Bumper Sticker #6

"Dude, we are so bada$$, it's insane!"

Characters/Pairings: Gin, The Boss, Vodka, Hattori Heiji, Kuroba Kaito (KID), Edogawa Conan (Kudo Shinichi), Haibara Ai (Miyano Shiho), Hakuba Saguru. No Pairings.

Other Inspirations: My dad telling my brother "No guns at the dinner table" a few days ago and an episode of some Disney TV show I watched with my little cousin ages ago - Phineas and Ferb? - and the idea stuck in my head for some reason… Not to mention the irony of the word "shrink" (yes, I'm just that weird). This is also my strange way of coming up with a Holidays/New Year's special.

Warnings: Perhaps OOC? (dunno, first time writing Gin and I don't really know how he acts on a normal basis) but if so, it's intentional. Also, some mild BO mocking, very weird and lots of page breaks (I didn't really notice until now...)

Word Count: 796

"Und how doez dat make yu feeel?"

"…"

He was here on official orders from the Boss, but he had never expected to have to talk about his feelings. He debated with himself whether he should just pull out his gun and shoot the dang shrink.

His name - or should we call it a codename? - was Gin. He killed people; it was on his resume. He did NOT talk about his feelings.

"Und how doez dat make yu feeeeeel?"

This shrink was very lucky Gin didn't have orders to kill him, but actually the contrary. Of course, that was what he had first expected when he got the call from the Boss; but, no, no assassinating for Gin today. Vodka wasn't even there either, though maybe that was a good thing…

"Alright, Mizter Gin, I vould like forr yu to tell mee a bIt about your childhuud."

Oh, this shrink was very lucky he wasn't a target or he would be as stiff as the lounge chair Gin had been told to lay down on by now.

About his feelings, fine, not something Gin liked to talk about per say, but his childhood? To talk about HIMSELF??

…

Fine.

"Well, it all started when I was just a boy…"

Gin - well, at that time his name was something else, but of course he won't tell you what it was - had been barely six. Back then, he had been a cute, innocent kid who's idea of the coolest career ever was fireman-

"We have doctor-patient confidentiality, right?" questioned Gin, cutting short the flashback.

"Ov course." replied the shrink, an old man with balding, white hair with tiny oval spectacles, placing his pencil on his small notepad, poised to write away.

Gin looked from right to left, highly doubting the veracity of that confirmation, but he really had nothing to lose, right? He reasoned that if he was sent to talk to this shrink in the first place, his sanity must have already been in question… Though anybody who enjoyed clubbing random people over the head with metal rods in the back alleys of amusement parks and then killing them with untested poisons couldn't be completely sane, could they?

Gin was cut from this train of thought by the shrink tapping his pencil, annoyed, on his pad. Right…

That had also been the year that his father had started forcing him to do one of the most grueling and mentally-scarring - Gin still shivered at the memory - chore in the world…

Several hours later, Gin returned to the Black Organization's Tokyo headquarters that was located in an undisclosed location - well, undisclosed with the exception of it being in Tokyo - only to run screaming like a little girl.

Several minutes later, after having recovered from the fact that a supposed grade-A assassin had run from his office like a school girl who had just seen a mouse, Vodka and some subordinate with some other alcoholic name went to investigate, only to be befuddled by the sight of an overly large garden gnome sitting on Gin's desk, a light blue bow atop its eerily smilingly head. The only clue they could extract from the strange item was a note that was attached. It read:

"Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year - Kaitou KID, Kudo Shinichi and Miyano Shiho."

Not far away, in the Mouri Detective Agency, Kuroba Kaito, Edogawa Conan and Haibara Ai were sent into peals of laughter as they watched and re-watched the clip of Gin screaming like a little girl that was playing on the television, sent from the mini-camera they had hidden in the gnome. Not only had they made ghosts of the past haunt a certain murderer and found the address of the BO's Tokyo Headquarters (it was in the phonebook!), but they had also discovered said killer's greatest weakness thanks to the help of an Osakan detective's acting skills, a magician's make-up skills, a mini-detective's creative use of a mad scien… uh, professor's gadgets, a British detective's connections, a mini-detective's ability of acquiring strange lawn ornaments and lots of boredom.

"GIN! What did I say about moving?!" shouted the furious voice of his father from inside.

"But, Toooouuuu-ssaaannn," whined Gin, "I'm tiiiiired!!!"

"I don't care! There's been a shortage of garden gnomes in the village and I want my lawn protected!!!"

"Yes, Tou-san." whimpered Gin as he stood rigid and still in the front yard, dressed like a garden gnome - big, pointy, red hat, fake beard… the works - as he dutifully did every night from when he turned six to the day he ran away from home to go join the Black Organization after having graduated high school.

…FIN…

A/n: So, Conan called Gin, copying the Boss' voice via voice-changing bow tie, Kaito disguised Heiji as the shrink and played the shrink's female secretary himself, Hakuba supplied the office, Ai found the garden gnome, and the CIA, FBI and whoever else cared were astounded by their insanity actually working. Yeah, I'm probably the one who needs their sanity looked after, but we do not question the mighty plunnies of evil that told me to write something insane about Gin!!! As for "ghosts of the past", this really cute plunny came up to me and was all "Well, the BO thinks they killed Shinichi, thinks Shiho is dead and if the BO and the people who killed Toichi are one and the same, then they thought KID was dead until Kaito showed up in his dad's shoes (and cape and monocle…), right?". I nodded and backed away slowly without making any sudden movements other than typing that into the story. Never trust the cute ones, they end up biting you in the shins!!!

Please review and I'll get Ai to find you a Gin garden gnome!!

See y'all next year!!!

Next Conan's Hint: Circus