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"Has he woken again?" Reid asked the nurse as she let him into the ICU.

"No, he opened his eyes for a little while and seemed to respond but now he's gone back to sleep and he's not waking although he's responding to painful stimuli," Shannon told him. "We tried to call you but all we got was voice mail."

"Yeah, I was out of cell range, out of the state actually. So, is this an improvement, or is it just the calm before the storm?" He asked.

"Could be either one, it's hard to tell," the nurse admitted.

"Thank you." Reid took the chair beside his father's bed and watched the machines continue to hold William Reid's life in limbo. He was tired. He knew it wasn't just the lack of sleep. He'd lived with that before. It was the emotional toll of everything that had gone on from having to deal with his father to facing his turmoil with the team. He rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes. The rhythmic hiss of the ventilator was hypnotic.

The voices in his head seemed real although he knew they weren't which he was thankful for. If the day ever came when he didn't know they weren't real, he'd be in trouble.

"But thank you," Emily had said over the phone.

"For what?"

"For being you," she'd said.

"Aw thanks, I don't know how to be anyone else.

"That's what I love about you."

That's what I love about you. The words reverberated in his mind. She'd loved that he was him. She'd loved that there was no pretension like with other guys. She'd loved him for just being him. Did she still, he wondered?

"Go help Hotch," he'd told Morgan as the CDC crew hosed him off.

"Hotch has plenty of people helping him."

"He needs you more than I do," he'd insisted.

"Reid, I'm gonna see you off to the hospital."

I'm about to get naked so they can scrub me down. Is that something you really want to see?"

He'd finally gotten his friend when Morgan had replied, "I'll catch up with you later. Take care of him please."

And he had caught up with him later hadn't he. Morgan had been there with him, sitting vigil by his bedside and eating Jell-o when he'd woken. Morgan never let him down.

It was dark and he'd just been through the worst ordeal of his life. He'd just killed a man. He saw the flashlights bouncing around in the distance as they searched the wooded area on the cemetery for him. Hotch reached him first. Hotch who he'd tried to send a message to while he'd seemingly chosen him to die.

"Reid," Hotch said as he helped him to his feet.

"I knew you'd understand," he'd told the man he looked up to more than any other as they embraced each other.

Hotch understood most things almost better than anyone. He'd understood him then. He hoped he would at least try to understand him now.

He remembered when he'd first felt Henry kick when he was still inside JJ. He'd told her, at the time, it freaked him out.

"There's something I wanted to ask you, but it can wait," JJ had said as she held the new life, that he'd felt kick only weeks before, in her arms.

"What is it?" He remembered asking.

"Will and I were talking and we want you to be Henry's godfather."

He'd been blown away by that. "I don't even… I don't know."

"You wanna hold him?" Before he knew what was happening, JJ had lifted the tiny baby into his arms. "It's okay, there you go," she'd said as he awkwardly held the baby, "Watch his head… there you go." She ran her finger under his teeny chin. "If anything happens to us, it's up to you and Garcia to see that this boy gets into Yale."

He'd never dreamed that JJ would trust him with her child, but she did. Of all people, she and Will had trusted him. He'd promised himself he'd live up to that trust. She had trusted him then, could she trust him again? Could he trust her like he had back then?

It had been a hard case for him. He'd related to the young teen who was so afraid of becoming a killer and who Gideon was sure, someday, would. He hadn't felt in the mood for cheering up but, Garcia knew better.

"Come on, you and me, we're hittin' the town." Garcia tried to lift his spirits as she did everyone's.

"No offense Garcia, I'm not really feeling like I'd make the best company right now."

"Oh no," she smacked him with her scarf, "up… up, do not make me hurt you."

As if Garcia would hurt anyone, he told himself. She was the most joyous loving person he knew. He'd never dreamed he'd be anybody's 'sweetcheeks.' He wondered if she knew how much he secretly loved it. They hadn't gone out on the town that night. Life had interfered. But she had been there with him. She was always that voice on the phone, no farther away than his fingers could reach, when he needed it most. She could always make him smile. She was able to give you a warm hug when you were states apart. She saw the good in everything. Emily was alive and that's all that mattered to her. Why couldn't he feel that way.

The last time he was here had been hard on him as well, dealing with a child killer and his memories of Riley Jenkins. He remembered waking up from the hypnosis that had brought back the image of his father burning what he now knew were his mother's bloody clothes.

He'd been so shaken and frightened by what he'd remembered but when he'd awoken Rossi had been there right beside him assuring him repeatedly, "It's okay."

Rossi, who had called him Agent Reid; no one ever called him that. It had made him feel good inside that he wasn't just there for the knowledge he could impart at a moment's notice, but that he was a good agent.

Rossi had been right. They'd kept his 'secret' at their own peril. After Georgia they'd circled the wagons around him even when he'd given them, especially Emily, enough reason not to. These people were his family, although none of them shared a drop of blood, they shared something almost deeper. He'd always tried to distance himself from pain and the people who caused it. Now, Hotch, JJ and Emily had made decisions and taken actions which had hurt him, not intentionally, although they had to know he'd be broken up by it, but that happened sometimes in families, and you got over it and you forgave because family was such a precious thing. That's why he was here he thought as he opened his eyes and looked over at his father. Despite all the hurt, in the end, they were family and you forgave your family.

And what of his real family? Menendez had said his father had been working to help abused children. Not that he trusted anything the man said but, at that point, there had been no reason for him to lie. Reid wondered if the accusation he'd made against his father concerning Riley Jenkins had sparked his dad into making the decision to help abused children. Wasn't it strange? The consequences of one incident of child molestation had torn his family apart. In his mind he saw his mother sitting here the other night holding his father's hand until her paranoid delusions had taken over. Could the consequences of another bring them back together?

He closed his eyes again. Could any of what his dad was doing now make up for the past? No, he decided, it couldn't. You couldn't get back time that's gone and continually concentrating on the past only cheated the future.

"Spencer, I know you're awake. Daddy loves you, you know."

Reid finally stood up and moved the chair closer to the bed. He reached out and touched one of William Reid's hands. "Dad, I still don't truly understand, and I don't think I ever will but… I forgive you."