A/N: It's a bit of a fluke how this chapter starts… being the Christmas season and all… Just thought I'd point that out. It certainly wasn't planned. XD Thanks to everyone for reading, and to everyone who's reviewed!
Enjoy.
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The Christmas season was supposed to be a jovial time for young children with snow falling thick and happy; the promise of presents from Father Christmas and time for friends and family. Oh, how Severus dreaded it like no other.
He sat in a tight ball in his shut closet. Knot holes in the warped wood had fallen loose and let spots of dim, dusty light in. He hugged his knees to his chest and wished with all of his power that the days would pass and he could return to Hogwart's and forget the season even existed.
Heavy, drunken footsteps stumbled past his doorway.
"Boy! It's time for you to get an early present!" His father bellowed down the hallway, no doubt already peering into the room and seeing no one. A sick laugh erupted from his father's chest and Severus shivered. Present indeed.
"Eileen!" He spat. Severus tensed as he heard his father's feet stumble down the hall.
The muffled sound of his mother's voice came from rooms away and he could picture her standing stiff and tense as his father stumbled in. A glass shattered and a chair toppled. Severus clenched his eyes shut and willed his father to pass out early. Maybe then it would be a good Christmas after all.
"Let go of me!" Eileen shrieked, sounding more angry than frightened. His father's evil cackle carried and another piece of furniture screeched across the floors. A harsh clack of flesh on flesh made Severus rise from his seat and press himself back against the wall. He wished he were stronger, braver...
"Where's Severus?" His father's voice purred, and Severus could hear him dragging his mother down the hall toward his room. "Hiding your evil spawn? It will do no good. You may as well tell me where he is now, I have a present for him."
"You leave him be!" Eileen hissed and the air in Severus' room began to crackle as his father dragged his mother behind him into his small room. He pressed his face to the wall, eye to a knothole and watched in narrowed pieces as his father's grip tightened in his mother's hair.
"But it's such a lovely present," his father hissed.
Eileen closed her eyes and a wall of magic built between Severus and the room. He panicked and grasped the handle, trying to pull the door open but his mother had shut him safely away.
A dark scowl twisted his father's face. "Witch, stop using your dark magic! You know how I hate your devil worshipping!"
"Never mind, Tobias," Eileen pleaded. "He's just a boy, he's done nothing to you."
"He's a demon like you!" Tobias screeched. He threw Eileen onto Severus' bed and ripped the back of her bodice open, tearing at her stockings and pinning her to the bed with his weight.
"Please don't," Eileen sobbed, eyes staring at the closet door where she knew Severus stood watching.
"It's no better than filth like you deserve," Tobias snarled, spit trailing his chin. Severus screamed at the same time as his mother; his father violating her in a way no woman ever deserved.
His father threw her to the floor when he had finished, tucking his genitals away and spitting on her tear streaked face.
Severus watched her gather her clothing together and limp from the room with a straight spine and as much dignity as she had left.
Tobias' bulk blocked his view from the knot hole and he pounded hard on the closet door. "Happy Christmas, heathen!" His father cackled. "I hope I can find another suitable present for your birthday!"
oOo
Severus woke with a jerk, sobbing and sweating. He scrubbed at his face with shaking hands, his stomach rolling violently. He struggled to his feet and limped into the bathroom, bending hard over the toilet and retched until he felt he would heave up his stomach.
The vision of his father's hate didn't fade as time passed and Snape struggled to his feet, sniffling and hiccoughing. He expected to be overtaken by Black or Lupin at any moment, bombarded with sympathy and gentle questions.
After five minutes neither of them showed and a hollowness in Severus' chest ached nearly as badly as his night-terrors did. It shocked him to realize he wanted them there hovering. He surprised himself again as he pulled open the door and shuffled painfully across the hall to Lupin's room.
His hand shook violently on the doorknob and he struggled to calm his breathing and talk sense into himself. He didn't know what he was doing, he should return to his room and go back to bed.
The door swung open easily and Severus shuffled in, leaning heavily against the dresser. Another sob built in his chest and he tried his best to stop it. Remus and Sirius were curled together on the bed, sleeping peacefully.
"Lupin," Severus hiccoughed, feeling his knees wobble dangerously as he neared collapse. The wolf on the bed stirred a bit, sighing and resettling in Sirius' arms. "Please," Snape pleaded, sinking toward the floor as his legs let go.
Remus blinked sleepy eyes, a face full of Sirius' long hair in his view. Slowly, the sound of weeping permeated his fogged brain and he sat up with a jerk. Sirius grunted as Lupin's elbow buried in his ribs and he too sat up, although slower.
Severus was curled onto himself on the floor at the foot of the bed. He was hugging his knees to his chest and sobbing so pitifully that Remus' heart nearly lept from his mouth.
"Severus?" He clawed his way off of the bed, leaving Sirius to catch up. Lupin fell to his knees beside Snape and reached out a careful hand, unsure if the potions master would lash out.
Snape's face turned up from his knees, eyes bloodshot and puffy—though no tears stained his cheeks. "I can't-- He, he hurt her--" The man babbled, eyes imploring Lupin to help the memory stop.
Remus saw Sirius slump to the floor on Snape's opposite side and watch as Severus turned to him too.
"How could he-- she didn't deserve--" Severus stuttered, unable to finish a thought and Sirius' face softened.
"Was it a nightmare, Severus?" Remus asked softly, laying a gentle hand on the man's arm. Snape shook his head violently, hair flying about his face.
"Was it another memory?" Sirius asked very carefully, eyes meeting Remus'.
"Yes," Severus hissed, curling forward to his hands and knees and dry heaving.
"Sweet Merlin," Remus gasped, idly patting Severus' back as the man struggled to calm down. He caught Sirius' eye and shrugged helplessly.
"Come on," Sirius said sternly, wrapping a strong arm across Snape's back. He helped the man up and shuffled them both slowly toward Lupin's bed. "Easy now, it's all passed. You're with Remy and I now, he can't hurt you here."
'Who?' Remus mouthed over Snape's shoulder. Sirius shrugged, just as clueless, and helped Snape lay down on the bed.
"I hate him," Severus moaned pitifully, clutching at Sirius' rumpled tee-shirt.
"I know," Sirius mumbled, motioning for Remus to lie down as well.
The wolf slid carefully across the bed, curling a tentative arm around Snape's waist. The potions master didn't panic or push him away so he stayed, making soft shushing noises as the man continued to hyperventilate.
"Hate him," Snape repeated vehemently, nearly curling off of the bed.
Sirius carefully smoothed the blanket out, sliding underneath and lying on Snape's opposite side. He shared a meaningful look with Remus and sidled up to Snape. "Who?"
"Tobias," Severus hissed, hate curling his face so violently that Remus winced.
"He can't hurt you here," Sirius murmured a reaffirmation, awkwardly patting Snape's shoulder..
"No, he can't," Snape admitted, eyes drifting shut as he calmed down considerably, sandwiched as he was between the Gryffindors.
"That's right," Remus murmured, breathing a sigh of relief as Snape relaxed and began to drift. The potions master was still cooking with fever, but it was apparent that his night terrors were just beginning.
"No," Severus sighed gently, a last hiccough passing through his lips. "Can't anymore." The man was still speaking brokenly, but Sirius and Remus were both eased as Snape drifted further to sleep; at least until Severus murmured a final time before fatigue took him. "Killed him."
Remus' eyes widened and Sirius stiffened. He sat up a bit to look down at Remus in shock.
"Killed him?" Remus whispered.
Sirius frowned deeply and tried to ignore it. He had always had the feeling that Snape had murdered someone, probably more than one someone, especially since he was marked a Death Eater. It had to be inevitable. The fact slapped him in the face but he had a hard time trying to feel real anger or disgust. After the panic attack and meltdown Snape just suffered, this 'Tobias' had probably deserved it.
"We'll ask later," Sirius said mildly, gaze flickering at Snape and then back to Remus. He gingerly touched the wolf's cheek and smirked at the heat he felt creep into it. "Go back to sleep, Remy."
"Night, Padfoot," Remus whispered.
Though they were both exhausted, and Remus was finally in a bed with both men he wanted, neither could sleep.
...oOo...
In the early morning hours, Sirius motioned for Remus to remain and dragged himself off to his room. He showered slowly and dressed.
Severus was still sleeping, fitfully it seemed as Remus held him down and the potions master growled deeply.
"Will you be alright while I make breakfast?" Sirius shook his damp hair from his shoulders.
"Sure," Remus tightened his hold on Severus as the man kicked. He was never more thankful for his lycan strength as Snape struggled like a man drowning.
"I'll be back up soon," Sirius promised. He turned into the hall and stumbled down the stairs into the kitchen.
He was just burning the toast when Molly and Tonks came through the door. Sirius smiled wide and let out a relieved sigh.
"Good Lord, Sirius, what are you trying to do?" Molly waved the smoke away and tsked as she scraped his meal into the trash. She quickly set the pots to clean and shooed Sirius away from the stove.
Sirius was only too thankful to sit down and watch the woman work. Molly hummed softly as she tied on her apron.
"You look exhausted," Tonks told him, tripping over the chair leg and landing hard into it. She huffed and rolled her eyes at her clumsiness.
"I am," Sirius rubbed at the dark circles under his eyes and actually kissed Molly's hand when she set a mug of coffee in front of him. "You are a goddess!"
Molly tittered and swatted at him, even though she smiled wide and blushed.
"Snape's started in the nightmare part of his change." Sirius took a long drink of coffee and turned his eyes to heaven in gratitude for the caffeine.
"Poor thing," Molly tutted, stirring a pot and shuffling some dishes about. "Are they very bad?"
"Oh, yes." Sirius nodded firmly. "But they haven't all been nightmares. Some of them are memories," Sirius frowned and turned about in his chair. "Molly?"
"Yes, dear?" She hummed and began to dish out food on the plates.
"Did you know a man named Tobias?"
The Weasley Matriarch ceased moving, the spatula in her hand clattering loudly onto the counter. She turned slowly and gave Sirius a panicked look. "Why do you ask?"
Sirius frowned thoughtfully, "Snape mentioned him." He failed to point out that Snape also mentioned that he had killed him.
"Oh, that poor, poor dear." Molly cleared her throat and quickly went back about the breakfast dishes. She spooned out the helpings and set a plate before Sirius. "Now you eat that all up, and I'll be right back."
Sirius watched her gather her tray with Snape and Remus' plates and cups of coffee before shuffling upstairs. "He's in Remy's room!" He called after her.
He frowned over his plate at Tonks. "She didn't answer my question."
The metamorphagus grinned and shrugged. "She's good at things like that."
Sirius snorted and began to eat, barking and slapping at Tonks' hand as she snatched a piece of bacon. "Get your own!" He fake snarled, mood lightened already from Tonks' playful antics.
"But Molly's is always better," Nymphadora whined, savoring the bacon and actually helping herself to Sirius' coffee.
"You're a right pain, you know that?" Sirius pouted, spearing a bit of hash.
"I know," Tonks winked and took another sip.
Upstairs, Molly knocked lightly on the bedroom door and pushed it open. Remus was sitting up by the bed, a book open on his lap. He smiled brightly.
"Molly!" He rose and set his book aside to help her with the tray.
"You look much better than Sirius," She told him with a smile. Remus took a deep breath of the yummy smells and blushed a bit as his stomach growled loudly.
"Well this smells much better than Sirius' cooking," Remus laughed and then looked mildly horrified. "Don't tell him I said that."
"Of course not," Molly laughed too and gathered up Snape's smaller dish.
"I'm afraid I must," a rough voice croaked from behind them. Remus turned in surprise to see Snape waking slowly. A weak smirk was on the man's face.
"Of course you must," Remus rolled his eyes. Inside, however, he was jumping with glee that Severus felt well enough to make a joke.
"Here you are dear," Molly smiled gently and struggled to help Severus sit up. Remus offered his arm and together they got Severus propped up. "A nice breakfast will do you good."
Snape looked over the plate and took up a piece of bacon in his fingers. He ate it in small bites, sighing in rapture as he did. "Devine as usual," he praised Molly.
"Thank you, Severus," Molly beamed.
The woman looked discomfited as Severus only ate the meat from his plate and passed the rest to Lupin.
"That's the most I've seen you eat in days," Remus praised him, trying to mollify Mrs. Weasley. Remus ate his meal and reclined, stuffed to the gills, against the headboard next to Snape.
Severus grunted, eyes drifting shut. Molly excused herself with a little wave and her pile of dishes.
"I apologize," Severus spoke quietly.
"Whatever for?" Remus frowned, sipping his coffee.
"Intruding during the night."
"Severus, don't be sorry," the wolf patted his hand. "You're ill and don't need an excuse for wanting some comfort." Remus swallowed difficultly, "We're here to give it to you when you need it."
Snape regarded him through half-lidded, sleepy eyes. He sighed softly, "I'm sorry you never had it."
"Yes, well," Lupin shrugged uncomfortably. "That's in the past."
"But it still stings," Severus finished his thought. The potions master smirked briefly when Remus looked over at him. "Has Black spoken with you?"
"Yes." Remus suddenly found his coffee very interesting.
"It was difficult, but necessary." Snape tentatively held out a hand to Lupin. Remus looked at it, then to Severus' face. The lycan sighed heavily and bypassed it to sit further over, leaning lightly onto Snape's shoulder. The darker wizard pressed his head down onto his boney shoulder and stroked Remus' shaggy hair. Remus was vaguely surprised--so was Severus.
"What did you speak about?" Severus mumbled, obviously exhausted.
Remus frowned, "My parents."
"What about them?"
"My mother being sick," Lupin whispered, unconsciously shifting closer. "She had a blood disease. It was treatable, but we didn't have the money for the potions."
"She died."
"Yes." Remus sighed unhappily, staring at the far wall without quite seeing it. "It crushed my father. He loved her."
Severus paused in stroking his hair and shifted so that he could see a bit of Remus' reactions. "Did you speak of your father?"
"Some," Remus cleared his throat. "He... he was not supportive of my disease."
Severus snorted. "That is an understatement."
Lupin laughed harshly and nodded. "Oh, yes. He was loving, but I think he was too afraid of me to be a good father."
"Is that where this came from?" Severus paused to touch his first two fingers to the thin scar that ran around Lupin's neck. Remus stiffened and drew back, staring at Snape with wide eyes that steadily grew damp.
"How did you know?"
"I can see, obviously." Severus cocked an eyebrow. Remus touched the length himself and stared at Severus with muted awe.
"Sirius has never seen it; until last night." The wolf tugged his shirt collar a bit higher and blushed at the cross look Severus shot him. "How can you see it when Sirius never has?"
"I've had a keen eye for them since I was a child," Snape told him stiffly. Remus remembered the criss-crossing of scars on the man's back and scowled deeply.
"Severus..."
Snape waited patiently with a calm face. "Hmm?"
"Who is Tobias?"
Severus jerked tight and Remus felt himself tense in response. The potions master glared and nearly shoved Lupin away from himself. Remus sat back for Snape's comfort as well as his own.
"Where did you hear that name?"
"From you last night," Lupin said calmly, willing Snape to answer without blowing up.
A flash of remembrance crossed Severus' face and a flush of anger crept up his neck. "His complete name is Tobias Augustus Snape."
"Oh," Remus breathed. His heart stopped beating for a full thirty seconds. "Your--"
"Father? Only in the broadest sense of the word." Severus sneered and the mirror that hung over Remus' dresser shattered with a sudden crack.
"Severus, I'm sorry--"
The potions master held up a hand to stop him. "Please don't."
"Right." Remus stood from the bed and tried to help Snape ease back into the mattress but the man jerked out of his touch. "Go back to sleep. I'll clear this away."
Snape didn't answer, but turned onto his side and curled tightly into himself.
Remus stood staring down at the glass shards and frowned deeply. A soft knock came from the door and Sirius pushed it open.
"What happened in here?" He gaped, trying to keep his voice quiet when he noticed Snape with his eyes closed.
"In a moment," Remus promised. He untucked his wand and pointed it at the mess on the floor. "Reparo," he murmured, watching the bits fly back together and reassemble into the framework.
He motioned for Sirius to follow and shut the door gently behind them.
Sirius followed Remus to the kitchen, eyebrows furrowed and losing his patience. Molly was at the sink scrubbing dishes and Tonks was savoring her own cup of coffee. Molly poured a fresh cup and sat it on the table in front of Remus. The wolf pushed it away and stalked to the cabinet.
"Moony?"
Remus opened a bottle of scotch and took a long pull from the neck before spinning the cap back on and returning it to the shelf. He collapsed into the chair beside Sirius and shoved his hair from his face. Sirius was looking very concerned down at him. "It was his father." Remus felt a bubble of mirth in his stomach start up his throat. It erupted from him sounding manic.
A glass slipped from Molly's nerveless fingers and shattered on the floor. She pressed a hand to her open mouth and looked torn between saying something and keeping her secret.
"He killed his father," Remus repeated to Sirius' shocked face. Another peal of laughter scraped past his teeth. The giggle faded into a sob and Remus set his face into his hands. "Jesus, Sirius, he killed his own father."
"Remus, it isn't what it seems," Molly came forward, crunching glass beneath her soles. Her face was pinched and red as she sat down to Remus' right.
"Of course it is!" Remus hissed, trying to keep his voice down.
"Oh, sweetheart, no it isn't!" Molly tried to take one of Lupin's hands but the man jerked it away.
"Don't lie, Molly! How sick and demented--"
"Remus, please!" Molly interrupted, her eyes kept flickering toward the stairway, as if imagining Snape would come down them any moment and hear them.
"Was Tobias?!" Remus felt a growl in his throat and knew it had escaped when Tonks stopped swirling her coffee and Molly pushed back a foot in the chair.
"I can't say," she squeaked. Remus turned dark, glowing eyes to her and she stuck out her chin.
"I'm sorry, Remus. You need to speak to Severus."
"Did he kill Severus' mother?" Remus muttered, gaze sharp and piercing.
Molly bit her lips and stood up, busying herself with the broken glass and remaining dishes.
"Molly..."
"Remus I can't tell you," She snapped. The wolf stopped short from following her. Molly rarely raised her voice, much less snarling.
"Fine," Remus' voice was low and deep. Sirius tried to stop Remus as the wolf stormed past him but Lupin didn't even slow and rammed past him. Sirius stumbled to the side, glaring and gripping his throbbing shoulder.
Lupin drove his fist into the wall, drywall and plaster crumbling to dust. Mrs. Black's portrait began
to shriek. Remus turned viciously toward her, "Enough!" he boomed; the silence rang loudly in everyone's ears.
Sirius stared between Tonks and Molly, both women were pale and ashy. He didn't doubt if he looked the same.
A door somewhere in the untouched third floor slammed shut with a crack that shook the whole house down to its foundations.
"I'm sorry you had to see that," Sirius murmured, fingers twisting into the knotted muscle of his shoulder. He winced, knowing that it would bruise before the day was done.
"It's alright, Sirius," Molly told him with stern conviction. "Remus is still sick and I was much the same when I found out about poor Severus."
"Why does everyone know about Snape except me?" Sirius grumbled, resigning himself to leave Remus alone to calm down. He returned to the table, sipping his coffee and continued to idly rub his shoulder.
"Probably because of your history," Tonks shrugged, speaking in a 'duh' tone as though Sirius were a bit slow on the uptake. He couldn't argue with her logic, so he sulked a bit and ate a cookie.
"Severus will no doubt have to tell the whole story," Molly sighed unhappily and wiped her hands on the dish towel. "I'm sure you'll know it soon enough."
"Severus!" Tonks gasped, choking on her coffee and sputtering.
"That is who we've been talking about," Sirius grinned, turning toward the girl. He came to his feet and rushed the doorway when he saw that Snape was actually leaning against the door jam.
"What the hell are you doing out of bed?" Sirius huffed, hauling Severus into the kitchen.
Molly immediately began to fuss and drew a chair for them, transfiguring a napkin into a pillow for Severus to sit on.
Snape didn't answer right away, instead reclined in his seat and struggled to calm his breathing. Sweat poured down the man's face.
"Did you have another nightmare?" Sirius asked him very quietly, leaning into his space and hoping the two women weren't actively eavesdropping.
"No," Severus croaked, slumping in his chair. He raised his eyes to see Tonks gaping at him. "Nymphadora, is there something particular piquing your curiosity?"
The metamorphagus shook her head meekly and turned her eyes down to the table. Snape snorted as he saw her.
"Where is Lupin?"
"Sulking upstairs I imagine," Sirius told him with a grin.
"He's angry with me."
"No," Sirius shook his head, "not with you." Snape shook his head lightly and closed his eyes.
"How about I help you back upstairs, eh?"
"No," Snape cleared his throat. "I'd prefer to sit a moment. I have been in bed for days you realize."
"It's because you're sick you idiot," Sirius grumped.
Molly watched the two of them with a curious little smile. "Could I get you anything, Severus?"
"No, thank you." Severus wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "I will stop at the restroom." He stood shakily, needing to push himself up with his hands. Sirius stood with him, holding his arms out to catch the potions master if he collapsed.
Snape scowled at him and swatted him feebly away. He shuffled back out to the hallways and the remaining people in the kitchen heard the bathroom door shut gently.
"He's looking for Remus," Sirius sighed heavily and shook his head. "They'll have a hash out indeed."
"Give Remus time to relax first, Sirius," Molly gently laid a hand on his shoulder. "There will be plenty of time for sharing secrets once Severus has gone through the first... moon phase, shall we call it?"
"True," Sirius smiled weakly at her.
"Black," Severus croaked from the hall, they could just see the man's wavering shadow.
Sirius excused himself and found Snape leaning against the wall. The potions master sneered at him, "Don't tell me, I know well enough I shouldn't have come down."
Smirking, Sirius didn't mention it. He slung one of Severus' arms across his shoulders, curling his own tightly around Snape's middle. They took the stairs slowly and Sirius made them stop halfway when Snape's rasping breath made him worry.
"Remus is angry, as you know," he puffed out. Severus glanced toward him and grunted. "I think if your father wasn't already dead, he would hunt him down."
Severus stiffened and Sirius stumbled trying to go up another step and nearly dragged them both down. "He has no reason," Severus panted, glaring hard at the threadbare carpet beneath their feet.
Sirius tugged gently and got them moving again. "He doesn't need one." He beamed at Snape's scowl. "The joy of having Remus on your side, is that he'd do anything for you. Welcome to the club."
Severus snorted, though Sirius liked to think the man was taking what he said seriously.
They finally reached the top of the stairs and Sirius paused in the middle of the hall. "Where do you want to go?"
"What?" Snape gasped for breath, slowly sagging harder against the animagus.
"Well, you have your rooms of course, and Remus wouldn't mind you staying there again." Sirius tipped his head to the side to think and a lock of Snape's hair brushed his face. "You're welcome to crash in my room if you'd like. For the change of scenery of course."
Severus did his best to gape and glare at the same time. "I'm not partial to fleas," he finally panted.
"Remy's room it is," Sirius beamed and steered them that direction.
"Black," Severus interrupted their silence as the animagus struggled to get them both through the narrow entry.
"Hmm?"
"You need to contact Albus," The darker wizard mumbled.
"Oh?" Sirius grunted as he lowered Snape to the bed and sighed in relief as the extra weight was gone. With Snape's feverish body gone, he felt gooseflesh ripple where the heat had been.
"Yes," Severus struggled out of his robe and lay down painfully. "He has less than two days to find a brew master to create two doses of Wolfsbane."
Sirius paused in his mindless shuffling to pay extra attention. "Two doses?"
"I'm unsure whether I will need it," Severus rolled onto his side and pulled the blankets across himself. "However, I have an antidote to its poisonous state made should it prove unnecessary."
"That was the first set of potions," Sirius said to himself.
"Yes," Snape admitted. Sirius picked up Severus' discarded robe and shuffled the curtains over the window to block a bit of the light. "Black," Snape mumbled before the man could leave.
"Yea?"
"Tell Lupin not to worry about Tobias," Severus caught and held Sirius' gaze. "He died more than two decade's ago."
"Right," Sirius muttered. "I'll tell him. Get some rest, alright?"
Snape didn't bother answering, instead drove his head beneath the pillow and yawned widely.
Sirius returned downstairs to see that Molly had cleaned the kitchen and premixed a stew for lunch. A note told him to start to warm it properly by noon and it would be ready by one. He smiled at her note and left it in case he didn't see Remy before it was time to cook.
He stared at the ceiling, idly wondering what Remus was doing and hoping that he would be back among the land of the living before nightfall.