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Addison s Point of View

Why couldn't they understand where I was coming from? Is it so hard for Naomi and Sam to see? I can't deny that Sam taking Naomi's side on this, instead of mine. He's her ex-husband but he is the love of my life, he is my partner so if anything, he should have taken my side. I am relying on him to help me, not work against me. Besides, can't he see that is a good thing for everyone involved?

I shouldn't be mad at Sam. I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it. He has wound me up. How could he shout at me in front of his ex-wife? Okay, his ex-wife is my best friend but still! He shouldn't have yelled because it is him I need on my side. I need to know he has my back on this.

Amelia has been broken hearted since she joined the practice months ago. She is a shell of the person she used to be because she misses Meredith as well as worrying about her brother, her mom and her sisters. Apparently none of the Shepherd s have coped with Meredith s disappearance well. After everything Derek has been through, the very least he deserves is the truth. He needs to know. He deserves to know therefore I know I have done the right thing.

"Hey," Sam murmurs as he walks into the kitchen as I continue to pretend to read the paper. "Anything interesting?"

Ignore him Addison. The very least he deserves is to be ignored.

"Ah, it's like that, is it?" Sam asks me as he pours coffee into a mug. "Uh," he breathes, "Addison, we agreed to wait."

"We agreed nothing!" I snap, standing up and slamming my hands on the kitchen island. I'd probably consider the shocked expression on Sam s face rather hot if I wasn't so mad at him. "You and Naomi agreed."

"I thought you understood. If you still had reservations then why didn't you say?" Sam asks calmly. I know he's keeping calm because Amelia is due back at the practice soon. If he honestly thinks I am staying calm on this though then he is sadly mistaken.

"Sam, I was married to Derek. His family have already suffered a great deal! It is up to us to make it stop!" I shout. "Especially when we are sitting on this information."

"How can you be sure it's her?" He asks, looking as if it is taking all his strength not to snap at me.

"How can you be sure it isn't?" I demand. Could he really not see the similarities?

"Addison," Sam sighs, giving me that horrible sympathetic look which is the last thing I need right now. "Are you sure it is Meredith or are you trying to convince yourself its Meredith because you want it to be her?"

Did he really ask me that?

"How can you say that?" I snap. "You really think that I've somehow convinced myself that it is her because…"

Sam reaches over to squeeze my hand but I instinctively pull it away. "Addison, I'm really worried about you here. I think you still haven't let go of the guilt. I think the fact you cheated on Derek eats away at you piece by piece."

"Have you stopped to think about what the Shepherd s have been through?" I ask, desperate to change the subject. Me cheating on Derek with his best friend is an undeniable sore spot for me but that doesn't mean I am imagining things.

"Have you?" he retorts. "Stop and think here Addison. If you are wrong then it means Derek has been put through even more pain than before. This could be something that could tip him over the edge which is why I am saying you have to be sure before you delve in saying that you've found Meredith," Sam explains. "I promise that if you do this, the only thing you will do is get his hopes up only to have them dashed in the space of seconds."

Damn! He's right.

"I just… I…"

"I know," Sam smiles, coming around to stand beside me and pull me in for a hug. "You want to help him and I love you for that. But you wouldn't be doing anyone any harm Addison if you took the time to be sure," he whispers in my ear as I lean into him to seek comfort.

"I'm still mad at you," I pout, as I enjoy the feeling of him rubbing his hand up and down my back.

"For what?" he asks chuckling.

"For being right," I smile as he laughs at me.

Suddenly we here a load groan from the hallway and as quick as we hear it, Amelia comes barging into the kitchen.

"Everything okay?" I ask as she pulls the fridge door open with a great force. "It's not Lisa, is it?" I ask worryingly. Lisa has been through so much and this is the last thing she needs. Her kids have had to be put into care until she has the surgery and she has fully recovered.

"No," Amelia sighs, and I can hear something in her voice. It isn't until she turns around, I realise she has tears in her eyes. "Hey," I breathe. "What's wrong?" I ask as I pull her into my arms.

"Is it Derek?" Sam asks gently.

"He convinced himself that he seen Meredith just outside the coffee shop around the corner from the hospital and went running after her," Amelia cries against my shoulder. "He had a huge breakdown when he realised it wasn't her. He actually had to lean on Mark in order to get back to the coffee shop," she gasps.

"I am so sorry," I whisper, stroking her hair. What else could I say to her?

"It's okay," she sighs, pulling away from me.

"Where s Derek now?" Sam asks, sitting at the island, sipping on his coffee. I catch him watching me closely.

"He's downstairs with Mark, talking to Naomi," she explains, wiping her tears. "He's going to do the surgery tomorrow so I need to get my personal notes on the case out of my office."

"Okay," I nod. "Is there anything we can do?" I ask, desperate to help in some shape or form.

"No," she smiles sadly as she walks to the door swinging her bottle of water. "Thank you though."

"I'm really sorry Amelia," I whisper, hoping she knows it's true. Amelia seems to hesitate at the door as if she wants to say something.

"Amelia?" Sam prods gently, watching her closely.

"He's given up," she smiles sadly. "A year and a half of fighting like hell and he comes here and he has given up like the rest of us," she explains looking between the two of us with great sadness. "I held onto the hope that Derek had but now, that's gone," she whispers, as tears accumulate her eyes again. "We're never going to see her again."

"Amelia," I interject quickly. "I…"

"Addison," Sam interrupts making me instantly turn to see him giving me a warning look. Find the evidence. I have to find out it is true first.

"I'm really sorry," I whisper, looking back to Amelia.

"Me too," she smiles sadly at me. "You're a great friend Addison," she smiles at me before walking out the kitchen.

Shit!

"This is wrong," I whisper to him as soon as she is out of sight. Why did I allow him to stop me from telling her?

"No, it's not," he sighs. "You have to be sure Addison."

"But I am," I plead. Why am I allowing him to dictate to me what to do?

"No, you're not," he sighs. "I think you have convinced yourself you are but you know you're not."

"I am," I start, only to be instantly cut off.

"Are you telling me you don t have one doubt in your mind?" He asks me suspiciously, standing up and putting his mug in the sink.

"Fine," I sigh. "I will wait until it's confirmed but I promise I am right!"

"Right about what?" a voice ask from the kitchen doorway. I turn to see the ex-husband I cheated on years ago, looking between me and Sam with a curious expression.

"Patient," Sam and I murmur together. I turn to look at Sam shocked. What are the odds that we would make the same lie? It must be love.

"Hey," I smile as I turn back to Derek. I quickly walk towards him and pull him in for a hug. The last thing I want him to feel is awkward. "It's great to see you."

"Hey," he murmurs softly. "You too. How are you?" he asks as he pulls back.

"Good," I smile warmly at him. "Enjoying LA so far?"

"Are you kidding? All this sunshine?" He asks, smiling genuinely at me. "No way," he chuckles before moving past me, saying hey to Sam as they get caught in one of those weird brotherly, guy hugs.

"Where's Mark?" Sam asks, as he pulls back from Derek.

"Downstairs hitting on some blonde," he laughs as he stands between Sam and I. He looks good; considering. His hair is longer than I've ever seen it. He kind of reminds me of Russel Crowe; I like it.

"Some things don't change," I murmur softly.

"They definitely don t," he breathes. "Especially when it comes to Mark."

Awkward.

Awkward.

Awkward silence.

"So, Amelia says you met Lisa?" I ask, desperate to keep the conversation going in order to make things less awkward." You're doing the surgery tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he sighs. "She's such a lovely woman. It's really sad that she has to go through this."

"It is," Sam and I agree. "Really sad for her kids too," I add.

"Yeah," Derek nods. "Amy mentioned that social services have had to step in," He breathes. "Anyway, I have to ask you both something."

"Sure," I smile while Sam simply nods at him. What could he possibly want to ask?

"Why am I here?" He asks bluntly, staring between the two of us.

Crap!

"Why are you here?" I ask slowly playing dumb but Sam looks at me as if I'm stupid.

"Derek," Sam sighs. "We're worried about Amelia," he begins and I see Derek ready to ask why but Sam continues before he can even ask. "She has been really upset recently and is constantly worried about you. We thought having her big brother here for a couple of days would help," he explains with a shrug, trying his best to make it out that it isn't a big deal.

"We think she needs you right now," I chime in, "and well Seattle always reminds her of… of…"

"Meredith," Derek finishes for me. It's so weird to hear the way he says her name. I can tell by the look in his eyes, how much he really loves her.

"Exactly, so we thought we'd get you here," I smile awkwardly. I must look like a right idiot right now. "You know, to help her," I finish lamely.

"All she needs is time with her big brother," Sam adds, helping me out. I don t think I've ever been so thankful to have a boyfriend who is a smooth talker.

"Okay," Derek sighs, seeming convinced. "I'll take her out for dinner tonight; just me and her."

"That's a great idea," I exclaim, hoping I don t sound too enthusiastic. Although going by the look on Derek and Sam s face, I guess I just have. "As her friend, I worry about her," I shrug.

Nice save Addison.

"Okay, well I had better go find her," he smiles at the two of us.

"It's really great to see you Derek," Sam murmurs honestly.

"You too," Derek smiles. "And this place," he adds as his eyes finally take in the big kitchen, "is amazing."

"Thanks Derek," I smile at him as Sam and I watch him walk away.

I glare at Sam once I know Derek is gone.

"We find her Sam!" I exclaim loudly. "We find her now!"