**SPN**SPN**
Nicky drifted through a black pool, something was very important she just couldn't grasp the thought. Someone needed her, someone…Natalia. The name popped in Nicky's mind and the urge to wake up felt much stronger, forcing her eyes open she saw bright light around her making her close her eyes again.
"Hey, Nicky, you're awake." Dean said.
"Bright." Nicky mumbled.
"Let me turn it down." Dean said and she heard movement and when she opened her eyes again it was much dimmer, Dean looked as if he hadn't slept in days, he had more than stuble on his face, his eyes were bleary and his shirt had dried blood on it.
"Where's Natalia? What happened?"
"Let me get the doc, Nicky." Dean said, walking into the hallway and returning less then a minute later with a nurse.
They were silent as the nurse took her blood and pulse and did a few other simple tests, and then she left saying the doctor would be in shortly.
"Dean, what happened? Where's Natalia?"
"What do you remember?" Dean asked.
Nicky was silent as she tried to remember, things felt very vague and foggy.
"We were picking up Sammy, right?" Nicky asked and Dean nodded. "Where is he?"
"With Natalia." Dean said.
"What's wrong with her?" Nicky asked.
"What else do you remember?"
Nicky was silent as she thought.
"We bought our things from the gas station and…the door was locked… All the doors were locked; we looked around and couldn't find the clerk. I started to pick the lock…" Nicky was silent as she realized.
"Is she dead, Dean?" Nicky asked and Dean looked down and nodded.
Nicky started to cry, softly at first but within seconds she was sobbing and Dean was holding.
Nicky was moved out of ICU, in bits and pieces she found out. Natalia has been shot through the heart, she died quickly. Nicky has been shot in the shoulder, missing everything major. Dean said in private that the clerk had been possessed, shortly after shooting him a cloud of black smoke had shot out of his mouth. No one knew why, the condition of the body didn't mean anything to a demon.
"Dean…did you call Dad?" Nicky asked, quietly as she picked at the lunch trey.
"Yeah…I left a ton of messages."
"Do you think he's dead too?" Nicky asked. "I mean, why else wouldn't he come. Natalia's dead, I could have died."
"I don't know, Nicky, I'm sorry."
Nicky pushed the trey away and crossed her arms, ignoring the pain.
"You have to eat, Nicky, keep up your strength." Sam said.
"I'm tired; I want to go to sleep." Nicky said, lying down and closing her eyes.
They discharged Nicky after two weeks, Dean and Sam had already taken care of the body, Nicky wasn't there when they made the pyre which upset her a lot, when they finished they drove and spent the weekend in a nice Bed and Breakfast, something Dean didn't usually do.
"What's wrong with Sam?" Nicky asked, as she sat in the bed. "Was he always so…moody?"
Dean was quite as he searched for the remote.
"Dean."
"His girlfriend died two days ago…in a fire." Dean said, not willing to say more.
"Dean, what the fire an accident?"
"No. She died like our mom's." Dean said.
"What's happening? What's going on with us?" Nicky asked, holding a pillow close.
"I don't know, Nicky, I wish I did."
"I wish Dad was here. He'd know." Nicky said, frowning. "You won't ever leave me, will you Dean?"
"Never. Don't ever forget that."
Nicky's eyes welled up with tears.
"I'm just so sad Dean, I didn't always get along with Natalia but…I loved her and I'm older and I'm supposed to keep her safe and I failed."
"Nicky you did all you could do."
"If I'd been quicker, I've picked locks quicker before. I should have given her a knife to keep watch. I should have brought my cell phone. So many things I should have done."
"No." Dean said, firmly. "That's all you could have done. You did the best it's no one's fault."
Nicky shook her head, wipeing the tears away.
"Dean, can you get me some Burger King?" Nicky asked. "All that crappy hospital food, I need something good."
"Sure thing, you'll be okay here by yourself?"
"Yeah, I need a little alone time." Nicky said.
Nicky wasn't by herself five minutes when she got up and grabbed her cell phone from her bag, ignoring the pain for the moment she sat back down on the bed. John's number was on speed dial and she called, it rang five times before John answered.
"Hello."
"Hi, Dad."
"Hey, Nicky."
There was an awkward silence between the two of them.
"I just thought I'd tell you I was alive."
"I know. I checked with the hospital."
"Then you know Natalia's dead."
"I'm sorry, Nicky. I know how much your sister meant to you."
"Clearly we mean nothing to you."
"Don't say that, it's not safe for me to be there. The demons' calling me out, trying to tempt me to show myself."
"And what, it's just going to keep whacking off your kids until you show your face? Till none of us are left?"
"No, Dean can take care of everything."
"It really sucks that you're gone, it's not fair. You've never been there for me, Dean's a better Dad then you. I don't give a damn if you ever come back. I hope the demon gets you and then leaves us alone, it was probably after you all this time. I hate you. " Nicky said, hanging up.
She'd never talked to her Dad that way before, John was an intimidating man and he demanded respect from his children, unquestioning and unmoving respect and loyalty and he mostly got it. Except with Sam, who'd left to pursue his own dream.
John didn't call back.
When Dean and Sam returned with Burger King Nicky told them she'd called John, she reencounter the story.
"I told him I hated him." Nicky said.
"Good for you, Nicky." Sam said.
"You shouldn't talk to Dad that way." Dean said.
"It's the truth, he doesn't care about us." Nicky said. "If he did, he'd be here."
"Nicky, he's doing what he thinks is best." Dean said.
Nicky looked away and opened the bag searching for her food.
Nicky spent the weekend in bed, but with over two weeks inside she felt stir crazy. During that weekend, Sam and Dean finished the hunt that John had started, they didn't tell Nicky much but they did show her the coordinates that John had left them in his journal.
She felt physically better, there was a neat scar that went through her chest and to her back, through-out her life she'd always been amazed and a little in awe at John and Dean's scars and wounds and finally she felt like she was one of them, a true hunter. But mostly she was stir crazy, she wanted to do something. She'd spent way to long inside.
"We could stay here for another week or two, enroll you in school." Dean said.
"No, let's find a case. That's what I want." Nicky said. "I found the coordinates that Dad left. The place is called Blackwater Ridge."
"Are you sure your ready for this, Nicky?" Sam asked.
"Yes, I'm ready. I can't stand another second in this stupid room, I want to be in the Impala and then I want to hunt." Nicky said.
"Fine, let's get going. Print out a map okay, we leave in an hour."