A/N:so, sorry again. I'm in an argument with Louis therefore, I'm uploading this secretly while he is in the shower! :O
The first week Katniss came home was painful. She walked through the front door and up the stairs, into her room and locked the door. I followed her up and I sank down the wall beside her door, I'd talk to her but, she wouldn't answer. Katniss let Melissa and Delly go in and see her so I knew she was okay but it tore me apart every time the door unlocked for one of them and then locked straight after her. I only saw her when she emerged to pee or shower and even then she wouldn't look at me.
The second week I noticed that after Delly left, the door didn't lock again. I gave it a few minutes then opened the door slowly and looked in. Katniss was curled into a ball on her bed, the sheets wrapped around her as her eyes burned into a photograph of her and Prim. I closed the door and locked it then got into bed with her, I was on my back staring at the ceiling and she was facing away from me staring at Prim and we didn't touch but she knew I was there.
Now we're halfway through the third week and it's like Katniss has a billion minds. One moment she is silent then next she is screaming at anyone who's there, one moment she is locking her door the next she is silently sliding into bed beside me, one moment she is clinging to me, desperate for my touch and never releasing me the next moment she is jumping away like I'm fire.
I understand how much she is conflicted but it still hurts me every time I find the door locked or she screams at me for not letting Max out or Katniss refuses to be near me.
I try to explain this to Finnick as we sit in my games room playing on the Xbox and he nods in total understanding.
"When Annie went on her new meds they messed her emotions up, I remember this one time we were in bed and you know, we were going for it! She was on top and I could barely breathe she was going so hard, then she slapped me and burst into tears for slapping me then climbed off me, sat in my cupboard and didn't say a word." Finnick explains and I watch his face contort.
"What did you do?" I ask and he smirks at me.
"I got in the cupboard beside her and I sat there for five hours. It killed me, Peeta, not because Annie would act like I wasn't there but, because I didn't know how to get her back. That's how it's different Peet." Finnick pauses the game and looks at me. "Katniss has never left you."
"It feels like she has." I say quietly and Finnick shakes his head.
"I would go weeks where Annie genuinely didn't know or care who I was. She's ill I get it but, Katniss is trying to reach you Peeta." I frown now and Finnick leans towards me. "She is trying so hard to let you in, each night she gets into your bed or she let's you in hers, she is probably fighting the urge to run because she's terrified you'll do something to her. Think about it Peeta, she loves you and she needs you but she doesn't know how to show you anymore."
"So what do I do?" I ask in defeat and Finnick smiles.
"You're already doing it by showing her you love her."
I wake up early the next morning to lift some weights in the gym room and as I sit up in bed I start when I see Katniss sat cross legged watching me.
"Jesus, you scared the crap out of me!" I exclaim and she smiles a tiny little smile. "Why aren't you under the covers?"
"I didn't want to wake you up." She said quietly and I fall backwards into bed again.
"I'm awake now." I say carefully and she practically dives under the covers beside me.
"Can I-um-can you hold me, Peeta?" She asks and I turn my head to look at her.
"Katniss, you don't have to ask." I lift an arm up. "Come here." She shuffles along the bed to cuddle into my side as I slowly lower my arm and hold onto her."How are you feeling?" I ask after a few minutes.
"I feel... Good." Katniss decides and I run my fingers along her bare arm that hugs my chest. "I miss you." She whispers and my heart plunges.
"I'm right here baby. You know I am." I say quietly and I feel her body tense suddenly. "Please don't leave me again." I hear myself beg and her breathing becomes faster and deeper. She sits up on my bed suddenly and I sit up slightly, my weight on my elbows. She is gazing at my chest, her lips parted slightly and a small frown creasing her forehead.
"Peeta," she whispers and she looks into my eyes. "I don't feel like me anymore." She says so quietly I barely hear her. "I feel like I'm walking around and being someone but, not me and I don't want to be someone else." Katniss' voice breaks and her eyes start to well with tears. "I want to talk to Prim!" She cries and I feel my own face contort in pain for her. "I want her to tell me that it's going to be okay and that I'll always be me! But she isn't here Peeta!" A huge lump fills my throat as she crumbles into my chest and I try to hold back tears by opening my mouth and scrunching my eyes closed. "I'm never going to see her again and I'll never hear her voice and I'll never feel her hugs and I-I m-miss her." She begins to wail and I wrap my arms around her tightly, burying my mouth into the top of her head.
"If I could do anything, anything in the world Katniss, I would bring her back for you." I tell her. "I would give my life to bring her back and let you hold her again but, I don't know how to. If I had to walk to the end of the Earth to get her, I would go right now and do it. And I know it isn't the same, and I know, I know this probably isn't what you need to hear. But, I'm here and I'm telling you that everything is going to be okay and I love you, Katniss Everdeen."
"That's exactly what I needed to hear, Peeta."
Katniss P.O.V
The first week back at school was rough to say the least. Not so much catching up in all the subjects but more the way everyone kept apologising to me as if it were their fault. Girls I didn't even know would cry to me and random guys offered to carry my books which was even worse because almost any male made me want to vomit, the exceptions being Peeta, Finnick, Gerry, Evan, Ben and Jacob. All of whom, refused to leave me on my own - which I was unbelievably grateful for - unless I was going to the bathroom and even then Peeta usually came in with me and pulled faces at me as I peed.
"Can we see your scar?" Three blondes asked Gerry as he leant against a locker next to mine and I switched the books I needed for lesson.
"No." Gerry said simply to the girls and they pouted at him. "I said no for god sake!" Gerry snapped and they teetered away in their stupidly high shoes.
"And I thought I was the bitchy one." I joked and Gerry sighed.
"I don't like how they think a scar makes me amazing! It's a freaking pink line!" He groaned as we headed towards our photography class.
"Yeah, which you got by taking a freaking bullet!" I remind him and he pulled an amusing face.
"Every girl I talk to has asked to see my scar, it was cool at first but now I'm fed up with it! I want one conversation where the scar doesn't matter! Where I'm just Gerry again!" He exclaims as we climb the stairs.
"I get it Gerry, all of a sudden I've become the girl who is incapable of carrying a biology textbook!" I join in the rant as we collect our photographic paper from our drawers.
"You let us carry your books." He reminds me as we go through the spinning door into the dark room.
"You let me see your scar." I point out and he grins.
"Touche. So, what do you think about the whole Delly-Jacob-Sam situation?" Gerry changes the subject to bitching and I gladly indulge.
After photography in the morning, I have English literature with the guys. We sit down and Finnick and I instantly start poking Peeta in the back then pretend we did nothing when he turned. We continued this throughout the lesson and by the end Peeta looked like he was going to pull out his hair, as we went into the hallway I kissed his jaw and he smiled at me.
"How was photography?" He asked and unlocks my locker for me so I can push my books in.
"The usual, Gerry got harassed by girls to see his sexy scar." I inform Peeta as he drapes his arm along my shoulder which provides me with security and him a less obvious crutch for when his leg hurts, I wrap my arm around his waist.
"It is a damn sexy scar." Peeta mutters then grins at me.
"How was cooking? Learn new skills to be a perfect husband?" I joke with him before we stop walking outside the changing rooms. He leans down and kisses my nose.
"Well you can tell me how I am in a few years." Peeta tells me then limps awkwardly into the boys changing rooms as Delly grabs my arm, apparently she heard everything.
"Did he just propose?!" She practicall squeals and I shake my head.
"No! He just- I said and- no!" I stammer and Delly holds her hands up in defeat as we start to change into our gym clothes and silently head outside.
"Next year," Delly says abruptly as we jog leisurely to the track. "Who do you see?"
"What?" I ask and she rolls her eyes.
"Who do you see beside you in one year?" She reiterates.
"Peeta." I confirm and she grins.
"Five years?" She asks and I let a small smile fill my face.
"Peeta."
"Ten years?" She asks excitedly and at that moment I see Peeta being given a piggyback around the track by Finnick and Gerry rocks ready for high jump.
"Peeta." I smirk and she claps her hands awkwardly as we start to run on the track.
"Who are you going to marry?" Delly asks and I look across at her and give her a cheesey grin before breaking into a fast sprint that I know she can't keep up with. "Wait! Katniss! Who's going to be your bridesmaid? Maid of honour!" I hear her voice distantly as I run away from her. I slow down as I pass Finnick and hear Peeta speak to me.
"So who the heck are you marrying?" He says and I turn to jog backwards and face the guys.
"Oh, you don't know him." I reply and Peeta's eyebrows raise as Finnick laughs loudly. "Well I got to go, need to keep in shape for the hubby." I smirk and turn round and start running again.
I'm not running for long before a guy at the edge of the track calls and waves me over. I slow my run to a jog and eventually stop moving. I don't know him.
"Everdeen!" He calls again and I stare at him. "For fuck sake! Come here!" I think about every step in my mind, right foot, left foot, as I move closer to the stranger. He's wearing red shorts with a white t-shirt, a red baseball cap backwards on dark hair, stubble peppering his jaw. "Everdeen right?" He barks at me and I nod. "Pardon?"
"Yes, sir." I whisper and he turns away.
"Follow me, now." He demands and I can't move my feet. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He says and then turns back to me.
"I can't go with you." I whisper and he strides towards me. I flinch instantly and he steps back, Gerry appears between us, facing me.
"Hey, hey, hey! You're fine!" He says quickly, a smile on his face and I swallow and breathe again.
"What the fuck?" The guy behind Gerry says and Finnick starts talking to him quickly as Gerry holds my face between his hands and nods reassuringly.
"We're here! Look at us, we're all here! I'm here and Finnick's here and Peeta's just over there." Gerry points and I turn to see Peeta being held back by Delly and Sam.
"I want Peeta." I whine and Gerry shakes his head.
"We're here! He's just there, Katniss! Finnick and I are here, right here!"
"Finn?" I call, my voice coming out in a desperate plea and Finnick takes Gerry place infront of me.
"Hey buddy! That was scary, right!" He talks quietly and I find myself nodding. "This is Bradley, look." Finnick steps back slightly and the guy appears, holding his baseball cap in his hands and smiles sheepishly.
"Hiya." He says and I try to back away but Finnick and Gerry stay firm.
"He wants you to help the younger students learn archery! That's cool huh?" Finnick says and I nod. "You can take me or Gerry." He says and I stare at Bradley.
"Peeta." I say quickly and Finnick bites his bottom lip.
"That's not an option Katniss." Gerry says firmly and I look across at him. "Me or Finn."
"F-Finnick." I stutter and Finnick wraps an arm around my waist and leads me away as I try to turn and see Peeta. I see him start lashing out and then gazes at me when Gerry says something to him, he gives me a thumbs up and I just stare back at him.
"You're teaching archery, Katniss. Nothing else. I'm going to be right here the entire time." Finnick assures me as we follow Bradley around the gym and see a small group of children laughing and shoving each other around.
"Alright guys, this is Katniss, she's gonna hep us to shoot some arrows!" Bradley's voice changed entirely and the children all squealed and wrapped themselves around my legs.
"She was a natural!" Finnick gushes as Peeta, Finnick, Gerry, Delly and I sit in a booth in a little pizzeria.
"At kids or archery?" Gerry inquires and then slurps at his strawberry milkshake.
"Both! She didn't miss once and the kids were practically in love with her weren't they Katniss?" Everyone looks at me now and I manage a small nod, squeezing my thighs together to try to stop Peeta's roaming hand.
"They were cute." I say and everyone grins. Peeta rubs me between my legs and my stomach muscles tense, I'm clutching at his thigh as he somehow finds my clit through my jeans and applies pressure. I turn and press my face into his slightly damp neck, the heat is getting to us all and Peeta turns his head against me as I moan gently.
"I love you." He says quietly and in the build up to my orgasm I reach out and grope between his legs. We both freeze because nothing has been happening down there for ages and by simply forgetting that I've dampened our mood. Casually I remove my face from Peeta's neck and he removes his hand from between my legs.
"Sorry." I mumble and he shrugs as he drinks his Cola.
"Hello, my name is Millie... Oh my god guys! Hi! Peeta!" We all stare up at Millie and feel myself start to bite down on the inside of my cheek.
"Er hey." Peeta says awkwardly and she blatantly checks him out. "Can I get the hawaiian pizza please?" He asks, his voice going weirdly high.
"You can have whatever you want." Millie murmurs seductively and I look down into my lap as Peeta squirms beside me. It was not a hidden fact that she had an abortion as soon as Peeta found out he was not the father of her baby and that the father was a total low life.
"The pizza's good." He clears his throat and she giggles and takes everyone elses orders, I don't order anything.
"I'll be back with your meals shortly." She moves away and the booth sits silently for a moment.
"Well, let's not come here ever again." Finnick says seriously and everyone besides Peeta and I agree.
The meal is tense and awkward. Everyone aware of Millie coming over way too many times and talking mainly to Peeta who blushes every time.
The drive home is even worse with only Peeta and I in the car.
"I'm going to sleep in my room tonight." I tell him and he nods.
"I'll shower and join yo-"
"Alone." I add and Peeta goes quiet. "I'm tired." He pulls into the garage and I drop from the jeep and walk quickly into the house. There's shouting from the kitchen and I hear Peeta's Mom's voice but I go straight upstairs to my room and lock the door.
I don't even understand why I am so angry about Millie. Besides the fact he cheated on me with her but, I thought I was over that for god sake!
"Stay the fuck away!" I hear Peeta scream suddenly and then he bangs down the hallway and into his room, slamming the door and locking it behind him.