Sirius had been upstairs for a long time. Remus was a bit worried, but when he stood from the table to check Molly pushed him back into his seat.
"Never you mind, Remus," She shushed him, "I'll go take a peak shall I? You'll have enough running to do when we're gone." Mrs. Weasley smiled and patted his shoulder.
Lupin watched her go and shook his head.
"I can stay and help if you'd like," Tonks blushed a bit and smiled.
Remus laughed lightly and shook his head, "That's quite alright. I don't think Severus would appreciate everyone knowing he was ill, much less waiting on him like an invalid."
Tonks shrugged, a bit down-heated and took up her tea. Molly came into the kitchen, walking into a chair and stumbling. Arthur caught her and gave her a worried once-over.
"Are you alright?"
"Hmm?" Molly blinked, idly rubbing her shin. "Oh, I'm fine. Just a bit surprised."
"Oh? Is everything fine upstairs?" Remus panicked a bit, standing abruptly.
Molly surprised them with a hearty laugh. "I should say so."
Albus smiled and stroked his chin, "They have not throttled each other I take it."
"Both sound asleep actually," Molly giggled into her hand and sighed. "Both of them."
Confused and a bit irritated with Sirius' ability to fall asleep on watch, Remus snuck from the room with only Tonks' wandering eye watching him slip into the hall.
The door to Snape's room was a jar. Remus pushed it open and quietly stepped inside. The chair by the door was empty. No Sirius. With a furrowed brow, Remus turned his eyes to find Severus and got more than he expected.
There was Sirius. Curled around Severus. Holding Severus while they both slept.
Remus felt as though someone had kicked him in the chest. He breathed shallowly, and each breath hurt. His vision bled into black and white. He stalked to the side of the bed and stared down at them, curled so fittingly together. Peas in a pod, the muggles called it.
Remus had the sudden urge to make pea soup.
...oOo...
Sirius was startled from a rather bland dream when something shattered by his head. He sat up, startled and pulled the body beside him up tight to protect them as well. A cry of rage shook him completely awake and he saw Remus, eyes literally glowing brilliant amber.
"Remy?" He bleated, coming to with a start as the body he held groaned pitifully and struggled. Sirius stared down and let go of Snape. Frantically his brain tried to remember what the hell was going on.
The lycan growled deep and paced around the bed, picking up Snape's water glass and crushing it in his fist. Water, blood and shattered glass littered the floor. "Get away from him!" Lupin snarled, not knowing which man he was talking to.
Sirius crab-walked off of the bed and fell to the floor with a thump. When he regained his feet, his own face was pale and angry. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Shut up!" Remus snarled, staring between Snape and Sirius. The potions master was finally coming around to what was happening in his room.
Remus drove his fist through the small desk, sending the books atop it flying in every direction. Severus winced as the oldest and most delicate fell with a bang to the floor.
"Lupin, what the hell are you doing?" He croaked, trying to sit up futilely. The wolf spun, piercing him to the bed with his eyes.
"What am I doing?" Remus hissed, "What the hell are you two doing?!"
"Remus, look, calm down--" Sirius attempted, only to have a candlestick flung at his head.
"No! I want to know what you two were doing!" Remus roared, eyes wide and watering even as his muscles bunched tight as he heaved up Snape's sitting chair, preparing to hurl that too.
"Remus Lupin!" Molly Weasley shrieked from the open doorway. "Put that down this instant!"
"Get out!" Sirius and Severus shouted at the same time. Molly blanched as Remus turned toward her, eyes aflame and spittle trailing his chin. Sirius brandished his wand and slammed the door shut before Remus could advance.
The wolf threw the chair to the side and stomped back toward the bed, tripping over a book and landing hard on his elbows. Infuriated, Remus' eyes landed on the case beneath the bed frame and he took hold of the violin case that lay there.
He hauled it with him as he stood and took it in both hands, prepared to crush it between his palms.
"Moony, put that down!" Sirius pointed his wand at his friend, the tip shaking badly.
Severus stared, eyes wide and struggled to get off of the bed and save the beloved instrument. Remus turned his face to Sirius and bared his teeth, pushing his palms slowly together. The violin creaked and let out a panicked plunk.
"Remus!" Severus cried out, reaching vainly. The werewolf's sneer fell from his face and he blinked his amber eyes toward Snape. "Please..." Severus moaned. "Please don't."
Remus froze, color bled back into his vision and he saw the ruins of Snape's room. He had done it, had gone on a rampage and destroyed Severus' things. He looked down at his hands, at the dented case of the violin, and quickly passed it over to Snape as though it burnt his palms.
Severus curled around his violin, hugging it to his chest and mumbling nonsensically. Remus stepped toward the man and stopped as Snape flinched.
"Sorry, father... sorry, father... please..." Snape mumbled in a litany, eyes blank and hands clenched, white-knuckled, on the case.
"Moony?" Sirius asked softly, tucking his wand into his pants pocket. The lycan turned slowly toward him and sank to his knees on the floor. "Remus!"
The wolf curled his arms around his waist and rocked pitifully until Sirius dropped to the floor beside him and held him tight.
"It's alright, Remy," Sirius murmured. "It's alright."
It wasn't. Remus shook his head roughly from side to side, cracking his skull against Sirius' chin. He bit his lip. "I am a monster," he bit out, daring to turn his eyes up to Snape.
The potions master still lay haphazard, clinging to his violin and withdrawn into his head.
"No," Sirius said sternly, shaking Remus as he spoke. "You are my friend, you are not a monster."
"Look at what I've done," Remus moaned, covering his face with his hands.
The door of the room burst open and Albus strode in with his wand out. The sight that met him made him quickly put it away and rush to Severus' bedside.
"Severus?" He said softly, touching the other man's hair.
"Father, please don't," Snape whimpered, cringing away.
Albus frowned and touched his wand tip to Snape's temple, "Dormis." Severus' went lax in sleep. The Headmaster tried to remove the violin from Snape's arms, but even in sleep the potions master clung for dear life.
He turned to the duo on the floor and sadness touched his face. "Remus, my boy..."
"I'm so sorry, Albus," Remus sobbed, wiggling out of Sirius' hold and clutching at Albus' robes.
"Come now," Albus pulled the young man off of the floor and hugged him tightly as the wolf cried silently into his beard. "You forget you are still ill yet. There has been no harm done that cannot be fixed with a bit of work."
He caught Sirius' eye and spoke quietly to him, "Take Remus to his room please. He could do with some sleep as well."
Sirius nodded and pried Lupin off of the Headmaster. "Come on, Moony," he held tight and walked his friend to his room.
Albus looked over Severus again and frowned deeply. He cleared away the broken glass and righted Severus' texts. The chair was pushed back where it should have been and the hole in the desk repaired.
After gently tucking the potions master back in, Albus returned downstairs to console Molly.
Sirius entered the kitchen, looking frazzled and a bit grey.
"Have some tea," Molly told him, pouring out a cup and setting it shakily in front of him.
"I don't know what happened," Sirius spoke slowly, still a bit shocked.
"Jealousy," Albus said gently, sipping his tea. "Granted, it was a bit over-done, but that is to be expected from Remus while he is sick."
"Jealous? Of what?!" Sirius spread his hands on the table, truly confused.
"You snuggled up there with Severus Snape I would imagine," Molly chuffed, rolling her eyes.
"I was not--" Sirius stopped abruptly and gaped for a second, then clacked his mouth shut. His head fell onto the table with a thud. Tonks and Molly shared a brief grin. "Jealous of who?" Sirius asked into the wood.
"I'm not sure," Albus shrugged. "I do not know if it was merely a reaction to the comfort Severus is receiving from you, or if he believes there is something more there. As for who he is jealous of? You would know better of Remus' tastes than I." A slight sparkle lit in Albus' eyes.
Sirius sighed deeply and rubbed at the bruise on his chin from Remus' impromptu head-butt. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong... or what I'm doing right, for that matter."
Albus patted his hand and smiled gently. "You're doing a fine enough job, Sirius. I promise you."
...oOo...
Remus could not sleep. Sirius had helped him with his shoes and robe and left him under a thin blanket, but he couldn't imagine napping. His head was spinning with what he had done. He knew, somewhere in the pit of his stomach, that if Snape hadn't snapped him free he might well have hurt them both.
He crept to his door, listening to the hall and carefully peeking when he heard nothing. Voices were speaking downstairs, but they were indistinct. Remus crossed the hall carefully and entered Severus' room.
The potions master was still sleeping. Remus could still see Sirius curled up protectively around Snape, the darker wizard tucked neatly beneath the animagus' chin. A spark of hurt replaced the rage of jealousy from earlier.
"Severus?" Remus whispered. He crouched down beside the bed, noticing that someone--most likely Albus--had cleaned the mess he had made. Snape didn't answer, but his brow furrowed a bit in his sleep.
Remus gently pushed the hair from Snape's face. "I'm sorry," Remus whispered, touching Severus' cheek with his fingertips.
" 'pin?" Snape mumbled, stirring slightly. One of his cramped hands released the case and came up to touch his face where Remus' fingers had been.
"I didn't mean to wake you," Remus said softly, sitting back on his heels.
Severus grunted, releasing the case entirely and flexing his frozen fingers. He looked down at it in confusion for a moment then turned his eyes to Remus. The wolf flinched and looked away. Severus watched him silently, remembering the tantrum in pieces. His room had already been put back to order.
"Put this away," he ordered with a wheeze, sliding the violin case toward Remus.
Eyes wide, Remus took it gently and carefully returned it to its spot under the bed. He couldn't quite believe Snape was allowing him near it again, much less touching it.
"I'm very sorry," Remus said again, eyes tight and tingling.
"Do shut up," Severus mumbled, snuggling into his blankets. He peeked open an eye to see that Lupin was on the verge of a breakdown. He sighed heavily. "Get up," he ordered. Remus did so, staring at his feet.
Severus pushed himself toward the middle of the mattress, only making a few inches before he grew too tired. "Lay here," he pointed to where he had been, struggling to stay awake another moment.
Remus looked confused and opened his mouth but Severus jabbed one slender finger into his blankets. "Hurry up."
The wolf lay gingerly on the very edge of the mattress, facing Snape with wide eyes. Severus could practically feel the panic roll off of him in waves. "Come here," Snape held up an arm, it shook with fatigue.
Lupin moved over, an inch away and stared down at Snape's chest as the potions master draped his arm across him.
"I don't know what came over me. I just saw the two of you..." Remus paused and swallowed hard.
"Yes, yes, I'm too irresistible. Now shut up, I'm exhausted." Snape grumbled.
Remus couldn't help a small smile even though he still felt like complete garbage. "But Severus--"
"Lupin," Severus sighed, "I don't care about it. If you don't want to lay here go away."
The wolf quieted, laying stiff and still as he watched Severus go back to sleep. He was sure Snape would have something more to say about his behavior when he was feeling better. Sirius would probably have a few stern words for him as well.
Melancholy wrapped around Remus like a blanket. He slouched into the bed and tried not to wallow in it.
" 'pin... " Severus startled him out of his thoughts.
"Yes?"
"Go to sleep."
"Yes, Severus."
...oOo...
Sirius took his own advice about a meal. He broiled a bit of chicken for he and Remus, saving a bit of thinly shaved red beef for Severus. Molly had been kind enough to run to the market for him before they left. He had to think of some way to repay the Weasley's, perhaps Remus would have an idea when he woke up later.
It was eerily silent in the house as the other two house guests slept. Sirius was suddenly thankful to Snape. Remus might already have died and the potions master would not have been bit. He would have to stay in the house all by himself and go insane in the solitude.
The timer over the oven buzzed. Sirius shook himself from his funk and swore as he pulled the chicken from the stove. Overcooked. He sighed heavily and shrugged. He was never a good cook, and the time spent in Azkaban with only the thought of cooking certainly didn't help his culinary arts.
He set up two trays, one with he and Remus' meals, and the other with Snape's dinner. They floated easily along behind him as he climbed the stairs. The steps creaked as he went, but it didn't matter. The only person he didn't want to wake was Snape, but he doubted a squeaky floor-board would disturb his fevered stupor.
Remus' room was empty. Sirius frowned and checked the bathroom just in case, but Remus was still missing.
"Where did he go?" Sirius grumbled, stepping back into the hallway. As he turned toward Snape's room he knew for certain he would find the wolf there. Just not as he expected.
Sirius paused as he pushed the door open. Remus was curled into a ball, face buried into Snape's shoulder. The potions master had an arm loosely draped across Remus' hip. Both of them were sleeping.
His stomach rolled painfully. Sirius sat down heavily into the armchair and watched the two of them snug together. He knew with clarity that this was what Remus had felt when he walked in earlier. It also managed to answer the question of just who Remus was jealous of. No wonder the wolf was so adamant about Snape's loyalty, or why he wanted Sirius to leave the potions master alone when he was sick.
With a deep breath and a sad smile, Sirius walked to the edge of the bed and touched Remus' shoulder. "Wake up, Moony. It's time to eat."
The werewolf chuffed in his sleep and rubbed his face against Snape's shoulder. He came to with a start, staring down at his sleeping partner and turned a brilliant shade of crimson.
"Oh..."
Sirius shrugged as Remus looked over his shoulder at him. The color on the wolf's face darkened as he realized he had an audience. "I, uh, heh," Remus wiggled off of the bed, trying to keep from waking Snape if possible.
"Dinner's ready," Sirius said softly once Remus had righted himself. "Here," he passed a plate to Remus and picked at his own.
"Sirius, I want you to know this isn't what it seems," Remus mumbled, scraping a bit of chicken off of his fork.
"It doesn't matter," Sirius smiled benignly, eyes vacant.
"Okay," Remus mumbled again, finding it very hard to look at Sirius' face. It was no wonder an aura of hurt and confusion came off of his friend. He had nearly torn them both in pieces for what he himself had just done.
Severus shifted on the bed, curling in on himself and shivering as though he realized he was missing the extra body heat. Sirius stood and shook out a blanket across the man's lean form. He felt a rearing of the old ugly hate as he looked down on the man's sallow face. He quelled it by closing his eyes and breathing slowly. Snape wasn't the same exact man he knew, and being jealous of Snape and Remus wasn't going to help either man get better.
"'pin?" Snape whispered, rolling his head painfully on his shoulders. His fogged eyes recognized Sirius. He blinked and crumpled back into the bedding.
"He's right here, Snape," Sirius said a bit more stiffly than he wanted. "Do you want to speak to him?"
"No," Severus croaked, running his hands over his face. "You do."
Sirius straightened, eyes flicking to the journal still sitting on the dresser by the door. Remus was gazing at him through his swaying fringe, having overheard the sparse conversation and wondering what Severus had meant.
"I'll do that," Sirius mumbled.
"Now," Snape said while mustering up enough energy for a low-watt glare.
"Fine," Sirius prickled a little. "After you eat." He retrieved the small dish and watched Severus grimace. He offered an arm, but Snape slapped him away and managed to lay exhausted against the headboard.
Sirius speared a bit of the bloody meat and held it up for Snape to see. Remus paled across the room and started to rise from his seat to stop them. "Sit down, Moony," Sirius huffed, "I know what I'm doing."
"Sirius--" Remus strode to the bed, taking hold of one side of the plate. Sirius jerked on it; Remus jerked back.
The two Gryffindors glared at each other and as one began to bicker while Snape sat watching in mild, sleepy amusement.
"He shouldn't eat this garbage!"
"How do you know? It says it's good for him!"
"Since when do you do anything a book says?"
Snape watched the plate get yanked back and forth, the bloody beef slipping further and further to the edge until it was threatening to spill on his fresh linens. Ignoring the two snarling mutts, he stretched out a hand and pinched a sizeable piece from the plate. Immediately the two bickering stopped to watch.
Curling his nose, Snape watched the blood drip from the edges and run down his fingers. He dropped the slice into his open mouth and chewed slowly. Remus looked ready to vomit; Sirius didn't look much better.
After a moment of chewing, Severus swallowed and even licked the trails of blood from his fingers.
"Severus, how can you--" Remus gaped, staring into the plate.
"Try some Lupin," Severus smirked as he took another bit. The wolf looked ready to faint. "Honestly, have you never eaten steak tar tar? It won't hurt you."
"No thank you," Remus backed away, sitting down heavily in his chair and couldn't watch while Snape finished his little meal.
Sirius had to help Snape before he was done. The potions master didn't look much better for the odd choice of food, but he did seem thankful for it. The animagus touched Snape's forehead before tugging his blanket straight.
Snape was nearly asleep before Sirius put his empty plate back on the tray.
"Black," he mumbled, "speak to Lupin."
Sirius nodded, taking up the tray and Snape's journal. "Go to sleep." Remus smiled slightly and pointed toward the bed, Snape already was. The lycan took up his dishes and followed Sirius out of Snape's room.
"What does Severus want you to talk to me about?" Remus followed Sirius down the stairs, depositing their barely touched plates into the sink.
"Everything," Sirius gave him a tight smile. Remus was confused. "He wants me to continue helping you while he's sick." The animagus sat down at the table, propping his feet up on the edge and levitating a bottle of scotch from the cabinet.
Shoulders tense, Remus took down two glasses and sat down beside his friend. "What does that mean exactly?"
Sirius poured them both a healthy shot of alcohol. "I need you to talk."
"Alright," Remus smiled and took a sip from his glass. "Where should I start?"
"When you were bitten?" Sirius looked anguished as Lupin stared at him. "Your first change then? Something about your wolf."
"My wolf?" Remus frowned and stared down in his glass before draining the rest of it. He wheezed and pounded his chest before refilling it and rubbing his eyes. "Why that?"
"Snape told me it was part of your acceptance."
"Speaking about it makes it real..." Remus shook his head and snorted. "I... I'll try, but I don't know what to say."
"Just... talk." Sirius tried a supportive smile that twitched ineffectively on his face. "A stream of consciousness. Babble even."
"Alright," Remus nodded, eyes growing steadily vacant as he thought. Time stretched thin and dangerous. Sirius watched Remus shut down in steps, eyes half-lidded, mouth tightening, pale and gasping through little puffs.
"Remy?" Sirius frowned, feeling a mild panic begin to rise. Remus looked vaguely as he did before the change took him.
"She used to weep at the cellar door," Remus whispered as though through his fog of memory.
"Who?" The animagus shifted forward, idly opening Snape's journal and speaking as soft and docile as Remus looked.
"My mother." A wistful smile curled the wolf's lips. "After my first turn my father built a cage of iron in the cellar between the canned beets and smoked hare. She would sit on the outside all night and weep quietly. I went there every full moon for nearly three years. Until Albus took me."
"What do you mean he took you?" Sirius paused in his sloppy scrawl to satiate his own curiosity.
"Mother begged him to help. They weren't very wealthy and I destroyed most of their belongings at one point or another. She actually sobbed in relief when I left for Hogwart's." Pain laced Remus' features. "I loved her dearly."
"What happened to her?" The animagus rested a comforting hand on Remus' forearm, the lycan didn't seem to notice.
"Died peacefully in her sleep. She was very sick for many years. I think my being bitten took too much toll." Lupin lifted a hand to his face, wiping at his eyes and clearing his throat lightly.
All talk ceased and Sirius was torn between leaving Lupin be and helping him forget his problems, and his promise to Severus. It hurt his heart to put Remus through that much pain, let alone to turn the knife.
"What about your father, Moony? What happened with him?"
Remus snorted so perfectly like Snape that Sirius actually looked over his shoulder to see if the dark wizard was behind him. "He was a good man. He did what he could for me. I think he feared what I had become more than even I did." Lupin raised his glass shakily to his lips and sipped.
"Once," Lupin laughed mirthlessly, "He tried to purge the beast from me."
"Merlin," Sirius breathed. He dropped the quill and sat in the seat next to Lupin. He could write this down later. "How did--" he swallowed hard, "What did he do?"
"Oh nothing much," Remus stiffened as Sirius wound his arm across his shoulders. "He bound me to my bed for three days, feeding me gruel and water, stoking the fire so hot the paint began to peel from the walls. 'Sweat it out' he told me. As if it were a chest cold."
"That's not so bad, eh?" Sirius pulled Remus to him, hugging him with his one-armed hold.
"No, I suppose that bit wasn't." Remus shivered, running a palm across his throat and turned suddenly into Sirius' hold. He buried his face into Sirius' shoulder and clutched at his friend so roughly Sirius was sure he would have finger-shaped bruises all across his ribs come morning.
"It's alright, Moony," Black wrapped his other arm around the wolf and rocked him gently. "It's only memories, eh? Already done and gone."
"Oh Pads," Lupin sighed into Sirius' neck and swallowed a wet hiccough. "When starving me didn't work, he collared me with a silver chain and crucifix. It burnt so deep I never thought it would stop hurting."
Sirius stiffened and pulled back, eyes wide in shock to stare down in horror at Remus. "No." He said sternly, as though Remus had lied to him, or perhaps to stop the pain before it happened. Remus looked hurt and on the verge of meltdown. "Where?"
Shaking hands undid the first four buttons of his shirt, Remus pulled the collar aside and ran his fingertips around his neck. "Here," he whispered, then trailed his fingers down toward his left collarbone where they stopped and touched a very smooth patch of skin. "And here."
Sirius turned the chair into the light and stared hard where Remus had shown. On his neck ran a fine, fish-belly white scar barely visible but for the smooth texture. And again, just to the right of where the horrible crescent scar lay thick was the faint trace of a cross. This burn too was pale and faint, hardly noticeable and if Remus had never told him, he would never have noticed it.
"It's very light," Sirius murmured, raising a hand to touch the scars and flickered his gaze up to make sure Remus didn't mind. The wolf's eyes were closed but he seemed to be keeping his sanity.
As his fingertip touched the dull cross, Remus stopped him by grasping him lightly by the wrist.
"I'm so sorry, Moony," Black whispered, though whether he meant for his touch or for the horror of his past he wasn't sure himself.
Remus' eyes opened slowly, still bright as spring honey and full as a wolf's. "I never wanted something to heal so much in my life." Lupin's throat was thick with emotion, and he had yet to release Sirius' hand. "It wasn't the scar so much. But what kind of demon am I that a holy cross burns my skin? Only evil can claim that. Only pure evil."
"You aren't evil," Sirius said sternly. "You're the most kind and gentle person I know. If you are some unnatural thing, you're an angel, Remus."
"Angels are beautiful, Siri, and innocent and pure." Remus' voice was flat, apparently unimpressed with Sirius' choice of words.
"And you are," Sirius told him. He shook his hand free from Lupin's hold and wrapped the wolf in another tight hug. "You are." Remus trembled in his hold and Sirius cursed Fenrir Greyback with so much hate and conviction that he was sure the demon-man must have felt it. "That's enough for tonight, hmm? Let's just... drink."
"No thank you, Padfoot," Remus sniffed, leaning out of Sirius' hold and getting achingly to his feet. "I think I'll just go to bed early."
Sirius bit his lip and followed Remus to the base of the stairs. "Do you need anything, Moony?"
"No," Remus shook his head, clutching at the stairs' handrail. He paused when he was nearly to the top and looked back over his shoulder. Sirius was still there at the bottom, looking dejectedly up at his friend. "Would you..."
"What?" Sirius smiled gently, coming up four stairs. "Would I...?"
Remus took a deep breath and held it for a moment, eyeing Sirius carefully. "Would you lay with me a while?"
Stunned, Sirius blinked stupidly up at Remus' pink face. "Sure, Moony, of course."
He followed Remus up the stairs and stood in the doorway watching the wolf strip out of his robe and kick off his shoes. Even though he and Lupin had shared a bed on numerous occasions, it was never when they were so vulnerable, or asked for the other to stay, even. It usually just happened.
Shaking himself from his reverie, Sirius kicked off his own shoes and shrugged out of his jumper. Remus sat on the edge of the bed, hunched over and holding his head in his hands. Sirius slid easily across the linen and tipped the wolf backward with a hand on his shoulder.
Remus sighed heavily, the breath full of emotion, and rolled into Sirius' arms. He clutched at the animagus' tee-shirt and buried his face in Sirius' shoulder. Sirius held him tight, nervous beyond belief.
Remus fell asleep slowly, curled hard into Sirius' body and his grip never loosened, not even in sleep. Sirius ran his hands across Remus back and stroked his greying hair. The night fell thick and he still lay awake, staring over Remus' head at the warped bedside table with only one thought causing an achy wrench in his heart.
He loved Remus at this moment more than he ever had before.