Chapter 10

This day has got to be the longest day in my life. My fight with Shey about the music class seemed weeks ago compared to what's happened just a few hours ago. My nerves were stretched too tight despite feeling tired. I couldn't sleep even though my limbs felt too heavy to even move.

I begrudgingly sat up and walked off to change into my comfiest sleep wear, a baggy shirt paired with tight black boy shorts that were decent enough not to reveal anything other than my legs.

I hopped back into bed and buried under the covers, closing my eyes. Nothing seems to work because I kept on tossing and turning before kicking the comforter off of me. I sat up angrily and threw my pillow across the room in agitation before deciding on having a midnight snack to calm my nerves.

I trudged barefoot toward the kitchen, my footsteps the only sound filling the silence of the house. I shivered slightly from the coldness of the tiled floor but didn't mind it. I turned the lights on the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to get the chocolate syrup that I needed to make my hot chocolate milk. My mom used to make this for me back when I was little. She said it was the only thing to get me to stop asking them to buy a new toy because I fall asleep almost immediately after I drink it. I grabbed my mug and a few other ingredients like the cocoa powder and marshmallows from the cupboards and started making the milk.

It felt like my body was on autopilot, doing tasks monotonously but never showing any emotion.

I sighed before drinking the warm liquid. The milk felt warm and somehow it helped me relax my muscles. I felt like I was a child again where everything was as simple as black and white. I stared off into space, just thinking about nothing and oddly enough, it felt refreshing, not having to worry about anything or disappointing anyone.

Just then I heard the front door slam. I jumped and my thoughts immediately screamed that a thief was trying to break into our house, but what kind of thief would be stupid enough to make that much noise? Much less use the front door? Nonetheless, I moved cautiously to the sink to get the frying pan to use as a weapon and quietly moved to the living room. My heart was pounding in my ears as I got closer and closer. The living room was pitch black but I could see the tall silhouette standing in the foyer, it looked like he was fumbling for something. Luckily the switch was just next to me and I moved to turn it on. I didn't know whether to sigh in relief or to panic and run for cover when I saw who it was.

Edward shielded his eyes from the sudden bright light before looking around the room to see who turned it on.

My breath came out in short gasps as the adrenaline rush died down from my body and put a hand to my chest to calm down.

"Bella what are you doing here?" he asked arching a perfect eyebrow.

"I live here remember?" I quipped at his idiotic question.

"No, I meant why are you still awake?"

"I couldn't sleep. Why are you arriving just now? At this time of the night? I thought you were freaking burglar or something!" it was only then that I realized how I'm starting to sound like a nagging wife. God, the irony of it all. I turned back to the kitchen leaving it up to him to answer me or not so I wouldn't look like I cared.

He did answer me. "I lost track of time," was all he said.

I resumed my previous seat on the kitchen island and was surprised to see that Edward had followed, staring at me or rather my legs unabashedly.

My cheeks tinged red in embarrassment and when I crossed my legs did he only looked up at me. Why did I have to wear my most revealing sleep wear tonight of all nights? Right, comfort. I snorted mentally. It's having the opposite effect right now by the way I'm feeling under Edward's stare.

"What?" I asked irritated that he's mocking what I wear.

He shook his head. "N-nothing. Can I sit?" he gestured toward the seat opposite me.

"S-sure," I answered nervously. Oh boy, I am so not ready to have this conversation with him nor any other time in the future for that matter.

He ran his hand through his hair nervously before speaking which he only does when he's either embarrassed or nervous. I'd bet on the latter.

The tense and awkward silence pressed down on us and I didn't how long we sat there avoiding each other's gaze.

"Fuck, this is awkward," he chuckled nervously letting out a big gust of air while I fidget with the hands on my lap.

"Tell me about it," I blurted. I hadn't planned on saying anything but apparently I didn't have a verbal filter anymore. I looked up to him to see if he heard me just in time to his eyes snap to mine which meant he did. We stared at each other for a total of five seconds before we did the unthinkable. We burst out laughing.

It felt refreshing to laugh, a drastic change from the dreary mood I had been in all day. I relished in the feeling of being able to laugh at my situation without anyone judging me I was crazy. It was a while before we managed to stop laughing and the awkward silence was replaced by a friendlier atmosphere.

We were lost in our own thoughts and I think this was the first time I ever let my guard down around him and surprisingly, it feels good. Edward was the first to speak when he saw me took a sip from my mug.

"What are you drinking?"

"Hmm? Oh, it's chocolate milk with marshmallows… do you want me to make you one?" It felt awkward to offer him milk but still, I thought it would be rude if I didn't offer him anything.

"Nah I don't really drink from milk cartons,"

"It's powdered milk," I clarified.

"You drink powdered milk?" his voice didn't hint an incredulous tone but rather only curiosity.

"Yeah, it helps me sleep and I don't really trust milk cartons," I shrugged sheepishly, blushing. "Got a problem with that?" I added in a defensive tone.

"No, none at all. I just pegged you for the coffee type of girl,"

"Nah, I don't really drink coffee. I usually have problem sleeping whenever I drank that stuff so…" I shrugged again. "What about you? Do you drink coffee?"

"Only when I'm going to be busy for the day but otherwise no, I don't drink coffee," I nodded politely in response but I furrowed my brow when he laughed suddenly. "I just realized something, were you seriously trying to beat the death out of me with that frying pan?"

"Hey! I thought you were burglar okay?" I defended.

"Bella, you do know that a burglar might carry a gun right?" he asked sarcastically.

"Well maybe next time, you'd arrive at a more decent hour," I snapped.

"Yes mom," he recited while rolling his eyes. "Mind if I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"You don't have to answer. I was just curious about your reaction," He assured. He paused for a few seconds, hesitant. "Why do you hate music so much? From what I gathered from Shey, you didn't used to. So why the sudden change?"

I froze as soon as I comprehended his question. The sudden change of atmosphere in the room was dizzying and it felt like there was a huge lump in my throat.

"Bella you don't have to answer if you don't want to," Edward assured me once more. He's giving me an option and I truthfully didn't want to reveal my reasons but there was a small part of me, a very small part, that was aching to get the words out, just to lift a little bit of the burden I've been carrying around all these years even if it means divulging it to someone like Edward. By some miracle, the small part of me won.

"When I was uh, visiting here during one summer just before high school, I met someone… Jacob. His father used to go fishing with my dad and he's two years younger than me. He… he was my first boyfriend and we dated during the whole summer. I was young, you know? I thought it was love and the fact that we stayed in touch the whole year strengthened my belief that he was… the one," I snorted and shook my head at myself. "I was so naïve back then. I remember I used to count down the days till I could see him again and when it finally came, I was a nervous wreck. I spent hours in front of the mirror finding the right outfit that I had to ask Shey for help, hell I even wore mascara. But what did I get? The cheating bastard making out with his cousin's girlfriend. I cried a lot that day looking like a raccoon because of the stupid mascara. After that, I just felt depressed and sad all the time. Emmett told me to let it out through my music but I just… can't. Music was my outlet of expression you know? I stopped playing my music because how can I show what I feel when I don't feel anything at all? Did I mention I never wore mascara after that?" I shook my head again, feeling the disgust for myself.

"So that explains why you hated me huh?"

"Sorry,"

"Nah, it's cool. Serves me right anyway," Edward shrugged, smiling. I smiled in return, thankful that he didn't apologized for my sad love life. "But Bella, don't let this Jacob guy change you because of what he did to you, you're far too extraordinary for that," I blushed at his compliment and tried to change the subject.

"I think I better get back to sleep," I said with a yawn.

"Yeah me too, though I have no idea where the hell I'm supposed to be sleeping,"

I laughed. "I'll show you," I dumped the mug in the sink and led him out of the kitchen, turning off the lights as we went. We stopped in front of the guest bedroom in the second floor where he was going to share with Dylan

"Goodnight," I whispered then turned for my room which was right down the hall.

"Goodnight and Bella–" I turned around expectantly. "Thanks," Even in the darkness, I could see his crooked grin and I swear my heart almost skipped a beat. I was just glad he couldn't see the bright red stain on my cheeks.

He moved to close the door softly while I tiptoed towards my room. Once I was safely in the refuge of my room behind its closed doors, did it suddenly hit me. I had lasted the whole night talking to Edward Cullen without either one of us yelling or throwing a fit. I went to sleep that night feeling so bewildered that I zonked out to sleep the moment my head hit the pillows.