Bumper Sticker #7
"If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed… Always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions."
Characters/Pairings: Edogawa Conan, Hattori Heiji, Kuroba Kaito, Hakuba Saguru. Implied ShinRan (ConRan).
Other Inspirations: I honestly don't know where this one came from…
Warnings: Mention of the word "sperm" ONCE (well, thrice if you count the heading and right now). If that REALLY bugs you, don't read this.
Word Count: 599
Sigh.
Conan was depressed.
Sigh.
Conan was very depressed.
Not only was he still less than half his age, but it was getting harder and harder to lie to Ran, AND Haibara had yet to find a cure, AND he had figured out that he would probably never graduate high school on time, AND the Black Organization was still at large, AND his feelings for Ran weren't getting any easier to deal with, AND he had gotten kicked off the scene of the newest crime, AND he had already figured it all out, AND it had far to easy to spot that the wife had killed her husband for his money, AND it was getting depressing to have to impersonate Kogoro all the time anyway, AND no one ever listened to him, AND he still couldn't reach the cookie jar on the highest shelf in the kitchen, AND the list was so long of things that were depressing him that that in itself depressed him…
Conan sighed again as he stared blankly out the window of the Mouri Detective Agency. Meanwhile, three teenage boys stood a little away from their small counterpart, huddled like an American football team at the Super Bowl… AND they were trying to help.
"There's obviously something wrong with him." whispered Hattori Heiji.
"He's just depressed." deadpanned Hakuba Saguru.
"Well, we have to cheer him up!!!" cheered Kuroba Kaito.
The three broke up and headed over to the smallish boy.
"Kudo, what's up?"
Conan sighed again as he turned to face Heiji, Kaito and Hakuba, but did not respond to the question.
"What's bugging you?" tried Heiji again.
"Life sucks." said Conan before turning back towards the window. Kaito was too quick for him though as he stopped the swivel chair from turning by sticking his foot in the mechanism. The metal bounced off the rubber of his sneaker and Conan faced them again, still with half-closed eyes.
"Tantei-kun, if you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed…" started Kaito, putting his arm on Conan's shoulders and gesturing widely to the world outside the window, "Always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions!"
A cricket sounded from who-knows-where since there could hardly be many crickets in Tokyo as Heiji's jaw dropped - straining not to laugh -, Hakuba let his head smack into his hand as he shook his head sadly, and Conan turned to look at Kaito - who was grinning like a starved man at a pie convention, still looking out the window, quite pleased with himself - with a combination of disbelief, shock, and dumbfounded-ness.
"Somehow, that really doesn't make me feel any better."
"Really?" Kaito blinked at him questioningly. Conan pushed Kaito's arm off his shoulders and Kaito completed a very dramatic manga-style fall on the floor though he could have very easily avoided it. He picked himself up and sat on the floor cross-legged, trying to figure out how his "Cheer-Tantei-kun-up" plan could have failed.
"Yeah, and maybe I'll one day marry a bearded lady, we'll have a kid named Bongo and we can all go around Japan as a six-man circus!!" ranted Conan incredulously.
"Six-man?" asked Hakuba.
"Yeah!" continued Conan, "ME!, BONGO! the miracle child, my WIFE! the bearded lady, and you three!!!" He pointed to Kaito, "The magician." He pointed to Heiji, "The clown." Heiji interrupted Conan.
"Hey! Who said I'm a clown?!" Somewhere in downtown Tokyo, Kazuha sneezed and Ran and Aoko asked her if she was catching a cold. Conan looked at Heiji and Heiji got the point that he should just be quiet now.
"What about me?" asked Hakuba, curious, pointing at himself.
There was a short pause as Heiji, Conan and Kaito looked at each other.
"The person who sets up the tent."
"KUROBA!!!!"
A/n: There it is! For some odd reason, I am REALLY proud of this one… Please review for Bongo's sake!!!!
Next Conan's Hint: God. (Next one's a KID case chappie! Yay!)