A/N - I've neglected this fic for quite a while now, and I'm so pleased to have the chance to get back to it. It took a bit of a sentimental detour, which I didn't expect but enjoyed writing. I'm a sucker for angst and for the bittersweet. We'll see if it works for my readers.

I do have a few more ideas for glimpses into Bill and Judith's past, though this fic now falls in the realm of AU as the mysterious Ms. Vardamon departed in Book 11 - sorry to see her go, but I confess that I enjoyed the last book more than any others save the first, especially a more light-hearted and *double-gulp* funny Bill.

Thanks to everyone who's stuck with me and my sporadic updates. On a positive note, my original stuff is going well and might even be published soon! I would not be writing original fiction had I not honed my writing skills in fanfic and received a lot of constructive feedback. For that, y'all have my heartfelt gratitude.

Now on with the show!

Chapter 5 – Confession

"Bill," she asked, "what's wrong?"

"I need to tell you something. Something you had a right to know years ago. I wanted . . . but I couldn't . . . please, sit down."

She sat and waited, her face a mask of concern and devotion. Bill readied himself and sat down beside her, and with a heavy heart, he prepared to shatter hers. And his.

If Judith were still a breather, her breath would have hitched. She was filled with dreadful anticipation. Be careful what you wish for. Bill did not often give up his secrets. She had prodded him for years, and he unraveled the tapestry of his past a few threads at a time for her.

Now it seemed as though he was ready to rip a hole in that fabric, and she could feel the weight of that prospect. His blood told her that much. He might have managed to get it all out, too, had they not felt the ominous and overpowering call of their maker.

Lorena was near.

Bill's fangs ran out as he leapt from the sofa. His eyes were trained on the door to their shared rail car. He appeared to be poised for attack.

"Bill," Judith said in a soft, soothing voice that belied her own fear and anger, "calm down, please."

"She has returned," he said, his voice full of cold rage.

"Yes," Judith replied, standing slowly, taking small, measured steps toward the dangerous creature before her, "and I don't want to her injure you as she did before. Or worse."

"She may do as she pleases," he growled, "but not without a fight."

"Look at me, William," Judith urged, "I want you to stay here until I can find Malcolm. Will you promise me that?"

"Find him quickly," Bill replied. She realized she must. Bill would not resist his own foolish lust for retribution long.

Judith moved with Vampire speed, hoping to avoid the call of their maker as she rushed to Malcolm's car. So full of panic was she that she didn't bother to announce herself. Malcolm was busy, as usual, with one of the young stagehands and looked none to pleased at the interruption. But he didn't stop.

She still detested the immodesty of her superior, but now was not the time to comment, nor would it be proper. She averted her eyes from the coupling males and said, "Lorena is near. Bill and I felt her and Bill is ready to do something -"

"Brash and stupid, no doubt," Malcolm finished, gasping. With obvious reluctance, he dismounted and slapped the young man on the rear, "I'm sorry, Ralph, duty calls. Be a good boy and keep the bed warm for me. This shouldn't take too long."

Ralph obeyed, being glamoured, flipped over and stretched out on the bed and sporting an impressive erection that he proceeded to fondle. He even blew a kiss at Malcolm as he pulled on his trousers. Judith resisted the urge to hurry Malcolm along. She could tell he felt tempted to have another quick taste.

"Don't fret, my dear," Malcolm soothed as they walked at the painfully slow pace of humans, "Lorena won't do anything to Bill. Not here in my house."

For the first time since she felt her maker's nearness, Judith also felt an ounce of hope. Malcolm was old. He'd educated Judith enough in the ancient traditions for her to know he was serious about maintaining them. If Lorena mounted an open attack on a fellow vampire on Malcolm's territory, the consequences for her would be dire.

"What will you do?" Judith asked.

"Find out what she wants, for a start. She probably came to collect her share of your profits. The silly wench burns through money like it was kindling!"

They were brought up short by a series of trunks sitting outside of Judith's railcar. Bill stepped outside and stared a hole through them. Judith and Malcolm watched as he lifted the lid on one of them, handling it as if it were something filthy. It was full of cash. The second contained fine clothing. The third was a complete surprise.

"Well I wasn't expecting that," Malcolm drawled. "When did she learn to read?"

"She didn't," Bill said, his icy voice unable to conceal the rage within, "they're for me. She's come to 'win' me back."

Bill stared at the trunk full of books for several minutes. He lifted one of the thick tomes and pulled out a slip of paper from between the pages. Judith caught a flash of charcoal lines and surmised it was one of Bill's drawings.

"What's this?" Malcolm asked, looking from the page to Judith and back to Bill.

"A message," Bill growled.

The air was thick with tension. He crumpled the paper and threw it back into the trunk. He smashed it a moment later.

Judith didn't jump. She had grown accustomed to the violence of their shared natures. Still, outside of the heat of bloodlust and sport, such a display of emotion was considered . . . rude. She looked at Malcolm who remained still as stone. She had no idea what to expect, but she was prepared to defend her sibling.

"Bill," Malcolm said, "why don't you and Judith go for a run? You need to clear your head. Hunt if you wish. Ian tracked some transients heading for the beach a few hours ago. It seems I've got some business to discuss with Ms. Ball."

"You can't stop her . . ."

"No, but you can beat her to the punch. Go, and take Judy with you."

He didn't sound angry, but Judith wasn't prepared to test him. She focused her worry and urgency through her blood, pleading with Bill to listen. He nodded to Malcolm and took off. Judith retrieving Bill's drawing and marveling at the lovely woman he'd drawn. She was the woman, and yet the clothing appeared rather old-fashioned, as did her hair. Strange, she'd never worn her hair in such a style.

Perplexed, she returned to her rail car at Vampire speed and placed the drawing in her traveling trunk. Then she set off after Bill.

Judith temporarily forgot about William Thomas Compton once she'd slowed enough to take in her surroundings. She needn't have worried. Bill had stopped short as well. Both vampires were caught up in the expanse of water as far as their keen vampire eyes could see. After all of their years of wandering, they'd finally made it to the west coast. San Diego to be more precise. They beheld the wonder and beauty of the Pacific Ocean.

Bill inhaled deeply, allowing the fresh, salty air to caress his nostrils as the warm breeze caressed his sensitive skin. The rhythmic crashing of waves against the beach soothed his rage. Judith felt the anger dissipate through the blood tie, and after a few moments he beckoned Judith to join him.

They stood in companionable silence. Judith knew better than to resume their interrupted conversation. Bill had displayed uncharacteristic fear and agony during his near confession, followed by unbridled rage when Lorena returned. He would be chiding himself, no doubt. Men of his era kept their feelings tightly locked away, and he'd kept that trait during his 'second' life as a means of self-control and defense. His was most likely rebuilding the walls around his heart and soul, so if she wanted him to share something, anything, now would be the time to try and sneak a peek.

He heaved a weary sigh and asked, "What is it you want to know of me, Judith?"

What to ask? She'd learned a few things about him over the years, of course. She knew, for example, that he secretly wished that he'd had the means to attend the University of Louisiana in his human youth, admiring the educated genteel residents of New Orleans. Of course, his father would never allow it, mistrustful of the free-wheeling and freer-thinking Catholics of southern Louisiana.

But Bill had a fine mind and a jackass stubborn streak, so he procured books whenever he could and spent what little free time the fields afforded educating himself. Lorena had pulled out all the stops by bringing him a trunk load of books, particularly as she herself remained illiterate and had what would later be dubbed an inferiority complex on account of it.

Judith knew all of this, but she didn't know how he'd spent his boyhood days on his father's plantation. Was he the fishing sort? Did he wrestle his brother or neighbor boys, or was he the quiet sort who preferred his own company?

Judith had also learned that he had a soft spot for old-timey hymns that reminded him of the community singings of his human life. That was probably what made him partial to the western swing records he'd acquired during their stay in Texas. She knew this, but she didn't know his favorite color.

She'd come close, but ever since she'd dragged him from that cave where their maker left him to languish, he had closed himself to her even more.

Well, she wouldn't waste this rare opportunity to learn something of Bill.

"Tell me about the best day of your life as a human," she said.

The question took him by surprise, she could tell. She'd taken a chance by dancing around their earlier discussion, but his eyes told her that she'd chosen wisely. She didn't push him and she didn't mention their maker.

Bill looked thoughtful. Perhaps he was searching the vast repository of his memory. His was excellent, but his human life ended years ago. Judith gave him the time and space to choose what he would share with her. Vampires had infinite time, and developed near-infinite patience as they matured.

"I recall the first time I went swimming," he said, a small smile gracing his handsome face, "I mean, the first time I really swam, instead of just splashing around in the shallows with the little 'uns."

"Tell me about it," she said. She'd removed her shoes and stockings so she could feel the soft sand beneath her feet.

"I must have been a little over five years old, just a young pup who wanted nothing more than to be older and do what the bigger boys did. I didn't know at the time that meant hours of backbreaking work in the fields, mind you. In my mind, I'd be free to roam the woods and hunt deer or fish all day. I could run off and build a fort smack in the middle of the woods and just live there and listen to the birds and the bullfrogs."

"Sounds peaceful," she said.

"Anyhow, I'd managed to keep up with some of the Loudermilk boys, cousins on my mother's side, when they ran out to the lake. We'd been blessed with rain that summer and the crops thrived. Since we didn't need to dig watering trenches or carry buckets from the well to water the garden, we had some idle time."

"Idle hands are the devil's tools," Judith said with a laugh, "That was always true with my boys."

"It was true for me as well, though my father did his best to keep me out of harm's way," Bill replied. "He had started teaching me how to swim that very summer. Too many children were lost to fever and flux as it was, and he didn't want to lose me to drowning. One of the Humphrey tots had drown a few years back, you see."

"So your father was careful with you, but you just wanted to run free?"

"I was exceedingly curious and headstrong, even in my youth."

"I don't doubt it. Did you dive right in, or did you have to work up your nerve?"

"I watched the older boys first. Most of my cousins jumped right in, damned fools. I'm surprised one of them didn't get knocked into a cocked hat in the shallows."

Just like Bill to be the observer, she thought. She loved to listen to him reminisce about his olden days, loved the way he spoke with those antiquated Antebellum phrases. He only spoke that way when he thought of the past, and only when he felt at ease. Judith felt pleased that she could put him at ease.

"The Bellefleur boys tiptoed their way in, of course. They all made such a ruckus that I didn't bother to come on out of the bushes. Besides," he said with a chuckle, "the water must have been pretty cold, judging from the size of their . . ."

Judith snorted at Bill's lapse. After all of these years, he still became chagrined when speaking of the male anatomy in her presence, save for in the bedroom. She nudged him and managed to get a chuckle.

"Anyhow, I waited until they all left before I dove in. A foolhardy thing to do in retrospect, but it was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The rush of danger when I went under, the near-silence of immersion, the first gulp of air when I made it to the surface. I didn't flail around like the older boys. Pa taught me to float before he got me swimming proper, so I just leaned back and let the water take me where it wanted."

Bill closed his eyes as he spoke, "I never saw such a shade of blue as I did in that afternoon sky. It was the kind that faded to amber on the horizon with the low sun. I just floated on the water and lost myself in that sky. It was the last time I really felt carefree as a child."

Judith nodded. Life in her human time had been harsh, and children had to grow up much faster than they did these days. It must have been a cherished memory for a man who'd lost so much.

"Thank you for sharing it with me."

"I felt that way sometimes when I was with my Caroline," he continued, "and sometimes I can feel it when I'm with you."

She clutched his hand and kissed it. "You aren't alone in this, Bill. Remember that."

He didn't answer, but he clutched her hand tighter and pulled it to his lips. She felt the wetness of his bloody tears as they fell on the cool flesh of her fingers. His voice shattered her almost as much as his words.

"Lorena made you for me. You know that, but you don't know why."

She froze, clinging to his every word and feeling his tension as well as her own. She felt his sorrow and regret and wanted desperately to stop him from speaking. Whatever terrible confession he felt compelled to make would change everything between them, of that she was certain.

"Bill, please, you don't have to -"

"I'll be damned if I let her tell you! I won't let her use it to taunt you!" he snapped. He was at the outer limits of his control once more if his tone was any indication. Judith had no choice but to listen.

"You need to hear it from me, for I bear the blame for what happened to you, and I cannot keep the truth of it from you any longer. Lorena chose you because you look very much like my Caroline, the first and only human woman I have ever loved. I was foolish enough to follow you home and stare up at your window like a lovesick puppy and she saw. Then she struck."

A thousand thoughts and questions swirled in her mind, along with a thousand emotions. The most heartbreaking burst to the surface first. Had he ever loved her, or was she merely a salve the terrible loss he'd endured?

She didn't have the chance to ask then. After his confession, he ran off into the night, and God forgive her but she could not will herself to follow.