Bumper Sticker #9

"Sometimes it's best not to question your friend. Just help them dump the body bag in the river."

Characters/Pairings: Hattori Heiji, Kudo Shinichi, Toyama Kazuha, Surprise Mystery Character! (not an OC, I promise!). Jealous Heiji (HeijixKazuha), perhaps MysteryCharacterxKazuha.

Other Inspirations: I do not KNOW where this came from but one inspiration was stories where someone else besides Conan and Ai shrink, namely Heiji, Kaito (KID) or Hakuba. I think there was one with Yumi shrinking which I found to be GENIUS! Also, slightly inspired by terriisamazing's story "Zapped" due to her reference of the surprise character. *peace sign*

Special Disclaimer: Ellery Queen, Barnaby Ross and Ferris Bueller aren't mine; I just reference 'em. ^-^

Warnings: UH, Heiji totally didn't kill someone… I swear… nuh uh, no kill-y. The body bag is just filled with… CANDY… that's it!! CANDY!!! Lots of candy!! For… for… REVIEWERS!!!

Word Count: ~877

"Hattori."

"Hattori."

"Hattori."

"Bueller."

"HATTORI!!! YOU MADE ME COME DOWN TO OSAKA AT FRIGGIN' 3 AM!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

That was a very good question, as almost anyone - with maybe the exception of one Kuroba Kaito as he was usually the one doing the random things - would probably agree, posed by the very grumpy Kudo Shinichi. After a frantic call from the Detective of the West at around midnight, the kind-hearted Detective of the East boarded a train to Osaka as quickly as possible and was now sitting in the passenger's seat of a police car, looking through the window and back towards the trunk where Hattori Heiji was currently messing with something or another with a look of annoyed determination.

"Just help me get this thing out of the trunk, will ya?" was Heiji's only response. Shinichi harrumphed and got out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

"'Kudo,' he said, 'I need your help with something.' he said, 'It's urgent.' he said." grumbled Shinichi, mimicking Heiji's kansai accent pitifully in a mocking tone of voice, "And now he says nothing!"

After having picked Shinichi up at the station, Heiji had said very little besides, "Thanks for coming. I really do need your help." which had been followed by driving like a maniac, despite the fact that there were barely any cars on the road to begin with, towards an isolated part of town. The car was now parked in the shadows underneath a bridge, the ground muddy from recent rain, near a river.

Shinichi deadpanned when he saw what was in the trunk, "Hattori, isn't that a body bag?"

"Maybe." said Heiji, casting the other detective a sidelong glance with wide, innocent eyes.

Shinichi let out an exasperated sigh, "I won't ask."

Heiji grinned, "Good. Now help me with this, will ya?"

"Sure. Whatever."

The two reached into the trunk, each grabbing one end of the black maybe-body bag which Shinichi found considerably light.

"But next time, call Kuroba, will you? He's more in tune with illegal activities, not to mention the fact that he's probably used to not sleeping much." deadpanned Shinichi as they walked sideways, towards the river, slightly irritated that his new shoes were getting all muddy.

Heiji said nothing; the two swung the bag back and then sent it flying into the river where it was carried slowly downstream as it sunk. They got back into the car and Heiji drove back towards the train station.

"You're really not going to tell me, are you?" asked Shinichi, having exited the car and looking back through the window.

"Nope." smiled Heiji.

Shinichi sighed again, "Oh well. You owe me."

"Sure thing, Kudo." Shinichi noted that Heiji seemed a LOT happier and sociable now then before; it was almost creepy, but he shrugged it off as he waved goodbye to Heiji and entered the station…

"Oi! Kazuha! Where ya going?!" Heiji called after Kazuha as she began to leave school in the opposite direction than that in which they usually went to walk home.

"Hm? Oh, I'm going to pick up Ellery." replied Kazuha, stopping and turning to look at Heiji who looked at her incredulously as he caught up.

"Who?!" asked Heiji, thinking, 'Ellery? You can't be serious.'

Kazuha blinked at him before brightening, "Oh, right, you don't know!"

"Ka-zu-ha." Heiji said dangerously, at the same time getting dangerously close to her.

Kazuha took a step back, blushing slightly, and then, understanding his reaction, responded, "Ahou! He's just this kid that's staying at my house for a bit."

'Who does this remind me of?' mused Heiji, as he looked at Kazuha with half-moon eyes. "Who's the ahou here, ahou?!"

"You can come with me to go pick him up at the elementary school if you want." offered Kazuha, ignoring the 'ahou' comment.

"I guess I have nothing better to do." said Heiji, slinging his bag over his shoulder and following Kazuha towards the elementary school, more than a little bit suspicious. He waited outside as Kazuha walked in to find the famed 'Ellery'; a few kids ran around the playground, laughing.

"Thank you! Bye!" he heard Kazuha say as she exited the building, holding a child, probably around the age of seven, by the hand.

"Alright, Ellery-kun, this is Hattori Heiji, a friend of mine." introduced Kazuha, "Heiji, Ross Ellery. He's all alone because his parents are away so he's staying at my house until they get back. Uh, Heiji? Heiji?" But her words fell on deaf ears as Heiji stare, his jaw nearly hitting the ground at the young child who looked oddly like a combination of Edogawa Conan and himself.

'Ellery' grinned maliciously at Heiji before winking, not that Kazuha noticed who was too busy trying to snap Heiji out of his shocked daze.

"B-but, that's-!" exclaimed Heiji. Kazuha just shook her head, "You're acting really weird today, ahou."

As Kazuha and 'Ellery' walked away, 'Ellery' tore free of Kazuha's hand for a moment and ran back towards Heiji to whom he whispered, "Tsuki!" before winking and sticking out his tongue at Heiji.

Had Heiji not loved his cap so much, he swore he would have eaten it.

"BUT THAT'S OKITA!!!!" yelled Heiji, but Kazuha and 'Ellery' were long gone.

Ah, that was fun to write. And huzzah for a minor character! Anyway, Okita's fake name was basically just another thing to get on Heiji's nerves; 'Ellery' from 'Ellery Queen' and 'Ross' from 'Barnaby Ross', another pseudonym for the cousins who wrote Ellery Queen.

Heiji: You are evil!!! ALL OF YOU!

Chibi-Okita: Mua ha ha.

Shinichi: *sweatdrop* Heiji and Okita are unavailable for further comment as they are currently in the midst of attacking each other.

Chibi-Okita (in background): CHILD ABUSE! CHILD ABUSE!!

Kazuha (in background): HEIJI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, AHOU?!

Kaito: Ha ha ha!!

Shinichi: Hey! Where'd you come from?! You weren't in this one!

Yolapeoples: I think we've established that Kaito likes appearing at random-

Hakuba: -and inopportune-

Yolapeoples: -moments. And I was waiting for you to show up!!! *finds other shoe and tosses at Hakuba*

Hakuba: *dodges* HA! *shoe somehow manages to adopt boomerang qualities, swings around and hits him in the back of the head* …Of course.

Kaito: Please review!

Yolapeoples: *grabs fishing pole* Gots to go fish out the body bag that totally had candy in it and not some strangely familiar child in it!

Kaito: *sticks fingers in ears* No fishy, no fishy, no fishy. Na na na! I can't hear you!!!

Next Conan's Hint: Coffeecake.