A/N: I'm sorry but my laptop still isn't fixed and it's a total pain in the ass to borrow laptop! I just want to say a huge thank you to every single follow/favourite/review! Keep them coming!
Chapter Nine: Different futures.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh god. Forgive me please. Don't hate me. I'm sorry." Peeta's voice slips into my sleep and I wrap my arms feebly around his body as he lays ontop of me. "Jesus Katniss. I'm a fucking monster. I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry." I pull eyes apart and slowly remember last night. "Oh jesus. I love you. I'm sorry. Don't hate me. Please. It wasn't me. Don't hate me." Peeta's voice is frantic and I can't focus on his words, I'm more focused on the aching in the pit of my stomach.
"Ouch." I moan and Peet lifts his head from my neck and kisses all over my face immediately. "Stop."
"I'm sorry. I am so sorry!" Peeta says desperately and I absent mindedly rub my hands over his bare back.
"S'okay." I mutter quietly and Peeta scoffs.
"It is not okay! That was not okay!" Peeta is almost telling himself and I just sigh. "What do you need?" He asks, pushing hair out of my face and smoothing his hands along my shoulders.
"A shower." I mutter and he nods frantically.
"Of course! Damn it! Of course!" He says as he gets off me and stands up.
"So do you." I say and he looks down and blushes at my blood spread along the tops of his thigh and his lower stomach. "I don't think I can walk." I mutter and Peeta's face falls even further than it was.
"Try, please try!" He says desperately and I gingerly stand up only for my legs to quiver and fall into Peeta who catches me easily. "Ohmygod! I've paralysed you!" I swat his chest as he holds me up.
"You idiot, its just because you fucked me so damn hard." I mutter and he bends and swings my legs up as he carries me, I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his collar bone. "I'm okay, Peeta. I just wish we had made love like that before we fucked like that." Peeta looks down at me and grins sheepishly.
"Finnick's angry at me." He says quietly as he pokes his head out the door and then walks into the bathroom when it's all clear.
"You told him?" I ask as Peeta takes us straight into the shower and turns the water on.
"Uh huh, I was going crazy. I think he's going to chop my penis off." Peeta says seriously as he carefully puts me down but holds onto me tightly.
"I hope not. I'd miss it." I smirk as I see his penis stir slightly and he groans. "You realise you're insatiable right, Mellark?"
"Only around you, Everdeen." He murmurs as he bends his head to kiss my neck. I grip his hands that are gripping my waist and let my head roll to the side.
"What set you off last night, baby?" I whisper and he stops kissing my neck. "Peeta?"
"I had a nightmare." He says quietly and I carefully turn on my weak legs to face him.
"I have nightmares whenever you're not holding me." I confess and Peeta scrunches his eyes shut as the water cascades around us.
"Me too." He says quietly and I reach up and kiss him. We jump apart when there's a loud knocking on the door.
"Katniss!" Prim's voice rings out and I rush out of the shower and open the door. Peeta grabs a towel with a quiet cuss as Prim barrels into the room.
"Little duck?" I ask desperately clutching her shoulders.
"Ew! You were showering together and you're on your period! Ew!"
"Prim!" I scold her as I see Peeta blush brightly, turning around and hiding the bulge in his towel. "What's wrong?" I ask and she grins.
"Ben said Rory could come over after school today!" Prim says excitedly and I roll my eyes at her.
"Great, we'll talk later!" I say and shove her out the door. "Sorry." I say as Peeta turns back to face me when I lock the door.
"So she knows I guess." He says as he drops the towel and follows me back into the shower.
"I think Evan might have some suspicions too." I say as I hesitantly rub shower gel across Peeta's muscular back.
"Mhmmm, wouldn't surprise me. But, he won't say anything about it." Peeta says quietly, he runs a hand through his wet hair and moans lightly.
"Turn round." I tell him and he turns slowly and looks at me through hooded eyes. I rub the shower gel across his chest and then across the ridges of his abs, trying not to look at his increasing erection.
"I like it when you get authorative." Peeta murmurs and I smirk up at him. "But, I also like it when you're a push over." He adds and I roll my eyes playfully.
"There's no pleasing you, Peeta." I say and he catches my hands.
"You please me everyday, Katniss." I whispers and I blush.
"Only because I'm amazing in bed." I say and he smiles.
"Yes, you are. However, I would be okay never having sex with you so long as I could hold you and kiss you." Peeta confesses and I run my fingers along his jaw.
"Baby, you couldn't go a day without me fucking you or jerking you off or sucking you." I tease him and he smiles.
"Is that a bet?" He asks and I nod. "Let's shake on it." Peeta says and we shake hands on our new deal. "First one to crack has to be the other's slave for a weekend." Peeta asks and I confirm.
I look across the class and run my eyes over Peeta. He's hooked his blazer on the back of his chair and has his jumper sleeves rolled up, he's hunched over his text book as he stares as the simultaneous equations we're working on as he taps his pencil lightly.
"You should take a picture," I snap my head in front as Gerry rocks backwards on his chair. "It'll last longer." He finishes and I smile a little bit.
"What's up Irish dude who weirdly lives in America but, is totally Irish?" I say and he nods approvingly.
"It's a bit long but, it suits me." We smile together and Delly nudges my arm.
"Peeta's looking." She whispers and I burst into a flirty giggle as Gerry looks at me stunned. "Go with it!" Delly hisses so Gerry laughs aswell. "Okay, done."
"Did he react?" I ask quickly and Delly shakes her head.
"Ohhhhh, this is about yours and Peeta's who can go the longest without doing anything sexy bet thing, right?" He asks and I narrow my eyes. "Yeah, Peet told me. I'm supposed to be making you hot and bothered about him right now but, algebra really dampens the mood."
"He's using you to get me to cave in?" I ask and Gerry nods, Finnick turns in his seat beside Gerry and smirks.
"I'm in on it too." He says and he looks across at Peeta. "I'm supposed to be asking you about what your hottest night with him has ever been but, it's boring so I didn't." Finnick explains and Delly and I exchange glances.
"How would you two boys like to be double agents?" Delly asks in a really bad british accent that makes me giggle.
"Wait, you want Finn and I to go behind our best friends back so that he is impossibly sexually frustrated so he loses the bet and has to be your slave for an entire weekend?" Gerry asks and I nod. "I am so in." I look at him and he raises an eyebrow.
"Double O-Dair, at your service ma'am." Finnick agrees in an impossibly good british accent that sounds like it just came out of a James Bond movie.
"So, tell me everything you know about Peeta's sexual fantasies boys." I say and they grin wickedly.
The next day I am sat next to Finnick in English Literature waiting for the perfect moment to click send. Peeta is thumbing through his key cards at the front of the classroom as Sir sorts out Peeta and Gerry's presentation.
"First deployment in place." Finnick whispers and he nods at Gerry. We watch discreetly as Peeta pulls his phone from his trouser pocket and touches a few buttons then frowns at Gerry. "Second deployment in three...two...one." Finnick whispers then winks at Delly.
Peeta looks at Delly and Gerry perplexed as Finnick clicks send on his own phone sending the words 'Cold shower?' To Peeta who reads then text and stares at Finnick. Finnick nudges me and I click send, chewing my lip.
Peeta looks down at his phone and practically drops it then catches it. He closes his eyes for precisely ten seconds before opening them and gazing at me in hatred. I shrug lightly and then he stuffs his hands into his pockets along with his phone and takes his place next to Gerry at the front, punching him in the arm when Sir's back is turned.
"Are people born evil or are they made evil in time?" Peeta starts and I click send again. Gerry starts reciting his own paragraph as Peeta very sneakily looks down at my text on his phone. I see his jaw clench as his eyes roam the picture of me in the red and black lingerie posing provocatively. "There are many cases that support both sides of this argument. When women ar carrying twins and one foetus dies, the mother more often than not blames the surviving foetus for murdering the dead foetus." Peeta then turns away from the class slightly to look at the video on the board, it's a sort of mini film with Gerry, Peeta, Prim, Delly and some other girls in. Everyone is watching the film but my eyes are focused on the bulge in Peeta's pants.
Eventually the presentation finishes and the school bell rings, indicating the end of class so everyone stuffs their belongings into their bags but I hang back to talk to Sir.
"Hiya, Katnass." Sir says while pulling his suit jacket on. I pass him his book of 'The Great Gatsby' and he grins. "Did you enjoy?" He asks as he adjusts the collar of his dark blue suit jacket.
"I did, thank you. I found it pretty amazing." I say as sir unplugs his laptop, closes the screen and slips it into a brown satchel.
"Yes, it's pretty cool." He says, sounding distracted so I nod and start to move away. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, I just-im just trying to sort some things out for my little brother and it's not working out yet." Sir says so I stop moving, listening as the classroom door closes as the last pupil leaves.
"Do you ummm, want to talk about it?" I ask and sir looks at me oddly for a second before smiling.
"No, it will work itself out. I'm in debt to Peeta really." Sir says distantly and I quickly ask why. "He gave my brother a job in one of his bakeries, Peeta's been teaching him to bake bread and things but, he just always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time." I smirk.
"I know what that's like, Sir." I say and Sir hooks his bag over his shoulder and heads for the door and I follow him. We walk outside and I instantly see Peeta staring at a blonde who is waving her hands around in front of him clearly explaining something. Sir waves and leaves and just as I head over to Peeta, Deely sweeps over and ushers me to the gym. "What are you doing?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at her.
"Nothing, we're getting changed for our lesson!" Delly says while pushing me into the changing rooms.
"Why couldn't I speak to Peeta, then?" I ask and Delly removes her blazers.
"Peeta? I didn't even see him! Silly me!" She exclaims and I cross my arms.
"You're a horrible liar, Delly. What's going on?" I ask again and she looks into my eyes for a second before turning away.
"It's a big misunderstanding! Peeta and Finnick and Gerry and Sam will sort it out and it will all be fine!" It sounds as if she's trying to convince herself more than anyone.
"What does that blonde girl have to do with it and why does it need four guys to sort it out?" I ask and Delly bites her lip. Then, I mass of chattering girls swarm into the changing rooms making it impossible for me to get any information out of Delly. We change quickly and then Delly grabs my arm and pulls me out the back door.
We're in a higher group than most of those girls in the changing room and our class for PE is mostly made up of boys. We're expected to change into our gym clothes then jog around the school track until Mrs Slack calls us in. So that's where Delly and I walk to quickly.
"Come on, girls!" Slack shouts through her horn and Delly and I start stretching at the side of the track, we bend over and touch our toes, as I straighten up I see Peeta, Finnick, Gerry and Sam on the other side of the track, they are wearing their designated PE t shirts that are grey with the school logo on the left breast and black shorts. Peeta stops jogging suddenly and appears to clutch his hair, Finnick pats his back as Gerry speaks to Peeta, Sam just jogs round them in a circle.
"Ready?" Delly asks and I nod, we jog onto the track and our rhythm quickly aligns so our feet hit the track at the exact same time. As we jog round the bend Sam stops jogging, says something and then all the boys start jogging along the track again.
"Delly, please tell me what's going." I plead and she wipes the back of her hand across her forehead.
"If I tell you, I'm betraying Peeta. If I don't tell you, I'm lying to you." She pants out and I growl in frustration.
"So you know what's going on, the guys obviously know what's going. I'm the only one that doesn't know! That's seems fair Delly!" I snap at her before increasing my speed, Delly does too so I keep speeding up until I'm running at a level I know Delly can't run at.
"Katniss!" She calls but I just keep running. Soon enough I'm passing the boys and I hear Finnick's cheers as I sprint past them. A lot of people who run either have speed or stamina, some how I happened to get both so I know I can keep up this sprint for a good few laps before my body will shut down. I pass Delly once more before Slack bellows at us to head over to the weightlifting hall. I slow my pace gradually and by the time I get to the hall, I'm walking. "It's not fair to use your running abilities to get away from me." Delly instantly hisses at me and I roll my eyes at her.
"If you told me what's happening, I wouldn't have left." I inform her as Slack points us to a bench.
"Why don't you ask Peeta! He's your boyfriend!" She snaps at me as she lays back on the bench.
"When I tried to speak to him, you pulled me away!" I tell her as she grips the bar.
"I did what I was told to do! Don't blame me because you can't control Peeta anymore!" Delly grunts at me as she pushes the bar off the stand.
"I don't want to control him! I just want to know what's going on!" I say exasperated and look across to wear Peeta is easily pumping a stupid number of weights.
"So ask him!" Delly groans and I help her replace the bar. "I hate weightlifting, I always feel like I'm going to give birth." She mutters and not so discreetly glances over to the guys. I keep note of that look.
"Who was the blonde Peeta was talking to?" I ask quietly as I take Delly's place on the bench.
"Millie." Delly says cautiously as she watches me lift the bar easily.
"What's her story?" I ask, bending my elbows and pushing back up.
"She's a slut." Delly replies easily and I breathe out slowly with my elbows locked before bending them again. "She's obsessed with Peeta." Delly says and I look up at her.
"Did they you know, have a fling?" I ask, not liking the way it sounds and watch as Delly bites her lip.
"Katniss... Don't make me betray Peeta!" She begs me and I bench press a few times before catching her gaze again.
"Give me a clue, then." I say and Delly considers this for a moment.
"You already know, somewhere inside, you know what's going on. You just don't want to think about it, Katniss." Delly says quietly and I roll my eyes.
"I said a clue not a riddle!" I say with a small laugh and when I see Delly smile a bit I decide to carry on. "You make it seem like Peet's got someone preggers!" I laugh and Delly looks horrified. My laughter dies inside my chest as our eyes lock. "Ohmygod." I breath out and my arms turns to jelly, the bar slams down on my chest, Delly screams and I hear people swear, the bar rolls to my neck and I lay there, unable to move as the pressure builds in my temples.
"Holy shit!" Peeta's voice rings through my brain before I black out into a world or calm. Where Peeta is not going to be a Father.
I stare at the white ceiling, my breathing slow and low as I listen to people murmuring at the side of me. I'm aware of the door opening and Mr Mellark's voice call my name but I just carry on staring at the pure white ceiling.
"Weight...neck...pass out...bruising..." I pick up some of the nurses words before I get bored of her voice and zone out.
I start to imagine Peeta as a Father. The image comes easily, like he's born to be Father. An image of a tiny blonde boy riding on Peeta's shoulders, of Peeta teaching him to bake, teaching him to kick a ball. An image of a small blonde girl being tucked in by a Peeta with crows feet around his eyes, of Peeta dancing with her, reading her poetry. An image of a woman by Peeta's side who is not me. I don't want children. I've never wanted children. Peeta hasn't changed that about me, I can't comprehend loving something so much I would die for it. I used to feel that way about Peeta and it tore me apart.
"Sweetie?" I turn my head to look at Mr Mellark who is smiling softly as he pulls me into sitting. I look around, the nurse writing in a folder, Peeta is biting his thumb nail as he sits in a small chair. "Wanna go home?" Ben asks and I feel bad when I realise I see home as still being the apartment I shared with Gale and Prim. "Don't talk." Ben says quickly so I just nod and slip off the bed and follow him through the school.
My mind wanders again, to a house this time. Where you open the big front door and lining the entrance are four pairs of wellington boots, in size order, above them on the wall are four coats and name tages above the coats, I see Peeta's name and then my mind snaps.
I see a dingy apartment with no photographs in, no happiness and no warmth, on the kitchen table is a letter addressed to Katniss Everdeen.
I'm pulled out of my little wander when I feel a large but gentle hand slip into mine. I look down at Peeta's hand clasping my own, I imagine a simple gold wedding ring round the finger next to his pinky and I look into his eyes quickly.
I imagine his eyes being warm and shimmering in blue like an ocean but I see his eyes cold, and pained. I ruin Peeta's eyes. I've created the pain. I pull my hand out of Peeta's and look straight ahead.
I ride back with Ben because Peeta still has lunch then another lesson before the end of school, plus his car is still there. Ben talks aimlessly in the journey back and I occassionally nod or smile slightly, my throat is throbbing and I'm desperate for a drink but, Ben says I can't drink anything just yet.
So now I'm sat in the TV room, Ben is working noisily in the kitchen with Melissa, Evan is sat on the sofa beside me as we watch an old cowboy film. Except neither of us are really watching it. My phone rings again but I don't make a move to answer it.
"What's going on with you and Peet?" Evan asks quietly and I point at my throat indicating I can't talk. Evan rolls his eyes slightly and pushes the whiteboard and pen into my hands.
'He fucked someone while we were "together" and now his baby is growing inside of her.' I write then incline the board towards Evan.
"What? Oh jesus!" Evan groans and I stare at the telly. "So, you've left him?" Evan asks and I sigh.
'I don't even want my own kid let alone someone elses.'
"Why don't you want children?" Evan asks, turning to face me on the sofa with his legs crossed. I mirror his position.
'I already raised myself and Prim. What's the point in doing it again?'
"You don't want a little you running around?" Evan queries and I stifle a laugh.
'A little me would sit in a corner glaring at people.'
"Is that how you were, then?" Evan asks and I shake my head. "What was you childhood like?"
'I sometimes remember sneaking out of mine and Prim's bedroom and sitting by the door of the living room and watching my Mother dancing with my Father. He would whisper the words to her and she would hum with him.'
"I don't have memories like that." Evan confesses. "I remember one day Rye and I were going to a baseball game with Peeta and Dad. I was around thirteen so Peeta about eight. Rye and I wanted snacks so we convinced Peeta to sneak into the kitchen and steal us some snacks by climbing onto the counter and reaching into the top cupboard. I remember watching him as he tossed a fruit roll at me, then hearing the door open, Peeta jumped down from the counter, petrified. Mother walked in, she saw Rye and I with the snacks, Peeta had none and she slapped Peeta on the cheek. I was frozen with horror, I remember her slapping him again before he looked up at her with those big innocent blue eyes. He never cried. He just said 'sorry mumma' and she slapped him again." Evan spills the words out and I realise that no one has ever asked him about his feelings.
'You can keep talking, Evan.' He nods.
"One day, Peeta was at Delly's and Rye and I were trying to bake bread but we burnt like three loaves. We tried to clear up but mother found them and she kissed our heads and sent us upstairs. I remember sitting on the top stair, Rye came out and told me to go to bed but I was scared. I heard Delly's father chat to Mother as Peeta jumped up a few stairs. He was ten. He saw my face and he froze. He knew. I knew he knew. He walked back down stairs and I listened to the door close then the harsh slaps, Peeta didn't make a sound, not until he let out this blood curdling scream. Rye and Father ran from their rooms and ran past me. I didn't find out until later the mother and pressed a cigarette into his scalp. He was ten." I nodded and Evan bit his lip. "One day, Rye came home drunk, he had crashed dad's car and mother her put him to bed, Peeta got back from Finn's and she punched him in the jaw. I remember her apologising and telling Peeta to take the pain killer she was offering but it didn't look right, he took the pill anyway and then went to bed. An hour later I heard her walk loudly into his room and Peeta started shouting. I could her her moans. Through the wall as she fucked him. He was god damn twelve!" Evan shouted suddenly, making me jump.
"Katniss." I jolt my head to the door where Peeta is stood. "Let me explain, please." Peeta pleads once Evan has left the room. I don't move so Peeta closes the door and perches on the sofa behind me. "We don't even no for sure yet. It was two tests from the drugstore! They could be wrong!" Peeta tries to explain but I just stare at him. "She has an appointment with the doctor and wants me to go but I will only go if you want me to. The baby might not even be mine! There might not even be a baby!" Peeta reaches for my hands but I pull away from him. I just keep seeing a wedding ring on his finger. "You're actually leaving me? Because we hit a bump in the road?" Peeta's voice is rising and I can't hide the slight fear building inside me. "When the going gets tough! Never thought of you like that Katniss!" Peeta shouted now and stood up. "Fucking bullshit!" He swore and swiped at the tv controller so it hit the wall and shattered. I jumped at the smashing sound, then again at the slamming door, then once more at the distinct sound of a fist hitting a wall.
I take a few moments to control my breathing, I switch off the telly using a different controller and collect my things before climbing the stairs quietly. Peeta's bedroom door is shut and I can hear music being played loudly from inside.
I slip into my own room and sit at my desk, opening the drawers on the right I pull out the door key to Peeta's room and hold it for a few seconds.