Hello hello! Here it is, what you have been waiting for! Enjoy and please review.
(Opening theme)
Me: Welcome one, and welcome all, to-
Everyone: An Interview With The Vampire Slayers!
AY: Except it's really not just an interview anymore. More like...nine interviews.
K: And counting.
Me: Well the title is just, "Interview With The Vampire Slayers".
(AY ignores and continues)
AY: And it's really not just an interview with the Slayers anymore. I mean, the whole group gets questions now.
Me: Yes, well-
AY: So all in all the title of this show is very misleading and incorrect.
(Cue crickets)
(I give X a look)
(X shrugs)
X: I ordered the muzzle. It should be coming in sometime this week, I promise.
(AY look curious)
AY: Does it come with a four legged animal of some kind?
X: Uh...sure.
AY: Are you lying?
(X gulps)
X: Maybe?
(AY frowns)
(C rolls eyes)
(D sighs)
(K crosses arms)
(W shakes head)
(B purses lips)
(F smirks)
C: You do realize that lying is one of the worst things a man could do?
D: And that Anya, your wife, just happens to be an ex-vengeance demon?
K: One that wreaked vengeance on men specifically for doing shit to their wives or girlfriends?
W: Like...turn them into cockroaches or made them disappear?
B: And just generally made them suffer?
F: Do you want like, a bag or something?
(Everyone turns to F)
Everyone: What?
(F shrugs)
F: Well he looks kinda sick.
(Everyone looks at X)
(X twitches and turns green)
(AY pokes X)
(X squeals)
X: Augh! No four legged animal! None! Just a muzzle!
(AY quirks an eyebrow)
AY: What for? I really don't see why-
Me: Well! Let's go ahead and get started, why don't we? It seems that there aren't any single questions towards Buffy, so we'll move right along, shall we?
(B grumbles)
B: What, so I'm just not good enough anymore, is that it?
(F pats B's hand)
F: No baby, they've just asked pretty much all they could've asked by now.
B: Whatever.
C: Oh stop complaining.
(B scowls)
B: Kiss my ass.
(C fakes a yawn)
C: As if.
Me: Ah yes, well, let us just continue on. Angel, you take the first stand!
AG: Do I?
Me: Yes, yes you do.
AG: Alright.
Me: From xXAngel of fireXx...
"Why so serious?"
(Silence)
(AG lifts brows)
AG: Are you serious?
(I look down at cards)
Me: Um...yea, I'm pretty sure the question is correctly portrayed.
(X jumps excitedly)
X: Does this have some kind of relation to the Joker in The Dark Knight?
(F jumps up, too)
F: Oh my God, that shit was the best acting I've seen in so long!
(K shakes head)
K: Haven't we been over this?
(F & X ignore K)
X: Dude, the hospital scene was beyond words!
F: I was cracking up when I saw him pressing the damn buttons.
(W turn to K)
W: Yes, I believe we have.
AY: Xander, stop jumping like a small child.
B: Faith, sit.
(C huffs)
C: What is she, your dog?
B: What business is it of yours?
(C crosses arms)
C: Oh, I don't know, the business of being one of her closest friends, maybe? And the fact that you treat her like your little bitch?
(B glowers)
B: I do not!
S: Gotta say, Slayer, you kind of do.
(B puts hands on hips)
B: What? That's not true!
D: Can we get back to the question, please?
(AY tugs at X's sleeve)
AY: Really, Xander. You're making me lose count of where I am.
K: Maybe you should stop re-counting your money. I mean, you've done it enough times already.
AY: Don't be silly. 27 times is hardly enough. 50 is a good, round, number.
(Everyone gives X a look)
(X shrugs)
X: So she's an odd one, so what?
(F shakes head)
F: Yea, good luck.
AY: For what?
F: Ah, nevermind. Go on, Soulboy.
(AG rolls eyes)
AG: Yea. Thanks.
(Pause)
AG: I'm not all that serious.
(Cue crickets)
(Cue incoming hysterical laughter)
(S gasps for breath)
S: Not...serious? Puahaha, you're the goddamn most bloody depressed chap I've known in my...un-life!
(C steadies herself)
C: Honestly, Angel...not all that serious? Ha!
(W giggles)
W: You really do have that dark broody bout thing.
(X chuckles)
X: It's the "mystery" that's going for you!
(AG frowns)
(F points)
F: See?
(AG sighs)
Me: Sorry Angel, I do believe it's rather hard to dismiss. Anywho, shall we move on? The next two single's question is for Giles. Are you ready, dear sir?
(G adjusts glasses)
G: I do believe so.
Me: Wonderful! From Jinxgirl...
"So why didn't you realize when Faith first came to town that putting a fifteen or sixteen year old girl in a ratty hotel room alone and not giving her money or much support was not the way to go?"
(Cue crickets)
(G flushes)
Me: From HermioneSparta...
"What secrets do you know about Angel that no one else knows; like something that might prove he's gay?"
(All girls burst out laughing)
(AG scowls)
Me: The first question, Giles?
(F fidgets nervously)
G: Ahem. Well, I believe-
F: You don't have to explain yourself, G. We all make mistakes.
G: No no, Faith. I believe it is a rather legitimate question, and a subject that has yet to be touched upon.
(G clears throat)
G: I am a man of ignorance at times when it suits me best, and at the time, even at my ripe age, I was still a naive. For the second time in history there were two Slayers, and I should've jumped at the opportunity to guide both, whether or not Faith was under my guidance or not. I waited for Faith to come to me for help, instead of initiating assistance on my own. It was, as a Watcher and as a human being, a mistake that I would make sure to avoid again.
(F is embarrassed)
F: It's all in the past, G-man. No big.
G: Except it really was, Faith. And I apologize profusely.
(W & X nod)
X: Yea, same here.
W: Lots of apologies from the very very naive Wiccan!
(B smiles sadly)
B: No amount of sorries could really make up for what happened.
(F flushes)
F: Whoa hold up, gang. I made a shitload of mistakes, so don't go thinking it's all your faults, now.
B: We know, but sometimes we all need a humility lesson.
C: I have a few apologies to spare, myself.
AG: As do I, Faith.
(Pause)
(AY looks around curiously before piping up)
AY: I don't.
(S shrugs)
S: Me neither.
D: Yea, except for the fighting with her thing during the-
(S rolls eyes)
S: Yea, yea, the Slayer and I already went over it.
Me: The next question for Giles:
"What secrets do you know about Angel that no one else knows; like something that might prove he's gay?"
AG: Well first of all, I'm not fucking gay.
(G clears throat in an amused fashion)
G: Although I am not sworn under secrecy, I choose not to disclose any...ah...homosexual secrets that may or may not allude to Angel's past, present, or future.
(AG groans)
AG: Great. That just makes me sound more gay.
(S grins)
S: As long as it isn't me, mate!
(AG scowls)
AG: I could still kick your 'bloody' ass, 'mate'!
(S cracks knuckles)
S: Bring it on, you old codge.
K: Sheesh, get a room, why don't you?
(AY shushes K)
AY: Um, excuse me? I'm recording.
(K rolls eyes)
Me: Well good. I'm glad the issues have all been resolved. Now, moving onto Cordelia.
C: Ooh, lucky me.
(B snaps)
B: Oh don't be so bitter.
(C humphs)
C: Who's bitter? I was just being sarcastic.
B: Same difference.
C: Not really.
(F nudges AY)
(AY whips out video camera)
(X grins)
X: Buffy and Cordelia catfight, take 20938543!
W: Ooh! I brought popcorn!
(K smiles sweetly)
K: I'll go microwave it. Sit tight.
(D coughs)
D: Ass-kisser!
(K flips off D)
B: You know, maybe you should stop butting into people's business.
C: Who's butting? You're the one who started this.
B: Well maybe if you weren't such a-
Me: Hey now, let's calm down. We haven't even gotten to the comment yet.
(B & C settle down in a huff)
C: Okay. Shoot.
(B mutters)
B: -her in the face.
(C scowls)
(B sticks out tongue)
(F grins and enjoys the show)
Me: From Heartbrake Angel...
"I honestly just want to know why you are such a bitch."
(Audience gasps)
(C darkens)
(B raises eyebrows)
C: Well I want to know why you're such a little-
(W interrupts, while crunching on popcorn)
W: Cordy's not all that bitchy, she's just very particular about her looks, the people she hangs out with, her morals, and...yea!
(Pause)
G: Well put, Willow.
(C sighs and shakes head)
C: I never thought I'd see the day Willow would be the one to defend me.
(W looks confused)
W: Me neither.
D: Well, never say never.
(Everyone gives D a weird look)
D: What?
(F shrugs)
F: I don't know, that was just a little odd.
Me: I think it's rather appropriate, considering you're next up, Dawn.
(D beams)
D: See? There's a reason for everything.
(Cue crickets)
X: Is it just me or is she turning more into Giles everyday?
K: It must be a Watcher-In-Training thing.
S: She's even wearing those bloody glasses!
(D humphs and adjusts glasses)
D: I think they're cute.
Me: As they are, Dawn. Now, from Heartbrake Angel...
"First off I must say you are the hottest out of everyone (including Faith). If you had to chose between having Cordelia or Buffy as a sister who would it be and why?"
(D beams)
(Some shake head)
(F shrugs)
F: Some people have different tastes. I totally dig.
(C rolls eyes)
C: Well it's the same little freak that called me a bitch, so who cares if she finds the brat more attractive than you.
G: Cordelia! You should learn to choose your words.
AG: That'll be the day.
(C flips AG off)
(AY sighs and puts video camera down)
AY: I have to say, you two are too much like an old couple. Why can't you be more interesting like Buffy is when she and Cordelia get into fights? At least she's more creative.
(AG raises eyebrows)
AG: Creative?
X: Well, the Buffster does have a solid punch.
D: And screams really loud.
W: She's also very bony.
K: And scratches.
S: She'll kick a chap in the shins, she will.
G: Buffy does have a rather strong tendency to humiliate someone.
C: It's the hair-pulling.
AY: She's got this godawful habit of talking until you fall asleep.
F: And she bites.
(Silence)
Me: Buffy bites?
F: Yea.
(D makes face)
D: TMI.
C: Seriously.
G: For God's sake, answer the question.
D: Okay, okay! Um, well...I guess I'd just stay with Buffy. I mean, Cordy's cool and all, but Buffy's been a good sister. As annoying as she is-
(B scowls)
B: Dawn Summers-
D: -she loves me and looks after me and I really couldn't ask for more out of a sister. I would give up a lot for her.
Audience: Aww!
(B blushes)
(D blushes)
(W giggles)
(X grins goofily)
(S gags)
S: Spare me the bloody family talk.
F: No kidding.
Me: Oh you know it was sweet, Faith. Speaking of which, I believe you're next up!
(F grins)
F: Sweet. Bring it on, girlfriend!
Me: I shall do so. From Heartbrake Angel...
"If Buffy made you chose between no sex (masturbating also) or no flirting what would it be?"
(F scoffs)
F: Are you kidding me? That's not even a question.
(AY pipes up)
AY: I think you're wrong, Faith. It's very much a question, but it certainly isn't one that makes sense.
(W tilts head questioningly)
W: Huh?
AY: Well with her looks, Faith can't not flirt. Therefore, if she wasn't in existence, she couldn't have sex either. So it just doesn't make any sense at all. This question annuls itself.
(Cue crickets)
(F gives X a look)
F: Your girlfriend's-
(X nods)
X: Really weird. I know.
(F nods, too)
F: Just making sure you did.
(Pause)
F: I guess the pretty obvious answer is I would definitely go without flirting rather than go without sex.
AY: How smart of you. I certainly never understood why-
F: Everything thought I was dumb. I know. You say that all the time.
AY: Well I don't.
F: Thanks, An.
Me: Wonderous. Now the more-than-ones. This one is to all the Scoobies as a whole from xXAngel of fireXx...
"I know each of you have experience a lot of Demons and creatures in your past and will so in your future, but have you ever met one that just went "Grr...Arrgh"?"
(Silence)
(X turns to W)
X: Grr...Arrgh?
(W shrugs)
(G scratches head)
G: What, exactly, does "Grr...Arrgh" entail?
AY: Well I assume that she is asking if any of your demons were all bark and no bite. For people who always seem to yell at me for not understanding expressions, you certainly don't know much yourselves!
(Cue crickets...again)
S: You're a bloody strange one, I hope you know.
AG: Strange would be an understatement.
X: So would bloody; have you heard all the things she's done?
(Pause)
(X squeaks)
X: To men?!
(D scoffs)
D: All of it well-deserved.
S: Uh, I don't think so.
C: I do.
K: So do I.
W: It all had merit.
AG: What? They did not!
B: Yes, it so did.
(X flails arms)
X: Are you crazy?
(F grins)
F: Guilty as charged.
(G sighs and shakes head while they argue)
G: No, I don't believe we had one that just went "Grr...Arrgh." Not one we considered anything of a threat, anyhow.
Me: Thank you, Giles. There's one for Dawn and Cordelia from HermioneSparta...
"Why don't you just hook up already?"
(Fight comes to an end)
(D & C & B make faces)
D: Ew, she's old!
C: Ugh, she's Buffy's brat sister!
B: Absolutely not!
(D & C & B turn to each other and start pointing)
C: I am not old!
D: I'm not a brat!
B: What difference does it make that she's my sister?!
(AY films)
AY: This is wonderful footage. I wonder how much it's worth.
S: Depends who you sell it to, love.
F: The highest bidder, bleachboy.
(AY beams)
AY: Faith is such a fast learner.
(F winks)
Me: Next, to the slayers in the group from spashley20...
"I know you're all tough slayers, but you must be afraid of something. What is your biggest fear?"
K: Not being good enough for Willow.
B: Not being able to be there for Faith.
F: Losing Buffy.
(They look at each other)
B: Not being able to save the world is a pretty prominent one, too.
F: Definitely
K: For sure.
(Awed silence)
W: Well that was somber.
C: Solemn.
D: Serious.
X: Depressing.
AG: Burdened.
S: Heavy.
G: Important.
(AY lets out exasperated sigh)
AY: It all means the same damn thing. I'm certain that the audience got the point!
(Everyone stares at AY)
(Then turns to X)
(X holds up hands)
X: I know, I know.
Me: As long as you know, Xander. Now, for Spike and Angel, there are two questions. From Jinxgirl...
"Do you still have dreams about Buffy? How about each other?"
(S & AG groan)
AG: More?
S: Bloody hell.
Me: From Heartbrake Angel...
"If you had to sleep with a a guy who would it be? (and you can pick each other)"
(Everyone titters)
AG: I refuse to answer any of those.
S: Yea, same here.
K: Aw how cute, they want to keep it between the two of them!
(S bares fangs)
S: How 'bout we keep this between the two of us, eh?
W: Whoa now, no mauling of my girlfriend.
Me: Well Angel and Spike, you-
AG & S: NO!
Me: Oh...um...okay then. I suppose you don't have to answer those if you don't want to...
AG: Thank you.
S: Finally, someone with a sense.
F: Aw, you should've made them answer it.
Me: Well, Faith, I believe it's their own business, and besides, it just makes them seem more like closet cases, whether they are or not.
(Girls giggle)
B: Good point.
(AG & S scowl)
AG: Fuck you.
Me: Maybe later, Angel. Now is not the time.
(AG groans)
Me: Faith and Buffy! It's your turn now. From Jinxgirl...
"Where is the other girl's Achilles heel body-wise? (sexually, ticklish wise, or insecure wise - you pick one or answer all of above)"
Me: From HernioneSparta...
"Would you consider a threesome with Spike (who isn't gay and can prove it with all the past sex he had with Buffy, unlike Angel who lost his soul after one night)."
(S grins)
S: Oh I like this girl.
C: Right. Anything to support your charade.
(S scowls)
(C ignores S)
F: Well B's ticklish pretty much everywhere, she's normally insecure about how she's viewed socially, and in sex, she's-
(B covers F's mouth)
B: Not going to answer that part.
F: Aw but why?
B: Because I said so.
(F pouts)
(B ignores F)
B: My turn. Faith isn't very ticklish except on the lower ribs if you get the right angle and spot. She's insecure about acceptance, and sex in general is her Achilles' heel.
(F grins)
F: Can't help it, B. Just love the love-making.
C: I'll drink to that.
X: Same here!
D: Pour me a drink!
K: I'll take a swig.
W: Margaritas!
G: I'd rather a gin.
S: Bloody Mary.
(AG grumbles)
AG: That was my drink.
S: Oh get over it, you ponce.
Me: Well hold the party until later. Next question?
F: A threesome?
(Pause)
B: With Spike?
(Pause)
(F & B glance at each other)
(F shrugs)
(B rolls eyes)
F: Sure. One time thing. Don't like sharing, though.
B: Only if I was drunk.
(S pumps fist in air)
S: Yes!
(Others grumble)
F: Oh, the offer goes for all of you.
(F winks)
B: Except Dawn. And Giles. No offense.
D & G: None taken.
Me: Well that's settled. It'll just be a large orgy-fest tonight then, hm? Let's see, I believe some of the questioners have decided to drop a couple on me. From xXAngel of fireXx...
"I'm sorry but you brought this onto yourself and you were a big part of this just like all the others. I feel we, the questioners, have a right to ask you questions too!"
Me: A very solid point, I can accept that. From Heartbrake Angel...
"I'm honestly surspised that no one has went after you since you pick which questions they have to answer."
Me: I'm not sure I really get this question, considering I don't pick the questions. I put out all the questions that are asked. Anywho, it is funny that I've been asked questions only after about 8 chapters. And lastly, from Miss_Shaped...
"So, Ms. Lost, what kind of people are YOU attracted to(sex, personality, type, looks, etc)?"
Me: Aha. Now we're getting personal, aren't we? Well, I'm bi-sexual, I prefer my men manly and my women womanly; I find no reason to date a man who is girly, if I could just be with a girl and vice versa. I like men for their rugged, man-like quality as I like women for their sensuality and femininity.
(X hollers)
(F whoops)
F: Rock on!
Me: Since apparently I only seem to attract the emotionally fucked-up characters, it would be nice to find someone who is capable of taking care of themselves and - once in a while - of me.
B: Absolutely.
W: I agree completely!
Me: I am a very visual person, therefore I am a bit discriminatory when it comes to looks; they are important.
(C nods)
C: People who claim they don't care about looks are seriously full of shit. In a generation and a world like ours, of course it matters!
AY: Of course. Why in the world would anybody go after someone they were not attracted to? It would make no sense whatsoever.
Me: It's all personal preference, and so it's not being shallow, I'd say it's just being particular to who you prefer.
D: Um duh!
Me: I think that was...basically it, right?
AG: Pretty much.
S: You could always expound upon it.
Me: I'd rather not. It's late and I'm a bit sick. But before we end, I'd like to mention that we have a new president, and that I am proud to be a supporter.
(Everyone cheers)
Me: However, there was also a huge loss yesterday that saddens me.
(Pause)
Me: The passing of Proposition 8 in California: the ban of gay marriage.
F: Fuck that!
B: Oh my God!
W: Oh my Goddess!
K: Damnit!
D: What?!
X: Egad!
S: Bloody fucking religious fanatics.
AG: Damn.
G: Bollocks.
AY: I think we should burn some buildings.
Me: They're going to recount the absentee ballots soon, so hopefully it'll not be long before those rights are given back to the people, but in the meantime, we should all work to defend the rights of the GLBT community.
(Everyone cheers)
Me: Leave your comments and questions (only 3 please) in the review box. Thank you everyone, and goodnight!
(Ending theme)