tried to take her where he knew she had always felt comfortable, and it didn't quite work. He tried to let her have the best food around. But it was the same. He tried to organize a meeting with her mother, but it didn't seem to soothe her. He felt lost.
He checked his phone because he wanted to see if someone had texted or called, and wanted to try another card to make Blair happy. He had got one text, and it was from Lily. Routine update: Alexandra has ate most of her lunch today. She keeps mumbling things and she's happy. I'll send in a pic! Lily
Chuck smiled at the attachment. It was a picture of Lexie eating puree and having her hands all dirty with it. She missed her. He was sure Blair was missing her too. When she got back from the bathroom fully dressed in her silk pajama, he proposed her something.
"What do you say we video call Lily?"
She tilted her head on the side with a weary expression. "Isn't it late? Lexie should be napping by now."
"We can try. We don't know. Come on." He insisted.
"Why not tomorrow? I've already called Lily anyway. I don't want to disturb her again for what she's doing for us right now. I'm dead tired."
He frowned. "I thought you wanted to see her" he said with clear worry in his voice. It sounded weird to him that a possessive mother like Blair wouldn't want to check on her daughter. "Just five minutes?" he offered.
She yawned and helped herself under the covers. "I want to sleep, Chuck. It's late anyway."
"It's only 10pm, but whatever pleases you. I just wanted to help."
She turned her head to face him. "Help with what? I'm lost."
He shook his head. "If you don't want to call Lily, it's fine. We'll do it tomorrow. I just wanted... I wanted you to smile today. At least once."
She arched an eyebrow. "Smile? I've been smiling the whole day!"
"You haven't. You can pretend all that you want, but I know that you are worried because of that call. If you only tried to help yourself too, I guess you'll be able to feel more relaxed in the waiting. The key is keeping you busy with what makes you smile."
"The 'key'? Chuck, look. I know that you care about my happiness but I am calm today. I have never been more calm. My smiles are genuine."
He didn't seem to agree. "Don't deceive yourself. I'm waiting for that answer as well, but I tried to enjoy these days here. I tried to prepare these days for you, but you seem as if you don't want to try to distract from anything. Why are you being so masochistic?"
She put both hands on her face. She was exhausted. "I want to sleep. Can you let me?"
He shrugged and sighed. He knew that she probably was just avoiding the topic. He had been stupid to bring it up all of a sudden just because she wasn't in the mood of talking with their daughter via laptop.
Blair turned on the side opposite to him. He knew that she didn't want to see him. He would try to help her in the morning. He just got closer to her without touching her arm, and whispered something in the hope that she hadn't fallen asleep yet.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to make you feel better."
She didn't answer nor moved at all, so he decided to turn on his side and sleep as well.
Tomorrow would be a better day. Or so he hoped.
…
Blair was gone the following morning. He wasn't surprised that she wasn't in bed, it hadn't been the first time she left him before he could wake up. She had had this way of letting him know she wanted to be alone or that she needed to go somewhere without him. After all, even if they were married, she was free to do whatever she wanted. Sometimes he just wished she would tell him she was going out, he would feel more calm.
Chuck got ready and acknowledging that Blair wasn't in the suite and he was just being paranoid that she had gone out, he decided to do something to keep himself busy.
If she had been there, they would go visiting some place or eat to a restaurant. But he had to settle for a lonely couple of hours taking a walk or eating or going shopping without her.
It annoyed him because he had been planning this week for long and he had hoped she would enjoy herself. He realized that she needed time for herself, but he knew she also needed moral support. The answer they were waiting for would be changing their lives once again.
She couldn't burden everything alone.
He left her a note on the table in front of the elevator of the suite and then he went out.
He wandered around the city for a while, buying random things for himself and for her. He didn't know why he bought something for her, he knew that gifts could ease the pain but he didn't have to base everything on those. He also bought something for Alexandra and Lily, to show her gratitude and thank her for taking care of his daughter while they were away.
He really hoped Blair would be waiting for him when he would get back to the hotel.
He exited the elevator once in the room and started calling her name, then he freed his hands of all the bags he had with him and looked for her in all the rooms.
She's not back yet, he thought. He looked at his wristwatch and it wasn't that late. She could be still somewhere buying things. He decided he would not look for her yet, it wasn't late night and he could trust that she would be back soon.
He got rid of his coat and tried to relax with the TV. He found something in English to watch, even if he didn't really want to see anything.
His mind was out, wandering. He was too distracted to think about the movie he had found. It made him worried not to know where she was in that moment, why she wasn't coming back nor had got back for lunch time. It was almost dinner time and he hoped she would at least have that with him. But she didn't. Other few hours passed, and she wasn't back yet.
It was now late, the clock had just ticked 10pm. He sighed and told himself not to act as an old man who was waiting his daughter to get back home from a date with a guy, but he was seriously concerned.
She hadn't texted, she hadn't called. She hadn't left a note.
He didn't know where she could be, or with who. He didn't think Blair could wander around Paris for over eight hours. She would get tired. Even if she wanted to be alone, she would try to go somewhere safe... she wouldn't be walking alone and at this hour of the night.
His phone beeped and he thought it would be her. "Hello?"
A sigh on the other end. "Charles."
"Mrs Waldorf? Is everything okay?"
"I know I promised I wouldn't call you, but you need to come here to my house."
"Is Blair there?" he asked with a rushed voice.
"Yeah. And I don't know what she has but I'm convinced something happened." She said with concern. "I know that I shouldn't put a finger between you two, if we were in New York and my daughter would still be nubile, I wouldn't mind. But since she's married and you are by far the only person who could know what she has, I couldn't not call you."
"I'm coming."
Chuck hung up and he called the car in his way to the ground floor. It was soon taken out of the garage of the hotel and the driver was good taking him there in a short amount of time. He asked him to wait him there once they arrived, and he soon got in the Waldorf-Roses property.
Eleanor seemed quite worried when he met her. He frowned when he saw her and he could feel something was off. "She's in her room. I hope you can find out what she has. She wouldn't say a word to me" Eleanor informed him with sadness in her voice.
He nodded and didn't add a word. He soon went upstairs and reached Blair's Parisian room.
He had been there only once. He remembered how that room was warm and how her parents had wanted to make it comfortable so that every time Blair would go there, she would feel as if she was in New York.
The door was surprisingly half open, and he didn't have to make a lot of noise to open it widely. Blair was sitting on the bed, her face towards the window. She seemed lost in her thoughts, but he knew she had acknowledged his presence.
Chuck closed the door behind him and got closer. "I've missed you today" he said with a sweet voice. He didn't want to use other words to let her know he was worried.
She pursed her lips and shrugged. "I needed to be alone."
"I figured. And I told you I'm sorry I intruded in your private time yesterday night. I just wanted to know you were okay."
"I know. And I am thankful for that. But I had to run away... I had to come here to reason."
He walked closer to her so that he could face her. "You got the call" he imagined. She lowered her head and nodded. A sigh escaped her mouth.
"You know, when I heard the results I was confused. I didn't know if I should had danceed or be sad about it. I think I have been deluding myself all along. I thought I would be able to take this result however it would turn out to be... I was wrong."
He listened carefully. "You are not alone. Never forget that."
She laughed bitterly. "I've deceived you, Chuck. And I've deceived myself. How can I possibly show you my face now? I gave you false hopes" she complained.
He sighed and sat down next to her. He didn't know why she was blaming herself for something she didn't do. He accompanied her body towards him and he hugged her. She started crying silently soon after that.
"You didn't do such thing. Believe me that everything you have done to me was nothing but deceive me." He answered calmly. "You haven't done anything wrong. Anything. I think that we were bound to expect things would turn out any or other the way. You don't need to blame yourself for that. I don't blame you for that at all."
"I'm sorry I gave you false hopes that you were going to be a father again" she repeated.
He hugged her tightly. "Shush. It's okay. We have time for that. We have time to become parents again" he tried to reassure her.
"I'm sorry" she said again with a broken voice. "I should have told you before."
He nodded and kept holding her until she stopped crying. He had considered the whole situation the wrong way. He didn't think she would actually blame herself for not being pregnant as she thought she was, she had no blame at all.
She had just thought she was in such state and could possibly have another baby. He decided that she may had really got into the idea of becoming a parent again, that she put too much effort into thinking it was actually true when there wasn't proof that it was.
She may had been thinking about that for over a month. She had been both hoping and discouraging the possibility.
He realized she had been carrying a tough burden all along and he only found out about it few days before. He wished she had told him earlier. He would have tried to help her before she would feel this way. He hoped she would try to be more open about her feelings.
"There is nothing that can change what I feel for you" he said all of a sudden. "Even if you told me about this after a while. I really wish you would let me in."
She froze into his arms and heard him talk.
"I care too much about your happiness that it hurts me when you are not feeling well... it counts a lot to me that you are happy. When I swore I would be with you in sickness and health, I meant it. I would do anything for you. To see you smile. But you need to allow me... you need to trust me."
She smiled on his chest then she wiped under her eyes with her finger and raised her head to look him in the eyes. She smiled warmly at him. He could feel that she was really trying to feel strengthened by his words.
"I trust you, Chuck" she whispered slowly. "Although it may seem I don't sometimes. I am... I am having a hard time with this. I thought it would be easy talking about it with you, but it wasn't. I felt like my whole world could fall upon me and I didn't know how to save myself."
"I could have saved you" he grinned and caressed her cheek.
She nodded sheepishly. "I know. That's why I love you."
….
A while later, they went to the ground floor. Blair's mother was surprised to see her daughter calmed down and joyous.
"Is everything okay?"
Blair smiled. "Yes" she said with conviction before Chuck excused himself he had to say something to Cyrus in the other room. She knew he went away just so she and Eleanor could talk alone. "I feel better after I found out the answer to my test."
Eleanor looked confused. "Which test? Are you...?" She supposed.
She shook her head. "I thought I was but the test was negative... my period isn't back yet. But I suspected I could have got pregnant for the second time" she looked away to avoid eye contact. Those things looked private to say out loud even to your own mother.
"I see. It's normal to be afraid. Not that you can't take care of another little one right now, but it would be rushed if it was the case. Two pregnancies one after another can wear your brain out. It's so much to carry" she laughed. "That is the reason why I stopped after you."
"You didn't want any more kids, mom?"
"I couldn't take care of many people. You were alone and I couldn't handle you because of my job, think if I had other two or three like you. I had to stop working" she explained. "But like I said, I don't think this would be your case. I can see you and Charles filling the house with little feet running in the living room in the future."
Blair smiled again. She could imagine that well. When she got married with Chuck already pregnant with their first daughter, she knew that they wouldn't stop there.
Chuck had never had a true family, and neither had she. Of course she had had her lovely father Harold and her mother had tried to be close to her, but Chuck never had anyone but Lily as a family figure in his life. And his desire to create a family of his own had been so strong... he kind of wanted to make up for all the years he had felt lonely because his father never truly took care of him as a real and good father would do.
That was probably the reason why he had desperately tried to be a good father for Alexandra.
She could think of a future with little babies playing on the floor with them. Another cute little girl with curls and a little boy with hazel eyes and his father's stare.
"I think he wants to have at least three or four kids" she said.
"Well when the right moment comes, I'm sure it won't be a fluke again. Next time it will go right and you won't feel as if you had a chance and you lost it."
….
They greeted Eleanor and Cyrus again before they left the residence and got back to the hotel.
Chuck could see her relieved and relaxed. He wasn't sure if it was because of him, but his wife now had a reassured aura around her and he knew that she had to just believe in herself and trust that he didn't mind what happened and he just wished he didn't carry it alone.
"I've realized something tonight" Blair started to say when they got back. "I need to get back to work very soon. I need to keep me occupied with something."
He seemed pleased by it. "That's a good thing. I think it will help you a lot. You need to distract and think about other stuff other than the baby."
She nodded. "Can we at least stay another day here? We can get back on Saturday."
"Of course. We can remain all the days you want. You only need to ask."
Chuck gave her a quick kiss and stopped there when he felt his phone vibrating in his pants. She looked vaguely at him and waited for him to pick up.
She noticed he didn't have a happy expression when he answered. He seemed quite astonished by what the person on the other end had just told him. He had the face of someone that couldn't believe his ears. When he hung up, Blair's questioning eyes asked for answers.
"It was Lily" he told her, his voice trembling.
"Is the baby okay?" she asked with an alarmed tone.
He nodded. "She said... Elizabeth just arrived at her place and she was looking for me."
"Elizabeth? The whore who pretended to be your mother?"
"That Elizabeth. Lily is not sure of what she wants" he looked lost and deep in thoughts. "I need to send her away again. She can't stay. Not when our daughter is miles from us and unprotected. I don't trust that woman at all."
"Then let's go back to New York. We can come back here when we want with the jet."
"Are you really sure you want to end our trip?" he wondered.
She gave him a smile. "Chuck. You helped me, now I'm going to help you."
He exchanged the smile warmly. "I'll call the driver of the jet. We're leaving before dawn."
….
Hehe... did you expect the end? Are you pleased that Blair is not pregnant as she thought? I decided that it was too early for another baby. I don't want to rush things. What do you think Elizabeth is back for?
Comments are loved :)