Turnaround

Murtagh rubbed his fingers over his temples in small circles. He had been thinking hard all day but the only thing he had gained was a spitting headache.

For perhaps the hundredth time Murtagh ran over the oaths he had been forced into swearing in his head. Galbotorix was unwilling to make the same mistake he had when he had send Murtagh after Eragon; he had foreseen any possible loophole, there was no manipulating the orders.

Maybe Eragon could stop him in time. No, Eragon wasn't with the Varden and Galbotorix had ordered that he wasn't to attempt to contact any of the Varden to warn then, especially not his brother.

Murtagh slammed his fist against the dirt in the camp he had set up at the end of Ramr River; frustrated, his thought had been going round and round in circles all day.

He and Thorn had left Urû'baen for Feinster early that morning but had only travelled a few leagues during the day. They were stalling, but to what end Murtagh didn't know. It was hopeless; there was no way of escaping what they had to do.

There is one this you haven't considered yet, Thorns voice flooded Murtagh's head.

Murtagh looked around but he couldn't see Thorn anywhere; the dragon had set out hunting hours ago. Murtagh didn't know where he was but knew he couldn't be far if he was still in range of their mental link.

And what is that? Murtagh responded. He thought he knew what Thorn was going to say and truthfully he had considered it but it was far too difficult it would be almost impossible especially in the time they had.

Although he hadn't meant for Thorn to hear the last part Thorn responded, since when is anything in our life easy? Besides it seems to me that if she really is important to you that it would be worth the trouble.

Of course but we don't even know if it would work, all we have is Eragon's word and besides... Wait, what did you mean if she is important to me? I hardly know her. She isn't important to me I just don't take any pleasure from killing innocent people.

You can lie to yourself Murtagh but you can't lie to me. I think we should try it.

Murtagh's mind filled with a picture of their camp site from a distance. Thorn was showing him that he wasn't far away.

But who's to say it would work? I mean Eragon only got the idea of those elves. Who knows what they have been teaching him or why. I don't trust them.

Is it not worth a try? You only got the idea of not trusting elves from Galbotorix and I certainly don't trust him! Have you ever actually met an elf?

Murtagh thought, Yes I have. Her name was Arya and...

Have you ever met an elf who wasn't unconscious at the time?

Well no... Ok we can try it but I really don't think it will work. Where do we even start? Like I told Eragon I'm a good person, I've dealt with my circumstances as best I could.

Would you have me change myself by becoming a bad person?

It was a moment before Thorn replied. I know you've done the best that you could but sometimes I think... don't take this the wrong way but sometimes I think that it's not enough.

Murtagh felt as though he had received a physical blow. In all his life Thorn was the one person who had understood him, Thorn understood why he was the way he was, Thorn had accepted him... or so he had thought.

Through his shock Murtagh could hear the loud thud of the wind beneath Thorn's wings. As the dragon entered the camp his big frightened eyes looked at Murtagh with regret.

I'm sorry... You're right I know how much misery you have had to deal with, I'm sorry. That was a stupid thing to say, I meant nothing by it.

Now Murtagh was angry. Yes you did; you think that I am a horrible person, just like Eragon and Nasuada do. You're just scared that I'll be mad at you. Are you really that insecure that you can't stand to tell me the truth because I will get mad at you? Why can't you be like a real dragon!

Without another word Murtagh snatched up his bedroll and stormed to the other side of the clearing. He could feel how much his words had cut at Thorn. Hurt flooded across their mental link. The pain was so intense it brought tears to his eyes. Murtagh shut his mind off from Thorn; he was alone with his anger. He had thought of everyone Thorn at least understood and cared for him.

Slowly as his anger died Murtagh began to feel sorry for what he had said. It wasn't Thorn's fault he was the way it was. Galbatorix was the one who had twisted his mind. Galbatorix had made him feel no better than a worthless killer. Still Murtagh wasn't ready to apologise, not yet.

The sun was only just beginning to rise when Murtagh woke up. He groaned, he had intended to sleep in as to waste time. Sitting up he saw Thorn was awake watching the sunrise. Thorn looked exhausted; Murtagh wondered if he had slept at all and was instantly filled with guilt, it hadn't been his intention to hurt Thorn he had snapped without thinking.

Murtagh slowly walked over and sat against Thorn's side. For a long time neither of them said anything, the memory of yesterdays fight hung in the air between them.

Finally Thorn said I'm sorry.

Murtagh took a deep breath. No Thorn I'm sorry. You were right about everything. I do care about her but more than that I don't want to be this person anymore. I don't want to be a puppet and sit back and do nothing as Galbatorix pulls my stings. Eragon was right, you were right, we have to change who we are. I will not become a worse person, I will become better. You were only trying to help, to point out my weaknesses; I should have listened to you.

Thorn was silent for a while. And is that what you were doing, pointing out my weaknesses? Do you wish I was more like Saphira orShruikan even?

Yes, I do.

Shock and hurt burst through their mental link. Murtagh felt Thorn try to cut off their connection my shielding his mind but he couldn't do it. Thorn had never been able to shield his mind, in battle he had always relied of an eldunarí to do it for him; Murtagh had always suspected it had been a side effect of Galbatorixs medlling.
Murtagh did not withdraw his mind to allow the connection to be broken, I love you Thorn and I know this is difficult but you were right if this is important to us then it will be worth it. I'll give you a chance to help me but for now please let me help you.

Thorn stopped trying to sever their connection help me? His voice was like a whisper.

Help you change yourself. You must have noticed how different you are to other dragons, Shruikan and theeldunarís. All of them are so proud of who they are, proud to be dragons, even though each and every one of them has been broken by Galbatorix they are still confident in themselves and in who they are. And I know for a fact that you have noticed how proud Saphira is, you told me so yourself. You are as strong of a dragon as any of them, you have held yourself against Saphira, her master Glaedr and even Shruikan, and yet you still think yourself worthless.

But I always had the eldunarís when ever I was...

But nothing Thorn you should be proud of who you are.

Who would be proud to be a killer?

Murtagh ignored the question. So, I've told you how you can change, what about me how could I have done better?

Well, Thorn said cautiously I think your brother was right, you have to let go of your anger.

Even as Thorn said the words Murtagh felt anger ignite inside him. He remembered only too well what Eragon had said, let go of his anger, what a ridiculous idea. He remembered what he had told Eragon, anger defines us... but he didn't let himself snap at Thorn, and how would I do that?

Seemingly more confident now Thorn said, you blame everyone but yourself for how your life has turned out. I know you have had it rough but you always dwell on the negatives. I think to change yourself you have to look at the positives in your life and learn to forgive those who have wronged you.

Before he could stop himself his anger exploded and he was yelling at Thorn both in his mind and aloud. "Forgive! You would have me forgive my father for hiding me away from my own mother? You would have me forgive him for slicing open my back, for almost killing me when I was only three years old? You would have me forgive my mother, should I forgive her for leaving me in Urû'baen with my father and hiding Eragon away safely in Carvahall? And what of the Varden and everyone else who treated me like a monster just because of who my father was! And I suppose I should forgive Galbatorix too, I mean sure he tortured us, imprisoned us and forced us to do his dirty work but that's ok!"

After Murtagh finished his rant there was a long silence before Thorn whispered, if it is important then it is worth it.