Chapter 31:
Alistair sighed when he finally made it back to his room. When he had noticed Sylina was gone from the hall he had been worried. He had tried to get back to the complex, but kept being stopped by dwarves in the street thanking him for bringing them a king, for restoring order. When he had walked in he had seen Shale by the door and asked if Sylina had come back. The stone giant had sighed and said that 'it' had been back for some time and had retreated into 'its' room. Alistair shook his head. Sylina was likely just resting. He didn't want to disturb her.
He walked further into his room and picked up a book he had been reading before they went into the Deep Roads. It was a history of the Grey Wardens. He wished he had had more time to learn from Duncan...He stopped that thought. It is time to move on, Alistair. Duncan would want you to be strong. Sylina needs you to be strong. Like in the Deep Roads. He still remembered her face after seeing the archdemon. The terror in her eyes, the tears running down her face, unnoticed by her, the way her body had shaken slightly. He remembered holding her in his arms, of how she had clung to him like he might disappear. Every night the darkspawn were not in his dreams she was. And every night she was he woke with the need to hold her. He wanted nothing more than to run his hands...Alistair shook his head. Maker he needed to stop. He brushed his hand through his hair, sat down in a chair and opened the book. Reading would help settle his mind, he decided.
He was at the third Blight when there was a knock at his door. He looked up and a grin spread over his face, he wondered if Sylina had learned to knock before entering his room. He chuckled to himself and got up. He went to the door. "I was wondering if you would stop by," he said, as he opened the door.
"Y-Yooouu weeere expecting me?" Leliana slurred at his door smiling broadly at him and falling forward. Alistair blinked and the smile slid off his face. He only just managed to catch her before she hit the ground.
"Maker. Leliana." His mind was reeling. What was Leliana doing here? Knocking on his door? And she was drunk.
She giggled in his arms and struggled to stand. "Oghren..." Alistair groaned. "Weee 'elebrated Alistair!" She shouted and danced out of Alistair's arms and around the room. "Yoooou schould've come." She turned to pout at him and batted her eyelashes. She had made her way more into his room. And was stumbling around touching books on the shelves.
"Leliana." He had no idea why she was in his room. And, frankly, it unnerved him a little. "Maybe we should get you to your room? What do you think?" Alistair smiled at her and the laysister giggled and blushed.
"Buuut," she pursed her lips together and started walking toward Alistair, "I-I dun think I waant to, no." She approached him and he froze. Maker, what is she doing? Leliana reached him and her hands trailed up his shirt. "I waaant to stay heeere," she said, looking up, her hands continuing their progress towards his neck. He gulped.
"Um, Leliana." He reached up and grabbed her hand away from him and tried to step back, she swayed and he had to catch her before she fell again. His heart was hammering and he was trying to frantically search for a solution.
"Dis cannot be surprise Alistair?" Her hands were combing through his hair and he was looking around hoping a solution would present itself as her face was coming closer to his, his arms were the only thing holding her up. "You are very handsome, no?" Oh Maker, why do drunk women keep telling me I'm handsome?
He was trying to carefully extract himself from her but she only clung to his hair and her mouth was closing in. Alistair heard a small gasp at his door. He spun and Leliana's grip was broken and he heard her fall to the floor. Sylina stood there her eyes wide and mouth open. She blinked and took a step back.
"Sylina!" Alistair shouted as he watched the dark-haired woman hurry away. He felt frozen in place, his heart hammering loudly. Maker, what had she seen? He turned to see the red-head picking herself up from the ground. He silently cursed his stupidity and luck. Leliana was giggling.
"Sylina? He he. I'm nooot Sylina silly." She grabbed his leg and helped herself up. Alistair wanted nothing more than to fall into the floor, or run down the hallway and explain to Sylina what she had just seen. But he couldn't very well leave Leliana like this, on the floor to his bedroom, as she was grabbing onto his shirt as if it were a lifeline.
Somehow he managed to half-carry half-drag the laysister to her room. She was giggling and bringing her face close to him the entire time. He was pretty sure she had tried to kiss him several times on their way to her room. Alistair felt as if his face was on fire and all he wanted to do was run away and go to Sylina's room. Finally, he deposited Leliana on her bed. "Ohitssocooomfy!" she shouted into her pillow and Alistair rolled his eyes. He then practically ran out of her room before the laysister would remember he was there.
He walked quickly to Sylina's door and knocked on it. His blood was pumping and he had no idea what he was going to say, but he couldn't leave it like that. He didn't hear a response. It was quiet. He knocked again. "Sylina? Are you in there?" he called quietly. He ran his hand through his hair. Maker, help me. There was no noise on the other side of the door, but he thought he heard a low growl. He sighed and rested his head against the door.
Who was he kidding? He knew exactly what it had looked like. And now Sylina thought him and Leliana... It hurt him. Physically. That Sylina wouldn't open the door for him. He knew she was inside, knew she would have run to her room. And a small part of him wondered if it was because she felt the same way about him as he felt about her, and that he had just blown it. He frowned and felt ill. But perhaps, tomorrow. He lifted his head off her door. Tomorrow. She couldn't avoid him forever. He would explain. Like the time she walked into his room and...he smiled. Yes, he would explain tomorrow and everything would be better.
The next morning he purposely walked through the hall waiting for Sylina to show herself. He needed to see her as soon as he could. He had spent all night rehearsing what he was going to say. He was going to tell her how he felt. He was going to tell her that Leliana had been a misunderstanding, that nothing had happened. He breathed. Yes, he would tell her and she would...Maker he had no idea what she would do. But he needed to tell her anyway.
Finally, he heard the door at the end of the hallway open. He saw Sylina and Hesper exit. He felt his breath leave his body. After so many weeks -no months- he remembered, of seeing her in leathers, he had forgotten what she looked like in a dress. She was wearing a light blue dress that had white embroidered sleeves and hem, with her long black hair down, shining slightly in the lamplight. The dress clung to her and his eyes followed the curve of her. Down from her collarbone to her waist and hips. He felt his breath come back, but faster, as heat built in his body. He stared open mouthed at her as she walked down the hall. She glanced up, saw him and stopped.
He cleared his throat and shook his head, trying to clear it, but knowing it was futile. "S-Sylina," he said, taking a few steps toward her. He had memorized what he was going to say. But he had been undone by the dress. By the sheer beauty of her, his fellow Grey Warden. The woman he knew he had fallen in love with. His eyes tried to focus on her face, but they fell to the amulet she was wearing around her neck. The amulet he had wondered about since he had first met her. His eyes widened as he recognized the symbol. "T-that's...a templar amulet," he managed to say finally as her eyebrows raised at him.
She looked down and took the amulet in her hand. "It is," she said simply, her fingers tracing the sword down the middle.
Alistair's mind was reeling. Sylina looked up at him, her expression neutral. He blinked. "I-I wanted to apologize...for last night..." he began, trying desperately to remember what he had been going to say. Something about coming to care deeply for her and wanting to be close to her...Maker, the amulet!
"Alistair," she said, dropping the amulet. "You do not need to apologize. It does not matter to me what you do in your spare time, or who you spend that time with. We are Grey Wardens. As long as you fight by my side that is all that matters." She nodded to him and started to walk by.
He sputtered and spun as she made her way around him. "Y-you're not mad? N-not..." He stopped himself from saying jealous only barely.
She turned and regarded him, then she said in a clear voice that held no emotion. "No, I am not mad. May I suggest that next time you close your door?" she said and he felt the chill at the end of the sentence. She turned to continue walking.
"Wait!" She turned again and rolled her eyes.
"Yes, Alistair," she said, her patience obviously wearing.
"Um...the amulet...wh-who is it from?" He felt himself redden and he fought back the urge to run.
"A templar from the tower that I...was acquainted with." A small smile reached her lips as she touched the amulet. "We were very close and he gave it to me for protection before I left."
"Oh." Alistair dropped his gaze to his feet. So she was taken. By a templar. "I see." He frowned.
"We are going to the Circle after we leave here. Hopefully you can meet him." She turned and continued walking down the hall.
Alistair stared at his feet and fought back the feelings threatening to overwhelm him, the feeling of his heart being torn to pieces. "Right," he finally whispered into the empty hallway.
"Give me a moment Warden," Oghren said as they walked out the doors of Orzammar. Sylina looked down at the dwarf. He had asked several nights ago if he could accompany them on their journey. She had gladly accepted his help. She wasn't about to turn anyone away at this point. Plus the dwarf had helped secure some money when he brought a tracing of that strange tablet that had been down with the Anvil of the Void to the Shaper who had heftily rewarded them. With the money, Sylina had been able to buy supplies for the journey to Kinloch Hold and still have money left over. And she still knew that, despite everything, their task was immense and the likelihood of achieving it, as Shale was constantly pointing out, was very, very slim. So she accepted the red-headed dwarf's help and hoped he stayed sober enough during the months ahead to aid her.
She nodded to him. "Take your time," she said, and headed down the stone steps. She looked up at the beautiful blue sky, not a cloud in sight that day, and let herself take in for a moment the feeling of freedom she felt after months of being trapped underground. She was so happy to be done with Orzammar and was actually excited to head to the tower and see the people she had grown up with. She couldn't wait to tell First Enchanter Irving all about her adventures so far. Then she heard a scared yell and turned to see Sten lifting one of the merchants off the ground. Sylina blinked and quickly headed over to the giant man.
"Where is my sword?" Sten asked the scared merchant who was dangling above the ground.
"S-s-sword, I-I don't have..." The merchant tried to explain.
"These are qunari blades, the blades of my comrades, where is mine?" Sten asked again, anger seeping through his voice.
Sylina reached the scene and put a hand up to try and calm the qunari. "Sten. Put the man down." She looked over to the stone doors and saw dwarven guards descending toward them. "Now," she said sternly. The giant looked at her, frowned, and dropped the man back to the ground. He fell with a crack and Sylina winced. She looked to the squirrely man on the ground and thought for a moment. She glanced up at Sten and saw his eyes flicker to the swords and back to the merchant. She sighed and filled her hand full of fire. She saw the merchant's eyes widen as she leaned down next to him, the flame pushed in his face. She decided that if Sten was so keen on asking this man for a sword she would help him.
"Now," she said, smiling sweetly at the man, "I suggest you answer the man's question so we can leave." She saw Sten give her a curious look before turning back to the merchant whose eyes did not leave the fire in Sylina's hand. She made it flicker and dance ever closer to the man.
"A-alright...I-uh-sold it. I didn't know the...thing...that owned it was still alive." His eyes barely danced to the giant man before going back to her flame.
Sten growled. "Who?"
"A-a dwarf, Dwyn, I think his name was. He lives in Redcliffe." The man was beside himself with terror and Sylina extinguished her flame just as the guards reached them.
"What is the commotion?" one of the guards asked.
Sylina stood up and turned to the guards smiling. "Nothing, ser. We are just leaving." She nodded to Sten and they turned and walked away from the merchant.
They had walked a ways when Sylina looked up at the giant. "So, care to tell me why I just threatened a man?"
Sten looked at her and then ahead. "I must go to Redcliffe."
Sylina rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I kinda figured. We will be going there, you know. After we go to the tower."
Sten nodded. "Then I shall wait." He started to quicken his stride, but Sylina jumped in front of him. The qunari blinked at her in surprise then frowned. "Why are you stopping?"
She shook her head. "You are ridiculous, you know that? Listen here, Sten," she began, "I want some answers. Why did I threaten that man? Why is this sword so important to you? Why did you say that the other swords that man had were your comrades'?" When the qunari did not immediately answer, but just looked at her, she scowled. "Out with it!"
He looked at her a moment longer and then she could have sworn that he almost sighed before stating: "I came to your land with seven of the Beresaad, my brothers, to seek answers about the Blight. We made our way across your countryside without incident, seeing nothing of this threat we were sent to find, until the night we camped by Lake Calenhad." The qunari paused and frowned. "They came from everywhere, the ground beneath our feet, the air above our heads. Our own shadows harbored the darkspawn. I saw the last of the creatures cut down...but it was too late. I fell." Sylina shivered. "I don't know how long I lay on the battlefield surrounded by my dead brethren, nor how the farmers found me, I only know that when I woke I was not among my brothers, and my sword was gone from my hand."
"What happened?" Sylina barely whispered, knowing full well what had happened. She knew the farmers had been killed by Sten's hand.
"I searched for my blade, and when I did not find it I asked my rescuers what had become of it...They said they found me with nothing. I knew they had no reason to lie. I knew they didn't have the blade. I panicked. Without thinking, I struck them down." Sylina looked down. She had known, but hearing it only made it worse. "That sword was made for my hand alone. I have carried it from the day I was sent into the Beresaad. I was to die wielding it. Even if I was to make it back to bring my report to the Arishok, I would be slain on sight. They would know me as soulless, a deserter. No soldier would cast aside his blade while he drew breath. My honor is forfeit."
Sylina looked up at her forlorn companion. He had always been quiet, never asking her questions or talking to her. Just killing, walking, and keeping watch. She sighed. "Then we will go get it. In Redcliffe. As soon as we get the mages to fulfill the treaty."
Sten nodded and Sylina moved so he could walk by her. She saw Alistair give her a curious look and she turned away from him. She had still not been able to bring herself to look at him, or Leliana, since the incident. Her hand reached up to the amulet she now wore boldly over her leathers around her neck. She had avoided him the last few days in Orzammar, and he had avoided her. Her fingers traced the templar insignia. She knew she had no right to feel...jealous of Leliana. She and Alistair had never even spoken of...those sorts of things. But...she had thought. She had hoped. She shook her head. No use dwelling on that. Perhaps when they went to the tower she could see Cullen. Talk to him about her adventures. Perhaps they could even be alone. She blushed at this thought and wondered if Cullen would even want to be alone with her. Perhaps he had moved on as well. Sylina felt bitter as they descended onto the Frostback Mountains.