Side Note: The Cullen's joining the Volturi was very plausible in my opinion when talking about the canon Cullen family. Again, this story is AU/Non-Canon. I did write Alice to be slightly less selfish and self-absorbed. The point of their "sacrifice" was to give Aro what he wanted more than anything, vampires (more than one) with gifts.

Do Not Own Twilight.

"Let your tears come.

Let them water your soul."

- Eileen Mayhew

Loving the Sun

-Missing What's Gone-

The run back to the reservation seemed short.

Bella felt like her heart was in a vice. Her breathing became increasingly erratic. Sam stopped a few times to ask her if he could help her. His face was etched with worry and sadness. She shook her head and tightened her hold on him.

"I want to see Billy. Just keep going."

She felt him nod and continue.

In her mind, Bella was lost...

If she closed her eyes she could pretend it was a terrible nightmare. Jacob would be waiting for her, she would beg him to stay with her, she would insist on Edward being the one to go instead of him. Why didn't she try harder and convince him to stay with her? The regret, guilt, and grief was more than she could bear.

Bella pushed Sam's arm to get his attention. "Stop... I can't..."

He let her down; she collapsed on the ground, and strained to inhale and exhale.

Sam knelt next to her. He put his hand on her shoulder, "Bella, you have to pull it together for just a little while."

She shook her head and forced the words out. "It hurts... so much."

He didn't know how to comfort her. It never crossed his mind that a situation like this would ever occur. Answers were needed and fast. "I promise I will talk to the council and see if there is anything in the legends or previous pack journals regarding what happens to an imprint when her wolf is... when he passes on. You are not alone in this. We're pack. A family. We support each other."

She wanted to be strong. She understood to a degree that she had to be. Billy lost his only son. She lost her best friend, the love of her life. So much loss. So much pain. She wiped away the tears that stained her cheeks.

Not now. Later. Later she would cry.

"Okay... Let's go."

Bella tried to keep her emotions at bay when the little red house came into view. Sam seemed to be in deep thought as he stared at the front door. Quil sat on the steps, his head in his hands, his large frame trembled violently as he wept. Bella gave his shoulder a light squeeze as she walked pass him to enter the Black home. Jared went outside to talk to Sam. She heard him explain where the rest of the pack was; Paul and Embry were searching for Leah and Seth.

Inside, everything was different. None of the furniture had been moved, it looked the same, but yet it wasn't.

Jacob's natural scent lingered heavily in the dining area. He loved the kitchen. A small piece of wood captured Bella's attention. It had the beginning cut outs of a carving. She traced the outline of her wolf charm. He was making something new. She wondered what it would have turned out to be. He was so talented with his hands...

Was.

The word made her stomach clench. He couldn't be talked about in the past tense. She didn't want to think of him that way. Her mind refused to process it as true.

A noise echoed through the house. Billy's heart breaking cries.

Bella followed the sounds of despair to Jacob's room. She knocked on the door then slowly opened it. Her own sorrow consumed her when she saw Billy bent over his son's body. The stoic man she considered a second father was shattered.

She left him alone to say his goodbyes.

Bella made her way to the worn-out couch and sat down. All she could think about was her Jacob. The precious moments she wasted, the times she ignored him and allowed herself to be dazzled by Edward and the Cullen's; when she hit him because he kissed her and tried to make her see what was right in front of her all along...

Too much.

Jacob was gone. He was never coming back, and she refused to let go. A world where Jacob did not exist held no interest to her.

Her facade crumbled. Furious sobs tore through her.

She prayed to the wolf gods and to her God. Please bring him back. There has to be a way.

The faint tug at her heart caused a tiny flicker of hope within her. Just as quickly as it appeared it was gone.

Bella didn't understand what was going on with her. Time no longer meant anything. It was as if it didn't exist.

She refused to go to Jacob's room and ruin Billy's moments with his son.

Instead, she went to the kitchen and began to prepare food. She could cook and clean for Billy. Jake would have wanted that; so she did. Her mind and body were not in sync. The movements were mechanical, autopilot.

Jared, Sam, Quil and Paul wearily walked into the house. Embry stayed behind with Leah and Seth. She didn't want to come back, and they could not find it in their hearts to ask her to.

The first thing they saw were the large plates of food on the dining table. Each one sat and ate the meal. Every once in a while one of them would peek at the girl obsessively dusting and cleaning.

"Sam, we need to keep an eye on her," Jared cautioned.

Sam nodded in agreement.

Quil stared at the empty plate in front of him, "We can say Jake was in an accident. Charlie knew he rode a motorcycle. With his injuries it's believable."

Jared was the first to notice Bella stopped moving. He watched as her face paled and she clutched at her chest. She stumbled back; he ran across the room and caught her before she fell.

"Bella!"

Her eyes were wild. She appeared disoriented.

"Where... is he?" she gasped out.

"Who?"

"Jacob. I know he's here."

Jared looked up at his worried pack brothers, then back at the girl in his arms. "Bella do you remember what happened today?"

She clutched at him as she fought for air. Jared pulled her into a hug. He didn't know what else to do.

She pushed him and attempted to free herself. "I need him. Jared, please. He promised."

She wailed and cried and begged for them to find him for her.

Jared's eyes watered as he listened to her. He hugged her closer to him as the tears slid down his face. "Sam help."

Thank you for taking the time to read. This story is definitely different from my normal comfort zone. I hope you all stick with me. Please keep in mind the other genre as you read: tragedy/supernatural.