Hey you guys. OMG THE REVIEWS! :o I was completely gobsmacked by the many alerts and reviews I got for this third chapter. I wrote it on a whim, during research for my paper due in may. Anyways I feel like there is some explanation needed however. And so I'll answer every review directly on here.
Boringsiot: You want fluff? You'll get some then don't worry. I think I might hold on to the smut for later though. I hope you'll find it to your liking. Thanks so much for your review!
Rachel B: Thank you dear! I'm glad you like it!
NameOfSatan: Thanks, this is Quinntana endgame however I see I've confused some people. In this story Faberry and Brittana happened whether it was unrequited or not that doesn't matter. It forms the base of the story because it's essential that both those couples didn't work out so that Quinntana could really give it a shot. I'm not experienced enough with this ship to create another start that has nothing to do with those two couples. So I hope your worries are settled now. I hope you'll continue to read his story. Your review was another wake up call for me. Thanks a lot!
Demenaforever13: Why thank you dear! I'm happy you think so!
Quinntana2: Hello dear, more drama? You got it! I'm so happy to hear that! Well I do hope you'll continue to love this story as much as you do! Thank you for your kind words!
Sawa255: Thanks for your PM also, it helped me to understand why I might have upset some people with the confession I let Quinn make. I will do my best to make sure it is more focused on Quinntana and that the Faberry is toned down. The fluff will happen in this chapter. The smut is for later on. I hope you'll stick with this story! Thanks so much for your help!
Flawless: I'm sorry you feel like I am neglecting the endgame couple in this chapter. However I needed this Faberry (and the bit Brittana that is coming up) to make you all be angry with Rachel and understand what both of these girls went through. I wanted to make it clear that Quinn was really hurt and that it still stings a little. I also wanted Quinn to stand up to Rachel and let it all out (since this was the first time she'd seen her since that night) because she had a lot of anger left and I feel that if she really wants to be all in with Santana she needed to let that go. Just as San is going to have to let go of the guilt for breaking Britt's heart (and her own in the process of letting Britt go) and not being sorry for being happy with Quinn. I want the Unholy Trio to work out their friendship. I don't know if that is realistic or not. I understand your concern and I will tone it all down. I don't have a lot of experience with Brittana so I hope I do it justice. Yes I can't deny I love some drama but this story will end with fluff and smut, that is a promise. I hope you haven't lost faith in this story and you'll keep reading it. Thank you for your review, it opened my eyes to what you as readers feel. If you have any other suggestions or ideas you can always tell them. I will see what I can do. Thanks for your constructive criticism.
Sapphirous: Thank you! That's exactly what I hoped you would feel. Quinn really put Rachel in her place. It was a bitchy move, not just to Quinn but also to Santana. I hope you'll love the rest of this story too!
Guest: if drama is what you want, well trust me you'll get some more ;)
Lopezfabray: More Rachel angst you say? Well trust me I have that particular conversation already printed out. Rachel will just have to suck it up that she fucked up and Quinn is happy now. I'm sorry for the Rachel fans but she will not have her happy ending I'm afraid.
LA Bee123: Thanks for your lengthy PM with many suggestions, they are like a muse to me! You want soft smutt then? Healing and therapeutic not hot&heavy? Well it's a good dilemma, I wonder if others feel that way as well. It certainly would fit the story. Yes Quinn and Rachel will have a private moment in which Rachel realizes how much she screwed up and Quinn telling her that she wasted her only chance. I don't know if it is a friendship I'd want to fix by the end of this story. It4s very similar to what happened to me. It's on what I based the story line. I loved my second girlfriend, she helped me heal from the first one. It's what made me realize that I had a lot of anger left and I needed it all out. We got to a truce now but the friendship isn't rekindled. My second girlfriend and I however were happy for the time we were together and I had no doubt that I loved her even though my first love still appeared in our lives sometimes. So maybe I should fix the friendship, maybe not.. wonder what the others might think about this. Thank you for your encouraging words. Don't worry Quinn is never going back to Rachel. There is nothing elft there but some anger and hurt that Quinn needs to let go of to finally be able to just enjoy life with San and their friends.
Now as for this story, your reviews have inspired me so much I'm writing another chapter today. I was going to leave some days in between but I feel strangely high on happiness with the reviews I got. They have raised a couple of flags and your clever comments have certainly been noted! Now for what I am planning, see I this won't be a very long fic that I am telling you now. I might write a sequel or not. I don't know yet. I think about three or four more chapters. In those chapters we will have San dealing with Britt (that happens here actually); Quinn dealing with Britt and trying to save the Unholy Trinity; How San & Quinn first met when they were children; some fluff & smut; Kurt jumping on board & defending the Quinntana ship ;) ; some dirty dancing and a final confrontation between Quinn & Rachel and Santana & Rachel. I don't know if there should be forgiveness or not, what do you think?
If there are any other things you want to see happen you just tell me alright? As for the smut I am currently divided between: the bathroom, the supply closet; one of the beds or the kitchen. What do you guys prefer?
Anyways, on with the story! Sorry for the long A/N!
As I pulled away I watched brown, concerned eyes stare at me and I sighed in exhaustion. I slumped against her and felt her arms wrap around my shivering body. Her loving embrace immediately calming me down and erasing the traces of anger directed at the pint sized diva out there. I nuzzled her neck and let myself fully sink into the familiar body I had come to associate with home.
"I'm sorry."
I told her. And I was, for causing such a scene. But I had felt this need to get it off my chest. I wanted the kids to know the truth about what happened so they'd just stop shying around the subject and automatically assuming it had been me who fucked it all up. I just hoped it would defuse some of the tension that had been palpable since Rachel first laid her eyes on me. I wanted it all gone, out and over with so that I could just enjoy this time with my girlfriend and our old friends. Santana sighed and I felt her shake her head slightly. I inhaled her spicy scent and felt my heart thump strongly in my chest. She always smelled so good, no matter what shampoo or body wash she used there was always that typical scent of hers that I found both comforting and exciting at the same time.
"Don't be Q."
I wanted to protest but she shook her head and placed a delicate finger on my lips.
"I get it. She was outta line Q. That was just a plain ass bitch move she made, putting you on the spot like that. Not to mention insulting."
I nodded and smiled at her reasoning. We were so on the same page nowadays and I liked it. I never felt quite so in sync with anyone else's thoughts.
"I just had to get it all out San. I didn't even know I had this much anger left in me, this much hurt but now that I said it I feel.."
"Relieved?"
I nodded again and pulled away to look her in the eyes.
"Yes. Like this was the last thing I needed to do to completely break away from her. Like it was the only way she was still somehow standing between us. I don't need her apologies or her excuses. I needed to express my emotions but that's it. Now they're out, not completely gone but a big load is off my shoulders now with everyone knowing. And I feel like I can just fully enjoy this without anything wearing down on my mind."
Santana smiled one of those rare, genuine small smiles at me and I felt the butterflies in my stomach again. I loved those miles. They were rare and far in between but lately I had been getting more of those. And I was planning on extracting hundreds more from her.
"I get it Q. This was your closure right?"
I smiled back at her and sighed in relief.
"Yes. That's all it was. I promise."
Santana chuckled and ruffled my hair before pulling me with her to sit on the edge of the bathtub.
"I wasn't worried Q. She wasn't there to see the damage she did. I was. I pulled you out of that black hole, I introduced you to the life of the gays and I was the one who got you to be open and free again. I was the one who brought out Lucy again. I was the one who was privileged to get to know all sides of you and see you become this beautiful woman I was proud to call my friend."
I kissed her soundly on the lips in affirmation.
"Though that first club you dragged me to was a bit much San. I mean, a biker gay club? I know I pretended to be a skank for a while in High School but I'm not real badass and you knew that!"
She laughed and I felt my eyes flutter at the sound. It was rich and deep and it was a sound I wanted to hear far more often.
"I was just messing with you Q-ball but you have to admit, they have a collection of whiskey like no other huh? If I recall, you tested quite a lot of brands!"
She gave me a saucy wink and I felt myself blush guiltily.
"Well, how you did it I don't know San but you didn't just pull me from the brink, you actually gave me my life back. I don't think I've felt this happy and free since I was three years old. You gave that to me, you gave me the strength I needed to push down those walls and just be myself."
She shook her head.
"I didn't give you the strength baby, I just helped you find it in yourself. If you recall I didn't have that much strength left either."
I felt a sadness settle in me at her words. If I had this been affected by seeing Rachel again, San must be going through hell too.
"How are you San? Really?"
I climbed off her lap and went to lean against the sink, giving her the room to get her words out and gesture wildly with her hands the way she always did when she was upset. I had learned long ago that I liked to be held when I was angry or upset against my wishes just to know I wasn't alone but San needed her space. So that's what I gave to her.
"I'm hurt just like you and.."
Her sad eyes connected with mine, slightly glazed over with tears threatening to form. I shot her an encouraging smile and kept my gaze firm upon her, letting her know I was here.
"I feel slightly guilty. I mean did you see her hurt expression Q? I felt like I had betrayed her but then again I know I made the right call too y'know?"
Her hand went into her hair, frustratingly clawing through her luscious locks. She licked her lips anxiously and her face was torn.
"I don't want to feel guilty for being happy Q. I mean I know I broke it off but come on, we'd been drifting apart and I could feel us crumbling. When Blaine mentioned to Kurt how she and Sam had been growing closer and he had been there for her in ways that I couldn't all I could think was: what if I'm holding her back? What if I am keeping her away from her own happy ending?"
She balled her fists frustratingly before standing o her feet and started pacing in front of the tub.
"I wanted to become a doctor and the best school, my dream school, was Columbia and yet when I told her the first thing she said was: but that's so far away!"
She stopped and looked me dead in the eye.
"You remember what you said to me Q?"
I nodded.
"You said.." and I almost laughed at the poor imitation of my voice, " Oh my God San! I am so happy for you! I knew you could do it, I knew you could make your own dreams come true as well. You've always been so smart San, I would've found it a shame to see it go to waste. An Columbia! That is just amazing San. God I am just so proud!"
I smiled at the memory. I had been so proud of her when she told me she got a late acceptance for Columbia University. I knew it had been her dream school for years and the idea of her moving to the big city was a pleasurable thought to entertain.
"You were so proud of and that's what I needed. Someone who understood that event hough I felt insecure I was taking a shot at my own dreams. Ofcourse at the time I didn't think of it that way. I just found it heartwarming to know that Britt would miss me so much."
I interjected quickly.
"That's normal San."
She nodded in thanks.
"But the more time I spent here in the city the more i could feel her slipping away. I mean I know I was mostly to blame with classes and my jobs I barely had time to just unwind or live a life y'know? And I missed some Skypedates and some phone calls and before I knew it two weeks had passed and the only contact we had were a couple of text messages. I went to see her that one time and I really thought we could make it last but when she started telling me all about what the weeks at McKinley had been like I just.."
"You realized how much out of loop you were. You also realized just how much your lives differed from one another. You found out about her plans to move to Cali. You realized you were not only polar opposites but you were losing your only common ground. Music. You chose an academic career that required so much of your time you needed someone to support you for a change. In a way you felt like you were growing out of High School, you just couldn't really relate to it anymore. You were living in a harsh, real world and you needed to grow up. You worked two jobs and had tiring hours in class. You were finding yourself in need of more. I get it. She gets it too San. I know she does."
I saw her nod with every sentence and the frustration leaving her body as she sat back down on the edge of the tub.
"I loved her Q but…"
"It wasn't enough anymore."
She agreed silently just staring deep into my soul. My insides clenched violently at the memories trusted upon me of a crying Santana in my arms, seeing her break down at a club, seeing her look at the computer with a longing and checking her cell phone every five seconds when she had some time on her hands for a change.
"That day at in front of the toy store. That's the day I realized we just weren't meant to be. It really hit me that I needed to stop torturing us with false promises. We'd grown apart and we were keeping each other from growing and becoming the person we were capable of becoming."
I gasped at the memory. I remember how it had started raining and we were running down the streets in New Haven. She'd come to visit me and I had taken her to the mall to spend some time with her the way we used to. We had been chatting and trying on clothes and just talking about every trivial little thing. It felt good to just talk about the most mundane things that others didn't understand or cared to listen about. But when we were running home we passed a toy store with a big stuffed duck sitting behind the glass. I remember how I almost fell on my face by her abrupt halt. I saw her shiver violently and not due to the cold. The despair on her face broke my heart but I kept my safe distance, close enough to catch her when she finally collapsed on the pavement. I held her close and rocked her from side to side while softly humming in her ear. She had cried silently, the worst kind of crying. Her tears just rolling over her face being washed away by the rain. We had sat there for at least two hours before I helped her shakily on her legs and getting her home. She broke things off with Britt the next night. I had sat beside her but out of view, holding her hand and rubbing my thumb slowly over her knuckles. I had held her that night as she cried herself to sleep and I knew there were going to be many more nights like this. I hated to have to send her back to the city so I had called Kurt and told him to keep an eye ut for her. I still needed to thank him for that.
"I know I made the right choice Q. We didn't fit anymore."
I nodded solemnly.
"You're right but that doesn't make it any easier does it?"
San shook her head.
"No it doesn't."
I smiled sadly.
"But you know what made it easier?"
I shook my head and looked at her questioningly.
"You. You made it easier. I wasn't alone anymore, I had you. You understood me, you were there for me without question and you just did all those things I didn't even realize I was needing at the time. We built these little routines and traditions. Before I knew it there were clothes of you lingering in my apartment and we both had a spare toothbrush in our bathrooms. We shared stories and talked about our days. You never complained about my hours, you sat there and listened to me ramble on and on about classes and work. You took a train to come and see me when I was on the verge of breaking down never asking for anything in return. You opened up to me and let me care for you as you cared about me. You became the person I found myself needing, wanting to be with."
She took a deep breath and I saw the sincerity in her eyes and it made my breath catch. My heart started swelling in my chest at every word. To have this speech coming from Santana, who never gave lengthy speeches about her feelings well, it was making me fall even deeper in love with her.
"I was scared though because I didn't want to lose our friendship. I couldn't bear to lose another best friend. And what if we got together and we didn't work out? It was such a big risk to take. I was just seeing new sides of you and old sides that had been buried for year. I found myself finding your little quirks adorable instead of annoying. I thought you looked irresistible when you were reading your books with those glasses on. I found myself thinking of you more and more and just seeing random things that reminded me of you. I remember missing your arms around me. I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss you now that you were much more comfortable with your sexuality. It's no secret that there was a massive sexual tension between us during High School. So I started wondering what it would be like to just see if we could go anywhere. And that was if you felt the same, I was still scared you were too hung up on the midget. God Q I know I flipped on you that week a couple of times but can you blame me?"
I blinked in surprise. Oh, I knew what week she was talking about. She had drastically cut down our texting and I had started to wonder what was going on. When I went to see her she would go out of her way to avoid touching me which left me feeling confused and rejected. We had our first fight in months that week. I just didn't understand why she was pulling away from me. Now it all made sense, I don't understand how I didn't see it sooner. I was an idiot.
"Yeah exactly. I had a lot to think about and constantly touching you or hearing you or seeing you was distracting me from it. But then you kissed me at the bar, against that wall."
I blushed crimson at the memory. I had been fairly aggressive because had been jealous. Santana had been flirting with girls which she hadn't done before not even after the break ups and effectively ignoring me. I had too much to drink and when I was outside smoking a cigarette against the wall she had stumbled outside holding hands with this strange red headed girl and I just felt this anger explode in me seeing her pressed up against that slut. So I had cleared my throat and threw away my cigarette before glaring at the red head. The girl was smart enough to take a hint and went back inside. I still don't know why i did it but I found myself pressed up against San, capturing her between my body and the wall. I had growled in at her in anger.
"So you're back to meaningless sex then?"
She had looked at me with surprise in her eyes and a hint of anger swirling in her dark eyes. The dilated pupils sending a shot of arousal straight at my core. For some reason it didn't scare e, I did not find it weird that I was turned on by Santana's arousal. The girl was beautiful and sensual. I had found myself looking at her quite a lot in High School always telling myself I was just comparing bodies. But to be honest I had always wondered what it would be like to kiss those full lips, to taste her skin, to fee her strong muscled body wither underneath me.
"I wonder what she has that I don't."
She blinked in confusion as I gripped her chin and her waist hard.
"Do you think she's prettier than me?"
I saw her swallow before I snarled at her.
"Answer me dammit! Is it cause she's hotter than me? Do you think she might be better in bed? Is it cause she's so at ease with herself? Or do you just want anyone at all, anyone BUT me?"
My jumbled thoughts and insecurities sounded confusing and random as I spewed the words at her. The alcohol was making it hard to concentrate and the smell of tequila and her unique spicy scent was clouding whatever cohesive brain cells I had left. My eyes dropped to her lip and I heard her whimper in response.
I looked into her eyes as she cleared her throat before she answered me with a deep and raspy voice.
"God no Q. No one comes close to you in this joint, or anywhere. Fuck Q. Oh.."
I put my thigh in between hers and felt her automatically ground down on it, her own desire clear on display for me to see. I smirked before closing my eyes and leaning towards her and crashing my lips against her. Years of sexual tension poured into it. As she started grinding on my thigh I pulled back, suddenly sobered up.
"No San."
She looked at me with hooded eyes.
"Not like this. Kiss me again in the morning if you remember."
I had pulled away with big effort on my part to be met with a dazzling smile that sent my insides into a dangerous summersault and I knew in that moment I made the right call. She grabbed my hand and we walked home, both with a swing in our hips and gently swaying our clasped hands in between our bodies, never letting go not even as our spent bodies hit the mattress of the bed.
"I accepted the change in our relationship that night Q and I could see you did too. Those little friendly pecks we had shared and linking arms all the time, always making sure some parts of our bodies were touching. It had been growing slowly and until that night I had been quite insecure as to how you felt. And then we had that second night with the tequila bottle at my place. I just let myself feel these things around you since I remembered that kiss at the bar. Needless to say we had some fun that night."
I smirked sugly.
"Oh yeah we did."
I made a motion for her to come closer as I wrapped my arms around her.
"I'm glad I kissed you that night. This here.." I gestured at the space between our bodies "is exactly what I need, what I want. I think we could last San. I really think we could. We might not have had that natural connection like we had with them but instead we worked hard at it, we were unusual friends but we made it work. We have shared so much in this life already and how could we not get to know each other so thoroughly? That is exactly what made me so sure to jump into this with you. You know me inside out and I know you. We're still here, we still have this bond through all of what life threw at us. That was all the security I needed to let that last brick of my wall fall and love again. No one else could have done that San. No one but you."
My vision became blurry with tears and I could hear her tearful chuckle as well.
"Same Blondie, same."
I gently placed my lips over hers and I felt her own arms sneak around my waist. I let my tongue dart out to place a slow, languid lick on her bottom lip. I massaged her lower back gently, taking my time to express to her exactly what she means to me. She hummed in an approving manner and I felt my arousal spike up slightly. When she opened her mouth and our tongues danced together I could feel the pressure begin to settle in my lower abdomen again. Our pace became faster, needier as our arousal grew. I was about to trail my hand up her thigh when a knock interrupted our moment.
"Hey you girls doing the dirty in there or what? You've been gone for at least twenty minutes."
Puck's voice came through the door followed by an annoyed higher pitch.
"Oh go find some more booze Puckerman and leave these ladies alone."
San and I smiled at Kurt's voice and we were suddenly brought back to reality. I looked at San and she nodded. It was time to go back to the party.
"We'll finish this later Q. Don't think I've forgotten about my promise. I will have my way with you before we leave this joint."
I chuckled at her and whispered sexily in her ear.
"Oh baby, I wasn't intending on letting you forget that."
Her eyes widened and her pupils l-dilated just a bit more before I pushed her gently off me and grabbed her hand. She opened the door to be met with a guilty looking Kurt.
"Hey guys, so..."
Better? R&R!