Konan, it turned out, was a better conversationalist than Naruko expected. On the plus side, the two managed to hit it off because Naruko did have an interest in origami. Unfortunately there weren't any interesting books on it in Konoha for some reason, which was why her first hobby was gardening.
Konan was really surprised to hear Naruko's name for Jiraiya. Or the one rule she always followed when traveling with him.
"Rule number one when traveling with the pervert: always bring a water proof camera and keep it on hand."
"Why?"
Naruko grinned evilly.
"Because the Pervy Sage gets into so many compromising positions that it makes it easier to blackmail him. Coincidentally I have unlimited bribe material for the Sage."
"Oh?"
"Take a look at these..." said Naruko grinning.
Konan took one look at the collection of Icha Icha and grimaced. She had come very, very close to getting Pein to ban the books outright from Ame. Sadly the number of lonely perverts in the village blocked it.
Then she realized what was inside the books.
"Are these...?"
"Technically they haven't happened yet, but they are still embarrassing enough to get Jiraiya with."
Konan laughed, and the two chatted well into the night.
Itachi was getting drunk with Pein.
"So for the past what, six repeats, you were in my group?"
"It was both amusing and a nightmare. You could see gray hairs sprouting on your head, if you weren't cloaked in shadow all the time. Getting Kakuzu to quit killing his partners was a headache and a half, until you eventually stuck him with a Jashinist named Hidan. And don't get me started on Deidara and Sasori's rants about art..." said Itachi.
"It couldn't be nearly as bad as dealing with mission reports and the council..." said Pein, though he didn't sound too sure about that.
"Nagato, to be honest you often swore it was like dealing with a bunch of demon-fueled, spoiled, annoying as hell children when we really got bad. You sometimes swore that if it hadn't been for the fact you were paying them and the damage it would cause to Rain, you would kill them without a second thought. Out of the entire Akatsuki, only two of the ten were ever safe from any real punishment."
"How bad was it?"
"Deidara blew up the base every time he was here, Hidan was beyond annoying with that damn religion of his, Kakuzu was such a greedy miser that it drove everyone nuts, Zetsu wanted to eat everyone, Kisame was an annoying drunk, Sasori bitched about being stuck with Deidara, and Madara was acting like a complete idiot that drove everyone to murder."
Nagato Uzumaki winced. That did sound like his own private hell. Managing a village was bad enough...dealing with childish, overpowered shinobi with those kind of quirks was even worse!
"To be honest we were all wondering why you never made a move on Konan. Inari knows she was willing," commented Itachi.
Nagato looked at him owlishly.
"As Naruko often says while reading her hentai... sometimes you have to live a little in order to see the big picture. And from what I know of you and Konan, it seems you both need some 'stress release' that Jiraiya would not only approve of, he'd be crowing about before using it in his next novel."
Nagato looked at his drink speculatively.
"I must be drunk out of my mind, because that actually makes sense."
By the time they left, Nagato and Konan were looking much happier and a hell of a lot more relaxed. Naruko got a scroll on the Rinnegan (Nagato had been surprised that yes, you could deactivate it) and a scroll on origami from Konan.
Itachi gained a new friend to complain with about their girlfriends.
"So, where to next Naruko?"
"Kumo."
Itachi paused.
"No and hell no."
"Why not?"
"Two words: Kira Bee. There is no way in Amaterasu's holy flames I am going near there when he's around."
"And the fact that they have a thing for acquiring bloodlines...?"
"Annoying but workable. Can't we go piss off Deidara instead? Or better yet find a way to royally annoy the Kazekage?"
"You mean besides hooking him up with Hinata-chan?" cackled Naruko. Man had Suna been pissed, even if it had done wonders for inter-village relations.
"I would rather go and piss off the Uchiha Elders by showing the fact that I am better with the Sharingan than they ever will be than a major village," said Itachi.
"Oh, now there's an idea! I've been dying to challenge those pricks (no offense) for years now since they found out I had their precious eyes!"
Itachi mentally went over what date it was, then paled.
"You do realize that it's very, very close to the year that I killed the clan right?"
"You do realize that no one has ever successfully seen through my henge, right?" she countered.
"Point. Who do we blame it on?"
"I say we cast a die and let it chose who gets blamed."
Itachi watched as Naruko pulled out a single dice and then the two made up which person would be which number.
Orochimaru -1
Danzo -2
Madara -3
Kabuto -4
Random nin -5
Recast -6
Naruko threw the dice up, and Itachi caught it.
"Three."
"Madara it is then! Though how we'll pull it off when it's his clan that's being killed I have no idea."
"Who cares. If they try the same crap as before, they are going down."
"Yes, but this time my dad is alive. You know he was never one for bowing down because of a bloodline."
Itachi winced. He had been selected as bodyguard during some of those meetings, and the looks Fugaku gave him had given him a sincere desire to kill his father right then and there.
The talks weren't going well, and it was unlikely they ever would.
"Now how are we going to get that old fossil's chakra signature so that the blame properly falls on him...?" asked Naruko.
In the end it was tragically easy to get Madara's signature. It was Itachi who pointed out that it was his chakra mixed with their own that caused the repeats. Naruko had smirked and looked for the Uchiha-chakra that Kurama hated so much.
The fox waved at her and enjoyed his private recordings of her nights with Itachi...the old kitsune was a pervert that could put Jiraiya to shame. Sometimes she wondered what would happen if she actually let the fox write that porn series like he wanted to put Jiraiya out of business.
Fortunately for the Toad, he had yet to piss her off to the point she planned to ruin him.
'Ah...there it is. Mwahahaha...let's see how you like being called Kinslayer you damn relic!' grinned Naruko. She knew for a fact that Madara had been egging the clan on for years. If he hadn't, then things might have smoothed over and everything would have calmed down. Danzo was just as bad, with all the 'demands' he made of the clan.
It all culminated to Itachi becoming a Kinslayer to protect his beloved home. No way in hell was Naruko letting that happen again. Not when she could pin the blame on some other idiot.
Naruko went to Tsunade. For the past month her stomach had been feeling off, and she had thrown up twice. And to top it all off, her beloved ramen tasted funny.
After the second bowl she went to Tsunade to find out what the hell was going on.
The woman grinned at her evilly.
"I have good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?"
"Bad," said Naruko. It was always better to get the bad out first.
"The bad news is that your father isn't going to let you out of the village for a while and Itachi will be in hot water."
"And the good news?"
"You're pregnant."
"WHAT?!"
"Honestly, with the way you and Itachi go at it I'm surprised you haven't come in sooner," said Tsunade. It wasn't a secret the two were as active as rabbits.
Though there had been an interesting incident where Naruko walked up to her boyfriend wearing a full-on bunny girl outfit...
"What did Tsunade say?" asked Itachi, eating his dango.
"...I'm pregnant..."
Itachi choked.
"Please for the love of all that's holy tell me you're pranking me for something I can half remember."
"Tsunade confirmed it. Oh kami, now he's going to be even more protective!" whined Naruko.
Itachi didn't need to ask who she was talking about.
"You do realize that once he finds out he's going to make us get married, right?"
"...We could always announce it early and spring the truth on him after."
"Agreed. That should keep both of them from killing us once they learn the truth."
Naruko and Itachi spun up a sufficiently romantic proposal (which Itachi promised to spring upon her later under pain of death by the Fox) to make the girls coo with delight as preparations for the wedding of the Fourth's younger sister and the mystery jounin who wielded the Sharingan better than any living Uchiha.
And as it turned out, the Uchiha did come up with a settlement this time around.
Mostly because Minato had, in a fit of inspiration, brought in the Hyuuga and Naruko to back his side up.
Outnumbered and outmatched, Fugaku reluctantly backed off when Naruko said that if he wanted to find out where she got the eyes in her possession then all he needed to do was continue trying to harass the Hokage simply because the Senju were more respected than the Uchiha.
Fugaku agreed to back off if she told them where the eyes came from.
An hour behind a secure seal later, and the male left pale and wide-eyed.
Finding out that if he continued to plan the coup, an assailant would wipe out the clan down to two children and one ancient traitor was not how he had envisioned that meeting.
Learning that if he did keep up with the overthrow of the Hokage's seat, Danzo would have twelve Sharingan implanted in his arm and use it to take over the seat had also helped her case. The fact she wasn't lying didn't hurt either.
In exchange for telling them where she got the Sharingan, Itachi agreed to a blood test in order to prove her case.
Naruko would have as well, except the proteins in her blood from the pregnancy might throw it off.
Fugaku had given Itachi odd looks for a week when he learned that the jounin was in fact his now 13-year-old son who was recently elected an ANBU under his older self.
Young-Itachi found his new captain fun to be around, not to mention relaxing. His new sempai seemed to know exactly what was on his mind and how to calm the pacifist boy down after a mission.
Not to mention how easily Naruko and Itachi's younger self hit it off.
Unknown to them, Anko had started a running bet as to whether Naru and the younger Itachi would end up with a marriage contract, considering the fact that their older versions got along so well.
This was not hurt by the fact Minato was seriously considering that option as a way to pacify the Uchiha. Fugaku, when he learned who the two actually were, was also considering that proposition. At the very least it would make ending the Senju/Uchiha rivalry a hell of a lot easier.
A month after the wedding, Minato learned why it had been so hurried. Needless to say he became as protective as an Inuzuka over a new pup.
Naruko was not pleased. All of a sudden, she was relegated into dealing with all the refugees of the Mist until their Civil War was over and a new Mizukage was elected to deal with the mess.
And if there was one thing Naruko hated nearly as much as Madara the relic that just refused to die and being around Danzo the multi-eyed bastard it was paperwork. Even if it was easily conquered by her army of shadow clones, she felt a bit of revenge was in order.
Itachi, damn him, had started to take more missions outside the village to avoid his stir crazy new wife.
Kushina had joined forces with her daughter to make Minato miserable, because it made the red head amused beyond belief to see Minato cry as the paperwork multiplied like rabbits on crack before him because of his daughter.
Naruko refused to tell him about the shadow clone trick and she scared all her assistants into keeping their mouths shut about the matter.
Several months pass and when the baby is due, the entire village breathes a sigh of relief. Naruko on a sugar-rush was bad. Naruko when pregnant and confined to the village by her 'brother' because he was being overprotective was a demon worse than the Kyuubi.
Unlike Kushina, no special preparations were made for unwanted visitors. This was because a pissed off Naruko was a demon a class of her own, and anyone stupid enough to try anything would face her hormone-driven wrath.
Itachi, the poor sap, had to be in the room with her as she damn near crushed his hand into a pulp. She did allow him to have earplugs though.
That was more than Minato was allowed by Kushina.
It took ten hours, several bouts of swearing from Naruko, and a lot of pushing, but eventually the newborns were out.
Newborns, plural. Naruko's status as fox hanyou (who were notorious for being very fertile) had allowed her to give birth to a pair of twins, a boy and girl.
The boy she named Kurama, the girl she named Nadeshiko.
Madara had, in a fit of spectacular poor decision-making skills and suicidal attacks, went to kidnap one of the twins.
He had the bad luck of running into still-raging-with-hormones Naruko who wanted to know why the twins had yet to cry for the nightly feeding.
The ass-kicking from the attempted kidnapping was worse than the one he had received by Hashirama Senju and his wife. The fact that Itachi had come across it and had promptly burst out laughing his ass off had not helped him. Or the fact that Minato had heard the commotion and helped his daughter kick him back into the Valley of the End...again.
Danzo wisely chose not to try anything with the twins, lest he suffer a similar fate.