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Authour's Note: This update is rated M because of its content and nature. Thank you to those who have commented! It really means a lot to me.

Derek's Point of View

The first thing I feel as I watch her walk away is incredible guilt. I have just been given credit for a save that an intern has made. The fact that she is an intern and she managed to make the connection demonstrates not only her dedication but her intelligence. She's a feisty thing too.

How can I feel myself become attracted to someone so close to me leaving Addison? And to an intern, no less. It cannot happen. I am her boss and I would be crossing an incredibly big line if I were to act on my attraction.

I didn't mean to be such an ass to her but when I see her standing there, staring, something inside of me snapped. I felt myself getting pulled in by her eyes. She has deep, sea green eyes and when I clocked eyes with hers, I felt myself transfixed which is not what you want to feel when you've uprooted your entire life, left your wife, left your family and moved several miles away to a place you don't know.

As I tell the parents about their daughter's condition and how she will make a full recovery if we get her to surgery fast, I think about Meredith and what she said about them. She seemed to understand them just as much as she understood the patient. For a surgeon, it is a rare quality.

Making my way towards the OR after preparing Katie, I find Gibbs standing at the OR board and I know exactly what I have to do. Even if it makes me look like an idiot.

"Dr Gibbs?" I question, as he turns to look at me.

"Dr Shepherd," he nods. "I have a bit of a situation that I need to resolve."

"Okay," I nod slowly, wondering where he was going with this.

"Patient has come in and it looks like the only way to save him is with a standstill procedure…"

"A standstill?" I ask, unable to hide the shock from my voice.

"Yes," he nods enthusiastically. "Exciting, isn't it?"

"It is," I agree, solemnly. "Sir, I…"

"I want you to scrub in when we do the procedure tomorrow…"

Did he really just ask me that?

"Sir, I'm…"

"And I need you to fly solo on Katie's surgery as I have to get organised for this patient tomorrow," he adds, with a smug smile. "Think you can handle that?"

"Yes," I nod, honestly. "But there's one thing I need to tell you."

"I really have to get going Dr Shepherd. Can it wait?" he asks with a sigh.

I catch sight of Meredith Grey heading up the stairs towards the gallery, probably to watch the procedure from there. Wow, she has a cute ass.

"I'm afraid not sir," I answer, sounding strangely authoritive. What the hell am I doing? "I'm afraid there was a mix up in the CT room."

"Mix up? How do you mean mix up?" he asks me, looking completely baffled. "With the results?"

"No sir," I answer solemnly. "I wasn't the one who suspected Katie of having an aneurysm. In fact, I was sure she didn't."

"I don't understand," he whispers, looking at me as if I'm the oddest man he has ever seen.

"Dr Grey, the intern on this case, diagnosed it," I explain, regretfully. Why do I feel so guilty?

Stupid question! I stole her praise. I took the credit for her save. And the weird thing is; it is so unlike me. However, I doubt she would believe that.

"You're telling me that she was the one who diagnosed the aneurysm?" he asks, trying to process what he was being told.

"She argued with me about it," I admit. "She told me that even though the odds were one in a million, someone had to be that one in a million and who's to say that person isn't Katie. She was the one who took the time with the patient and the patient's parents to discover that the patient had a fall during one of her pageants. She was the one who…."

"Have her scrub in and assist you," he asserts, before turning and walking away.

"Sir?" I question after him.

"Do you want to be a great surgeon Shepherd?" he asks me, clearly angry as hell.

"Yes," I nod.

"Then stop babbling and get into that OR and save your patient," he mutters. "I don't have time for high school mellow dramas!"

Ass hole!

Meredith looked shocked when I had told her that I would be performing the procedure and she would be scrubbing in to assist me. As a surgeon, she is amazing. She has skill and skill I haven't seen in an intern throughout my residency. She's brilliant.

The surgery went well; apart from the fact Meredith answered robotically when I asked her medical questions relating to the case. However, when I tried to make conversation, she completely ignored me. She actually ignored me. I could see the scrub nurses sniggering between one another and from what I heard when I came out of the scrub room, they were appalled that someone like her could ignore me. Apparently she should consider herself lucky that I tried to make conversation with her.

There was no denying that I had attracted a lot of attention when I arrived here a few days ago. Furthermore, I know I have been an ass. I only met Meredith at lunch time today and have treated her like shit since. Mind you, she gives as good as she gets. Somehow, I feel incredibly uncomfortable knowing she hates me.

Speaking of uncomfortable, the entire procedure I was incredibly uncomfortable and it wasn't because the chief was watching from the gallery or because there was a tense atmosphere, but because a scent from Meredith overpowered me causing a huge hard on.

Thank god we wear long baggy gowns when we are operating.

The scent wasn't strong. It was actually quite subtle but the moment I breathed it in, I was transfixed. It was like a flower like scent and the moment it hit my nose, I felt myself grow hard. How the bloody hell is that possible?

After such a long procedure, and such a 'hard' atmosphere, the best thing is a drink of Scotch. The only place I've been acquainted with since I arrived here on Thursday is the hospital, the Archer hotel and Joe's Bar across from the hospital. It's a small bar that most people from the hospital head to after a long, difficult shift or to meet up with friends.

I've been sitting in the corner; enjoying people watching as I slowly savour my second glass of Scotch. Meredith has been sitting at the bar for the past few hours with her fellow interns. I'm guessing by the way they are interacting with one another, they are close friends. I just wish they would leave in order for me to go and speak to her. I need to make this right. I am aware of how pathetic I sound because I am chief resident at Seattle Grace and she is nothing more than intern. At least that is what I keep trying to tell myself but it isn't working.

What is it about her that has me so fascinated? Surely it isn't just her flowery scent or the fact she is an intelligent, gifted surgeon. Maybe if I sleep with her and get her out of my system then I can put her out of my head. Hell, she's only been in my head ten hours and she's already infuriating my curiosity. Maybe she will be really bad in bed and my curiosity will be over as soon as it's all finished. Just a quickie to see what the fuss is all about and then leave. She could be appalling.

There is no way she is appalling in bed.

I catch sight of Meredith's friends leaving her alone at the bar as they make their way through the busy crowd towards the doorway.

Yes! They are leaving.

I quickly finish my Scotch before I slowly make my way towards her at the other end of the bar. If she's aware of me approaching, she doesn't show it.

"Seattle has ferryboats," I whisper in her ear, before sitting on the stool beside her.

What the hell are you doing Derek? Idiot!

"Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides," she mocks, not even bothering to glance my way. "Ferryboats are kind of a given."

"It means I have to like it here," I admit. "I wasn't planning on liking it here."

"Is there something I can help you with Dr Shepherd?" she asks coldly.

Ouch! Okay, I deserve that.

"You really did amazing in the OR today," I tell her honestly.

Ah, there's that smell again.

Stop it, Derek.

"Thank you," she nods, but still doesn't turn around.

"The chief told me to tell you that you'll be the intern on the standstill procedure tomorrow," I admit.

"Seriously?" she asks gleefully, finally turning to face me. For a second, she allows her barriers to come down and when she does, her smile lights up her face.

I feel my cheek bones stretch to accommodate a huge smile on my own face. When was the last time I smiled like this naturally? No act about it, just smiling for the sake of it because something or someone makes you do so.

"Yes," I smile. "Like I said, you did an amazing job today."

"Thank you," she nods curtly.

Crap!

"Look, I'm sorry," I whisper sincerely.

She turns and looks at me strangely as if she can't quite get her mind round that the fact that I am apologising to her.

"Forget it," she murmurs. She tries to act as if it hasn't bothered her but I can tell it does.

I sigh, trying to find a way to show her I'm serious.

"Four weeks ago I came home from a shift at the hospital in New York to discover my wife in bed with my best friend. I walked in on the two of them in our room and instead of yelling and shouting like I probably should have done, I just walked out," I murmur softly.

And I finally have Meredith Grey's attention.

"In that moment I realised I felt betrayed by him and not her. Mark was my brother. He was my best friend. However, with her, I quickly realised that we had been living a lie for a long time. We loved one another but we weren't in love – at least we hadn't been for a very long time. I have four sisters, three brother in laws', nine nieces and five nephews as well as one very protective mother. Well, she had to be when we were growing up considering we lost our father when we were young. Even though we're adults she still never stops worrying and after everything you said about your mother today, I will never take her for granted again. What I said about your mother today was bang out of order. I don't know you and I don't know her so...I'm sorry," I trail off.

She looks at me thoughtfully, through her hazel green eyes and I'm desperate to know what she thinking.

"You caught my infectious rambling gene," she jokes with a small smile.

I laugh and can finally feel myself relax. I have no idea why I told her all of that but it felt good to get it off my chest.

"I'd appreciate it if you…"

"My mother is in a nursing home because she has early onset Alzheimer's," she confesses in a whisper. "She was diagnosed seven months ago. I was supposed to be doing my internship in Boston but I had to move back here. Today, after my shift, I went by to see her and she told me that she lost the man she loved because she didn't have an abortion and she wished that she had because she would rather have him than her little girl as she is nothing more than a disappointment," she smiles sadly and I'm convinced I can see tears in the corners in her eyes.

"I…"

"I'll cut you a deal Dr Shepherd," she proposes thoughtfully. "You keep my secret and I keep yours?"

"Deal," I nod. "On one condition?"

"What's that?" she asks with a small smile.

"You call me Derek when we're not in front of patients?" I ask with a smirk.

"Fine," she agrees easily.

"Can I buy you another drink?" I ask hesitantly, hoping she'll say yes.

"I don't know," she admits unsure. "I really should head back home…"

"Come on," I encourage her. "One more won't do any harm."

Meredith smiles at me as if she can read every thought I have going on in my head.

"Okay," she agrees. "One more Diet coke."

"Just a soft drink?" I ask, slightly disappointed, as I indicate to the barman for another round.

"Spent the weekend in Vegas," she smiles. "I'm still working off the hangover and the exhaustion."

"Ah," I murmur knowingly, as I pay the barman for our drinks. "Did you have fun?"

"Yes," she whispers softly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "Thanks for this."

"You're welcome," I shrug, as if it is no big deal.

"I'm sorry about your wife," she says sincerely.

"I'm sorry about you mom," I murmur, sensing her pain and discomfort.

She nods. "Should we make a toast?" she asks me with a small smirk.

"Sure," I nod, although I'm not sure what she wants to toast.

"To a new friendship," she smiles, raising her glass and banging it gently off of mine.

"To a new friendship," I repeat, smiling at her.

I bring my thumb to her chin and push her face up so she's making eye contact with me. Squeezed in a tiny cubicle in the ladies' bathroom at Joe's, the only space between Meredith and I is my erection. She's gazing at me through lustful eyes and I can feel the attraction that's been building up all day, ready to explode inside me.

I tried to resist her. I tried my damn hardest but it didn't happen. It felt impossible.

"You're amazing," I murmur softly against her ear, before I start to kiss her shoulder which causes her to moan loudly.

At least I still know I have 'it'.

"Shh," I whisper in her as I start to nibble on it, while I feel her hands go to the buttons on my shirt, slowly unbuttoning each one. I follow her lead and pull her cute little waistcoat over her shoulders before I lean in and demand entry to her puckered, wet lips.

"Hmm," she moans as she allows my tongue entry into her mouth.

Suddenly I feel her hands move down my bare chest. Wow, her hands are now and my upstanding erection. Her strong, delicate, soft hands are on my erection and it making me….

"Meredith," I groan, using one hand to lean against the cubicle wall behind her. "I'm not going to last if you keep doing that."

"Don't you like it," she whispers in my ear as she unbuckles my belt.

In haste, I grab her t-shirt and pull it roughly over her head. I find her lips again as we both pull our jeans down in a daze. I then reluctantly take a small step back to look at her in all her glory.

Meredith's cheeks are flushed. Her body is firm with small, delicate breasts being held together by a black bra. Her hair comes loosely down her shoulders. When I look at her black panties, I groan loudly as I see that they are wet.

However, when I look back up into Meredith's eyes, she's looking at me with both lust and hesitation.

"You look beautiful," I murmur, pulling her towards me.

"And you are wasting time," she mumbles against my lips, making me smile broadly.

"Well ok then," I laugh, reaching up to unhook her bra. Once I've freed her, she pulls off her panties and once again I follow her lead, pulling off my boxers.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask.

"I'm sure," she nods, as I push her against the cubicle door causing her to groan loudly. My erection is pushing against her pelvis and I can tell she's already close to coming.

I lean down and start to play with her breasts, with my tongue, while one of my hands goes to her wet, slick folds, taunting and teasing her.

She starts to moan loudly making me groan. I won't be able to last much longer.

"Derek," she pants. "Skip…"

"Exactly what I like," I smile, coming back up to give her lips some attention. "A woman who gets straight to the point."

She's as light as a feather as I lift her up and onto my penis as I grasp her thighs. She gasps from both pain and pleasure.

"Mer, I'm so sorry," I murmur in her ear. "I'll make it better. I promise I'll make it good." I brought her down on my penis too fast, not allowing her time to adjust to my size.

I lift her again and move her back down more slowly, giving her time to adjust and loosen. She's wet but she also incredibly tight. Her walls tighten and clamp me down, inside her.

"Oh god Mer," I moan thrusting in and out of her tight entrance.

"Derek," she moans, kissing my nose, making me smile. She kissed my nose.

"Mer," I sigh as I find her lips.

"Der," she groans loudly, as my thumb finds her clit. Her eyes roll back as she finds the pleasure overpowering her entire body. "Derek," she moans against my cheek.

"Mer," I groan.

"Oh god, I'm coming," she murmurs.

"Mer," I mumble, incoherently. I feel as if I'm somewhere else. I feel as if she's giving me an out of body experience.

"Der...ek," she mumbles as her orgasm shakes her entire body.

"Oh god Meredith," I groan, my orgasm following behind hers.

"Der," she sighs with a soft smile.

"Meredith," I mumble, before opening my eyes and discovering once again I've had the dream. The dream that haunts me. I close my eyes and try and forget about it but it's pointless because it's a dream that keeps coming back to me. It will never leave me.

It's the dream I have often where it starts off when Meredith and I met, then to our interaction in the bar but every dream I have ends with Meredith and I, either in the cubicle of the toilets going at it like rabbits or Meredith and I back at her place, going slowly and seductively. I often wonder if my conscious is trying to tell me that I should have slept with her that night and then maybe we would not be in the mess that we're in.

I open my eyes to discover that I'm back in my room and the alarm is flashing that it's ten a.m. I groan loudly before I look at the doorway to my room and get the fright of my life.

My mother is standing, staring at me with a huge smirk on her face.

"How long have you been standing there?" I demand.

"Long enough," she laughs.

"Oh god," I groan loudly, thankful the cover is over me and that I'm lying on my side, so she doesn't see what's standing to attention down below. Well, not anymore.

"Dear, there's no reason to be embarrassed. It's actually quite natural…"

"Oh mom, stop," I plead, closing my eyes, unable to look her in the eye.

"Derek, did you forget that I use to change your sheets as a teenager?" She asks with a giggle.

"Mom, I will pay you to stop talking," I plead loudly.

"Oh Derek," she laughs lightly. "Anyway, I just came up to tell you that the girls are downstairs and breakfast is just about ready."

"Thanks," I smile at her.

But as she turns to leave my room, a thought strikes me.

"Mom, where did you sneak off to this morning?" I ask.

"What?" she asks, looking surprised.

"When I finally came up here this morning, you weren't here. It was only about half five. Where were you?" I ask. Why is she looking so shifty?

"Uh, I just went for a walk to clear my head," she shrugs.

"You heard us, didn't you?" I ask, seeing right through her.

"I don't know what you mean," she mumbles, heading for the door.

"Mom!" I call back. She turns to face me with a sombre expression. "You know Rachel and I are over. It's for the best."

"I am sorry sweetheart," she whispers gently. "But I do happen to agree with you. It is for the best."

She leaves me to it and I'm left with the image of Meredith in my head, giving me big thumbs up.

I'll find you Meredith Grey. You can't hide from for much longer.

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