K2: Save Me From Myself Chapter 6
My chest feels tight. My stomach flutters. I feel a bit dizzy. My face hurts from smiling so much. But I don't care. All of those sensations are sweeter than the sweetest thing imaginable right now, because they're caused by one thing: Stan's return. I've missed him so much during his time away. We used to call each other and write occasionally, but lately he hasn't been keeping in contact, and I didn't want to seem clingy. But none of that matters now because he's home. I haven't seen him in about a year. I wonder how much he's changed.
Stan went into the army. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life, but he had always been patriotic, and the call to serve his country was strong in him. I'm not sure what finally convinced him to go, but he left, and there was nothing I could do to stop him. And what right did I have to try? He was doing what he thought would make him happy, and I could never keep him from that. But his absence left me confused and aching. Why was I so hurt by his decision to go? I didn't realize until after he left why I cared so much: I was in love with him.
And now he's home. Wendy cheated on him with Token while he was away, which means he is single now. I finally have a chance. My excitement is palpable.
He messaged me on Facebook last night and said he would come over to hang out. I'm awaiting his arrival now, and I'm practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. I take a few deep breaths to try and calm down, but it's no good. I just sit on my bed, trembling with anxiousness.
Finally I hear the doorbell ring. I run down the stairs, then stand there for a moment or two, so I don't seem too eager. After a reasonable amount of time, I open the door. I gasp at the sight that meets my eyes.
There he stands, but he looks so incredibly different. His hair is cut close to his head; he's far more built than he was when he left. But...the strangest thing is his eyes. They seem so...hardened. He looks up at me, and I can see pain and sorrow in their sparkling blue depths. Yet he smiles all the same.
"Hey Kyle," he says, his voice sounding just as it had on the day he left. Smooth and familiar and deep. It takes my breath away a little. He stands there, taking me in as I had him. "You don't seem to have changed at all huh?" Oh Stan. If only you knew. I step aside so he can come in. He hobbles through the doorway, seeming to drag his left leg rather than walk on it.
"Hey Stan...why are you walking so funny?" I ask. He grimaces as he sits on the couch. He looks up at me, his face pained, his eyes dark.
"I...umm..." he sighs and looks down at the ground, not saying another word. He closes his eyes and slowly rolls up the leg of his pants. I stare at what's there, my mouth falling open in shock, then look back up at him.
"Oh my God...what happened?" I ask, not knowing what else to say. He grimaces again and rolls down his pants. His eyes remain shut.
"It was just outside Basra. We were driving. They came out of nowhere and rammed our truck with their own. Those of us who managed to get out tried to run. They had bombs strapped to their chests and they ran at us. I...I couldn't get out of the way...The doctors say I'm lucky to have only lost a leg."
"Oh God...that's...awful...I'm so sorry..." He sighs.
"Don't say that, please. I'm so sick of everyone fucking apologizing to me. It's not your fault and there's nothing you can do to make it better, okay?"
"I'm sorry...I mean, I just, umm...I don't really know what to say..." He sighs for the umpteenth time and nods his head. I feel nervous, like I'm saying entirely the wrong thing. The only problem is what is the right thing? Is there even a right thing to say in a situation like this?
"It's okay; I didn't mean to snap at you like that. So...I actually came by here first 'cause I'm kinda nervous about going to see Wendy...as I am." I furrow my brow in confusion, before my eyes widened in understanding. Stan doesn't know...
"Stan...Umm, I don't know how to say this but...Wendy cheated on you..." I confess. He stares at me, eyes widening, before glaring at me.
"No. Wendy wouldn't do that. Why would you say that? She..." His anger slowly deflates into uncertainty. He shrinks in on himself. "She wouldn't do that..." he whispers, but he doesn't seem convinced himself. I went over and sat next to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He leans into me. My heart begins to beat faster. His lips were so close to mine...tempting me... He sat up abruptly, jostling me from my fantasies. "I have to go talk to her." And with that, he left. I sank back into the couch cushions, wanting to cry for some reason. Or maybe cut. Or maybe go see Kenny.
Stan's POV
I get in the car and drive to Wendy's house. There's no way Kyle was telling the truth. But...Kyle has no reason to lie to me. And he never has lied before. God...this is one fucked up situation.
I pull into Wendy's driveway and go knock on the front door. Her mom answers and tells me that Wendy is up in her room. From the look on her face, I can tell something's wrong. She looks guilty and uncomfortable. My belief in Wendy's morals is starting to slowly crumble and fall to the ground. I reach her room and knock on the door. She opens it and gasps at the sight of me.
"Stan!" she screams, throwing her arms around me. I stumble a bit from the sudden weight, but hug her back anyway. I'm actually quite glad I was able to keep my balance; that's something I've been having trouble with. "When did you get back?" Only then do I remember why I've come. I push her away from me.
"Wendy, we need to talk." She looks at me with a puzzled expression. Feigning innocence huh? She leads me into her room and we sit on her bed. "I heard about what you did."
"Wh...what are you talking about?" she asks. The fact that she's playing dumb just pisses me off. She doesn't even show the slightest bit of guilt!
"You cheated on me!" I scream at her. She looks stricken, but I can clearly see the truth all over her face. "I can't believe you...and you tried to hide it from me! What the hell?"
"I...I'm so sorry...I was just lonely...and it was only one time..." She starts crying. "I hadn't heard from you for a week...Token came over to comfort me...one thing lead to another and...I just didn't want you to have to find out..." She just sits there, sniveling and looking pathetic. I sigh. "Please forgive me..."
"I want to...but...I don't know." She throws herself on me and begins crying into my chest. I couldn't help but hold her. After all...she said it was only the one time... "I forgive you." She looks up at me.
"Really?" she asks. I kiss her in response. She kisses back, and I can feel her tears fall onto my face. When we pull away she's smiling so broadly, and that makes everything seem okay again. "I promise you won't regret this." So why do those words feel so chilling?
Kyle's POV
I get a call from Stan a few hours later. He tells me that he and Wendy have gotten back together. I feel my heart sink in my chest. God...how is he so dumb?
"Why would you fucking do that? She cheated on you! What...why would you get back together with someone like that?" I ask incredulously. I knew that feeling I had earlier was justified.
"Well...she said it was just the one time...and...I love her...at least I think I do..." I sigh. He doesn't know how deep those words cut me. And he never will.
"If you think this will make you happy, then go for it, I guess. I'm just not sure I condone this..."
"Duly noted. Anyway, I gotta go. I'll see you around Kyle." He hangs up. I snap my phone shut with a melancholy sigh. I can't believe him...after all he's been through, he really wants to return to a crumbling relationship? I guess he's just looking for something that's familiar, something that hasn't changed.
Then again, who am I to sit in judgment? I keep running back to Kenny every time I get an itch I can't scratch, a dose of emotion that's just a bit too much for me to handle. I even know how he feels for me, yet I don't care enough to stop. No matter how much the guilt eats away at me, I always return. I can't go to him because of this. I just can't.
He calls me, but I am hesitant to answer. If I talk to him I may not be able to contain myself. I can already feel the irrational side of me starting to take over. I switch my phone off and head to bed. I'm not going to do this to Kenny anymore.