I walked into school and started to walk toward my first class when two girls stepped in front of me.
"I heard about your mom," one of the girls in front of me said. "It's a shame."
"Leave me alone," I muttered, trying to push past them. They stood firm.
"But not as much of a shame as what happened to your sister, Becky," the other girl said. I clenched my fist, wanting to throw a punch at her.
"Leave me alone," I said again.
"Well, I think it's more of a shame what happened to her father," the other girl said, grinning slightly. Both of my hands clenched.
"Leave. Me. Alone," I said sternly, this time shoving past them. As I walked away from them they didn't stop me.
"But the biggest shame is what happened to Elissa," one of the girls called after me, making me stop dead in my tracks. "I nearly went deaf with all her screaming."
I snapped. I whirled around and threw a hard punch at the one who had commented on Elissa and she collapsed to the ground. The other girl ran away as I picked up the girl I had just punched. I pinned her against the wall and threw another punch at her face. Blood ran out of her nose and she was too shocked to defend herself. I threw multiple punches at her and paid no attention to the crowd of kids that had formed.
"Stop this!" a voice in the crowd shouted. I kept on punching her, anger boiling in me. Arms grabbed me from behind and dragged me away. I screamed and lashed at the girl but the hands were too strong. As I was dragged away from the girl and into a room I tried kicking the adult, but failed. The door closed and I was laid on the floor, still kicking.
"Melany!" a stern voice said. I stopped kicking and looked up at the person who had spoken, anger still boiling inside me. Sweat ran down my forehead and my hand was covered in blood.
"What's gotten into you?!" the principal said.
"She talked about Elissa," I said through clenched teeth. The principal's face softened slightly, but was still firm.
"You have to learn how to deal with your emotions," he said. "You can't just lash out at people."
"She talked about my dad... and my mom... and Becky... and then Elissa," I whispered.
"People are cruel," the principal said. "But you don't have to be cruel back."
I looked down, realizing that what I'd done was wrong. But that still didn't make me want to go back out there and punch her some more. All was silent for a few moments.
"I don't know what to do with you," the principal finally said. "You've been through so much it doesn't seem right to punish you. But I have to do something or else everybody will think it's okay to punch other kids."
I gritted my teeth, knowing that he was right.
"Do what you have to do," I muttered just loud enough for him to hear. Everything was silent as he pondered what to do.
"Alright," he said eventually. "You're going to go out there and scrub the blood off the walls and floor. After you're done with that, you will go and apologize to the girl."
"Apologize?" I said, disgusted.
"Yes," the principal said, looking me in the eye.
"She doesn't deserve an apology!" I exclaimed. "If anything, I do!"
As soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back. Realization came to me: I did not deserve an apology. I didn't even deserve to live. It was my fault that I hadn't volunteered for Elissa. It was my fault that Becky was dead. It was my fault, probably, that my mother was gone. It was my fault that I'd punched the girl. The realization of everything hit me all at once and tears welled up in my eyes. But instead of holding them back like I regularly did, I let them poor out one after another. My whole body shook as one tear fell after another. I heard footsteps come toward me but didn't look up. I didn't even look up when I felt arms wrap around me.
"Shh," the principal said, holding me as I cried. "It's okay."
There it was again. Those familiar words; "it's okay". But everything wasn't okay. It never was.
I wiped down the dried blood with my wet rag. The Principal had let me clean it after all the other kids had left so they wouldn't have to see me. It took a bit of scrubbing, but I finally got all the blood off. I sighed and leaned against the wall. I heard footsteps and peered around. I was supposed to be the only one in the building...
"Hey!" a voice shouted, making me jump. Arms grabbed me and hauled me to my feet. I stared into the eyes of a peacekeeper.
"What?" I asked.
"What are you doing here so late?" the peacekeeper ordered.
"Cleaning," I said vaguely.
"You're not supposed to be here after hours," the peacekeeper said.
"I got permission to," I said.
"Do you have a slip?" the peacekeeper asked me.
"... no," I said hesitantly. The principal never said anything about a piece of paper...
"Then you're coming with me," the principal said, dragging me away. I dropped my wet rag and tugged on my arm.
"I got permission!" I exclaimed. "Let me go!"
The peacekeeper said nothing else as he dragged me out of the building and toward the Justice Building. A shiver went up my spine as I was dragged through the familiar doorway. Every time I looked at the Justice Building I remembered the horrid smell of blood on Snow's breath. The peacekeeper dragged me into a room and threw me into a cage. He locked the door and started to walk away.
"Hey!" I shouted. "You're just going to leave me here?!"
"Just overnight until I can get this sorted out with President Snow," the peacekeeper said.
My heart sunk. President Snow. He'd think I was causing trouble. And there was nothing I could do to save my family if I was locked in a cage.
The peacekeeper left and locked the door to the Justice Building as he left. I was alone in the dark in my cell, the only light coming from a window above me. I ran to the front of the cell and pulled on the bars, hoping that I could break them. But of course I couldn't. I plopped down and buried my head in my hands. This was my fault, too.
I awoke to the sound of the Justice Building's double doors opening. Three peacekeepers trudged into the room I was in, one of them dragging a little boy behind him.
"Lance," I whispered, my eyes large and full of fear.
One peacekeeper grabbed Lance's right hand, another his left. The third peacekeeper drew a sword and my heart fell.
"No!" I shouted. "Leave him alone! Kill me, kill me!"
I grabbed the bars of my cage and shook them. I banged on them and screamed as loud as I could.
"KILL ME!" I screamed. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"
Lance looked up at me, his lip quivering. The peacekeeper plunged the sword through Lance's stomach and I let out a scream.
"No!" I screamed, tears falling. "No, no, no!"
The peacekeeper took his sword out of Lance's stomach and Lance fell to the ground unmoving. A peacekeeper walked over to my cage and unlocked it. I immediately rushed toward Lance and took his pulse. There was nothing. I sobbed and held Lance in my arms.
"President Snow orders your release," a peacekeeper said, reaching for Lance. I held Lance closer, but the peacekeeper grabbed him and took him away from me. I screamed and lunged at the peacekeeper, but the other two held me back. They dragged me out of the building and away from Lance, and then dropped me at the base of the stairs and closed the Justice Building's doors. I laid there on the ground and cried. It was all my fault, everything was. There was nothing I could do to take back what had been done. Nearly everything was silent, the only sound to be heard was my crying. I'd cried so much over the months that I thought I couldn't cry anymore. Turns out I was wrong.