Hey! So I finally got around to finishing this one. Sorry it took so long!
Alright, so first notice: Please only leave 3 questions in the box! And when you do, if you could also leave a review as well, that would be great, thanks!
Second notice: Please check out my newest fic, Dirty Little Secret. It's not humor; it's much more...real and dark, but I did work hard on it, so I find it in my right to promote it. It's updated everyday, and it's not long at all. So, go read and REVIEW.
Enjoy and review!
(Opening theme)
F: Hey, welcome to this...show thing, blah blah blah blah, let's get moving.
Me: Thank you, Faith. That was very...thoughtful of you.
F: Well, introductions make me impatient. Besides, it's taken you this long to get this crap up.
Me: Excuse me for having a life, Faith. Goodness, I'll try not to make it a habit.
(F crosses arms)
F: Good. I've got my eye on you.
Me: Oh you joker, since when? Both of your eyes are always on Buffy! You two are the cutest couple. Ever.
(B & F smile)
B: Aw you are too sweet.
F: Yea. Thanks a lot.
Me: Of course. Now there's a lot of questions, so let's get started!
(Everyone cheers, sort of)
Me: Smashing. Buffy, as always, you go first. I know you don't particularly like it, but-
B: No, no, it's fine. It's been such a longass time that it's fun to be able to start this off, so let's bring it on!
(Everyone really cheers)
Me: I guess you're all excited that the show's back; it's been...somewhat on hold for a bit, and I blame it all on the producer/director's friends. Anyways, Buffy questions! From She's Hearing Voices...
(drum roll)
"Any weird habits you have that drives Faith bonkers?"
(F scoffs)
F: You have no fucking idea, man.
Me: From ToryV...
(drum roll)
"On a scale from 1-10, how pussy-whipped is Faith?"
(Everyone except F smirks)
(F scowls)
W: WAY off the radar.
K: Like 100.
X: Make it 200.
D: Enough to make my therapy bill triple.
F: Assholes.
Me: From Obsidian Twilight...
(drum roll)
"C'mon.. Seriously? Considering that you went all gaga over Xander during your Cave-Slayer phase, can you honestly say that you wouldn't love some hot, sexy, primal loving from Cave-Faith?"
X: Hey! That's a good point!
(F quirks an eyebrow)
F: Never was given the whole details of that incident.
(B flushes)
B: No comment!
Me: From FallenSoldier15...
(drum roll)
"Hey Buff, didn't you really hate it when you're mother was all protective of you and smothered you? Because that's exactly what you're doing to Dawn."
D: Ha! There you go, Buffy!
B: And yet, that didn't stop Mom, now did it?
(D pouts and crosses arms)
D: You suck.
(F winks)
F: And I love it every time.
(D runs screaming)
(F turns to B)
F: Was it something I said?
(B shrugs)
B: Maybe, I don't know when you're being inappropriate anymore.
G: I believe that goes for all of you.
Me: Anyways, going on. Buffy? First question:
"Any weird habits you have that drives Faith bonkers?"
C: Well hell, I'm sure we can all think of at least 5 things each that she does to drive all of us bonkers.
(B gives C the stink eye)
F: I'll list a few for ya. She steals the covers, she nibbles on her food like a fricking hamster, she still can't drive worth shit-
B: Oh yea? Well you've got your own bad habits too! You snore, you hog all the food, you still smoke-
F: She runs up the phone bill and maxes out our cards with all that shopping-
B: You stay out too late, you never pick up your socks-
(The others continue to watch them like a tennis match)
F: She can't ever take a fucking joke, she takes half the day in the bathroom preparing for the day-
B: You flirt with everyone, you take better care of your boots than the house-
F: And then she uses up half the day complaining about the day-
B: You always want to have sex-
F: She- what?! Back up, that is so not a bad habit!
B: I know, I just ran out of bad habits.
F: Oh.
(Pause)
(F grins sheepishly)
F: Me too.
B: I love you.
F: I love you, B.
(Everybody else groans)
(D grumbles)
D: They just can't get a freaking room like civilized people, can they?
C: Hate to break it to you, but Slayers are about as far from civilized as you can get. Human-wise. Don't even get me started on vampires.
(AG & S begin to protest)
AG: I'm very civilized, thank you very much.
S: Goes for me too, pet.
K: Sure, is that why you come home some nights smelling like piss and puke?
(S jabs a finger towards her)
S: Listen, even all the civilized bints have those bloody nights!
X: Excuses, excuses!
Me: So before this goes off into a fight, Buffy, please move on to your next question:
"On a scale from 1-10, how pussy-whipped is Faith?"
(Everyone except F laughs again)
K: Did I already say she was flying off the scale?
(F scowls)
F: Yea, yea, we got it, you little-
(K continues to cackle)
K: I mean she's definitely over 100!
W: Maybe even over 500.
D: Oh please. She easily beats 1000.
(AY looks confused)
AY: I don't get how you could go over a scale that already has a limit. I mean, that's literally impossible.
(Everyone stares at her funny)
W: You know, that's your problem. You're just too...literal.
AY: Well what else could I be? Metaphorical? I wouldn't even exist!
(B clears throat)
B: I'd say about an 8.5. She's not completely whipped, but it's very close.
(F grumbles)
B: What's that, Faith?
(F smiles sweetly)
F: Nothing, B.
(X coughs into his hand)
X: Pussy-whipped!
(F flips X off)
Me: Next question for Buffy:
"C'mon.. Seriously? Considering that you went all gaga over Xander during your Cave-Slayer phase, can you honestly say that you wouldn't love some hot, sexy, primal loving from Cave-Faith?"
F: Again, what exactly went on?
B: Nothing at all, Faith. Just stupid Cave-Slayer stuff. You know.
(F crosses arms)
F: No, I don't know, actually. Enlighten me.
(B laughs nervously)
B: Erm...no comment?
F: B!
B: It was an honest mistake! Xander is definitely not on my sex radar, anywhere!
AY: Hey!
X: I believe that's my 'hey'. Hey!
B: What I mean is that you're like a brother, and getting all wriggly with a brother is way ew, and no, I wouldn't like 'hot, sexy, primal loving' from a Cave-Faith, because I get that from my Faith.
F: She sure does!
AY: And as happy as I am for Faith, being that we are best friends and I need to ensure her happiness, it really gets loud. They have more orgasms in one night than Xander and I do in one week!
(D looks grossed out)
D: Okay. WAY too much info.
G: Indeed.
W: Yea, Anya. All you need are earplugs!
AY: Well if you just soundproofed our rooms, there wouldn't be any problems!
W: I did. That's after I soundproofed.
(AY looks impressed for once)
AY: Well. In that case, Faith, my offer for sex stands.
B: Which she will not take.
C: Excuse me, but you're not Faith.
AY: She's right, Buffy. You really shouldn't try to control people like that all the time. No wonder all the younger Slayers always call you-
(X claps hand over AY's mouth)
X: Uh...interviewer person! Next question? Yes?
Me: Of course, Xander. Your last question/comment, Buffy:
"Hey Buff, didn't you really hate it when you're mother was all protective of you and smothered you? Because that's exactly what you're doing to Dawn."
B: I believe I already answered this.
AY: Again with the controlling.
K: That's Buffy for you. Geez, why do you have to be such a-
(W claps hand over K's mouth)
W: Okaaaay! I'm sure we all know that Buffy is just being a good sister and wanting to look out for Dawn and stuff.
D: It just gets really annoying, considering I am over the legal age.
B: I don't know how many times I have to say it, but Dawn, you're my little sister. I'm always going to want to protect you.
F: Yea, Squirt, just let her do what she feels is right. B loves you; we all do. Nobody wants anything to happen to you.
X: You're the resident baby sister!
(D looks flattered, but scowls at X anyway)
D: You call me a baby again and I'll take my baseball bat to your head!
(X turns pale)
S: Who in the bloody hell thought it was a good idea to give the Nibblet a fucking baseball bat?
AG: A steel one, at that.
F: Oh. My bad.
C: Of course it was you.
(F shrugs)
Me: Oh wait! Buffy, it seems you have two more questions from Lizzie Lehane, which just came in! It is...
(drum roll)
"If Dawn was NOT your sister, would you consider going out with her? Weird question, I know, so, if it bothers you, don't answer. I understand. :)"
"Can you name three celebrities, male or female, that you'd have sex with?"
(B pales)
B: Oh god.
D: Ewwwww!
X: That even grossed me out.
W: Which means, no, she would not consider going out with Dawn. Wow...
F: However, I would.
(F grins and winks at D)
(C rolls eyes)
C: You'd date anybody.
F: Nah. Just the hot ones.
Me: Go ahead and answer the second question, Buffy.
B: Hmm. Well first choice is Brad Pitt.
F: What?! That blond piece of junk?
B: He's a classic choice!
C: She's right. You weren't really around Cali for the Brad Pitt craze.
F: Ugh. Don't tell me Red was in on this, too?
W: Well...
(F throws up hands)
F: That's it. You're all done.
(B pats F's arm)
B: Anyways, second choice is Heath Ledger.
F: Okay, I approve of him. He made the best Joker ever.
(X squeals)
X: OH MY GOD YES!
AY: Great. Now you've got him started.
X: That was the best acting I've ever seen and did you see how he handled that laugh and his make up was absolutely-
B: And my last pick would be Eliza Dushku.
F: Rawr, she's a fox.
C: You only say that cause the resemblance between you two is uncanny.
F: Like I said; she's a fox.
(F winks)
Me: I believe we shall have Giles next, since we haven't heard him speak too much.
G: Me?
Me: Is there another Giles around?
(G flushes and stammers)
Me: Exactly, my good sir. Now, the first question is from QuitersxNeverxWin...
(drum roll)
"So what's the craziest thing you've come across out of all the books you read?"
W: Oh there's lots of crazy things, kinda hard to pinpoint it down to one...
Me: From Tweak...
(drum roll)
"How does one go from being an original member of Pink Floyd to being a librarian? Talk about major career change."
F: Say fucking what?
S: I second that.
(S turns to G)
S: Say what?!
G: Actually I don't-
Me: A comment from Lizzie Lehane...
(drum roll)
"I find these questions amusing, but I do feel really sorry that you have to hear all of this along with the sometimes less-than-appropriate answers. Wish I could get you out of there, man! :)"
(G sighs)
G: I do wish you could get me out of here as well, dear.
F: Oh come on, G. It's a regular old party in here!
K: Just because you're here doesn't make it a party, Faith.
F: Bite me, Kennedy.
K: Sorry, that's reserved for one dame only.
(K winks)
(F rolls eyes)
Me: So Mr. Giles, if you would start off with the first question:
"So what's the craziest thing you've come across out of all the books you read?"
G: Ah well, they're all a bit off the wall, I'm afraid. There's not a particular one I can think of that pops into my head at the moment-
W: What about that one about the gay demons? Remember we had a few conspiracy theories about that?
B: Gay demons?
D: Yea, it was just me and Giles and Willow when we found it. Apparently there are these demons whose spit literally has some sort of hormone that causes people to have a sexual craving for those of the same sex.
(Crickets)
F: So I guess there really was something in the water.
D: That's what I said.
G: But that, of course, isn't the case. Those demons have been extinct since the 16th century. They weren't even natural. A religious man with some magic found it necessary to conjure these demons as a punishment for sinners. This way, anybody affected would be caught and either burned at the stake or beheaded.
(Everyone cringes)
S: Bloody religious fanatics.
C: You're telling me.
K: Bet he was a Jesus freak.
B: Hey now, we have to be respectful of these religions-
F: Oh fuck it. Who cares? Religion fucks things up, period.
Me: Er...these comments do not reflect the opinions of the author and are solely the thoughts of the characters-
F: Shut it, Lost. You know you think religion is bullshit.
Me: Ah...I...no comment?
(F grins)
F: S'what I thought.
Me: Well, Giles, next question, then:
"How does one go from being an original member of Pink Floyd to being a librarian? Talk about major career change."
F: Okay wait a minute. I knew about the Ripper and all that, but Pink Floyd? Since when?
G: Did I not tell you about that? I, erm, was a founding member.
F: Whoa. I totally missed that.
K: Apparently I missed something, too.
Me: Huh. Well I guess the point of the comment is to say it was a very big difference between being a bad boy to being a stiff upper-lip Watcher who worked under the guise of a librarian at a suburban California high school. Honestly, Mr. Giles. Jolly old, to Cali?
G: It wasn't easy, I can tell you that much.
W: Sheesh, we weren't that bad.
C: Really, we weren't. I know for a fact I wasn't.
X: Well I don't know about Cordelia but yea, we're pretty cool for boring, plain, American kids.
B: Even if we weren't exactly boring or plain.
(Everyone else scoffs)
S: Are you kidding? You bloody nuts were the only mortals that got under my skin long enough for me to honestly hate your flipping guts!
AG: Always complaining about one thing or another.
AY: So picky, too. And I thought some of the women I worked with had issues. Until I met you and your increasingly ridiculous modern-day, teenager problems.
K: And so fricking self-righteous. God!
(F snorts)
F: You're telling me. I got the worst of that medicine right there.
(F uses mocking voice)
F: 'We are the Scooby Gang, you can't be one of us, because Giles is not your Watcher, Willow isn't your best friend, Xander isn't your obsessive puppy-dog follower, and you aren't Buffy!'
B: Hey! We apologized for that!
F: Yea yea.
Me: Stepping off the bitter train, here, but your last comment, Giles:
"I find these questions amusing, but I do feel really sorry that you have to hear all of this along with the sometimes less-than-appropriate answers. Wish I could get you out of there, man! :)"
B: Oh please. He finds it just as amusing.
G: I beg your pardon?
X: Come on, Giles! I know you're laughing inside at all the inappropriate-ness!
K: You're the Dumbledore to Buffy's irritating Harry Potter.
B: Since when am I a conflicted teenage male?
AG: Since now, apparently.
(AY looks curious)
AY: Really? Buffy, are you now actually a male? Can I compare yours with Xander's?
(Everyone stares at AY)
AY: What? Did I say something wrong?
D: Shoot me now. Please.
F: Er...never mind, An.
AY: No, but really. Buffy-
B: I'm not a boy!
(AY looks miffed)
AY: Well you didn't have to yell. I'm right here.
Me: Alrighty then, the next receiver of questions and comments is Dawn! Are you ready, Dawn?
D: About as ready as I'll ever be.
Me: Good, cause it wouldn't have mattered anyway.
D: Hey!
Me: I'm joshing, now, first question is from She's Hearing Voices...
(drum roll)
"Threesome huh? Very interesting...I can't remember if this has been discussed before, but if seems that everyone has some sort of crush on Faith (it IS Faith after all) but what about you? Any fantasies about the dark (haired) slayer?"
(D grumbles)
D: What kind of a first question is that?
C: Very...to the point.
K: Kind of like you.
C: Exactly.
AG: Except less bitchy.
(C glares)
C: Stupid, brooding vampire.
Me: From Narutrix852...
(drum roll)
"If you could get together with anyone of the group (including Faith, Angel, and Spike) who would it be and why? (Though Spike and Angel are clearly in the closet.)"
S: What?! We bloody are not!
AG: Seriously, how many times do we have to say it?
G: I do believe it wouldn't matter. It seems everybody already thinks you are.
S: Bollocks.
AG: Fuck.
Me: Not on my show, you won't!
(AG broods)
(S scowls)
Me: A comment from FallenSoldier15...
(drum roll)
"You're really cute with a rockin body. I sure hope you're really into chicks cause I'd make you mine and treat you like a queen."
Audience: Whoo whoo!
(D flushes)
(B narrows eyes)
B: Not until she comes over for dinner!
D: Oh please, Buffy. I've had so many significant others that you don't know about.
W: Yea, but were any of them of the girl type?
(D blushes)
D: Maybe...?
Me: From Lizzie Lehane...
(drum roll)
"That girl you met at Sunnydale High, Cassie Newton...you and her seemed to get along pretty well. Do you think, if she'd lived, you could've been close friends and could possibly have become more than that?"
"Hope the question I asked Buffy didn't bother you too much, Dawnie."
C: Wait. Why does this girl get to give out more than three questions?
Me: She's a new fan and didn't get the notice in time. Don't worry, she knows now.
C: Oh.
Me: Go ahead and answer your first question, Dawn:
"Threesome huh? Very interesting...I can't remember if this has been discussed before, but if seems that everyone has some sort of crush on Faith (it IS Faith after all) but what about you? Any fantasies about the dark (haired) slayer?"
D: The threesome thing was mentioned a couple episodes back.
W: It was quite the eye-opening experience.
D: And about Faith...
S: Do tell all.
D: Yes to both questions about her.
(B jumps up)
B: I knew it! You had a crush on her ever since she arrived at Sunnydale!
(D puts hands on hips)
D: Oh yea? Well so did you! And look how well the denial thing worked out!
(F puts hand on her stomach)
F: Ick. Don't mention that again.
B: That couldn't be helped!
(Silence)
B: Okay fine. But you...!!
AY: Get over it, Buffy. Everybody wants to have multiple orgasms with Faith. It's a given.
F: Yea, B. Just be glad I'm with you and not them.
(B sighs and sits down)
B: I guess I'll deal.
Me: Next question:
"If you could get together with anyone of the group (including Faith, Angel, and Spike) who would it be and why? (Though Spike and Angel are clearly in the closet.)"
S: I still resent all of you sods for that.
AG: Because we're not gay.
K: Give it a fucking rest, twinkle fangs.
(S lunges at K)
(G and X hold him back)
S: I'll give you a pair of fangs, you little c-
(AG clamps hand over S mouth)
AG: Don't have to go that far. Sheesh.
D: Well anyways, not Buffy, since she's my sister. Not Willow, since she's like my aunt or something. Angel's my sister's ex, and he's got that whole soul curse. Giles, ew-
(G massages temples)
D: -Anya would be weird, Kennedy's a bitch-
K: Fuck you.
D: -Cordelia's the fun big sister-
(C smirks at B)
(B frowns)
D: -so that leaves Faith, Spike, and Xander.
W: You did always have a crush on Xander, too.
K: And the whole doting on Spike thing was pretty obvious.
B: And the hero-worship for Faith.
(F & S & X share grins)
X: Sweet, I'm an idol!
S: Oh please, you were the only male available to the poor kid.
F: Cause you're any better?
S: Shut it, Slayer.
F: Or what? Gonna kick my ass?
S: With a hand behind my bloody back.
F: Pfft. I'd like to see you try.
Me: Not here, I'm afraid. Later. Next comment:
"You're really cute with a rockin body. I sure hope you're really into chicks cause I'd make you mine and treat you like a queen."
F: Go Dawnie! Getting hot with the ladies, woo woo!
(AY pokes X)
AY: How come you never treat me like a queen?
(AY turns to W & K)
AY: Do all lesbians treat their girlfriends like queens? Maybe I should reconsider my sexuality.
X: Whoa! Hey! No leaving me behind, An!
S: Do it. I'm sure it'd be fun to watch the idiot crumble apart.
X: Shut it, peroxide.
Me: Going on! Next question:
"That girl you met at Sunnydale High, Cassie Newton...you and her seemed to get along pretty well. Do you think, if she'd lived, you could've been close friends and could possibly have become more than that?"
(D looks sad)
D: Sometimes I think about that. I don't know about something more, but I know we would've been really good friends. I didn't have a lot of those my age.
W: But you had us, right? We always loved you. Then and now and always.
X: Definitely, Dawnie! We love you!
B: We were always here for you.
G: You are a part of our odd little family, we did our best to protect you.
(Cue crickets)
AY: Wow, that wasn't corny at all.
S: For once, I think I'll have to agree with your sarcasm.
F: Yea, that was pretty...pretty 1970s TV show there. Or very Brady Bunch.
K: Well, you've got all the new Slayers now, several of them your age or younger.
C: All of them ridiculously needy.
F: But hot. You forgot hot.
(C rolls eyes)
C: How could I forget that?
Me: Yes, well, your last comment, Dawn:
"Hope the question I asked Buffy didn't bother you too much, Dawnie."
D: It did, but I guess a lot of these questions and answers kind of bother me in some way or another.
F: Don't kid yourself. You enjoy them as much as we do.
(F winks)
Me: Fantastic! Next up is Cordelia, I believe.
(C crosses and uncrosses arms)
C: Whoopee.
Me: You don't have to sound so unenthused.
(C claps her hands)
C: Whoopee!
AG: We get it, we get it. Just give her the questions.
Me: Alrighty. First question from Tweak...
(drum roll)
"Would you ever consider getting down and dirty with Buffy if she wasn't always such a self righteous bitch? (Sorry B, you know its true)"
B: I officially hate these people.
C: Egh. What kind of question is that?
(F nudges a drooling X)
F: Well, Xan-man and I don't mind the visual.
Me: Two from Obsidian Twilight...
(drum roll)
"Imagine this scenario if you will. Faith turns into Cave-Slayer. You're the first person she sees, primal instincts, raging hormones and all. Do you a.) try and get her back to normal before Buffy kills you for touching her or b.) succumb to your desires as Cave-Faith tosses you over her shoulder, carrying you to a more private location to have her way with you? And please say that it's the latter."
"You certainly know how thoughtful Faith is, right? Let's just hypothetically say that you two were together. What kinda romantic thing would you expect from her on your anniversary together?"
B: Are you kidding me?!
(B turns to glare at F)
B: Why do all these people want you to have a get together with Cordelia?!
(F shrugs)
F: I dunno, B. I guess a lot of these viewers have a thing for hot brunettes. Maybe you should dye your hair.
(B slumps into chair and pouts)
Me: And lastly, from Lizzie Lehane...
(drum roll)
"Have you ever, at any point in time, wondered what it would be like to be with Buffy?"
S: Sheesh, all these bloody morons want you to shack up with a Slayer, either way.
C: Well I hear it's a lot better than shacking up with a vampire.
AG: I resent that.
S: Fuck that. I resent her.
C: The feeling's mutual, Billy Idol.
(S bares teeth at C)
(C ignores S)
Me: Well go ahead and answer number one, Cordy:
"Would you ever consider getting down and dirty with Buffy if she wasn't always such a self righteous bitch? (Sorry B, you know its true)"
C: Ew. No. I mean, sure, she can be a tolerable person once in a while, and she is pretty-
F: Hell yea she is!
C: -but just...ew. No.
B: Gee, that does lots for my self esteem.
C: I'm sorry I'm into your girlfriend.
B: You stay far away from Faith! Faaaar, faaaar away!
F: Aw, come on, B. Me and Queen C are drinking mates whenever Spike-head's off on some vampire business.
B: Then find a new one!
(F scowls)
F: Fine. Hey Squirt, you wanna be my new drinking partner?
(D smiles brightly)
D: Sure!
B: No!
F: Too late!
(D sticks out tongue at B)
Me: Next question for Cordelia:
"Imagine this scenario if you will. Faith turns into Cave-Slayer. You're the first person she sees, primal instincts, raging hormones and all. Do you a.) try and get her back to normal before Buffy kills you for touching her or b.) succumb to your desires as Cave-Faith tosses you over her shoulder, carrying you to a more private location to have her way with you? And please say that it's the latter."
C: Oh please. I'm not afraid of Buffy. I mean, I'd try to help Faith get back to normal, cause it's not like I want to ruin anything, but hell if our hormones can't resist, who am I to stop them?
B: Great. Now I have to keep you on a leash?
G: Oh do get real, Buffy. There's hardly a chance of Faith turning into a Cave-Slayer.
W: Yea, Buff! Besides, if it does happen, for some unknown reason, we'll just...figure it out! No affair-like, cheating, Faith/Cordelia rendevouz going on, nope!
F: Well it can't be blamed on me!
B: Sure it can.
F: What? I can hardly help my hormones now, you expect I'll be able to handle them as a fricking Cave-Slayer? No go, Blondie.
C: I'll take the blame, Faith. It's not like I need to be on her good side, anyway.
AG: I guess that works.
AY: Or you could blame me.
S: I don't see how that works.
AY: Well it'd be much easier to blame someone who has no relation to it whatsoever, because then there's nobody to blame and the problem's solved!
(Cue crickets)
F: That is some fucked up logic, but I guess it works.
(AY nods sagely)
AY: It does. Trust me.
F: Oh, I do.
Me: Anyways, next:
"You certainly know how thoughtful Faith is, right? Let's just hypothetically say that you two were together. What kinda romantic thing would you expect from her on your anniversary together?"
F: I'm guessing this person has a thing for us together.
C: Not a bad choice, if I may say so myself.
AY: Of course it isn't. Both of you are attractive, dark-haired, fair skinned women with wonderful bodies. Anybody who doesn't think you two would be orgasmic together is an idiot.
(Everyone stares at AY)
(S turns to X)
S: Have you ever thought about getting a muzzle?
X: No, but I might have to.
(AY looks confused)
AY: For what? We don't have a dog. Are we getting one?
X: Ah, never mind, An.
C: Well, I guess I don't know what to expect. Faith is pretty unpredictable when it comes to surprises.
F: That I am.
G: Though I'm not particularly sure that it's a good thing.
K: Probably not.
F: Screw you.
K: You wish.
F: Pfft. You wish I wish.
K: Oh yea? Well you wish I wis-
(W clamps hand over K's mouth)
W: I think we're all going to have to get muzzles. Shopping time!
D: Yay! We can use Giles' unlimited account!
G: Oh bother.
Me: Uh...going on?
W: Oh, right! Continue.
Me: Thank you. Cordelia, your final question:
"Have you ever, at any point in time, wondered what it would be like to be with Buffy?"
C: Way too similar to the first one, and no.
(X looks surprised)
X: Not even once?
(C pauses)
C: Maybe once, but really, it wasn't like...amazing or anything.
B: Well sheesh. It wouldn't be all that great to be with you, either, so hmmph.
F: Aw, is my baby insulted?
K: Geesh. Get a fucking room.
(B shakes fist at K)
B: If Faith wants to comfort me, she can comfort me wherever the hell she wants!
F: Dang, you're sexy when you're demanding.
D: Which is like, all the freaking time!
(F winks at D)
F: Which means she's sexy all the time, then.
D: Gross.
W: I think it's sweet.
AG: You would.
W: Hey, what's that mean?
AG: Nothing, I'm just saying that you would.
(W eyes AG suspiciously)
(AG puts up his hands in defense)
AG: Honest, I'm just remarking!
Me: Next up is Anya! So let's see, your first question is from jinxgirl...
(drum roll)
"Has anyone ever embarrassed YOU? How?"
S: Good question.
Me: From xXAngel of fireXx...
(drum roll)
"Bunnies have taken over the world what do you do? Hide or go all Rambo on their asses?"
(AY shudders)
AY: Bunnies...evil, twitchy creatures...
Me: And from Lizzie Lehane...
(drum roll)
"Not to sound rude, but I kinda thought you'd matured beyond taking what people say so literally..."
(AY puts hands on hips)
AY: I think that person is trying to tell me that I'm stupid.
X: Er, more like stating a harmless comment.
Me: So, first question, Anya:
"Has anyone ever embarrassed YOU? How?"
AY: Of course not.
S: Are you sure?
AY: Yes.
S: Are you lying?
AY: Maybe.
S: So tell us the sodding story.
AY: Well I wasn't really embarrassed. It was just an embarrassing situation.
(D is wide-eyes)
D: What happened?
(AY sighs)
AY: A wish backfired.
(Everyone winces)
K: Ouch.
F: Too bad.
G: Quite unfortunate.
W: So of the bad.
S: Bollocks.
(AG shakes head)
C: Egh.
B: Definitely not of the good.
(D makes a face)
(X nods)
X: Heard this story once. It's the one that ended with the guy falling madly in love with you, right?
(AY shudders)
AY: He was a bunny breeder.
(Everyone gasps)
AY: And he had warts all over from the first half of the wish.
D: What was the second half?
AY: He was supposed to fall in love with his bunnies.
K: Did you eventually fix it?
AY: Yes, I had him castrated and hung up by his intestines.
(Everyone makes face)
(AY smiles happily)
AY: Problem solved!
(B turns to X)
B: And you're married to her?
(X shrugs sheepishly)
X: Surprise?
Me: That was interesting. Well, Anya, your next question:
"Bunnies have taken over the world what do you do? Hide or go all Rambo on their asses?"
AY: Hide of course. You really think I would be out in the open where all the bunnies are? Hell to the no.
X: That's Anya. Fearless in the face of evil-
AY: Except bunnies.
X: Right. Except bunnies.
(C quirks an eyebrow)
C: Which are clearly evil.
AY: Exactly. You see, Xander? Cordelia understands.
F: Don't worry, An. I'd blow them all up for ya.
AY: Why thank you, Faith! This is why we are best friends.
F: Of course it is.
B: Right. So...next question? Comment? Thing?
Me: Yes, thank you, Buffy. Your last comment, Anya, is:
"Not to sound rude, but I kinda thought you'd matured beyond taking what people say so literally..."
AY: Oh please. You think these reviewers would find me funny if I didn't take things literally? And besides, it'd been my job to take things literally for 1120 years!
G: We understand, Anya. It is quite difficult to change certain ways of life that have been inculcated within us since birth.
AY: Exactly.
X: The British understand all.
K: I thought the Asians understood all.
G: Both are founding cultures of fascinating philosophies-
Everyone: Shut up, Giles.
(G scowls, cleans glasses, and mutters)
G: Blasted kids nowadays.
Me: Alright Kennedy, you're up now. First from xXAngel of fireXx...
(drum roll)
"Who was your first girl?"
F: Ooh, nice nice.
Me: From Lizzie Lehane...
(drum roll)
"When you and Willow first started out, did you ever feel as if you had to somehow measure up to Tara?"
"How'd you figure out you were a lesbian?"
K: Okay, these people ask the most uncomfortable questions. Ever.
AG: At least it shows they're observant.
K: Yea yea, whatever.
AG: Besides, it's really just the second ques-
K: Will you shut your gay-ass mouth?
(AG scowls)
Me: Goodness, Kennedy. Are you feeling okay?
F: Seriously, Ken. Someone shove a handful of nails up your ass or something?
W: She's on her period.
Everyone: Ah.
(K mutters incoherently)
Me: So, Kennedy, first question:
"Who was your first girl?"
K: Um...this chick I knew in grade school. We weren't technically girlfriends, but we knew we liked each other and stuff. We'd play everyday and have sleepovers and stuff. Cute, little kid stuff. I'd say she was my first girl, just cause I knew I liked her first. Kind of figured it out that I was into girls and not guys when I was with her.
F: Any cute smooches?
K: I got her a valentine card once and she gave me a quick peck on the lips when nobody was looking.
Everyone: Aww!
W: That's precious, even if it's your first girl we're talking about.
B: That really is adorable.
K: Thanks Buffy, you're okay. Sometimes.
B: I guess I'll take what I can get. You're alright on occasion, too.
F: Hey Red, it looks like our girls are learning to get along like we did!
W: It just took them longer than we did.
B & K: Take what you can get!
(F & W just grin)
Me: So your second question:
"When you and Willow first started out, did you ever feel as if you had to somehow measure up to Tara?"
(K looks nervous)
(W squeezes her hand)
W: It's okay, baby, just be honest.
K: Um...okay, well. Yes, I did.
S: I get that. Had to live in Buffy's ex's shadows for a bit there.
B: Who, Riley?
(S snorts)
S: Please. That sodding waste of air didn't count! I meant Peaches over here.
F: Hey man, I had the worst of it. Had to live up to you, Riley, and Angel!
B: Not that you really ever had to. You just felt like you did.
F: You never make anything easy, B.
(K clears throat)
F: Oh, sorry Ken. Go on.
K: Anyways, yea, I know Tara's been gone and Willow had been busy, but sometimes it felt like Willow's friends resented me for not being Tara. And even Willow, too. Only person who didn't know was Faith, which was another reason why we got along so well.
F: Still do.
W: Baby, you know I never wanted to make you feel like you had to live up to what Tara meant to me!
K: But you loved her, Wills. I just wanted you to love me, too.
W: I do! But it's different, because you two are different people. I will always love Tara, but I will always love you, too.
(K smiles and kisses W)
K: Thanks babe.
W: Anytime.
F: Now who needs to get a room?
D: Seriously.
AY: You could use the bathroom, I don't think anybody's using it.
K: Uh, no thanks.
Me: Okie dokes, last question for you, Kennedy:
"How'd you figure out you were a lesbian?"
K: Think I've been over this before. When I was talking to Willow at the cafe/bar place during our fight with the First?
W: Oh yea! I remember that. That was when you were doing the seducing and the wiling-
K: And the loving and wanting and needing.
C: Throw in the fucking and you'll have the perfect relationship.
(AY smacks X)
AY: Why don't we have all that?
X: Ow, An! It was sarcasm! That's Cordy's specialty!
AY: Oh.
Me: So I believe Willow is next. From ToryV...
(drum roll)
"If I slipped you 20, could you cast a spell on Spike or Angel to admit they are all about the hot ass love?...that or make them grow boobs?"
(All girls burst out laughing)
(S & AG scowl)
(X shudders)
(G just walks off in search of a secret exit)
X: Come on. Spare us that image. Sheesh.
(W wipes tears from her eyes)
W: Oh Goddess, whew, oh...Goddess...that was...
(W bursts back into laughter)
(S growls)
S: Fucking blimey whores.
(AG grumbles)
AG: You're telling me.
Me: From Lizzie Lehane...
(drum roll)
"If you weren't with Kennedy, and you found a guy you just clicked with, would you consider going back to men, or are you strictly lesbian now?"
C: Actually, that's a pretty interesting question.
F: Yea, not bad.
Me: Okay Willow. Go ahead and answer your first question:
"If I slipped you 20, could you cast a spell on Spike or Angel to admit they are all about the hot ass love?...that or make them grow boobs?"
(All girls burst out laughing again)
S: Seriously shut the bloody hell up!
K: Or what, fairy wings?
AG: We'll beat your asses to a pulp.
C: I'd like to see you try, you closet poofs!
S: I'll suck you dry, you bint!
W: Please, girlfriend, as if you could!
(AG groans)
AG: Will you just be quiet?
B: Why, are we scaring the poor, flaming queers?
S: I'll show you scary, you sodding lesbo!
AY: You really should calm down, homo.
AG: Calm?! We are calm! Fucking epitome of calm!
D: Oh my god, the Twink Twins are so flipping out!
S: Why you little-
F: Watch it, fudge packer. You don't wanna hurt yourself!
Audience: Hahahaha!
(S & AG show evil vampire faces)
(Audience quietens)
(Girls are still giggling amongst themselves)
(X grins)
X: That was kinda funny.
(AG picks X up by throat)
(X squeaks)
X: Not funny! Not funny at all!
(AG drops X)
Me: Well now that that's over, go ahead and answer the question for us, Willow.
W: I think the best I could do about the admitting part would be a truth spell, and um...the boobs, I'm going to have to research some more. But I could do a glamour that makes it look like they have boobs to everybody else around them. Until I take it off them.
K: Oh man, that would be so great.
F: We are such assholes.
D: But it's so much fun!
B: Finally we agree on something.
C: Same thought over here.
(S mutters to AG)
S: Females...evil, evil creatures.
AG: I hear you.
(G returns with a smirk on his face)
S: What's so fucking funny?
G: No need to be rude, Spike. It's hardly my fault that you're always the bottom to Angel's top.
Audience: OHHHHHH! Burn!
F: Oooh, you're gonna need some ice for that one!
W: Maybe we should call 911 for back up?
Me: Okaaay! That was pretty interesting. Now, Willow, your next question:
"If you weren't with Kennedy, and you found a guy you just clicked with, would you consider going back to men, or are you strictly lesbian now?"
W: Strictly lesbian. I mean, look at me! I'm all gayed up now!
X: Yea, Wills can't go back now! It'd really confuse the hell out of all of us if she brought home a guy all of a sudden.
K: If that ever happened, expect to find me at a bar every night, drinking and puking my guts out.
F: And expect me to be there to drag your sorry ass back home to keep you from doing so.
W: So yea, basically, if I find a nice guy, I'm sure he'll make a great friend, but I do have Kennedy, and we click wonderfully, so I'm happy where I am, with who I'm with.
K: Same here.
F: Ditto.
(B & F kiss)
(W & K kiss)
Audience: Aww.
(D rolls eyes)
D: Spare me.
C: Seriously.
Me: So I suppose we should get going. Xander, my man, you're up next!
X: Whoo hoo!
Me: Are you ready?
X: Am I ever!
Me: Brilliant! First from ToryV...
(drum roll)
"Have you ever considered becoming a vamp so Buffy would date you?"
(X's eyes widen)
X: What?!
Me: And from Lizzie Lehane...
(drum roll)
"If you had to sleep with a guy, would you?"
"Would you be a part of a threesome if it was you, Anya and another guy, not another girl?"
(X slaps hand against his forehead)
X: Holy mother of Zeus.
S: Ha! Now you know how it feels.
C: What, to be gay?
S: No, to be accused of being gay. When you're not.
Me: Just answer the first question, Xander:
"Have you ever considered becoming a vamp so Buffy would date you?"
X: Well that one's easy. Definitely not. I mean, Buffy's hot and all, but I wouldn't go that far to get a girl to want me.
AY: Thank goodness you're not that desperate.
B: Yea, cause I wouldn't have dated him anyway. He's like...my brother!
X: Then I made a good choice in staying human.
AY: Besides, he found me, the love of his entire life. And that's all that matters. I'm all that matters.
X: Yes you are.
(D snorts)
K: I agree with that sentiment, Dawnie.
D: At least someone does.
F: Come on, kids. It's cute.
K: I think you're getting soft, Faith.
F: I am not!
D: You just might be, I mean, you think Xander and Anya are cute. That's pretty bad.
F: They're my friends, I'm allowed to think they're good together.
K: Nope. You're getting soft in your old age.
F: Old age?! I could take you, anytime, anywhere, punk!
K: Oh yea? You wanna try putting your fist where your mouth is?
F: Bring it, Junior!
Me: Hey! How many times do I have to tell you that I don't tolerate fighting in here?
(F & K grumble)
K: What are you, our mom?
Me: No, I have more power than her. So hush up and let Xander finish his next two questions. Xander, the next question:
"If you had to sleep with a guy, would you?"
X: Hah! No!
B: Well that was simple.
X: Well I wouldn't! I'm a manly man, remember? I like the bosoms of females and action sports!
AY: You took that from our conversation, didn't you?
X: One of the first few things we ever talked about, I think.
AY: So I was right?
X: Basically.
AY: Psh. And you had me worried.
Me: Well, last question:
"Would you be a part of a threesome if it was you, Anya and another guy, not another girl?"
X: No.
(Everyone looks at X)
X: I said no!
F: Sucks for An.
AY: Really, Xander, why not?
X: Because...I don't want to?
B: He's scared of being considered gay.
X: And I don't want anybody else to share orgasms with you. Just me myself and I.
Audience: Aww!
AY: That was really sweet. I think we should go share some orgasms now as a celebration of your romantic comment.
(AG turns to S)
AG: You think that's why we don't get girls anymore?
S: Probably, mate. We're just not romantic enough.
W: Plus the whole vampire thing kinda throws some girls off some. Just a little.
S: Yea, I can see that.
AG: Understandable.
Me: Okay! Angel, you're next. From Lizzie Lehane...
(drum roll)
"Knowing that you're at least two centuries old, I'm wondering if there's been any man-on-man sex in your past?"
(AG makes face)
AG: Never. Never ever ever. Not even close. Not even if when I was drunk.
F: Liar.
AG: I'm being honest here!
F: Nah, you're lying. Come on, Soulboy, I know you at least had to have kissed another dude.
AG: Nope. Never.
F: Damn, you're boring.
B: You think?
X: Yea, Buff, I always wondered about that particular choice in guys that you had...
AG & S: Hey!
W: I was kinda worried, too, Buffy. But-
AG: Just because I've never done anything with another man? I'm pretty sure Xander or Giles hasn't, either!
(X quickly responds)
X: Well, no, I haven't. Giles?
(G's eyes twinkle)
G: I'm confident enough in my sexuality to say, 'wouldn't you like to know?'
(All girls whoot)
F: Now that's a man!
K: Damn straight!
B: Coolest. Watcher. Ever!
(W brushes away fake tear)
W: They grow up so fast!
(C nods approvingly)
C: Amen to that.
D: Yea, that wasn't even gross, it was admirable!
AY: Any man who can say that is a manly man.
(S groans)
S: It's official. We're no longer allowed in bars. They're going to humiliate us until we're staked.
(AG sighs)
AG: You're telling me.
Me: Next person up, is Spike!
S: Oh goody.
Me: Now now, Spike, no reason to be bitter. Your comment from Lizzie Lehane...
(drum roll)
"I gotta say, man, I'm strictly into girls, but you really pull off that look a helluva lot better than Billy Idol!"
S: Ugh! They're all bloody into chicks!
W: Well...at least she complimented your look.
F: Which usually only happens if you're-
(S jabs finger towards F)
S: Don't. Say it.
F: Or what? I was just gonna say either gay or metro. Pick one, cause you know it's true.
C: Just call him metro for now.
D: The real truth will be revealed...later.
(D giggles)
S: I hate my life.
Me: Fantastic! Faith! You're the last single questionee up!
F: Bring it on, Lost!
Me: I shall. I must say, you always have the most questions. Your first question is from jinxgirl...
(drum roll)
"Is there something you have a phobia about? Irrationally? (like bunnies or water or something)"
(AY jumps)
AY: Bunnies?! WHERE?!
Me: From She's Hearing Voices...
(drum roll)
"Have you ever gotten Buffy to wear your boots in some kind of "roleplay" action?"
X: Ooh, give us details!
(D makes a face)
D: Please, don't.
Me: From Tweak...
(drum roll)
"Ever gotten B to play Mistress of Pain?"
(B turns to F)
B: Have you noticed that a majority of these questions are about sex?
W: Well, Faith is kind of a continually sexual person. It kinda makes sense.
Me: From FallenSoldier15...
(drum roll)
"I think you're so fucking hot, if you were single, would you do me?"
(B scowls)
B: Uh, NO, she wouldn't!
C: I don't believe you're Faith.
B: Shut it, Cordy.
Me: And from Lizzie Lehane, who will only post three questions next time (wink), not that I minded adding these in...
(drum roll)
"I have to say, I always thought your middle name would be Amanda. Don't know why, just seems to make your full name flow, in my opinion. What do you think?"
"Same as Buffy: Name three celebs, male or female, you'd have sex with."
F: Huh. Amanda?
AY: What a plain American name.
K: Well, she is a plain American.
(F smacks K)
F: Shut your mouth. I ain't plain.
Me: Going on?
G: Just give her the first question, I believe she'll catch it eventually.
Me: Thank you Giles, alright first:
"Is there something you have a phobia about? Irrationally? (like bunnies or water or something)"
F: Uh...no?
(K wiggles fingers)
K: Ooh, big bad Faith isn't afraid of anything, because she's just so big and bad.
F: Kiss my ass, Ken. I meant I don't have any phobias that are irrational.
W: I'm just surprised you know what that means.
B: Hey! Leave my girlfriend alone.
W: Just kidding, Buffy. You know me, all about the jokes!
F: Yea, well I'm all about the ass-kicking. You want me to show you how that works, Red?
W: Before, I might've hid behind Buffy, but that was before I honed my powers. So bring it!
Me: No bringing anything! You still have questions to answer, Faith. And your next one is:
"Have you ever gotten Buffy to wear your boots in some kind of "roleplay" action?"
F: Simple answer? No. B's feet are kinda small for my boots.
B: And they stink.
F: No they don't. You just have a sensitive sense of smell.
S: Bet you can't say that 5 times fast.
X: Sensitive sense of smell, sensitive sense of smell, sensi-
(AY smacks X)
X: Ow! What was that for?
AY: You shouldn't ever take on a bet until you figure out how much you're betting.
(AY turns to S)
AY: How much are you proposing?
(S raises eyebrows)
S: You're one wacky female.
Me: So here's the next question for you, Faith:
"Ever gotten B to play Mistress of Pain?"
D: It would explain all the noise in the basement.
(B flushes)
(F grins)
(B claps hand over F's mouth)
B: Er...no comment?
K: I knew it!
(W looks thoughtful)
W: So that's what you were buying that leather whip for...
G: Oh good heavens.
X: Hey Buffy!
B: Yes, Xander?
X: Dominatrix or commando? Gotta fill us in!
(D smacks X)
X: Ow!
D: No, she doesn't! Don't fill us in. Don't.
AG: Do. We don't mind.
S: Yea, give us wankers a few more fantasies, since we aren't getting any action in the fucking bed.
(Everyone makes a face)
F: Dude. TMI.
C: Seriously. Way TMI.
Me: I think you managed to gross out the audience, too. Ah well, let's move on then:
"I think you're so fucking hot. if you were single, would you do me?"
B: No. She wouldn't.
C: Again. Not Faith.
(B lunges)
(AY whips out video camera)
X: Hey! We finally got one!
F: Yea, I went with her.
D: Ooh!
W: Ouch!
K: Damn.
S: Oh! That was a good slap.
AG: Nice counter kick.
G: Buffy! Cordelia! Stop it this instant!
X: To the left!
(Pause)
X: No, no, your other left!
AY: If I send this into America's Funniest Home Videos, do you think we'd win money?
F: In cash, I hope.
Me: Well, Faith...the question?
F: Oh, yea. Well, I mean, it really depends on what you look like. I don't do blind dates, you know? Gotta see what you look like.
(C & B return with cuts and bruises)
(B slumps onto couch)
(C slumps onto chair)
C: Is there a reason why you don't let anybody else fight but you don't care if we do?
Me: Because it keeps the ratings up and it's really rather amusing to see.
B: You're sick.
Me: So I hear. But that's beside the point. Your next question, Faith:
"I have to say, I always thought your middle name would be Amanda. Don't know why, just seems to make your full name flow, in my opinion. What do you think?"
F: Sorry, I'm not into full names. I'm already pissed they released my last name.
B: Why? I like it.
F: Where's the fucking mystery? There is none.
W: Well, it does flow, though.
F: Don't care. Don't want it.
Me: That's fine. There are lots of people without middle names. Not so many without last names.
F: Exactly why I wish my name was just fucking Faith. Why the hell would you add Lehane to that?
X: At least it's a badass name. I got stuck with Harris.
K: True that.
D: Well, we've got the weird names. Buffy and Dawn? Honestly.
AY: I've always wondered about that. Tell me, was Joyce drunk when she named you, Buffy?
B: No! Xander!
(X grins sheepishly)
X: Right. Um, An? Ix-nay with the other-may alk-tay!
AY: What in the world are you saying?
X: Never mind.
Me: Indeed. Well, continuing on:
"Same as Buffy: Name three celebs, male or female, you'd have sex with."
F: I've got some good ones.
C: Give us the dirt, Faith.
F: Johnny Depp.
B: Ew, he reminds me of a wet rat!
K: Ew, you remind me of a mutilated rat!
(B scowls)
(W keeps hand over K's mouth)
W: Sorry, Buff. She's a bit cranky, like I said.
(S shakes head at X, G, & AG)
S: Women's trouble.
AG: No kidding.
F: Angelina Jolie.
C: Oh she's a hottie.
AY: Is that the one with the big lips and lots of tattoos?
D: Yea, pretty much.
AY: She is strangely attractive, in a big lipped, bony, matted-hair way.
F: Oh come on, she's badass. Fucking hot.
X: And your third choice?
F: Sarah Michelle Gellar, of course.
B: I approve of her, at least. And Angelina.
C: Eh. Not into fake blondes.
(B scowls again)
F: Well I think she's hot with dark hair.
W: It certainly looks better on her.
(B pats at her hair)
B: Should I dye it?
D: If you want to. I think it'd look good.
F: Are you kidding me? It'd look HOT!
Me: Well you'll figure it out eventually, Buffy. Now onto the pairs! First up is Giles and Dawn. Your question/comment is from jinxgirl...
(drum roll)
"You both seem constantly mortified and grossed out... and yet you still stick around to hear everything. Do YOU GUYS ever have fantasies about any of the following in the room? (Sorry Giles, I take it that is now vomit time)"
(D huffs)
(G cleans glasses)
D: Well it's not like we can get out of here, sheesh.
G: I believe what Dawn said for the first half is correct, and a definite no for the second half. Good heavens.
K: And we all already know Dawn's answer to the last half. A big, fat, yes!
(D crosses arms)
D: That goes for almost everybody in here, so shush. I'm human.
AG: And we're vampires.
D: Yea, well you're gay, so it doesn't count.
S: Why you-
Me: Next up is Spike and Angel! Your question from xXAngel of fireXx is...
(drum roll)
"If you guys were human for one day, what would you do?"
S: Peaches here is probably going to go get laid for once, and I'm going to go get some food that isn't blood in a sodding bag.
AG: I'll do both, thanks.
F: Hey, well, at least it wasn't a fag question.
(S rolls eyes)
S: Oh yes, lucky us.
C: Okay, that was so gay.
S: What? How?
W: The eye roll and the tone of voice when you said what you said.
S: That wasn't gay!
B: It could kind of pass off for either. You sure you're not bi, Spike?
S: Yes I'm sure.
D: Well-
(S roars)
S: I said I'm sure!
D: Okay, okay, geez. No need to yell.
Me: Alright. Last pair questions are for Buffy and Faith! From Lizzie Lehane...
(drum roll)
"This is probably relatively far in the future for the two of you, but if you have any children, do either of you have any names you'd really like?"
"Which of you do you think would get pregnant?"
F: Uh...
B: If it's a girl, I like the name Jenny.
F: Nina.
B: Samantha.
F: Katrina.
B: Michelle.
F: Dani.
(B sighs)
B: Well, if it's a boy-
F: Damian.
B: Jonathan.
F: Kye.
B: Logan.
F: Hannibal.
B: Tyle-what?!
(F chuckles)
F: Just kidding, B.
X: I think it'd be cool. Hannibal is the bomb!
F: For sure, man. For fucking sure.
G: Anthony Hopkins does a brilliant job.
W: It's just a little creepy, but nothing we can't handle!
B: I don't know, Wills. We haven't really dealt with actual cannibals before. That aren't...demon-y or anything.
W: Oh. Right.
Me: Erm...second question? You can discuss this afterwards.
B: Oh yes, um...I don't know. Faith?
F: There is no way I'm gonna be holding some fucking lima bean tumor in my stomach for 9 months.
X: Come on, Slick! It's a lima bean tumor with a heartbeat!
F: Don't care. Not my womb.
B: Like I'd want one in my stomach?
F: You make a better mother type anyway. Got more practice and shit. With Dawn.
(D grumbles)
K: Oh because she turned out just fine.
D: You take that back!
K: Make me, Summers!
(D lunges)
B: Dawn! No fighting!
W: Kennedy! No pulling hair!
K: She - OW! - started - fuck! - it - let go!
(D & K is in the background fighting)
(AY continues to shoot the video)
Me: Well, that's all for today, folks! Leave your three questions and your review in the review box! Thank you and goodnight/day!
(Ending theme)