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Richard's Point of View

I still can't get over that Adele made me were that ghastly suit yesterday. Purple? Who would wear a purple suit? I can't get the expressions' of the board members faces' out of my head. They had hidden smirks that weren't so well hidden. And who could blame them? If I was in their shoes, I would have been unable to stop myself from laughing my ass off. I looked unbelievably ridiculous and to top it all, I had to walk through the hospital to get to the board meeting so everyone had seen me in that god forsaken outfit.

But for all the anger I feel towards Adele, I feel more anger towards Derek. Does that even make sense? I watched Derek yesterday and he isn't even half the man he was. He walks around this place a shell of the man he used to be. He would have been the one I would have gladly taken stick from because it would have meant that the old Derek was still in there, somewhere. I so desperately wanted him to laugh at me. The last thing I expected him to talk about was the consideration of calling off the search. How could he possibly consider that? Whether Rachel asked him to or not, how could he?

I for one know how much he loves Meredith. And I don't think Rachel is treated fairly, which is hard to admit considering I don't like the woman very much. She thinks way too much of herself. However, I can't imagine that it has been easy for her to be compared to Meredith. Most girls dream of their wedding day from a young age and Rachel is definitely one of those girls. She must feel her wedding day isn't going to be an incredibly happy day when half the church's mind will be on Meredith. How hard that must be for her to imagine. Although, that being said, I hate the way she has full dominance and control in their relationship.

Rachel treated Meredith lower than the dirt on the bottom of her shoe and I always hated her for that. Meredith, as per usual, would stand up and defend herself. But Rachel is a manipulative bugger and slowly managed to drive a wedge between Meredith and Derek's friendship without Derek even realising. As Meredith always said to me, 'He's a brainless, brain man'. I can feel myself smile at the memory because that was typical Meredith. It was such a 'Meredith thing' for her to say. She has left a huge whole in my heart because, to me, she is my daughter and nobody will ever tell me any different. No matter what her birth certificate says. I promised Ellis on the day she was admitted to the nursing home that I would always look out for her. That Adele and I both would. But we failed her.

As for my surgical team? As well as Derek, my team - Crisitina, Izzie, George, Alex, Bailey, Callie, Owen, Arizona, Mark and Teddy - have all taken this incredibly hard. At first, the entire team were moving around like zombies trying to make sense of something they clearly couldn't. Slowly, they have managed to pick themselves up and move on – slightly. However, they and I both know that nothing is going to be the same again because Meredith has left a huge whole in every single one of our hearts.

Truth be told, I don't think any one of them, especially Derek, will ever fully recover from this.

Knock, knock.

"Come in," I call, expecting an intern to walk through my door with some tale about a 'cool' surgery but instead, I feel myself looking surprised to see Mrs Shepherd walk through my door.

"Mrs Shepherd," I smile at her, grateful that she is here. I need someone to distract me from my thoughts.

"Chief, its Carolyn." She smiles politely at me, although she looks slightly skittish. I've never seen her look like this before. "I'm not disturbing you, am I?" she asks me, hesitantly.

This is obviously an important matter. Hopefully she's here to tell me that she has convinced Derek to continue with the search.

"Of course not," I insist, wanting to put her mind at ease. "Come in and sit down."

"If you're sure," she nods with a small smile.

"I'm sure," I assure her, smiling as she sits directly across from me. "How are you Carolyn?"

"I'm fine chief, thank you," she smiles gracefully.

"It's Richard," I admonish lightly. "Your son barely refers to me as Chief unless he desperately wants something," I joke and she laughs lightly. However, she still looks incredibly tense.

"Well, actually…I…uh…"

"You want something," I smile, knowingly. What could she possibly want? Was it something to do with Derek? Meredith? Both?

"I do," she asserts taking on some confidence that she didn't have when she entered my office. She looks at me and I know I don't have to ask what this is about. It is written all over her face.

"You'll think I'm crazy…."

"I don't believe that for a second," I interrupt. Carolyn is the most level headed woman I know and that is including Dr Bailey.

"…but I need you to hear me out. What I am about to ask of you is huge and I know your instant response will be to say 'no' but I really hope you don't because this could be the difference between us finding Meredith and losing her for good," she rambles, just like Meredith. I would smile if the conversation wasn't so serious and Carolyn didn't have tears in her eyes.

What the hell am I supposed to say to that? How do I respond? If it involves finding Meredith then I have to help. No matter what the cost.

"What can I do for you Carolyn?" I ask gently. I am dying to know what she wants to ask.

"This is going to…."

"Carolyn," I interrupt, calmly but slightly authoritive. "Just tell me."

"The night of the accident," she starts, looking at me through a serious, deadly expression that it sends chills up my spine. "Well I need you…I need you to release all CCTV footage from the moment Derek and Meredith arrived to when she left the parking lot to me."

What?

Is she serious?

I'm guessing buy the expression on her face that she isn't kidding.

"And Jack too," she adds in a whisper.

"Derek's next door neighbour?" I ask slowly, trying to wrap my mind around this.

"Yes, he is a retired detective," Carolyn smiles softly. "And he was a very good one from what I hear."

"Look, Carolyn," I start. What do I say? What could she possibly want with all that CCTV footage? "The police…"

"Richard," she interrupts. "Before you say no and send me out of your office, could you please hear me out first because, believe me, this is something you are going to want to hear."

Meredith always warned me that Carolyn Shepherd is a feisty woman and she highly recommended that I never get on the wrong side of her.

"Okay," I nod. "Let's hear it."

"Okay," she asserts, getting up to stand.

What the hell is going on Carolyn?

"I…uh…I went to visit Ellis yesterday…."

Oh no, this isn't going to be good.

"…she was lucid…"

"She was?" I ask, rather shocked. Ellis being lucid for even a few minutes is very rare nowadays.

"She was," Carolyn asserts, as she begins to pace. "But that isn't the crazy bit. She asked who I was and when I told her that I am Derek's mom, she instantly asked if Derek was the one in the car accident with Meredith? She then…"

What?

"She what?" I utter out, interrupting Carolyn. That's not possible. It can't be.

"It gets better," she mutters. "She knew exactly who Derek was Richard which…."

"She shouldn't," I stutter out, trying to wrap my mind around this. It wasn't completely impossible but incredibly rare for her to remember someone she met after the Alzheimer's diagnosis.

"Exactly!" She shouts as if she's relieved that I agree with her. "Anyway," she continues more calmly. "She then says how Meredith is in love with Derek and how guilty Meredith feels."

"She said that?" I ask. I'm really struggling to wrap my mind around this. What did this mean?

Carolyn nodded.

"She knows Meredith is in love with Derek?" I ask. Meredith would never tell her mother that. No way.

"I know what you're thinking Richard but she didn't tell Ellis willingly. Apparently Ellis pushed her about her love life," Carolyn murmured softly.

"When was this?" I push; trying to process everything I am being told.

"It would have been the last visit she ever made to her mother. The morning after the accident," she shrugged, unsure.

"Well, that would make sense," I say. "She had discharged herself a few hours after surgery. She would have been in agony with the broken ribs and fractured cheek bone. Never mind the god damn head injury. Ellis would have easily pushed her and Meredith would tell her everything…"

"Richard," Carolyn sighs.

"She shouldn't have left the hospital," I murmur, thinking back to that horrible day. "She was injured and upset. She was in no fit state but all of this makes no sense. Why would she pick up and leave…"

"Because someone told her that her best friend was dead and that it was her fault," Carolyn murmurs softly.

What?

"I know," she murmurs with tears in her eyes. "It's crazy but Ellis was insistent. Meredith had told her that she killed Derek in the crash. When I said it was a drunk driver, Ellis insisted that it wasn't; it was Meredith who killed him."

Ellis couldn't have been lucid. There is no way Meredith…."

"And before you say that Ellis wasn't lucid then explain to me how she knew who Derek was and how Meredith is in love him?" Carolyn argues, even though I am not arguing back.

"Carolyn…"

"Richard, I think Rachel told Meredith that she was responsible for killing Derek," Carolyn asserts with fear. She gives me a pleading look and as I try to process what she has told me, something strikes me – I'm not in total shock.

I don't like Rachel but surely she's not that venomous. But something inside is telling me it is possible.

"Do you believe Meredith would fall for that Carolyn?" I ask softly.

"Just think of the state she was in a month before the accident Richard," Carolyn answers, sounding overly sure of herself.

Oh my god.

"Okay," I agree hesitantly. "But, I'm sorry Carolyn, I can only give you forty eight hours with those tapes because if the board finds out then…"

"That's all I need," she smiles, looking incredibly relieved.

"Carolyn?" I start. "I don't know how you intend to prove this but if you do manage, what will you do?"

"Well," she whispers, sitting back down. "I haven't told Derek because I don't want to hurt him unnecessarily. He's already so stressed and he already, technically broke up with Rachel last night…"

"He did?" I ask, unable to keep the smile from my face.

"I know," she smiles. "I just think if we find what we need then we could be making a huge step in the right direction. I finally have hope Richard and the fact you are helping means the…."

"She's my daughter too Carolyn," I smile sadly. Carolyn and I have always seen Meredith as our surrogate daughter.

"I know," she nods assuringly. "We will find her Richard."

"I hope so Carolyn," I murmur. "I really hope so."

"Well, when can I get…" she starts hesitantly.

"Oh," I whisper, realising what she meant. "We can go now but Carolyn…"

"Not a word to anyone," she assures me as we make our way to my office door.

"Oh, Carolyn?" I ask with a small smirk.

"Yeah," she whispers, turning back to look at me curiously.

"Does Derek know about your secret relationship with the next door neighbour?"

"Who said that I…how did you…."

I laugh as I see how flustered she looks. Busted!

"Richard Webber," she asserts with such an authoritive tone, I could have sworn she was Adele. She's even pointing a finger at me. "You tell anyone and I swear to god, I will kill you."

"Not a word," I gulp with fear.

"Nobody knows," she murmurs softly, as we walk to the door. "I'm waiting until all my children are home for me to tell them."

"Then we had better find those tapes so we can find our stray," I smile sadly as Carolyn breathes a sigh of relief.

"Thank you Richard," she breathes slowly as we make our way out into the corridor.

"It's no problem Carolyn," I nod. "After all, we are her parents."

Carolyn and I make our way down the corridor towards the elevator. We don't even have to worry about being caught, considering it's five o'clock in the morning. I'm assuming that's why she came here so early. There is absolutely no chance of getting caught. We need this evidence to help find Meredith. We need to find her.

Where are you Meredith?

We need you here.

Derek needs you here.

He's not dead Meredith.

You did not kill him.

Meredith's Point of View

I allow Michael to hold me closer. I need his body heat to help me feel better. I'm sure I have the flu because one minute I'm so hot and the next I am so cold and more than anything, it is driving me insane. I can barely think straight and when I can, I end up going back to a place I don't want. My mind takes me back to the darkest hour of my life. It takes me back to one of the two days that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Michael has been so good to me. He holds my hand and helps keep me warm when I need him too. He even allows me to cry on his shoulder – which is a rare occasion but I still think it's sweet. He has been amazingly patient with me. He has been my saviour - literally.

And the best thing about Michael – he doesn't ask any questions about my past. Michael doesn't push me to reveal anything that I don't want to. And I don't. Michael does not know that I am from Seattle. He does not know that my mother is one of the most famous surgeons on the planet. And the best part is – he does not know about Rachel, the Shepherd's and he most definitely does not know about Derek. Just the way I need it.

Rachel is a horrible woman and one I never liked but I always tried to make an effort with her for Derek's sake. However, the woman made it damn impossible. She tried to make my life hell on earth by controlling Derek so much that in the end, he needed permission to come and see me. I think the only time he put his foot down when it came to coming to see me after my breakdown. He finally put his foot down with her after I quit being a surgeon at Seattle Grace.

I never understood his attraction to her. From the sounds of things, she is just like his ex-wife – only worse. Her attraction to Derek was obvious and I think he started dating her because he felt it was the right time after the divorce but for her, it was clear from the offset that she was going to stick around for the long haul because the moment she set her eyes on Derek, her claws were out. I'm more than positive Derek was not as sure of her as she was of him. I think somewhere along the way, he got caught up in the lie that he loved her and when it came to her, she loved the idea of him. He was good arm candy to her. He made her look good.

Derek and I did so much together before she came along. We always had a movie night once a week. One of us would rent the movie and the other would by the goodies. And we would always go to the movies at least twice a month and made sure to go to our favourite Italian afterwards. Derek and I loved the outdoors. We would go hiking, fishing, rock-climbing and even kayaking. Of course, that all stopped once Rachel's claws were well and truly scratched in.

Poor Derek never seen them coming.

I'll never forget the first day I met Derek Shepherd. I was half way through my internship when he transferred here from New York. He was a cocky ass resident, not far off, becoming an attending. There was one thing Derek always carried around with him – his cocky, male inflated ego. I was surprised he could fit his big head through the doorways of Seattle Grace.

I can't even allow myself to smile at the memory because he was the man who stole my heart without even realising it and I, in turn, took his life.

My head is still pounding and all I can think about is how I want to kill Izzie and Crisitina. Our first weekend off since we started our internship – in fact it will probably be the only weekend we ever got off as interns – and they insisted on spending it in Vegas. Now as much as I love the fact that we each one a couple of thousands of dollars, I can't quite get my head around it thanks to the almighty hangover I've been lumbered with. Tequila. My best friend but right now my worst enemy. I lost count of the amount of bottles we drank over the two nights.

Crisitina's convinced that it proves how hard core we really are. However, Izzie and I just want to strangle her every time she says it. She drank just as much as we did and she isn't suffering in the same way we are. How is that even possible?

To make things a whole lot worse, our third year resident, Dr Bailey, aka 'the Nazi', is not impressed with the three of us considering we look like we have worked a forty eight hour shift under the influence of alcohol. We're on warnings today and we even mess up in the slightest then we can consider ourselves on scut work for at least a month.

Not exactly the end to a great weekend.

Today I have the nightmare of all patients, making my hangover feel all that worse. Aspirin and coffee are not even doing the trick. Katie Bryce is a sixteen year old Beauty Pageant contestant. She was brought in after having a grand mal seizure and has had a further two since being here. I have a funny feeling I know what she has though. I just need to find the resident on the case. Katie's labs and scans are all clean which is why the case is such a mystery. But I really think I do know why. I just need to get hold of Dr Derek Shepherd as the attending, Dr Gibbs is in surgery.

As I turn towards Katie's room, I find a tall, handsome, dark haired figure smiling and talking to the nurse on Katie's case.

Oh my.

I can see why he's the talk of the hospital. According to Izzie, he started on Friday and within an hour of his arrival; the scrub nurses had nicknamed him 'Dr McDreamy'. She also said something about him moving here from New York because he recently separated from his wife. Who the hell would be stupid enough to allow a gorgeous man like him slip through their fingers? Just by looking at him, you can tell he has an arrogant attitude but oddly enough, it is not off putting. How can I think that though when I haven't had one conversation with him? There is something about him – something I can't explain, can't put my finger on but whatever it is, it intrigues me.

WOW! The man has huge hands. He has huge, delicate hands. Derek Shepherd has surgeons' hands.

To top it all, he is here to stand in for our chief resident who is on Maternity leave and won't be back until we are sitting our intern exam. I wonder if Crisitina and Izzie have had a good look at him yet. Because he looks like a damn' fine man and one I wouldn't mind kicking out of bed in the morning.

"Excuse me," a voice says. I look up to see a pissed off Derek Shepherd standing in front of me.

Oh crap! Did he catch me staring?

"Are you my intern?" he asks me gruffly.

"Yes," I whisper hesitantly. Come on Meredith. Pull yourself together. Show him what you're made of.

"And you have time to daydream when we have a patient who is having grand mal seizures and no diagnosis, Dr…?" he asks with a deadpan expression.

"Grey," I clarify for him.

"So you think because you're the daughter of…"

"And I think I might have something," I blurt out, not even allowing him to finish that sentence.

He starts walking and I have to ignore the pounding going on in my head to follow at his elaborately fast pace.

"Something came up in her latest scans?" he asks, looking at me intently as we walk down the hallway together.

"No," I respond honestly. "All scans are clean and her blood work is showing that she's anaemic but that is it."

"So?" he murmurs, taking Katie's chart from my hand. "How is there a development?"

"Katie takes part in beauty pageants around the country and…."

"How the hell does that have anything to do with her case?" he demands, sounding angry. He probably thinks I'm wasting my time.

Man, he's hot when he is angry.

"Because to take part in these pageants you need a talent," I explain, through his petulant anger. "Katie's is gymnastics. About a month ago, she fell on stage and never thought anything of it. She got back up and continued with her performance. But she did fall and according to her parents, she took a light knock to the head. This could easily be an aneurysm even though there aren't any markers…"

"Do you know what the chances are of her having…?"

"One in a million," I murmur softly, refusing to back down. This girl could have an aneurysm and there is no way I'm backing down on this fight. We need answers. "Dr Shepherd, you and I both know that we are running out of time. Somebody has to be that one in a million. Who says the one in a million isn't Katie?"

He's looking at me thoughtfully and I stare back as if I'm about to be able to read his mind.

"You really believe she has an aneurysm?" he asks slowly. Does he need more convincing?

"I do," I answer genuinely. Can he even tell I'm being genuine? "Look, I know like all residents, you hate interns and right now you are probably thinking that I want this diagnosis because I'm a cocky ass intern who wants to prove herself and with most cases I'm on, you'd be right but I can't think that way with this case because all I can focus on and see is the parents who have done nothing but bicker and pace the waiting room out of worry and desperation to know what is wrong for the daughter they love!"

Shepherd sighs and then starts walking down the hallway.

What the hell is he doing?

"Where are you going?" I ask after him. He would look amazing in dark blue scrubs.

Stop it Meredith.

"To find out if Katie's one in a million!" he shouts back. Suddenly he turns and gives me a beaming smile. "Get Katie ready and I'll meet you in her room in two minutes. I'm going to see if we can jump the queue for a CT."

Twenty minutes later and Shepherd and I are staring at the computer screen, waiting for her scans to come up.

"What do we have?" Gibbs asks, coming into the room.

"We're going on a feeling Sir," Shepherd explains with a small smirk.

Arrogant sod. He thinks I'm wrong and that just pisses me off. He's not even in town five minutes and he thinks he can act as god's gift in this place.

"Really?" Gibbs smiles at him, not even acknowledging me. I don't know which of them pisses me off more.

"Yes," he nods. "How did your craniotomy go?"

"Exceptionally well," Gibbs announces smugly. The man is a bastard and not many like him in this hospital. But for what it's worth, he is an exceptional surgeon.

"Of course Sir," Derek smiles knowingly. Surely he can't like him, can he?

Finally, the scans are up and….yes! She has an aneurysm. It's small but it's there.

"Well, I'll be damned," Gibbs murmurs. "Way to go Shep. Get her prepped and scrub in."

With that, he's gone, without so much as acknowledging me.

"Great work," Shepherd murmurs beside me.

"Thank you," I mutter, getting up and heading out of the CT room.

"Dr Grey…." He calls after me.

That's it!

"Look, Dr Shepherd," I murmur, turning back on my heels to face him. "I don't care about the surgery…Well…actually I do but I, uh…I care more about the fact the parents finally get an answer and a piece of mind on this. They have a good shot of walking out of here with their healthy, happy, all be it, spoiled daughter back. You want to take credit for this then go right ahead because as the resident on this case, I suppose you see it as your right to. What do I know, right? I'm just an intern?" I ask, as I feel my blood boil with anger. "Oh, and for the record Dr Shepherd, I don't appreciate you bringing my mother into this. Undoubtedly, she is a phenomenal surgeon but as a mother, she pretty much sucked."

Why the hell am I saying all of this? Shepherd looks completely stricken.

Stop Meredith. Just stop!

"She was a shark when it came to the OR but she seemed to forget that a shark isn't what a daughter needs. Nor does she need to be passed from one nanny to another within such a short space of time. With all due respect Dr Shepherd, what you know about my mother, you read in a text book. You didn't actually know her and as for me, well, you know even less about me as a surgeon and as a person. As for you, I can already tell that you are a shark, just like my mother," I mutter with something close to hatred.

I'm quick to turn back around and rush down the hallway, leaving a staring Derek Shepherd behind me. Quite frankly, he looked rather stunned by my little outburst but I'm past the stage of caring. I'm sick and tired of people thinking I act like the way him and Gibb's do because I have a famous mother. Yes, my mother was Ellis Grey but that seems to be a problem when trying to be a good surgeon, not a bonus.

I hate being an intern.