Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z, nor do I own any part of the Dragon Ball franchise.
"She's up ahead. It'll take a while to get to her, though." Kakarot followed his nose faithfully. Itch sniffed as well from his post on the Saiyan's broad shoulder. The cat's claws were digging into his shoulder plate, holding onto all nine lives while Kakarot flew.
His Prince was making a face. The human woman's round rump was by his head, while her long legs were stretched over his body, kicking closely to the source of Vegeta-sei's next heir.
Her tiny fists were thumping on his back, screeching at him from his back to carry her like a "lady". She wasn't about to yell at him to let her go, since Bulma wasn't feeling particularly suicidal from five-thousand-something feet in the sky.
"Saiyan women do not need to be carried. They are capable of flying on their own. Honestly, you humans are incompetent in everything," Vegeta grouched. He rubbed his sensitive ears, and Kakarot had to do the same from the pitch of her voice.
"Just carry me properly and not like a sack of potatoes and then I'll shut up!" Bulma hollered at his butt, very much admiring the view. Oh yes, she'd be seeing loads of blue spandex in her dreams from now on...so toned, so tight...
Vegeta bristled. How dare she, some lowly human harlot, order him, the Prince of All Saiyans? His jaw clenched tightly.
Kakarot exchanged nervous looks with Itch.
And then Vegeta dropped the human cargo from Earth's stratosphere.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL A VIRGIN! FUDGE!" She howled. Bulma flapped her hands like a bird, but it wasn't working for some reason. Her body was pitched forward, with brutal winds pushing up at her while gravity pulled her back into the Earth.
For the third (?) time this week, Bulma Briefs thought she was going to die. Bulma Briefs was falling out of the sky. Bulma Briefs was going to go splat. Bulma Briefs would go out with an onomatopoeia that was not "bang!". Darn it.
"ITCH, YOU SON OF BITCH! YOU BETTER GET ON MY EULOGY! FUDGE FUDGE FUDGE-"
"Woman, I hope you learned your lesson," A husky, accented voice growled into her ear. A hard, warm body was pressed against her back when two muscled arms roughly yanked her back into Vegeta's arms. "No one orders Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans, to do anything and gets away without punishment. I have killed for less and I have enjoyed it."
In all honesty, he was still reeling at this vulgar woman's audacity. She had touched him - kissed him on the fucking cheek! She was a ballsy bitch, he'd give her that.
Vegeta's face was still tingling, though it was mostly out of him scrubbing his face after she planted her filthy lips on his cheek. Ugh, disgusting! More disgusting was feeling his face getting hot and seeing her smirk with those repulsive pink lips of hers.
Blasted woman.
Bulma squirmed in his arms, the warmth radiating off of him heating her air-borne skin up. Using him as a furnace was short-lived, though, because as soon as she was back in his arms, he dropped her again.
"VEGETA! I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU PISS BLOOD FOR WEEKS AFTER THISSS-"
Bulma felt something furry curl around her ankle, very abruptly halting her second fall with a jolt to the socket of her leg. The wind knocked right out her lungs.
She was hanging upside down, so with an A for effort, she tried pulling her head up to see what grabbed her.
"You have a tail?" She asked slowly, wide blue stare traveling from the brown monkey tail around her ankle, up to where it was attached at the base of his back in awe. His arms were, once again, crossed, and he was smiling cruelly down at her.
"You humans are remarkably stupid. How could you not notice?" He scoffed.
Bulma turned her neck to look at Kakarot, whose own tail was wrapped around his waist.
"B-But I thought that was a fuzzy belt-"
"You thought wrong, Woman,"
"So you are aliens, then?" The air left her lungs again, making her breaths choppy and short. Blood was starting to pool in her head, making her light-headed.
"How impressive. It took you that long to figure that out?"
"You look human," She mumbled dumbly.
"We are Saiyans, not worthless human vermin. Besides being physically superior to humans, Saiyans have the ability to transform in the light of the full moon,"
"Into what?"
"Oozaru,"
"...?"
"A giant ape with power that your puny brain could never comprehend,"
"Um, Vegeta? Her face is really red. Maybe I should carry her if you can't?" Kakarot offered.
Vegeta's tail lashed back in anger, jerking Bulma with it. Her neck snapped back and her limbs swung, giving her a hideous case of whiplash. Stupid monkey bastard! How dare he treat Bulma Briefs like this?
"Are you implying that I am not capable of carrying this insufferable worm?" He demanded darkly, lips pulled back in a snarl.
"No, no, I was just wondering if you can carry Bulma properly...like a lady?" The young Saiyan asked innocently.
Vegeta's eyes flared. "Of course I can, you fool! Who do you take me for? I am a Prince,"
The Saiyan Sovereign pulled his tail up, so the woman was hanging above his head. Then he released her.
Her scream was cut short when he caught her in his arms so his hands were under her knees and back, like a bride.
"See?" Vegeta shot Kakarot a smug look. "I am carrying the demon woman properly,"
Bulma looked up at Vegeta in a daze before her head rolled over to look at the other Saiyan. Kakarot gave her a mischievous wink and an impish, shit-eating grin.
Bulma grinned back with a thumbs-up.
Bulma found herself liking flying. It was exhilarating watching the ground from up above, flashing by in green and brown and blue. Not to mention that it was much more comfy in the Prince's strong arms. Vegeta's warm hands were wrapped around her thighs. Body heat permeated through his white gloves and she was glad that he couldn't feel the goosebumps blossoming on her legs. The smoldering in her lower tummy bloomed from his fingers tightening and sometimes brushing against her sensitive inner thighs. His touch was sparking all sorts of places and igniting fires Bulma did not want to explain.
She began running her mouth to distract herself.
"Say, who exactly are the Saiyans?"
Vegeta lowered his stare to nastily glare her. "You've honestly never heard of us?"
"Never,"
"We're a warrior race," Kakarot piped up. "From Vegeta-sei,"
Bulma looked up at Vegeta incredulously and squeaked, "You have a planet named after yourself?"
"It's the other way around," He muttered dryly. "I am the heir to the crown,"
She looked at him oddly. "I'm an heiress, too,"
"Heiress to what?" He looked at her for the first time with genuine interest.
Bulma mimicked his arms-across-the-chest trademark. "Capsule Corporations. My daddy and I are world-renowned scientists. He came up with the capsules and I helped," At his quirked brow, she continued, "Basically, the capsules hold objects in a more compact and transportation-safe way. Though, I think the compound and lab were completely destroyed," Bulma grimaced at the lost capsules. If she had at least her hover car or Capsule house…
"Are you meaning to say that you can contain objects into small capsules?"
"Yes. I'm pretty sure the largest thing you can hold in a capsule is a house,"
"A house!" Kakarot gasped.
"Yup," Bulma gloated. "A house in the palm of your hand,"
"That's preposterous! You're lying," Vegeta denied firmly.
"I am not lying. Hey, maybe after we pick up another person, we can go back to see if I can save anything from the lab. I left before the house collapsed, so I'm not sure everything is damaged. Some parts of the lab might not have been destroyed. I can show you a capsule!"
Vegeta scoffed.
"Can you really show us a capsule?" Kakarot asked.
"If they survived, then sure. Only if His Highness here lets us,"
"You say you are a scientist?" The Saiyan Prince lifted a brow skeptically
"Yes, I am a scientist, bud. I know it's a little difficult to believe that someone can be as beautiful and brilliant as me,"
"Don't forget humble,"
"Hey Vegeta, isn't she like the female version of you, except she's more innocent? You've never killed anyone, right Bulma?"
"I am not the female vers-"
"Kakarot, I am going to rip out your intestines and strangle you with them if you don't shut your mouth,"
"Yeesh. I think someone needs a sleep-induced Space Pod nap," Kakarot sing-songed.
"I think someone needs to stop breathing,"
"Are you boys brothers?" Bulma chirped.
"Do not mistake this imbecile for royalty. Kakarot is merely an Elite soldier,"
"I'm his bodyguard," Kakarot added cheerfully.
"Do all Saiyans have tails?"
"Yes," Vegeta answered shortly.
"Throw me a bone, would ya? I want to know more about the Saiyans. In case you haven't noticed, I don't get abducted by aliens on a daily basis. On top of that, I have no one to talk to because virtually everyone on my planet is dead. Is it so wrong to want to know about you?"
"Yes,"
"UGH!" Bulma faced Kakarot with teary eyes. "Kakarot?"
He looked uneasy. "Well, I told you we're all warriors,"
"The mightiest race in the entire universe,"
Bulma narrowed her eyes at Vegeta. "Oh, so now you want to talk? Of course, only if you're bragging about yourself,"
"You're catching on,"
"All I know so far is that you guys are the extra-terrestrial equivalents of Spartans who turn into King Kong when you see the full moon. And that you," Bulma poked Vegeta's chest. "are the Prince,"
"Correct,"
"I can't believe you're a Prince. I thought they were supposed to be handsome and charming, not mean and short,"
Bulma knew she said the wrong thing when his eyes flashed. Kakarot's cheeks puffed as he suppressed laughter.
She knew that this guy could kill her, quite literally, with the tip of his finger. How many people did she know that could set her on fire by pointing a finger at her for calling them a dork? Not many, she mused gloomily, since everyone she did know was gone.
Still funny to tease him. Even if he endangered her life every time she did.
"Not that I'm complaining. You're still cute. Bite-sized, but very cute. Don't get too offended," Bulma wiggled closer to his chest. She pouted up at him when she saw the veins in his temple bulging.
She flashed him her teeth nervously.
"I'm sure she was joking,"
"Quiet, Kakarot. I'm thinking up of all the ways I can kill this woman," His face was deceptively calm and blank. Vegeta put on a thoughtful face. "Preferably the most slow and painful way possible,"
"Oh, shucks," Bulma cursed and swiftly changed the subject. "There's something I want to know. What exactly happened to the Earth? Like, the who, what, where, when, and why?"
"Well, two soldiers from the Planet Trade Organization came and purged the Earth," Kakarot winced when a sandy wind swept into his eyes. The three had been flying over a desert for what felt like hours now.
"Planet Trade Organization?"
He scrubbed the back of his neck and shot a discreet look at Vegeta. "It's an organization where we go to valuable planets and wipe out the population. Then we sell the planets,"
"You say 'we'. That means you two work for the Planet Trade Organization as well, right?"
Vegeta tensed. Bulma felt his shoulders stiffen and a warning rumble echoed from his chest.
Kakarot looked just as tense. His voice took on a hard tone. "We've never seen or heard of the leader of it, but Frieza's one of the overlords who're in charge. He...makes strong races join him in 'cleaning' out planets and selling them to the highest bidder,"
Bulma blinked. "You two work for a freezer?"
"It's not so much work as it is being under that lizard bastard's thumb," Vegeta spat harshly.
"The Saiyans are his favorite army," Kakarot added bitterly.
"The Saiyans were forced into it?" Her brow creased. "I thought they were the mightiest race in the-"
The warning rumbling Vegeta was making grew louder. Bulma wisely shut her mouth.
Kakarot sighed and continued grimly. "Frieza is real strong. He might be the strongest in the univ-"
"Kakarot," Vegeta was shaking, rage making him snarl and dig his nails into Bulma's thighs and shoulders. Her shoulders were almost touching, and her boobs were smushed together.
"Hey!" She squealed when one nail broke skin. "That hurts, you dummy!"
The younger Saiyan quieted, but his face was twisted in the same fury on Vegeta's face.
"Vegeta, you have to relax. Your shoulders are really tense. You know what you need? A massage,"
"Woman, I suggest you shut the hell up," His grip on her legs and shoulders loosened a bit, but his voice was frosty and commanding. For once, Bulma listened. He seemed to have quite the reaction to the Freezer guy.
"Strongest in the universe."
Bulma bit her bottom lip. She broke the tense silence. "Are...is Freiza going to sell Earth?"
A dark look came upon Vegeta's face. "Not after we're through with it,"
"And what exactly do you mean by that? The Earth is very desirable, I'll have you know,"
There was another strange silence.
Bulma fidgeted. She hated awkward silences.
"Where are you taking me?"
"You are going to Vegeta-sei with us, after we pick up a human friend for you,"
"You're taking me to another planet!"
"Where did you think you were going?" Kakarot wondered.
"Honestly? I think I'm still in shock after you guys busted in, kidnapped me, and started flying me over to the last survivor on the Earth. I have no idea what's going on. I've been like this for like, three days,"
"And here I thought you were a genius," Vegeta sneered. "Here, let me explain this to you in the simplest possible terms. Your planet was purged, Kakarot and I were sent to collect the remaining female survivors and the natural resources, and now you and the other female are going to be taken to Vegeta-sei to live as chambermaids or royal concubines. The end,"
"WHAT! No way am I going to be a godforsaken concubine! You are insane if you think I am agreeing to this! You know what? Just drop me - I'd rather die than go live on your stupid planet! Let me go, now!"
"Woman," Vegeta growled when she began kicking and screaming in his arms. His annoyance reached epic proportions when her elbow nearly jabbed him in the face.
"Bulma, please relax," Kakarot swooped over to her in concern. "I know you don't want to go to some strange place, but if you don't come with us, you'll be taken to be Frieza's concubine. You can't stay on Earth because it's going to be destroyed,"
"What does everyone want a fucking concubine for!"
"I think -," Vegeta easily dodged the kick aimed for his head. "-that is self-explanatory. Beautiful alien women make excellent bed-warmers,"
"I am not going to be a BED-WARMER," Bulma fought to loosen his tight hold, red in the face. And did he just call her beautiful?
"A chambermaid, then,"
"I HATE CLEANING!"
Vegeta snorted like an angry bull. "Fine. I'll just blast you to-"
"Vegeta, don't kill her! She doesn't know what she's saying - she must still be in shock or something,"
"Don't patronize me!"
"Then stop being so difficult!"
She cried hot tears of rage and frustration. "Let go," Bulma's voice quivered, as her chest shook with the force of her sobs.
An eerie silence fell.
Vegeta let go of her.
Her eyes grew wide at the fact that he'd actually done it - that he actually obeyed her and let her go, but the shock didn't last long.
The fall ended quickly.
And then, there was much laughter.
Vegeta was guffawing for all he was worth, stomach-grabbing and all. "Woman, you should have seen your face!"
Bulma blinked.
Vegeta and Kakarot landed behind her. Then she noticed that the Prince of all Pricks had dropped her - while they were inch away from landing. She landed on her butt on what felt like cobblestone.
With shaky legs, she stood. She wobbled on her feet from hours of neglect. Bulma looked over her shoulder to see Vegeta wiping the last traces of mirth from his face and Kakarot chuckling, though he looked relieved. Bulma made sure to shoot them both dirty looks.
Vegeta made sure she was watching while he made a big show of rubbing his arms like they were sore. He grinned devilishly at her outraged face.
Scowling, she turned back around to take in her surroundings. Bulma saw Vegeta doing some inspecting of his own.
It looked like some castle, and they had landed on the roof of it. There was smoke haunting the place, like the ghosts of a great fire. Black embers crunched under their feet and - Bulma wrinkled her nose - it smelled like burnt toast. She considered asking the two why they didn't go to the front door, but after looking over the edge of the roof, Bulma saw a raging fire engulfing the bottom half of the castle.
"Where are we?" Bulma stumbled after the Saiyans. She watched vaguely when Kakarot formed a blue ball of electricity in his palm and blasted a hole through the roof.
Aliens, Bulma. Right, right.
"Fire Mountain," Vegeta grabbed her elbow, picked her up, and placed him in front of him upon floating down to a dark, empty corridor.
"It looks like a cold day in Hell, here, doesn't it?" She shuddered at the scary long hallway and the flickering shadows.
"You would know, now wouldn't you?" Vegeta sneered.
"You're a dildo,"
"Charming. Can't say that I've heard last words as original as that," A wayward finger casually looped around a lock of her aqua hair, lightly tracing the back of her neck. Bulma suppressed a shudder. "You don't think I've forgotten what you called me earlier. What was it..."
He tugged her hair with enough force to make her wince and drag her head back into his shoulder. The length of her pearly neck was exposed to his hot breath. Bulma gasped when his nose brushed along her neck, inhaling slightly. She gulped.
"Uh...mean and short?"
"Yes, that was it. I'm adding 'dildo' to your tab. Your death just keeps getting more creative,"
"...oh,"
"Hey, guys, it smells like food!"
Vegeta released her hair, making Bulma propel forward. Kakarot looked back at the two, and nudged his head towards the source of the food with childish delight.
"Oh, man, I'm starving," Bulma groaned, and Kakarot whole-heartedly agreed. She made her way to the other Saiyan's side, casting an uncertain look at the Saiyan prince. She gnawed on her bottom lip when he returned her stare coldly. Bulma quickly looked away.
Vegeta really took the hot-guy-with-an-asshole-personality thing to a whole new level. Every look at those narrowed, icy black eyes sent her stomach into a tizzy of butterflies that mass-produced like cancerous cells, but his disagreeable personality was off-putting. Bulma would be lying if she said she didn't like his steely confidence and self-assuredness, though. Those were the very traits she liked in herself.
He scared her and turned her on all at once, and Bulma be damned if she wasn't a little befuddled by him.
The object of her thoughts scoffed. "You two are pathetic. Just find the damn woman, Kakarot,"
"Righty-ho, this way,"
The trio winded down a long dark corridor. Bulma noticed Itch dead asleep on Kakarot's shoulder, snoring lightly. Her lips broke out into a smile. She reached her hand out to poke his pink nose. His whiskers twitched. Biting back a smile, Bulma played with his triangular black ears. Her fingers bumped against a spike of Kakarot's hair by accident.
"Sorry," Bulma made to move her hand away, but then she reached up to pet Kakarot's unruly hair, marveling at how it stuck up the way it did. "Hey, why is your hair like that?"
"Like what, Bulma?"
"I've never seen hair like yours, except for this cartoon character named Go-"
"Breaking the fourth wall, Bulma,"
"Oops,"
Vegeta shoved past the two impatiently, a deep scowl twisting his face. Kakarot let out a startled yelp when the Prince plowed his shoulder with his. "Stop your flirting and hurry up. Zarbon will be arriving soon,"
"We weren't flirting," Bulma said defensively. She was determined not to shut up at the fierce, shut-the-hell-up-Woman look he sent her. He would show her some RESPECT. "Gosh, jealous much?"
Vegeta flat out ignored her, though the tip of his tail flicked agitatedly.
Kakarot went back to leading the way. Finally, they stood before a door that was a crack open. He put a hand and began pushing it open.
Suddenly, a frying pan smashed into his face with enough firepower to wake a wild Snorlax.
Bulma backed into Vegeta, eyes and mouth slack when she saw a finely-boned hand clutching the handle of the frying pan. The hand was attached to an arm swathed in blue silk. Blue eyes widened when she saw a girl, no more than fifteen or sixteen years-old, standing like she was ready to pounce at the three intruders.
The pan fell off the handle. Every eye in the house stared in wonder when the metal pan clanged to the floor.
The pan was dented and shaped like Kakarot's stunned face.
The dark-haired girl's eyes widened and she looked from the handle in her hand, to Kakarot, and then to her pan.
"...Oh, wow, that packed quite a punch," Kakarot rubbed the back of his head in bewilderment. His face was undisturbed from the violent misuse of the kitchen utensil.
The girl very suddenly snatched his chin into her hand, yanked him down to her face, and twisted his face this way and that, searching for some sign of abuse.
"No bruising? No concussion? No hemorrhaging?" She blinked her black eyes in astonishment. "-the HELL are you made out of, because it's clearly stronger than wrought-iron!"
She roughly released Kakarot's face, and whipped around to narrow her eyes at Bulma and Vegeta. The latter of whom was coolly analyzing Kakarot's dumbfounded face.
Bulma's jaw was still on the floor.
"Can I help you?" The girl snapped.
"Would you mind if we joined you for breakfast?" Bulma offered her the sweetest and most charming smile, which was not a difficult thing to do, no sir. She heard a sigh from behind her, but decided to stick to her request with her hands perched on her hips.
The younger girl looked like she was about to get homicidal with the frying pan handle.
"Yes, I would! I do not feed intruders. I did not hear knocking, or god forbid, the doorbell. I did not give you permission to enter my home, so don't come marching in here expecting hospitality," She bit out viciously.
"Well maybe we would have knocked if the flames of Hell weren't in front of the door! We had to bust through the roof!"
"I heard!"
"Listen, kid, you're the first human I've met in days. Can't we just get along? I apologize for entering your home without permission, but-"
"Kid? I'll have you know that I'm turning sixteen in a month and four days. I'm practically a woman," She announced proudly.
"So? I'm nineteen," Bulma snobbishly upturned her nose.
The girl glared. "You said I'm the first human you met since the world ended. So what are they?"
The two females turned to look over their shoulders. Sure enough, the boys were stuffing their faces. Vegeta was going through a batch of cooling chocolate muffins while Kakarot inhaled three egg omelets in one go.
"...not human?" Bulma replied feebly.
"Wait a minute - I recognize that uniform. You two are with the same bastards who killed everyone!" The girl screeched and pointed angrily at them.
"Mmactually, I ron't efen mow Follsha anf Zibreth vewy well," Kakarot swallowed a stack of apple pancakes. At the girls' disgusted and puzzled faces, he clarified. "I said, I actually don't even know Tollsha and Zibeth very well,"
Vegeta rolled his eyes. "We are part of the same organization,"
"Oh? So you two are here for clean-up duty?" She hissed.
"I believe those two did an adequate job. You two are the only surviving humans on this mudball. Isn't that right, Kakarot?"
The other Saiyan nodded with his cheeks puffed with pastries.
The girl's pin-straight posture sagged, her pale face crestfallen. Bulma extended a comforting hand on her shoulder, though she was dumbfounded at the news. How could she and this other girl be the only survivors? It didn't seem logical. Bulma was no Bear Grylls, even though this chick wielded that frying pan like a thug.
"Then what are you two here for?" She asked wearily.
"You and the other woman will go to Vegeta-sei," The Saiyan prince distracted himself with a bowl of sticky buns.
"Another planet?" The girl looked like she was about to get fussy again, so Bulma spun her around for a pep talk.
"Look, you can either stay here on Earth and become some space tyrant's girlfriend or get blown up along with the rest of the Earth," The blue-haired teen whispered harshly into the other teen's ear. "And it'd be a good idea not to fight these two,"
"And why is that? I will not tolerate being abducted by strange men!"
"Kid, Vegeta set me on fire for calling him a dork and threw me from the sky because I told him to carry me nicely," Bulma said flatly. "Did you see what happened to your frying pan when you hid Kakarot?"
She glanced down at the handle sadly. Her eyes sparked at the name.
"Kakarot?"
"The tall one with the hair,"
The girl addressed Bulma with a dry, "They both have 'the hair',"
Bulma laughed. "Well, Kakarot's really nice and he's a total babe, but Vegeta over there...cute, but a total psycho,"
The girl had her eyes glued to Kakarot's butt. "I see,"
"What's your name?"
The girl still looked a little suspicious, but she seemed more relaxed. "Chi-Chi,"
"I'm Bulma,"
"Well, Bulma, it would be a good idea to have some breakfast before these two finish it," Chi-Chi frowned at the inhuman speed in which the boys were scarfing everything down. "Besides, if we're going somewhere, you'll need all the energy you can get,"
Bulma blinked in surprise. "I thought you'd put up a fight,"
"The way you put it...I think I'd rather just go to another planet and start over there," Chi-Chi's eyes aged like a stressed, midlife-crisis'd, middle-aged spinster's. "Too much has happened too soon,"
Bulma nodded somberly. The two girls shared a quiet moment of grief.
"Hey, Chi-Chi? Can you make more of these?" Kakarot forked a sliver of bacon and waved it at her. Her cheeks reddened before she stomped over to the stove, all the while raving about the boy's terrible table manners.
Bulma hovered over the table. She tried stealthily thieving a cranberry muffin from Vegeta's plate, but the threatening growl and following lethal glare told her to unhand the muffin immediately.
So she stuck her tongue out and took the muffin anyway.
She missed his indignant expression when she twirled on her heel to ask Chi-Chi for some butter.
"How did he know my name?" Chi-Chi opened the fridge to hand Bulma a tub of I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter (Mediterranean-flavored).
"I told you, they're not human. I'm pretty sure they have super senses or something," Bulma cut the muffin in half and buttered a slice.
"You two whisper so well that Kakarot and I can hear every word," Vegeta mocked. "And while you're in the kitchen, I demand another one of those pastries that you stole from me,"
Bulma's blue brows pinned together in anger. "You have two hands and two feet and a tail, and you demand that I get you another muffin? Tough shit, bro!"
"They have tails?" Chi-Chi whispered scandalously. "I thought they were fuzzy belts,"
"Yes, we have tails, and Woman, I will tear out your tongue if you ever speak to me so insolently," Vegeta gruffly said.
"Why is he so high and mighty?" Chi-Chi muttered, her frown deepening.
"Didn't you hear?" Bulma said bitingly. "He's an alien prince,"
"Oh? A prince?" Chi-Chi didn't sound terribly impressed, which made Bulma smirk in his direction. She bit into the muffin and turned into a puddle of goo. "Holy crud, Chi-Chi, these muffins are delicious!"
"Thank you, Bulma," She said shortly. "Cooking is a passion of mine,"
"I've never been the domestic type. My mom took care of food," Bulma tapped her chin thoughtfully. "'Course, she's dead,"
Chi-Chi's face darkened. "Dad died fighting that pink alien," Her anger faded into misery. "He was the Ox King, you know,"
"That explains the castle. But why didn't he kill you?"
She took on a puzzled expression. "I'm not really sure. The other alien told the pink one not to kill me. He said that while I was fighting the pink one, too," The black rage returned to her pretty face. "I got a couple of punches in, but the pink alien just laughed and said that Zarbon would 'collect' me. He said something about a freezer liking feisty girls," Chi-Chi bitterly narrated.
Bulma's brows pinched together again. "This Frieza guy sounds like such a jerk. The boys told me about how he enslaves armies and makes them purge planets. Then he sells them. They haven't told me what they're here for, but it seems like they're taking us to safety,"
Chi-Chi looked at them with mistrust. "How do you know they're taking us some place safe? How do you know they won't do anything bad to us?"
"To be honest, I don't know. At this point, I don't have any options," Bulma picked crumbs off her shirt. "Is it strange that I trust them? I mean, I've known them for less than a day, but my instincts don't think anything is wrong. I mean...I dunno, Chi-Chi. It's just-"
"You don't know what to do with yourself?"
"Yeah,"
The dark-haired teen shook her head. "I've just been cooking like mad. I didn't know what else to do. I hoped that there was someone out there besides myself out there. Being so alone is scary," Chi-Chi plated the bacon. "What's your story? You aren't a fighter, are you?"
"Haven't fought a day in my life,"
"Then how are you still alive?"
"I hid under a table,"
"You have got to be joking. Those guys managed to sniff out and snuff out every person on the planet. How did they skip you?"
Bulma picked crumbs off of her top. Her lips curved down. Why didn't they find her? It wasn't like she was that well hidden, was she? Now that she thought about it, it sounded like a freak strike of luck, foul play.
Bulma Briefs was supposed to have died that morning.
"WOMAN! I WANT MY MUFFIN!"
Chi-Chi returned to the kitchen after sliding Kakarot a plate of bacon. He happily accepted the plate and thanked her with similar fervor.
"His Highness wants a muffin," Chi-Chi rolled her eyes. She watched the blue-haired girl staring oddly at her toes, forehead crumpled in thought. She strode up to the older girl and snapped her fingers in her face. "Hel-lo?"
"Oh, sorry, Chi-Chi. I zoned out there,"
Bulma eyed the last muffin evilly. She snatched it up and walked out of the kitchen. She walked towards the table. Sky-scraping towers of dirty dishes balanced on the table.
"About time," Vegeta grunted. He made to rip the muffin out of the lazy woman's hands, but she evaded him by reaching her arm up.
"Uh-uh. You have to say please,"
"And you have to die,"
"Just say 'May I please have the last, delicious muffin, Bulma?'. Then it's all yours,"
He looked blankly at her before phasing out and phasing behind her. Bulma's eyes widened, but she sunk her teeth into the soft, sticky top of the cranberry muffin and licked it for good measure.
Vegeta's hand froze from where he was reaching for the muffin. He gaped at her disobedience and grew furious.
"Give it here!"
"I already licked it!"
"Ugh, vile creature," Vegeta sneered in disgust when she slobbered on the baked good some more. Like he wanted it now that she had her human germs on it. How could a woman be so repulsive?
He heard the other female snicker. Vegeta briefly thought that perhaps all humans had the Woman's strange coloring (blue, of all colors!), but this little girl proved him wrong. If anything, she had Saiyan coloring, what with the black hair and dark eyes, though they were wide and round like the lewd woman's. His scouter was offline, but he could tell she was fighter from the muscles on her otherwise tiny frame.
She looked to be around Kakarot's age, though that fool's height was deceiving. He sprouted up like a magical bean stalk, leaving the irate Prince in his wake.
Vegeta shook his head. He would need to punish the woman soon.
"You can have the muffin bottom. No one eats those," Bulma plopped the half-eaten muffin onto his plate, much to his annoyance.
"Don't bother,"
"Whatever," Bulma went about slicing a peach. "When do we have to leave?"
"Once I clean up. Is everyone finished?" Chi-Chi warily addressed the Saiyans. Their appetites were amazing, though it was probably because they had higher metabolisms if those bodies of theirs had anything to say about it.
"Yeah, thanks for the meal, Chi-Chi. You're a real great cook," Kakarot smiled widely at her, making the girl blush.
Vegeta pushed his plate away, silently signaling for the girl to take the dishes away. To his surprise, the woman was collecting his dishes.
"I swear, you Saiyans are supposedly a warrior race, yet you're too lazy to drop off your dishes, or wash your dishes for that matter. How is Chi-Chi supposed to finish up all these dishes herself?"
"Quit your bitching. Washing and clearing the table is a servant's job, not mine. Go help if you are so concerned,"
Bulma's patience was running thin. This guy really knew how to push her buttons, didn't he? Ordering her around like some cheap labor - the nerve! She rarely ever touched a dish rag herself, but at least she never demanded her mom to do so.
She was tempted to chuck the plates at him, frisbee-style, but held onto her maturity.
So she knocked over his glass instead and disappeared into the kitchen before His Majesty roared like a pissy lion. Bulma smiled to herself.
I hope orange juice is a bitch of a stain to remove from that spandex battle suit. Jerk.
A/N:
Bulma the Steel-Ovary'd Bitch is coming forth now that she finds trolling Vegeta hilarious. Chi-Chi has also come forth.
As for ages, Bulma is nineteen, and since Vegeta is a year older than her, then he has to be twenty in this story. Annnd...Goku (god, I hate writing 'Kakarot' all the frakkin' time) is four years younger than Bulma, so he's fifteen here.
Didn't watch Dragon Ball, so I don't know when he started getting tall, but let's just say for the sake of suspending your belief, he's taller than Vegeta at this point.
Mad smart at math, yo.
I apologize for grammar mistakes and shit, but it's 3:21 AM and I'm hungry.
Thanks to:
popoli - Yes, Goku and Vegeta ate a human :D. I figured it wouldn't be too strange to have them do that since Vegeta ate an alien from that bug planet and plus, they're Saiyans. I'm happy you find this funny and I am writing this with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor.
elleelle - I wanted to try my hand on some cheeky BulmaXVegeta fics. I hope you'll keep indulging :)
ssjjshawn - Abuse the M rating. Gotcha.