Do Not Own Twilight.

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.

- Helen Keller

Loving the Sun

- I Grieve for You -

Lilies. So beautiful. And yet they mean sympathy. Sweet smelling, white lilies in her hands. The casket was a rich brown color. It reminded Bella so much of Jacob's wolf. She longed to see both of them again.

She felt dead inside. Every once in awhile something would tug at her heart and the faint aroma of earth, musk, and rain would tease her senses; it was as if she was forgetting something but couldn't figure out what it was.

Not a single chair was empty. The entire reservation sat in front of Billy, waiting for him to begin the eulogy. He was dressed in all black, his long, salt and pepper hair flowed down his back, and his hands trembled. Paul refused to leave his side, once again holding onto his shoulder, willing some of his strength to go into the tribal Chief.

"My son... The day he was born was one of the happiest days of my life. He is - was a blessing. I loved him," he choked back a sob and reached up to grip Paul's hand. "A parent is not supposed to outlive their child. Yet here I am. I wish I could trade places with him. Jacob was the best part of me. And... I can't do this." He whispered and then looked up with watery eyes at the young man behind him. Words weren't needed; he understood and he helped the Chief back to the front row.

Billy's silent cries were carried away by the breeze.

Bella walked up to where they placed Jacob's picture beside the casket. He was leaning on the Rabbit, the smile that radiated from the photograph stabbed at her. She missed him terribly.

"Jake could make anyone feel better by just looking at them. His happiness was contagious. His friends aren't the same without him. His dad misses him more as each day passes." - she traced the image of his face with her fingertips - "I love you."

No one knew how to proceed after Bella went back to her seat in between Paul and Billy. Sam, Emily, and the majority of the pack sat behind them. Leah still had not returned. Embry and Seth came back the day before. Leah fought Embry in wolf form, and he took it her hits. He tried to help with her guilt, but it wasn't enough. They relented and gave her time alone only after ensuring she wasn't a danger to herself.

People made their way to the casket, each laying down lilies and sending a prayer to the spirits. Just as Charlie and Sue placed flowers on the grass, Sue briefly looked up and her eyes widened in shock; she clutched Charlie's arm. "Oh God."

Leah had dirt all over her sports bra, leaves sticking out of her hair, mud smudges on her shorts; her beautiful face was marred with guilt and sadness. Sam let go of Emily and walked over to her just as she sprinted pass him and kneeled in front of Billy.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If I hadn't - If Jake..." she couldn't finish. She reeled back and put her head in her hands. Her body trembled as the sobs she had held in ripped through her.

Bella sat on the ground beside Leah and put her arms around her. She rocked her back and forth ever so slightly. Whispering words of comfort.

The rest of the funeral flew by.

Embry picked up Leah and took her home. Rachel and Rebecca went back to their motel room after being polite to those in attendance and giving their father a brief hug. Seth stayed with Bella and Billy. Because he was focused on his sister and what she was going through, he had not yet grieved the loss of his friend.

The pack gathered down by the beach and started a bonfire. Stories involving Jacob were shared; some were funny, but most were simply happy memories. All too soon, the moon reflected against the calm ocean.

Everyone but Paul left. He sat next to Bella as she breathed in the salty air. He huffed out a breath, and she tilted her head to the side to look at him. "What's wrong Paul?"

He grabbed her hand and held it. "I imprinted."

Bella's heart clenched unbearably as her own imprint entered her mind. Her wolf. Her Jacob. The way his eyes shone one last time as he experienced their bond. A lump rose in her throat as she fought back tears.

Later. Right now, she needed to smile for her friend. She lightly squeezed his fingers. "That's great. I'm happy for you."

He frowned. "I'm not."

"What do you mean you're not? Isn't imprinting supposed to make you all - I don't know joyous?"

He stood and paced back and forth. "No, it's not. And I don't see how the fuck Rachel Black is meant to be my mate."

Bella slapped her hand over her mouth to stop the shocked gasp. Rachel was his imprint?

"I don't want her Bella. She left her father and her brother when they needed her the most. And then to add insult to injury, she rarely called to check on them. She came back for a few days, and is already itching to leave. Her brother is dead and she could care less about him! I don't want someone like that. A person that leaves when life gets hard. We may not have had it easy, but we're a pack, family, and you don't turn your fucking back on the people that give a shit about you."

Bella absorbed every word he said. In the midst of their loss, she gained a place within the pack. They truly felt like an extended family.

Paul stopped and dropped to his knees in front of her. She hugged him as he trembled, his tears staining her shirt. "I don't want someone like her."

She let him cry. She understood why he was upset. Rachel was the polar opposite of Paul. Where he valued the familial bond he shared with his pack brothers and loyalty, she did not.

Bella ran her fingers through his short, inky hair; it reminded her of so much of Jacob's. A sharp pain speared through her. She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip.

The smell of copper made Paul jerk his head away from Bella. He took in her twisted, agonized expression. Her lower lip had droplets of blood trickling down her chin. This wasn't a first for him; he'd seen her have several episodes similar to the one she was experiencing now. The pack worried about her. Old Quil and the rest of the Council watched her closely, each had taken an interest for the same reason. Bella was the only imprint to have lost her wolf, and she was still alive.

Her soft voice interrupted his train of thought. "You have to be whatever she wants, right? At least, that's how Jake explained it to me. You can be a friend, a protector, or - well, you know. So why can't you be a protector? Maybe even a friend?"

He wiped her chin with the sleeve of his shirt. "I don't know if it works that way."

"You won't know if you don't try. Either way, it's your life. I don't know Rachel. And honestly, after seeing her with Billy, I don't want to. I should feel bad saying that because she's Jake's sister, yet I can't bring myself to care very much. I'm not pretending to know what Fate was doing by making you imprint, but are you sure you don't want it?"

He didn't flinch or hesitate. "I don't."

Bella didn't know what else she could say to him. It wasn't her place anyway. Paul had a mind of his own and could make his own decisions. Her head began to hurt again. She needed rest. He walked with her back to Billy's house and mentioned that he would be at Jared's if either of them needed anything.

The dreams began that night.

Jacob kissing her on the mountaintop, Bella realizing just how much she loved him, Jacob smiling at her, running his fingers through her hair.

He was here; he was alive.

"I have to leave," he whispered.

"No."

He smiled again... but she meant it. No. He couldn't leave her. Not again. She knew what was going to happen. "Jake please. Don't go. You'll die. Please, stay with me. Don't go."

He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "I won't be long. I promise."

She hugged him with all the strength she could muster and begged him to stay. "Don't leave me! I can't do it again Jake. Please!"

He kissed the top of her head. She gazed up at him, he put his hands on either side of face and softly kissed her lips. "That should have been our first kiss Bells." - their mouths met again and again - "I promise to kiss you every day for the rest of our lives."

She shook her head and openly sobbed. "You won't be able to keep that promise. Please stay with me Jake. Let Edward go. I need you with me."

It was as if he couldn't hear her. He unwrapped her arms from around his waist with minimal effort, kissed her forehead, and jogged toward the treeline.

She remained frozen, rotted in her spot.

He left. No, no, no, he wasn't going to die. Not again.

She ran after him, tripping at every half step, screaming his name, her heart hammering in her chest. The forest seemed to thicken, the sky darkened, and she could hear something surrounding her.

His voice echoed through the trees, "I love you Bells. I'm here. You just have to remember."

Her vision fogged, panic increased, she was sweating profusely. It was becoming difficult to breathe.

"Don't leave Jake."

Shadows danced around her, Jacob's voice repeated the same words, begging her to remember.

She covered her ears and screamed, "Jacob!"

Bella shot off the bed. Her erratic pulse amplified her headache. His scent saturated the entire bedroom. He was here! She could feel him... was she going crazy? Was his loss finally claiming her sanity?

Next Chapter Up Soon. Thanks for reading.

The dream had parts of the actual scene in Eclipse; by Stephenie Meyer, (e-book, pdf format), pages 356-357.