This is not me

Nasuada's head was spinning. It was still early but she was too flustered to get any work done. She was still furious with Orrin, Roran and the elf Vanir for disagreeing with her; they weren't around in Farthen Dûr, what could they possibly know of Murtagh? She had been relieved that Eragon had scryed when he had. She knew

Eragon too well to think he would possibly disagree with her. What had surprised Nasuada was the position of Nar Garzhvog although the more she thought about it the more it made sense. Nar Garzhvog along with the rest of the urgals had been in an almost identical situation to Murtagh. They too had been forced into serving

Galbatorix against their will and had later been freed and came to the Varden seeking revenge on The Empire. People had called her crazy then, even Eragon had disagreed with her choice to accept the urgal's offer of help, but she had been right then and Nasuada knew that she would be right now. Still, she understood their hesitation. Murtagh had been a dangerous enemy; she would have been taking a great risk meeting with him. All in all Nasuada thought Jörmundur's plan made sense although she still wasn't completely happy.

Suddenly feeling a desperate need for fresh air Nasuada left her tent. She had been planning on sending a messenger to Trianna requesting her presence in her tent later that night however since she wasn't in the mood to work and felt like fresh air she decided she might as well deliver the message herself.

The people stared openly; it was unusual for Nasuada to leave her tent at all of late. Many of the citizens scrambled back out of her way. Either they think I'm on a highly important errand or they're actually scared of me Nasuada thought, she smiled, rather they're scared of my guards.

It wasn't long before Nasuada was passing by the villagers from Carvahall. See was rather shocked when she heard her name called out.

Turning back she saw Roran's wife Katrina making her way over. Katrina was beautiful; she had long copper hair and brown eyes. Her skin had a faint glow, the result of her pregnancy.

"Lady Nasuada," Katrina said, bowling her head respectively.

Nasuada was slightly taken aback, there last meeting hadn't exactly been friendly. Katrina had been furious at Nasuada or ordering Roran to be whipped following his insubordination.

"Katrina," Nasuada said with a small friendly smile, "what can I do for you today?"

" I was hoping if you weren't busy I might be able to have a quick word," Katrina said not looking very hopeful.

"You've caught me at a good time actually, I'm not sure if Roran's mentioned anything but I'm going to have a rather hectic night, now however I'm all free". Nasuada said politely while wondering if she was about to get another lecture about Roran's unfair punishment.

Katrina looked slightly surprised but only for a second, "Great, well come on in," she said gesturing to her tent.

The inside of Roran's and Katrina's tent was vastly different to Nasuada's. Although Nasuada's was bigger she much preferred Roran's and Katrina's. While her tent was full of pile after pile of report's and paper work, their's was much more homely. Nasuada noticed a vase of flowers resting on an elegant lace table cloth, a beautifully carved wooden cradle sat in the corner and a fairth no doubt made by Eragon hung on the wall, it pictured Katrina and Roran smiling together, their faces full of love, they were standing in front of what Nasuada could only assume was Eragon's and Roran's old farm. Theirs was the tent of a young family. Nasuada instantly felt a stab of jealousy but tried to ignore it.

She shifted suddenly uncomfortable, "what is it I can do for you Katrina?"

Katrina sat herself down in front of the table. "I wanted to apologise for my behaviour after Roran's whipping. I understand that you were in a difficult position".

Nasuada was surprised but pleased with Katrina's change of heart. "Thank you," she said.

Katrina smiled briefly then a look of concern crossed her face "are you ok Nasuada? You seem very distracted".

Nasuada tried to smile she was tired from her late night and emotionally drained. "I'm sorry," she said, "I had a late night last night and just finished a very stressful meeting, I'm sure Roran told you about it?"

Katrina grinned guiltily; she didn't waste her time trying to pretend Roran didn't tell her everything that went on in the Varden. "No, he didn't actually; he wasn't in a good mood when he came home though. He didn't have time to tell me anything before he decided I needed to see a healer, he's gone to find one now". She rolled her eyes, "I'm fine".

Nasuada grinned, that sounded like Roran. "You're lucky to have someone who cares about you so much," she said trying to keep the jealousy from her voice.

"I know I am. What about you, do you have anyone special?"

Nasuada was startled by the question, it must have shown on her face because Katrina quickly apologised.

"No, it's ok," Nasuada said truthfully. It felt nice talking to Katrina, it made her feel as though she was a just another regular woman, but she wasn't. She sighed, "I'm the leader of the Varden, I don't have time for a relationship and even if I did it would be too hard because of all the politics".

What am I doing? Nasuada asked herself. Why was she opening up to somebody? She was the leader of the Varden she couldn't allow herself to be so venerable.

Katrina smiled sympathetically. "What about Eragon?"

"What?" Nasuada almost laughed at the question.

Katrina seemed embarrassed at Nasuada's reaction. "I've just noticed you two are close that's all" she shrugged.

Nasuada smiled, "Eragon is great, but he is my friend that's all. I think of him like a younger brother. Besides, he is a Dragon Rider and I'm mortal, it wouldn't work," she hoped Katrina didn't notice the bitter edge that had appeared in her voice.

Katrina was looking at Nasuada curiously. Nasuada shifted uncomfortably in her seat but was saved by Roran suddenly entering the tent accompanied by Carvahall's town healer Gertrude.

"Lady Nasuada..." Roran looked between Nasuada and his wife with a confused look on his face.

"Roran," Nasuada stood up and nodded in his direction, her strong political voice returning, "I wanted to apologise for my behaviour during the meeting. I understand your concerns and perhaps you have a point but regardless it was wrong of me to let my emotions get the better of me".

"Thank you, I'm sorry too," he said uncomfortably.

Nasuada turned back to Katrina who was busy trying to convince Gertrude she was fine. "Thank you for your hospitality Katrina but I must go now, I have a lot to prepare".

Katrina smiled, "it was my pleasure Nasuada and if I might say trust your feelings regardless of what others think, after all you know your own heart better than anybody else".

With one last confused smile Nasuada left the tent with Katrina's words running through her mind.