In the morning, Sirius woke curled loosely around Remus. He blinked into the dim light of the basement and yawned. His arm ached with pins and needles. He attempted to move it, to flex his fingers and get the blood moving, but it wouldn't budge.
He sat partly up, glancing over at Remus and gazed down in sleepy surprise. Remus had his fingers twined tightly with his and had Sirius' arm around his waist. "Wake up, Moony," he whispered, flexing his fingers and grimacing as the needles prickled hot in his skin.
Remus shifted, sighing and rolled over into him. Sirius thought, surely he'll wake, but the wolf only burrowed a bit and rubbed his face into Sirius' shoulder. "Come on," he spoke a bit louder. "Don't you want to see how Snape's doing?"
Remus grumbled a bit and finally opened his eyes. "Go 'way Pads," he grumbled, still tired after last nights transformations.
"I'd love to, Remy me chum, except I seem to be stuck," Sirius chirruped, grinning wide as Remus turned a baleful eye up at him.
"What are you—"
Sirius jerked on his arm again, rocking Remus and the wolf's eyes widened in realization. It took a whole five seconds for Remus to dislodge Sirius' hand and arm and scoot away several feet to blush and stare at his feet.
"S'okay," Sirius told him, still cheerful. He flexed his arm until the feeling came back and scooted across the floor on his knees until he had sidled up to Lupin. Remus wouldn't look at him, too embarrassed, but Sirius didn't care. He actually felt amazingly good about it. He hugged Remus from behind—he couldn't do so from the front since the wolf had curled his knees to his chest to hide his face in his knees—and rocked him a bit. "That's a rather pleasant way to wake up actually," he told the wolf, pressing a dry kiss to his friend's hair as he stood.
"Come on," he held his hand down toward Lupin, waggling his fingers until Remus took his hand. He levered the slighter man up. "Time for breakfast I think."
Remus followed obediently, face flushing with a light haze of pink when he realized Sirius had not let his hand go and appeared to have no intention of doing so soon.
Sirius flexed his fingers around Remus' a light fluttering feeling in his stomach. What Snape had told him last night, and waking up to the truth of it in the morning had put him in a rare and daring mood. It felt good to hold someone's hand again. It had been many years since he had, and he had forgotten how rooted and soaring you could feel all at once with someone's fingers curled around your own. He had a feeling he wouldn't be able to leave Lupin alone all morning if he didn't get it out of his system now.
When they reached the door that led into the kitchen, the wonderful smell of cooking bacon reached their noses and Sirius felt himself drowning in saliva before they turned the corner.
"Snape, that smells— Oh! Sorry Molly," Sirius grinned, dragging Remus with him as though it were perfectly normal to be holding hands with his best friend.
"There you are," She peeked over her shoulder, doing a brief double-take before turning back to her pans, hiding a girly smile of glee. "Severus hasn't come down, yet." She turned sharply from her pan and fixed them both with a worried frown, "How did it go?"
"Fine," Remus flickered a smile, staring down at his hand folded with Sirius' where it sat prominently on the tabletop. "He didn't transform."
Molly let out a relieved sigh and smiled brightly. "Thank Merlin, Arthur will be so happy."
She went back to her meal-making with a new bounce in her step. Before too long, Molly dropped two plates in front of them mounded with food. "Eat up!" She smiled happily and hummed as she tidied up the counters.
To Lupin's surprise, Sirius still didn't let him go and ate sloppily with his left hand to compensate. The animagus would eat a few bites and then look over at him with a 'cat in the cream' smirk. Remus was perpetually flushed as he ate his meal.
"Good morning, Severus!" Molly beamed, rushing to the doorway to smooth his robes and all around mother him. Severus took it well enough, grimacing and scowling as she tugged at his clothes. "Come along, dear, you've got something here to eat as well."
Snape grumbled as he was pushed toward a chair. He sat down with a scowl and immediately caught sight of Lupin and Sirius clutching each other. His eyes narrowed, for a moment a sharp pain lanced through his stomach and he almost collapsed in on himself, thinking he had been cursed. But he knew instinctively a moment later, it had been no curse. His stomach lurched as Lupin smiled thinly and blushed.
Anger, hot and flaring ate up his stomach and burned his heart. He had hardened himself to emotion years ago, putting the romantic thought of love and affection completely from his mind. He had never had a romantic relationship in his life. He'd had sex, and lust and an occasional obsession that faded with time, but never affection. Damn Lupin for opening that particular can of worms. Someone who actually wanted to touch him for no personal gain, right… He should have known better.
Molly set his plate down gingerly, taking in his pallid face and cold, distant eyes. "You eat, Severus, you'll feel better."
He grunted, taking up his fork and picking at his breakfast.
To think he had woken that morning feeling better than he had in weeks. That should have been a sign too. Nothing ever went well for him unless something equally as horrid was coming after.
Snape refused to cow to the tentative relationship the Gryffindors were trying. He kept his back straight and looked where he liked. At one point his gaze caught Lupin's and the wolf ducked his head quickly. "Feeling better I see," He spat.
Remus stiffened, shrinking in his seat but didn't try to dislodge Sirius. The animagus had paused in chewing and shot Snape a dirty look. "Jealous?" Sirius snarled with a sick and vicious smirk on his face.
Snape felt his stomach squeeze and he set his fork down very gently. "Why would I be? I have nothing to gain from fucking either one of you." He stood up slowly, careful to push in his chair and stalk from the room.
Molly stood aghast at the sink, a sudsy plate dripping on the floor.
Remus frowned, staring at their clasped hands on the table. He touched their joined hands with his free one, something about what Severus had said left him unsettled, as though he had learned something infinitely important about Snape's life and point of view.
"What is his problem?" Sirius hissed, glaring toward the empty doorway.
Remus shrugged, carefully unclasping his hand from Sirius'. He made sure to look the animagus in the eye as he did. Sirius frowned slowly, Remus watched the hurt slowly curl in the man's face. He smiled gently, leaning forward and kissed Sirius at the corner of his lips with his heart pounding somewhere near his throat. When he leaned back into his own chair, Sirius seemed greatly appeased. "I think, Padfoot, that our Severus has had a very painful life."
Sirius nodded slowly, then blinked and stared at Remus with a start. "Our Severus?"
Lupin grinned around his fork and shrugged again.
Molly sat down across from them with a cup of tea. "What have you three been doing this last week?"
"Screwing up each others' heads and basically trying to figure out our lives in general," Remus told her. He pushed his plate away and reclined back with a small sigh. "Severus is back to normal, is all. I think we've just gotten used to him being a bit more agreeable. He's easier to take with a grain of salt when he's half out of his mind with fever."
Sirius nodded in agreement, inhaling the remains of his meal. He sat back too when finished and draped his arm across the back of Lupin's chair. It was getting far too easy to do the casual touching.
"Poor Severus," Molly clucked her tongue and sipped her coffee.
"Why did he have to put it like that anyway?" Sirius erupted suddenly into the silence.
"That's how it has been," Molly told him gently. "In case you haven't noticed Sirius, there are no suitors knocking down Severus' door. The only care he's probably gotten from anyone—or given for that matter—was likely for a reason. An advancement, a prospect," She paused and waved her hand irritably trying to think of the word she was missing.
"An order," Remus muttered, staring at the wood grain. Molly nodded sadly.
"How's that?" Sirius scratched his stubbly chin, not able to follow the conversation.
"I can only imagine what he's had to do to keep his position as spy, Sirius. I don't even dare think about it in earnest." Remus actually gagged a bit and shook his head to clear away whatever thoughts had plagued him.
"Surely he wouldn't—" Sirius paused, glancing between Molly and Remus. "I mean that's a very intimate thing to do, he couldn't just—" He stopped again, then stared at the far wall with eyes that slowly went vacant in thought. "No wonder the man's so fucked up," he finished lamely.
"Sirius," Remus admonished, though he had to agree. He may have been devoid of true affection most of his life, but at least he didn't have to use himself to further his position and to keep from being killed. He had a sudden urge to chase the Slytherin upstairs and hug him, hold him, and pet his hair.
"I think he is jealous," Sirius spoke bluntly, nodding to reaffirm what he'd said as the two other occupants of the room gave him dubious looks.
"Perhaps he is only bitter," Molly said lightly, looking shamefully into her cup.
"No," Sirius shook his head roughly and sat leaning toward Remus, lowering his voice as though he were telling a dark secret. "I think he's noticed your attention, Remy, and it's been eating at him."
The wolf took a moment to look pained and lowered his face into his hands, "And we go off parading about like it was all a joke."
"Was it?" Molly's steely voice interrupted. Both men jumped, having forgotten she was there, and stared at her in surprise. The Weasley matriarch was scowling deeply at both of them. "Remus Jonathan Lupin and Sirius Aurelius Black, have you been playing about with Severus? Have you?!?"
"No, Molly!" Remus thrust his hands at her, pale and pouting. "I would never!"
"And you, Sirius? I know you dislike Severus quite a bit, but even this is beneath you!" Molly hissed, eyes aflame.
"I have done nothing but help that acidic ass," Sirius scowled, crossing his arms over his chest in defense.
"He's right, Molly," Remus said softly, "You should have seen it actually." He smiled a little and Molly seemed to relax.
"Then whatever you've done to him, you had better make it right," She eyed them both and took a sip of her tea. "There's no reason to rub his nose in your happiness… and whatever you had done to make him hopeful, you'd better discuss it. The last thing that man needs is another reason to hate humanity and what little is good on the 'good' side."
"Are you trying to say that Snape is going to turn to Voldemort for good just because he's been burned?" Sirius scoffed, shaking his cup at her to punctuate his point.
Molly only stared at him over her mug rim, the cup set at her lips though she did not drink.
"Why not?" Remus asked him, shrugging his thin shoulders and sighing, defeated. "It's only another shove away isn't it? Our side is only using him for their own gain, just like Voldemort."
"But we aren't exactly shooting Cruciatus curses at him, are we?" Sirius scoffed.
"No," Remus shook his head mutely, "But have you ever felt your heart ground beneath someone's boot? I'm not sure which one I'd prefer."
"Remus listen to yourself!" Sirius shoved his chair back and began to pace the kitchen, a sure sign that he was more deeply disturbed than he let on. "You're talking as though, Severus Snape of all people, has fallen in love with you. I mean," He laughed roughly and waved idly toward the ceiling, "It's Snape!"
"You say it as though he is not capable of it," Molly frowned at him, displeased and disappointed at Sirius' take on the subject.
"Come on, Molly!" Sirius huffed. "It's not as though he wasn't capable of it once."
"Just not anymore?" Remus whispered.
Sirius glanced over at him and winced. The lycan looked as though someone had punched him in the stomach. "Remy—"
"Why not?" The wolf asked him, a sudden heat filling his face and he rose unsteadily from his chair. "Because he's too old? Too bitter? Too dark?!"
"No, Remus that isn't what I meant!"
"What did you mean then? Because Merlin knows I am all three myself!" Remus snarled, growled and stormed from the room, toppling chairs as he went.
"Son of a bitch!" Sirius shrieked, throwing one of the fallen chairs across the room.
It crashed into the wall and broke a set of plates that Molly had set down to drip-dry. The Weasley Matriarch was in the corner, eyes as wide as saucers when Sirius turned toward her. He took several calming breaths and shrank in on himself. "Thank you for breakfast, Molly. Unfortunately, it appears the good mood of the day is gone."
"You straighten this out, Sirius," She told him after coming back to her senses. "Remus and Severus are both more than deserving of love, so are you for that matter."
The animagus dropped his head, shrinking with every breath. Molly gazed curiously at him and stepped forward resting her hand on his forearm. The man looked up and she quickly hugged him, unnerved by the tears in his eyes.
"I don't know what I'm doing," he whispered hoarsely into her ear. "I've been locked up for twelve years, Molly, I don't know how to be needed anymore."
"Shush now," Molly rocked him a bit and pet his hair. "You're doing fine, Sirius, just fine. You need to let your prejudice go, if only for Remus's sake. It's quite obvious he's attached to Severus, even if it is only platonic. It hurts him when you speak so badly of him."
"I can't help that either," he shook, clutching at her for support. "I've only known hate for him, it's the only thing left that's the same. Everything else has changed."
"Change isn't always bad, Sirius. In some cases it's the only way we can survive." She hugged him tight and let him go, patted his cheek while she kissed the other and turned to gather her things. "You have to speak to them sweetheart, together or separately, it doesn't matter. Find a way to fix it."
"I know," Sirius sniffed twice and scrubbed at his eyes in embarrassment. "I know."
"You take care now," Molly smiled sadly at him. "I'll be sure to bring the kids around this weekend, alright?"
"That would be great." Sirius smiled.
The Weasley matriarch waved as she rounded the corner to the hall and left quietly.
Sirius squatted at the sink, plucking up the pieces of broken dishware with his fingers and dropping each one into the dustbin; idly wiping at his face now and then as he wept silently.
…oOo…
Remus sat on his bed, staring across the hallway at Snape's shut door wondering what the potions master was doing. In all honesty, Severus had no reason left to stay at Grimmauld place any longer and the thought left him unsettled. Especially with the apparent way they would be parting company, angry and bitter.
That was all there was to it. Remus stood with his destination in mind and stalked across the hall, rapping twice on the doorframe and let himself in without waiting for an invitation. Truthfully, he doubted he would have gotten one.
Severus' head snapped up and he glared so forcefully at the intrusion that Remus was sure his head was about to explode.
"Having a lovers spat already?" Severus snarled, snapping shut the journal in his hands and tucking it away as though he didn't want it seen.
"We aren't lovers," Remus snarled, still enraged by his conversation with Sirius to be able to take Snape's prodding calmly.
"I didn't ask," Snape huffed, shuffling about his books and belongings with obvious irritation. "What do you want?"
"Clarification."
"I have nothing to explain to you," Severus bristled.
"Not from you," Remus sat down—again uninvited—on Severus' bed. "I mean I would like to explain things to you."
"I'm not interested in what you have to say," Snape growled, now slamming his belongings onto the desktop.
"Then you can pretend to listen," Remus growled.
Severus stilled, pupils dilating as his heart rate sped.
"I don't want you to think that I… that I don't—care for you," Remus choked losing his fire and stared at the worn floorboards.
"Lupin—"
"No, Severus, let me finish," Remus swallowed twice.
"No," Severus spoke sternly. "Don't attempt to soothe my broken heart," he deadpanned, "Haven't you heard? I don't have one."
Remus frowned, heart squeezing in pity. "I don't believe you," Remus muttered.
Severus waved irritably at him, choosing to ignore the wolf in hopes that he would give up and disappear. It would make things much easier if Lupin would forget his…infatuation and go about his own business.
"How have you been feeling?"
"Confused," Remus murmured.
"No, you imbecile," Snape huffed. "The Wolfsbane, the transformation… or have you forgotten that you are sick?"
"Oh, I … right," Remus slouched, cupping his chin in his hands with his elbows propped on his knees. "Fine I guess."
"You guess," Severus sighed heavily. He scratched something down on a parchment and pinched the bridge of his nose. "There are two things that must happen, at least, before I am satisfied that you won't be having a crisis like two months ago."
"Alright," Remus sat up straighter and turned his full attention to the potions master.
"First, you must partially transform bits of yourself. It takes concentration and secure control over your other half." Severus gauged the paling of Remus' face and the slight tremor of his hands to indicate that he had understood properly. "Second, you must transform at will, at least once. It won't be easy."
"I'm not sure I follow," Remus said, shaken.
"Your hands to claws, your teeth to canines… Hell, sprout a tail!"
"I have to?" Remus whimpered.
"Yes, and not on the full moon. You must do both at will. Day or night, it doesn't matter." Severus thumbed through a thick tome, scanning the pages with deft accuracy and giving Lupin a moment to take it in.
The moment stretched into several and before long Severus grew tired of waiting for Lupin to reply. "You'd better run off to your mutt," he took a partial breath to quell the amount of venom he had accidentally laced the words with before he continued, "he's probably worried himself sick wondering where you've run off to."
"He'll be fine," Remus grumbled but stood up regardless.
Snape returned to his books and pretended to read while he watched Lupin from the corner of his eye. The wizard had not moved for the door. In fact, he was inching his way toward the desk.
Severus sighed and looked up as Remus made it to the corner and scowled at him. "I told you to—"
Remus bent at the waist and pressed his dry lips to Snape's, eyes open and hands holding Severus' head still.
Snape jerked back, wand snapping up to Lupin's throat. He panted in rage, eyes aflame as Remus looked calmly down at him. "I told you never to do that again," he spoke in an enraged whisper.
Remus pushed the wand away, catching Severus by surprise at how quickly he moved, and he dove for Snape again. He tipped his head this time, giving himself better access for a quick moment before Severus' hands found his shoulders and shoved him violently back.
Lupin's hip dug hard into the edge of the desk and the piece of furniture moved nearly a foot backward with his weight.
"You ignorant—" Severus' face was red, eyes dilated and limbs shaking.
Remus ignored the throb of his lower back and stood straight, stepping once towards Snape and pausing—feeling marginally bad when the man flinched away and snapped his mouth shut.
He's acting like I've struck him, Remus thought with no little remorse. Aloud, he spoke softly, his voice thick and hoarse, "That's the third time I've kissed you Severus, and each time I've meant it." Lupin's chest heaved with the effort to control his emotions and still form a coherent sentence. "I don't know what else I can do to show you; I don't know what has been done to you! But I… I'd do it again if I had half a chance."
With a stuttering step backward, the wolf gave him a defiant glare and stormed from the room.
Severus stared after him, anger, confusion and … hope, burning in his stomach. Damn the wolf again, a double damn, for stirring him up. The fool couldn't leave well enough alone. Besides, Lupin now had Black, so what was left for him anyhow but more heartache?