Alrighty here's this episode/chapter!
Remember it's a MAX of 3 questions, if you're going to leave questions. Even if you aren't, leave a review.
Enjoy and please review!
(Opening theme)
Me: Hello! And welcome to-
F: Yea yea, they all got it, Lost.
Me: It's kind of my job to keep it professional, Faith. Now if you'll just let me-
F: You need to find the fun. Listen, here's what we'll do. We'll all go out for a drink or two-
K: Or ten.
F: -and then we'll see how professional you want to keep it.
Me: I'm not much of a drinker.
(F throws up her hands)
F: That's why you haven't found the fun!
B: Faith, you shouldn't be encouraging that.
F: What, drinking?
B: Too much drinking.
C: Well just because you can't handle a couple shots, Buffy...
(B is indignant)
B: I can handle a couple shots just fine, Cordelia!
X: Well, Buff, that's kind of a relative thing.
W: Yea, the whole 'you say po-tah-toe and I say po-tay-toe' thing.
(B rolls eyes)
B: In any case, you shouldn't encourage too much drinking to those much younger than we are!
G: That's very true. We wouldn't want to be the cause of nasty habits.
S: Oh you're one to talk, you bloody old codger.
(G massages temples)
Me: Okaaay, so anyways, let's start, shall we?
G: Please do.
Me: Alright, Buffy, you're up!
(B sighs)
B: As always, I'm first. No surprises here.
(W shrugs meekly)
W: Well you always did say that you don't like surprises much.
B: Yea, when it comes to demons and vampire-y activity! Not when it comes to talk shows and interviews.
Me: I'm very sorry, Buffy, but we prefer to stick with the program. For now, at least. Alright, so from xXAngel of fireXx...
(drum roll)
"We all know about your cave-slayer incident, but how would you feel if Faith got turned into a cave-slayer?"
(B raises eyebrows)
B: How do you all know about that?
Me: From QuitersxNeverxWin...
(drum roll)
"What's the most money you've spent in one shopping session?"
(B giggles)
(G sighs)
(F smirks)
F: Poor Giles and his Council money.
W: I'll say.
Me: From Tweak...
(drum roll)
"What would you do if you didn't have 'the pout' at your disposal?"
(F grumbles)
F: Trust me, she's got plenty of things.
(X singsongs)
X: Pussywhipped!
(AY glares)
(X withers)
AY: Exactly what you are.
(F high fives AY)
Me: From samreihan...
(drum roll)
"What does it take to make Faith behave; well except for sex, anyways?"
(B sighs)
(F smirks)
Me: And last question! From LIGHT. It Burns Us...
"What is one personality trait that really impresses you in others?"
D: Not too bad, at least I don't have odd visuals that make me run screaming for therapy.
(K glances at W, turns to D, then leans in)
K: Giles. Naked.
(D turns a slight shade of green and - holding her mouth and stomach - runs for the bathroom)
(W sighs)
(K shrugs with a grin)
(X makes a face)
X: I wish you didn't say that.
K: Why, don't you just love thinking about Giles in all his naked Brit glory?
(X turns green and runs for the bathroom as well)
X: Dawn! Open the door, I need to puke!
W: Isn't there a bathroom for both genders?
Me: One's out of order.
(W eyes go wide)
W: Oh.
K: I know. Fine work, huh?
Me: Very well, Kennedy, now let's get going. Buffy, if you would answer the first question:
"We all know about your cave-slayer incident, but how would you feel if Faith got turned into a cave-slayer?"
(B frowns)
B: Eesh. That would...suck.
(D returns looking a little better)
D: Clearly she wouldn't have time to feel anything about anything, since Faith would probably kill us all in our sleep.
(F looks insulted)
F: I would not! I'd just...kill you while you were awake. There's a big difference.
B: Uh, not so much.
AY: Actually Buffy, Faith is right. If you compare being asleep and being awake, and being killed in either state. I'm certain the difference is noticeable.
W: I think what she's saying is that either way we'd be dead.
AY: Well of course, did you think being killed ended in some other way?
(S rolls eyes)
S: You are impossible.
(AY gets smug)
AY: Actually, I'm pretty possible. See me, standing here? Possible.
C: Girl's got a point. Nicely countered.
AY: Thank you.
AG: Going on to the question...
Me: Yes, thank you, Angel. Buffy?
B: Well I guess I'd be panicking big time, then I'd do everything I could to contain her. And after that-
(X returns looking refreshed)
X: She'll gather the troops and we'd get to work on fixing her right up!
B: Guess I can't say it any better than that.
Me: Fabulous, I'm sure it's a relief to all of us, in case that ever does occur. Alright, Buffy, the next question:
"What's the most money you've spent in one shopping session?"
B: Well...
F: She doesn't remember. I'm the one who had to collect the receipts and give'm to G-man, who nearly had a coronary.
B: A girl needs her designer clothes.
C: I'll drink to that.
B: See? Even Cordelia agrees with me.
AG: That can't be good.
D: Um, hello? There are a lot more girls than guys here, and no, Xander totally doesn't count. Shopping is a lifestyle.
(K snaps her fingers with every two words)
K: Live it, work it, love it.
W: Welcome to the world of female empowerment!
S: Oh bloody hell.
AY: It has its bloody moments, yes.
(Pause)
F: Okay...
C: Anyways, this is a good season for open-toes. Strappy heels, of course.
B: Fashion tops, of course, with some designer jeans.
D: Don't forget jewelry!
B: White gold.
K: Silver.
W: Gold!
C: Platinum.
D: All of the above.
(Everyone else stares)
X: Thank God An doesn't spend money like that. I'd be broke.
AY: I prefer my stacks of cash over overused, name brand clothes with designs that I can find at Target for less than ten dollars.
F: And I...just find something that fits and buy it.
S: Impressive.
F: I know. It's cheap, it's fast, and I still look good.
C: Yea, yea, Miss Sexy. Just because the rest of us want to spend time looking for clothes that don't all look the same...
F: Please. You wore a pair of heels that looked just like that yesterday, the only difference is that there's one more strap down the middle than the other one.
B: Faith, that makes all the difference in the world.
F: And you wore a skirt like that yesterday, except today it's a shade darker and there's a tiny pocket on the left hip.
D: Uh yea. Big difference.
(F rolls eyes and crosses arms)
F: I give up. Girls are really fucking confusing.
X: That's what I've been thinking!
Me: Well then, thank you girls, for answering the question for Buffy. Now Buffy, the next question is:
"What would you do if you didn't have 'the pout' at your disposal?"
(B strokes chin thoughtfully)
B: Well it's my most effective weapon, but it's not my only weapon.
(F grunts)
F: You're telling me.
AG & S: We understand.
B: I've got my own version of the 'resolve face' that Wills taught me.
K: But Willow's is much harder to resist. Trust me.
B: Then there's-
F: The puppy dog eyes. She can make those suckers tear up like no one else I know.
AG: Yea, that always worked with me.
S: She mostly used the 'silent treatment' and the sodding glare.
F: Ooh, yea. She uses that on me a lot, too.
AG: I just got cried at.
S: 'Cause you're bloody fucking easy.
(AG is insulted)
AG: I am not!
F: Sorry to break it to ya, buddy, but you kind of are.
B: Hence the crying. And the occasional bout of teenage hormones and shouting.
S: Ooh. I suppose that's the worst bit, mate. I'm kind of sorry.
F: Yea. I would be, if I didn't mostly wish it was me she was crying and shouting about.
(AG gives apologetic look)
(B holds her hand)
B: At least you have me now.
F: That's all I ask.
Audience: Aww.
(K & D gag)
Me: That's so sweet, you two! Such a dysfunctionally beautiful couple, huh? Next question for Buffy:
"What does it take to make Faith behave; well except for sex, anyways?"
(F scoffs)
F: Pfft. Nothing.
B: Except for all the methods mentioned above.
F: Not all the time!
(Everyone stares)
(F throws up her hands)
F: Fine, so I'm Buffy's bitch.
K: Oh we all knew that already.
(F kicks K in the shin)
K: Ow! Fuck!
(F smiles cheerily)
F: Take a number, junior.
(W grabs K's hand)
W: She'll do no such thing!
(F winks)
F: It's cool Red, I won't tell her that you're the number right before her.
(W flushes)
C: I've taken a couple, I believe I'm next.
(B growls)
B: No, you are not.
(S grins)
S: SIgn me up, pet.
(AG shrugs)
AG: Why not?
(X lights up)
X: Ooh! Me too!
(AY puts hands on her hips)
AY: I'm sorry, Xander, but I'm afraid that I'm after Cordelia, and before all three of you.
(B looks slightly appalled)
B: Um, excuse me? There's no number taking or any girlfriend fucking in this vicinity.
S: Oh sure, just be a selfish snob and keep the girl to yourself, why don't you?
(B hugs F to her)
B: I will, thank you.
Me: And thank you for answering the question! Well here's your last question, Buffy:
"What is one personality trait that really impresses you in others?"
C: Being dead.
K: And sucking blood.
D: And having a tortured soul.
W: Or past.
X: Or future. Cause I have to be honest, Angel. I always felt bad that you couldn't do the deed because of that curse.
AG: Thanks, I guess.
(B scowls throughout all that)
B: You guys suck.
AY: And very well, I might add. Just ask Xander.
(Everyone looks grossed out)
(X shrugs)
X: It's true.
(D looks sick again)
D: I think I hate you.
F: Yea. Man, way too much info there.
Me: And going on...Buffy?
B: Um...yea. Well I really am impressed with confidence. And wit.
W: Which might explain why we all felt threatened when Faith made an appearance.
G: Certainly Faith held an amount of zest and an air of confidence that our group somewhat lacked.
S: It's why she sodding fell for me, too.
C: Without the wit.
S: Right...hey!
C: Hey yourself.
Me: Alrighty then, that's all for Buffy! Now let's see...Hmm. We have a variety of question for a variety of people today, it seems. Well I suppose we'll just work our way with the individual questions. Aha! This one is from xXAngel of fireXx, and it is for Anya! Alright, the question is...
(drum roll)
"Ok, I know you don't bunnies, but have you ever sat down and watched a Bugs Bunny cartoon?"
(AY raises her eyebrows and turns to X)
AY: What in D'Hoffryn's name is a bug's bunny?
X: Ah, well, An...it's-
AY: Is it actually an insect's pet rabbit? Can they really get that small?
(Everyone laughs or giggles or chuckles)
(AY gets huffy)
AY: I don't get how this is funny. We're talking about a completely new species of bunnies that I've never heard of, and you're laughing at my expense.
(D giggles some more)
D: Bugs Bunny is a cartoon character, Anya. He was very popular back in the early 90s.
W: Yay for Looney Tunes! Me and Xander used to watch those cartoons all the time!
F: Lemme guess, you were a total Tweety fan.
(W blushes)
(X grins boyishly)
X: Mine too!
(F waves the comment off)
F: Yea, but with you, I didn't have to guess.
X: I'm not sure if that's an insult or a compliment.
S: It's definitely an insult.
(B turns to the girls)
B: Spike kind of reminds me of a Sylvester, doesn't he?
(W squeals)
W: Oh my Goddess, he does!
K: Or Wile Coyote.
S: I can't believe you bints are comparing me to a cartoon character. I used to be the most feared, badarse vampire-
F: Yea yea, can it, Bleach-head.
(S scowls)
Me: Well, that successfully answered the question. Next individual question is for...Giles!
(G, who has been reading the whole time, looks up)
G: Me?
B: You really should pay attention. Bad habits, you know.
(G gives B reproving look)
(B smiles innocently and shrugs)
(G clears throat)
G: Yes, well, I'm quite ready now.
Me: Great! So this is from Jinxgirl, who asks...
(drum roll)
"When was the last time you had sex, and with who?"
(S makes a face)
S: Oh bloody come on! It's not like we want to know about that!
(G just looks appalled)
G: I must say, I'm not all that keen on responding to the question.
F: Man up, Giles. It's a harmless little question. I've answered about a thousand of them in the past few shows.
D: Yea, if I - as the youngest in our group - can do it, then you - as the oldest looking in our group - can do it.
G: I suppose that should insult me, but I'm much too busy feeling my privacy crash down around me as we speak.
W: Come on, Giles, it's all out of fun.
B: I mean, personally, I don't want to know, but since it was asked, you kind of have to answer it somewhat. It's totally required.
(G starts to stutter)
G: Ah...yes, well...the last time...I had sex...
(K jumps up)
K: Oh my God. Don't tell me...is it that lady at the bakery!
(W jumps up)
W: REALLY?! GILES!
G: No! I...I didn't...we did not participate in sexual intercourse.
(K & W sit down, their bubbles well burst)
(F crosses arms)
F: Why you gotta make it sound so sex ed, G? 'Sexual intercourse'? You can't just tell it how it is?
G: That is what it is.
(F shakes her head)
F: Nah, Giles. Sex is much hotter than 'sexual intercourse'. You gotta use the right words.
G: I'd...rather not.
(F shrugs)
F: Your loss. Chicks dig it when you dirty talk.
(B nudges F)
B: Shut up, Faith.
X: Uh actually, guys like it too.
AY: Oh he really does.
(X turns red)
X: An!
AY: What?
X: I told you to watch what you're talking about!
AY: You brought it up first, so there was nothing wrong with it.
X: But-
AY: Don't you start.
(X lowers his head)
(F shakes her head)
F: Nothing sadder in this world than a guy pussywhipped that bad.
AG: No kidding.
K: I don't know, it's kind of fun to watch.
D: Oh it is. I enjoy helping Anya smack him at the appropriate times when she's counting money.
AY: She really is a great help. Thank you, Dawn. You are much more use to me than your sister.
(B glowers)
B: Oh, because saving your ex-demon hiney a hundred thousand times isn't good enough for you?
(AY pauses)
AY: Well you do nearly get me killed about more than half those times, and I did die that one time.
B: I died twice for you guys! Twice!
AY: Oh, so it's a contest now? Really, Buffy. That's dangerous. One day or another you might just die and stay dead, and that just wouldn't do.
F: Uh...yea. Let's try to stay alive. All of us.
AY: Yes, what a great idea, Faith. You are very smart, I don't understand why these people thought you were a psychopathic murder-crazy slut who is an idiot back in the day. I never thought that.
(F quirks an eyebrow at the rest of them)
(They look sheepish)
F: Thanks An. That's why you're my best friend, right?
AY: Exactly.
(W says meekly)
W: So Giles! About that...that question that has to do with the loving and s-stuff!
G: Er...right. I believe it's been a couple years.
(F groans)
F: I could never in my life do that.
(X is curious)
X: Who with?
(G flushes)
G: I believe her name was Ms. Julie Gates.
F: What's up with you and all the J names?
(G stammers)
(B pales)
(D puts hands over her ears)
B: Let's not bring that up.
D: I still can't believe it. I can't believe you and Mom...
(C actually looks surprised)
C: Are you serious? Damn. I'm slightly impressed.
D: AUGH!
Me: ...well okay then! Going on to the next individual question! Oh look, it's a comment. This one's for...Angel!
(C waves a tiny flag and speaks in monotone)
C: Whoo hoo. Go Angel.
AG: Could you be any more sarcastic?
C: Probably, but go receive your comment, big guy.
Me: Alright, this one is from Tweak, who comments...
(drum roll)
"Ok...you SERIOUSLY claim to be straight...yet you have a love for Manilow and various power ballads...fess up dude, you're about as straight as a U-turn."
(Everyone except AY and AG snigger)
(AY is confused)
AY: But U-turns aren't very straight at all.
X: Exactly, An.
C: I've so always wondered about the Manilow.
F: Man I spent a couple days laughing about that whole karaoke deal after he told me about it!
(B is curious)
B: What did he sing?
(F & C glance at each other)
F & C: Mandy.
(B raises eyebrows, then turns to AG)
B: Angel?
(AG cringes)
AG: Buffy?
B: You're gay.
(Pause)
B: I'm very sorry I didn't notice when we were dating.
AG: I'm not gay!
S: Oh it's alright, mate. I'm sure there are plenty of gay vampires out there somewhere. Or if you're still into fucking mortals...
F: You're one to talk.
(S is indignant)
S: I'm not a sodding fag! Do I have to prove it to you?
B: Uh, no proving, thanks.
(AY starts laughing)
AY: I get it! As straight as a U-turn...haha! That's so funny, because it's an irony and an oxymoron!
W: She's so good at math, but English...
G: At the least we all...understand her somewhat.
K: Yea...'somewhat'.
Me: Well, Kennedy, you're actually up next!
K: Goody me.
Me: From MoSwAgGz, who would like to ask...
(drum roll)
"Do you have any fantasies about Willow that you would like to share?"
(W flushes)
W: Don't you dare!
(F grins)
(So does K)
F: Spill all, Ken.
K: Well I would, if I could.
X: What do you mean?
K: All my fantasies?
(Everyone nods)
(K leans in with a Chesire Cat grin)
K: No longer fantasies.
D: That's it. You're paying for half of my therapy fund.
K: Hell no I'm not.
D: Yes you are!
K: Okay, if someone needs therapy, it's me, for having to hear about your threesome back in college!
(D grumbles)
D: Yea yea, just bring that up, why don't you?
K: I will, and I did!
Me: Going on then! Cordelia, I believe you're next.
(This time, AG waves the tiny flag)
AG: Whoo hoo. Go Cordelia.
C: Har har. Asshole. Go snag someone else's lines.
AG: At this point in my life, I'm not going for originality. It's a wonder I can walk and that I still have my hair.
(AG grins)
(C rolls eyes)
C: Whatever. What's the question?
Me: From MoSwAgGz again, who asks you...
(drum roll)
"Have you ever had fantasies about Faith and if so what were they?"
C: Um yea. Who hasn't had fantasies about Faith? Honestly?
(Cue crickets)
C: Exactly.
(X begins to drool)
(S looks just as eager)
S: And it was...?
C: Well there was one where we were at this club...
(B glares at S)
B: Keep it in your pants, or I'll make Angel rape you.
(AG looks horrified)
(So does S)
AG: I would never do that. Why? Because I'm not gay!
S: I'm fucking glad you aren't, mate! I'd have to kill you if you tried.
AG: Like you could.
S: I bloody well could!
AG: Sure, whatever you say, Spike.
(S scowls)
C: ...and that leather dildo was involved...
(X drools)
(F tries not to)
(B pouts)
S: It's really not that hard, just stab you through with a sodding sword, and I'll win.
C: ...and that's it.
(X collapses with a dreamy look)
(AY nods approvingly)
(W is flushing)
(K is smirking)
(G holds his book up to cover his red face)
(D looks slightly petrified and intrigued at the same time)
(S & AG look upset for missing the story)
(B is scowling)
(F is grinning)
F: Damn. We're just wild in your fantasies, huh, C?
(B pouts)
B: Look what you did! Now I have to work twice as hard to be wild-ER than I already am!
C: Oh please, you are so vanilla it's not even cute.
(B lunges)
(C takes off her shoes)
(F looks on with interest)
F: You sure you don't want to spend money for that video camera, An?
AY: I'm sure, Faith.
(B lets out a war cry and body slams C)
(AY eyes widen)
AY: Or maybe it'd be a good investment.
X: Sweet! Catfight documentaries!
D: No copies will be made for you, Xander.
(X sniffles)
Me: Well...let's get on, shall we? I suppose Buffy and Cordelia are slightly busy, so it's a good thing we got them over with. Let's see...ah here we go. Faith, you're up.
F: Sweet. Bring it.
Me: Alright. Faith, QuitersxNeverxWin would like to know, and Buffy you may want to pay attention for this...
(drum roll)
"What was the most romantic thing you've done for Buffy?"
F: Other than save her life a couple times?
W: I think they mean in typical, normal situations, Faith.
F: Oh. Right. Well, it was our anniversary, and I really wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I thought about it, and I decided to set up a nice dinner in the mess hall. So I got everybody to stay off the first floor, I had Red and Cordy help decorate the place with the candles. I went out, got a rose, some dinner stuff and some great wine and got ready for the show to start. I had a gift for her too, but I'll get to that later.
(Pause)
F: So I hired Xan-man to be the waiter, and I hired the girls to do the cooking while Squirt kept B busy outside with "sister hang-out day". So when B got home, she was kind of cranky, and she totally forgot about our anniversary, which was the point, so that I could surprise her. I told her to take a nap and whatever, and she just grumbled and took a shower and slept for an hour or so. While she was sleeping, and B's a heavy sleeper when she's tired, I tied a blindfold around her eyes and woke her up.
(Another pause)
F: She was all, "Faith, what are you doing? I'm tired, I want to sleep." But I got her up, led her out the house and to the school, where the candlelit area was waiting. Then I sat her down and took off the blindfold and said, "Happy Anniversary, baby!" Then she started doing that girly crying-
(B comes back with messy hair and torn clothes)
B: You were crying, too!
F: Just a tear. Anyways so she was crying and I was telling her that I loved her and that I just wanted to do something nice for our anniversary, that I hoped she liked it, and she start wailing and says she's so happy, and then she stops, looks at me, then starts crying again, saying, "I'm not even dressed right!" And I had to calm her down about it. Then we ate and laughed and danced, and they guys were all great with the service, and afterwards I gave her two gifts.
W: Oh it was so cute!
D: Yea, I didn't even know Faith was capable of being so sweet.
(AY nudges X)
AY: You should take notes.
(X is sheepish)
F: I got her a silver chain, cause B's not all fancy shmancy with the pendants, and the other present was a little silly-
B: She got me a replica of Mr. Gordo!
(B beams)
Audience: Aww!
(AG is impressed)
AG: That is really good.
S: No wonder she went for the girl and not us.
C: She's a lot more thoughtful than you give her credit for.
F: I'm not so good at it, but I wanted to try for B.
Me: Oh that's just so sweet!
(B sniffles)
B: She really is.
F: Thanks.
Me: Well, time for your next question, from Jinxgirl, is...
(drum roll)
"What, other than being sent to Hell, was the worst thing that ever happened to you, and how did you react to it?"
F: Easy. I was led to believe that Buffy didn't care or love me. Twice.
(X frowns)
X: That, actually kind of makes me really depressed.
F: You think you were depressed?
W: Both were good examples of the toughest of the tough times.
G: Most strenuous for the all of us, truly. Most of the issues brought up in the first time could've been avoided, but I'm afraid we were all still busy being rather full of ourselves.
(B turns a little pink)
B: Not the best of my times as a Slayer. I promise, I did have my moments.
K: How many, the both times that you died?
(B scowls)
F: Lay off, Ken. B can be a bitch but everything she does means well.
AY: Only sometimes, the other times are often selfish human means.
(X stutters)
X: An!
AY: What? It's true enough for you and Willow and Giles, too.
(W flushes)
(G clears throat)
(X pales)
(B rolls eyes)
Me: Alrighty then, we have two more questions for Faith from LIGHT. It Burns Us. And they are...
(drum roll)
"What's the worst pick up line you've ever heard?"
"What do you first notice about someone?"
F: Pick up lines, huh?
(W giggles)
W: Ooh, Faith! I've bet you've heard some pretty bad ones!
C: And some nasty ones.
D: And incredibly cheesy ones.
X: And tell us which ones actually worked!
S: Do tell.
(AG just nods)
K: Freak-asses.
AY: I couldn't have put it any better than that.
F: There was one where I grabbed the guy by the throat and tossed him over the counter.
(X grabs G's notebook and pulls out a pen)
G: Isn't that my pen?
AY: It's his now. It was the thing I had for him.
F: Asshole comes up to me holding a wad of cash and says, "Should I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?"
(All guys make an ouch face)
X: Ooh. That's...bad.
S: Godawful. What a bloody fool.
AG: Hope you kicked his ass.
G: I'd have done it.
F: Don't worry. I smashed his face in with my finished Jack D's bottle.
(K high fives F)
K: Good going.
C: He deserved it, for sure.
B: How dare he compare you to a prostitute! I'd have killed him.
D: And I'd...just slap him.
W: And I'd tear him limb from limb!
(Everyone stares)
W: Without lifting a finger!
AY: I hope you took the money anyway.
F: Oh I did. What's a couple stray punches for a hundred bucks?
K: What about some cheesy ones?
F: I never get really cheesy ones. Those are usually set aside for the girls who look like they shouldn't be in a raunchy bar. But I guess there were couple of times when a guy would come up to me and wrap an arm around my shoulder and say, "Hey babe, are you ready to go home?"
(X scribbles)
F: Another funny one was, "Your face or mine?"
(D makes a face)
D: Ewwwww.
S: That is actually hilarious.
F: I thought so.
(Pause)
F: Guess who used it on me?
(Everyone stares)
K: No way.
(B blushes furiously)
B: I was drunk!
(W shakes her head)
W: Oh Buffy.
(X writing aloud)
X: "Your face or mine" should be used when one is a lesbian.
Me: Well that's an interesting idea. Thank you, Faith. Now the next question, which was:
"What do you first notice about someone?"
F: Physical looks, of course.
B: Then subconsciously she gauges just how well they could keep up with her in bed.
(F mocks being insulted)
F: I can't help it, B! It's just the way I am.
AY: Yes, Buffy, kind of like most to all of us can't help wondering what Faith is like in bed.
G: Oh good heavens.
(G decides to wander away)
B: No wondering. She's good, that's it.
(C smirks)
C: Just 'good'? She looks fantastic from over here, Buffy.
(F winks)
(B slaps her on the arm)
F: Ow!
B: No winking! You don't get to wink at her! And you!
(B points at C)
B: Stop baiting her!
W: Actually, Buffy, I think you're the one she's baiting...
B: Whose side are you on?!
K: Best to just back away, baby. Buffy's gonna blow again.
F: Oh I hope so.
(B & C start circling each other)
F: An?
AY: Alright, alright, we'll order the video camera tonight.
Me: While that's going on...again, there are questions for our couples and pairs. Buffy and Faith, Willow and Kennedy, Xander and Anya, Angel and Spike-
S: We're not a bloody couple!
Me: -Kennedy and Cordelia. Wonderful.
F: Ken and Cor?
(X starts drooling)
(K smacks him)
K: Stop thinking about it. Now.
X: I'll try, but I can't promise anything!
Me: We'll start with Jinxgirl's question, which is for Buffy/Faith, Willow/Kennedy, Xander/Anya, and Angel/Spike. The question is...
(drum roll)
"What is the sweetest thing you've ever done for each other?"
Me: Oh, and something she said about Angel and Spike:
"...Angel/Spike (who I insist have some gay tendecies)..."
S & AG: We're not gay!
(Everyone ignores them)
F: Well you've already heard my sweetest thing. Sweetest thing B's ever done for me, other than save my life, is night she really made me believe she loved me. It was the beginnings of our relationship and I just didn't really think she love loved me, so I thought all she wanted was a piece of my ass.
S: Which just about everybody wouldn't mind having.
K: Shut up, homo.
(S flips K off)
(K catches it and puts it in her pocket)
F: But she stopped me and told me she wasn't going to fuck me, cause she didn't want me to think that.
(B returns with a limp)
(C returns with a bloody lip)
B: I just couldn't think of a way to show her that I loved her, and I knew if I just kept fucking her, she'd believe I was just there for the physical. So I decided it'd be better for the both of us if we just took it slow, and eventually she got it.
F: It was the best thing she's done for me.
Audience: Aww!
D: Is that all they say? Aww?
Me: Well what else are they going to say? Boo?
D: Good point.
Me: Alright. Willow and Kennedy?
(K squeezes W's hand gently)
(W smiles)
K: Sweetest thing Willow's ever done for me is being my strength when I lost my best...
(K catches AY's glare)
K: ...I mean one of my closest friends. She stood by me, loved me, believed in me, and even brought her back.
W: And the sweetest thing Kennedy's ever done for me is being my kite string. All the time, especially through all the hard times.
Audience: Aww!
D: Yea, yea. Whatever.
F: Feeling a little left out of the love train, Squirt?
(D scowls)
D: Shove it up your ass, Faith.
B: Dawn. Language.
(D pouts)
Me: Well then...Xander and Anya?
X: Sweetest thing? Heck that's easy. Loving me even after I hurt her.
AY: You are pretty lucky. I wouldn't have done that for just anyone.
X: I know, hon. I know.
C: And what's the other way around?
AY: His reaction to my return, of course. He waited on me hand and foot, it was great.
W: Oh yea, I remember. With the laundry, dish-washing, room cleaning, cat feeding-
AY: We don't have cats.
W: Right, just...making a point, I guess.
Me: And lastly, our very own 'not' gay pair, Angel and Spike!
S: Get the blasted truth into your sodding minds! I am not gay!
A: Neither am I. I have nothing against the gays, I'm just not gay.
(C gives AG a look)
(D gives S a similar look)
C: Manilow?
D: The hair?
(AG frowns)
(S scowls)
Me: I guess that means you're not answering the question?
(S shouts and flails his arms)
S: There's nothing to bloody answer!
AY: You don't have to be so damn loud. We're all right here.
(S grumbles)
Me: Well while we're on the topic, xXAngel of fireXx has a comment for you two...
(drum roll)
"Sorry, but you guys are so fruity that if they stuck a 2 x 4 up your asses you guys would be popsicles."
(AG growls)
AG: I'll stick a 2 x 4 up your ass-
S: -so fucking far you'll be seeing stars!
F: Hey, hey! Ease off, boys. Just because you like it up the ass doesn't mean everybody does.
S: Why I oughta-
K: Oh shut your trap.
(AG just lets out a sigh of defeat)
(S scowls some more)
Me: And now, for Kennedy and Cordelia.
(W quirks an eyebrow)
W: Kennedy...and Cordelia?
Me: Um...yes, that's what this says.
W: Hmm. Interesting.
(X nudges W)
X: Getting jealous?
W: I think I might be.
Me: From MoSwAgGz, who asks...
(drum roll)
"Have you ever thought of hooking up with each other?"
(K & C glance at each other)
C: Nope.
K: Not in particular.
(W lets out sigh of relief)
F: Seriously? Not once?
K: I've been with Willow the whole time. I'm not much interested in anyone else, even if Cordy's very sexy.
C: And although she's a hottie, I only have my eyes for one brunette.
(C winks at F)
(B narrows eyes)
Me: Okay then, since that theory's been kicked off the list, we have one more question for Buffy and Faith from Tweak. And it is...
(drum roll)
"Where's the other persons ticklish spot?"
(B pouts)
(F smirks)
B: Faith is a loser and doesn't have a ticklish spot.
F: And B's ticklish on the sides, this weirdass spot on her stomach, and even lower down under-
(B clamps hand over F's mouth)
B: On my...feet! That's right, you got me, I'm just super ticklish on my feet. Yep! With the tickling and laughing and funniness all around...
(Cue crickets and stares except AY, who looks confused)
K: Uh...huh.
(B turns pink)
C: Well that's...cute.
D: In an entirely I-so-need-therapy way.
F: Hey, well, now you have blackmail material.
D: Not now that it's been exposed to the world!
F: Oh yea.
(B groans)
(W pats her back)
W: It's okay. My girlfriend embarrasses me, too.
(K is doing a disco dance with X)
W: Like I said.
(S & AG are arguing about something)
S: I'm right!
AG: No, you're wrong! I'm the one that's right!
(C shakes her head)
C: Gay fights.
S & AG: We're not gay!
(G is trying to push past the security guards)
G: I just need to...if you would excuse me...pardon me, sir...I just...sir...?
(B & F make out on the couch)
(AY tilts her head in confusion)
AY: I still don't get it.
Me: Well that's it for today, all! Thanks for your questions and reviews, please leave some more, and have a good evening!
(Ending theme)